Creativity

[niveQ]

I feel as though I am orbiting around something in some cycle. Every so often I am very confident in my creativity and feel as though I can do anything with no fear of what others think or any repercussion.

 

When I feel this way and I begin to create and feel full of light and enrgy, I start to slowly become content and then I resort to the invisible machine that lives our lives for us. I let large grainy, cheese filled meals and movies/ television shows live my life instead of living life for myself. I start to stagnate.

 

When I am not doing this, sometimes, I find myself worrying that I will stagnate and that worrying clouds my mind and clouds my inner light.

 

I meditate almost daily (not counting slow and deep breathing at work), usually laying down with my cat beside me.

 

I started to look into Qigong a few months back, but it seems that I just get the skeleton of it when I read online and the actual lessons seem too expensive for me.

 

I am slowly growing. I can feel it. But, I need to break these chains of doubt and fear that I have been wrapped in for a good part of my life. With the meditation and dieat that I have been practicing for a while, I have seen fear and doubt decrease, but I still find myself giving in to this machine. When this happens, my creativity lessens, as does my confidence, and my fear and doubt begin to show their heads again--even if they aren't as apparent as they once were.

I would like to know if there is any advice or any Qigong exercises that you gals and guys could give me.

 

 

Thank you, new friends.

[Marblehead]

Hi niveQ,

 

No real advice but a general comment since you talked about fear and doubt.

 

The fear of failure holds a lot of people back from expanding their life into other unknown areas. I would think that a creative person (I'm not one of those) would need to throw fear to the winds.

 

We are told that the Sage is beyond concern about success and failure. We act on inspiration and then let it go. If we created something of value for ourself or others, that's fine; if no one values it then that's fine too.

[niveQ]

Thank you, Marblehead. Very much appreciated.

 

I should add that it's not just the fear of what people may think of things that I create. But, a fear of what others think of decisions I make.

 

I currently have a relatively high paying job compared to others I have held while in school. Before this job, i worked at a record store.

 

Deep down, i want to quit this current job. It is bland and takes up a lot of my time and energy. It will provide me with more comfort than my other job when I have to start paying back school loans. But really, that comfort is just not being viewed as a "loser" in the eyes of my love's mother. She's not an overbearing person and never around. It isn't something that occupies my mind, but when I think of quitting, I do think "If she thought that about me, I would do this.. or this."

 

In reality, if I quit, I would have much more time and enrgy to devote to the things I really want to do and I could possibly make a living through those. In reality, maybe the fear of failure is using her mother as an excuse to keep the job.

[Marblehead]

Now you are talking about trade-offs. On the positive side, at least you have choices. There are many people who don't.

 

Personally, being the conservative person I am, I would get my financial condition established first and then, when the money doesn't matter you will be freer and have even more choices.

 

And yes, on our journey through life we do have to concern ourselves with what others think about us. But we should try to keep their (the others) control of us at a minimum.

 

Life priorities - that's what it's all about.

[Melanie]

What do you like to create? Are you able to create without the burst of creativity?

[Wayfarer]

Thank you, Marblehead. Very much appreciated.

 

I should add that it's not just the fear of what people may think of things that I create. But, a fear of what others think of decisions I make.

 

I currently have a relatively high paying job compared to others I have held while in school. Before this job, i worked at a record store.

 

Deep down, i want to quit this current job. It is bland and takes up a lot of my time and energy. It will provide me with more comfort than my other job when I have to start paying back school loans. But really, that comfort is just not being viewed as a "loser" in the eyes of my love's mother. She's not an overbearing person and never around. It isn't something that occupies my mind, but when I think of quitting, I do think "If she thought that about me, I would do this.. or this."

 

In reality, if I quit, I would have much more time and enrgy to devote to the things I really want to do and I could possibly make a living through those. In reality, maybe the fear of failure is using her mother as an excuse to keep the job.

 

Hi there NiveQ, I would just like to say a few things, maybe they will help I don't know.

 

I too am in a job that although is great and I should be happy with it my spiritual practice and experiences lead me to find it hollow and unsatisfying. The heart does not understand money and material things for its language is that of the spirit and no matter how we might talk ourselves into liking or appreciating something more if we don't love it from our core we will never convince ourselves. I gave myself a three-five year plan (very Taoist lol!) to change my 'working' life for something that would give me money (far less) but more satisfaction. The reason I'm writing to you is because of what I am going to say next:

 

I imagined myself, my life and my practice to be like an orchard of fruit trees. Just go with this image for a sec; I buy some land, see this orchard and notice the previous owner has developed it using pesticides, fertilisers and other chemicals - all artificial stuff that damages the land and the fruit. The earth that these trees take their sustenance from is weak and as a consequence the trees are weak - they can't fight disease and the fruit they bear isn't very nutritious. So this is like being in a job or living a life you don't want and as a consequence you are not the person you feel you could be. To suddenly stop using chemicals and go 'organic' would have a devastating effect because the soil and the trees are not strong enough yet for the change but this does not mean they never will be. So therefore, we need to be gentle with ourselves. Even Lao Tzu says that the way of the Tao is one of softness and openness. Gradually bring about the change you want to see, nourish your 'earth' your foundations so they become richer, nurture your heart so it will soon bear ripe fruit - then like the orchard you will be strong, you will have good solid roots, you will be able to fight the 'disease' of whatever comes your way but most of all you will be natural, you will be as your heart wishes to be. For me, that has meant taking a few extra courses to re-train. In doing so I've realised I'm not as good at a few things than I thought I was but boy am I better than a year ago. Just to be walking in the right direction will make you feel better. Also remember, that the path we take is of less importance than the direction in which we go.

 

As for the other stuff, your energy, your mother and so on. You might find the I-Ching useful. If you are slow and quiet you can begin to sense when the energy is right for you to act, you can become aware of it approaching and degenerating. You might on some days feel that even the simplest of things aren't working for you - then this is time to be like the small stream that makes its way down the mountain; sometimes it needs to go inside the mountain away from the harsh environment to come out stronger further below. Whatever happens it is not possible for you to fail. You are already the most pure and holy presence. Maybe you need the time to notice it, to remember it. Perhaps view things as for 'life' and not where you are now. Don't worry what others think, unless they are Awakened what they think is wrong!

 

Take it easy buddy, cut yourself some slack. Don't rush into something for the sake of it be simple like a flower who blossoms when the season is right.

 

Heath

[niveQ]

Thank you for the replies. I will reply soon at a better time when I have more time. I don't want to rush a reply as I am with this one.

 

Thanks everyone!