dmattwads

Non-Genital Centered Sexuality

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Sexuality has long been problematic in my life, yet some aspects of it seem to be different than what I observe the majority of other people seem to experience. But first let me degress a little with some back ground that I feel is relevant to this topic.

I grew up with a very abusive father physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally. He was very harsh and seemed to almost enjoy humiliating and degrading his children. When I first started to notice girls in high school the emotional damage I had incured made me quite akward around girls, and thus my dating and social life was practially non-existant. After high school I joined the army and wound up in Ft. Benning GA as my first duty station. I met this slutty fluzzy but since she seemed to show intersted in me and because of my abusive father my self esteem was shot to hell I fell for her anyways. I stupidly got married to her at her insistence (she wanted an army meal ticket) and on my first training rotation to the desert she cheated on me and that ended that adventure.

As a result of that trauma I joined a christian cult and due to its strict rules about dating I did not date another girl for about 6 years. After 6 years my future wife came to visit this church. She did not like the church but appearantly liked me. Since at this time I was sick of this church anyhow I left the church and got married to her (the second girl that seemed to show interest in me). Well needless to say this marriage hasn't been a rose garden either.

By 2006 I was on anti-depressants, but didn't like the way they made me feel. In 2008 I began Qigong and became very interested in TCM and herbs. Due to this combination I was able to get off perscription anti-depressants. So what does all of this have to do with the topic.

From the time I was a teenager, all the way up until after I got married to my current wife, I was totally sex obsessed in the traditional way (as far as unhealthy obsessions go). I would think about women all the time, wanted women all the time. The focus of my libido and desire was mainly centered in my genitals (not to say that I did not desire companionship very much as well). This is a nice way of saying I wanted very badly to stick it in a woman and relieve myself (crude I know, but alas that is how it was). It was always very straight foward, I saw woman, Mr. Happy got excited, I wanted woman, Mr. Happy did his thing, ahhhh now time to roll over and take a nap.

But then shortly before the time that I wound up on anti-depressants things took a turn for the weird. My thoughts and desire about sex became more unusual. Strange unwanted fantasies would enter, and I began to want and do things that before would have seemed horrid to me. Additionally when I would get aroused in this new and unusal way no longer did I primarily feel desire in the genital area. It was more like it was in my chest core area in the center of me. I would not experience errections at this new and unusual stimulation. Instead the stimulation was deeper inside me, higher up, and more bizzare. This of course began to worry me extensively. I don't desire to go into too much detail, but many of these bizzare fantasies that would plauge me were of the BSDM nature, and I find that stuff horrifying. Yet I could not make it go away, even though I hated it. That was a large part of the reason I wound up on anti-depressants.

This has been something that has been tormenting me for the last few years now. I can be going along minding my own business and then boom out of no where "it" will hit me, and hit me hard. When it hits me really hard, I might not be able to sleep all night because these thoughts have me so wound up. I have pondered what this might be for a long time now through the Qigong perspective, the TCM perspective, and many other wholistic and natrual approaches.

This hit me again last night. I stayed up quite late due to this. At first I tried sitting in full lotus, doing MCO, testicle breathing in order to remove and transform sexual energy so that it would not be a problem for me. This did not help. So after that I began to do the inner smile and healing sound of the heart as that is associated with over excitement. This did also not seem to help much either. Eventually I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning the problem was still present. I tried the kidney channel instead, as this is related to sexual energy,but this did not seem to help either. Then the spleen for obseesive thoughts, and the liver for its relationship to libido and agression, but none of this helped as well.

Finally with only the lungs left I decided to give it a try, but I could not see how sorrow (the traditional emotion associated with the lung was realted). So I began to smile to my lungs, and to do the healing sound. Amazingly I began to slowly feel better as I did this! I did not understand why this was helping, but the longer I smiled to my lungs and did the healing sound, it seemed the more I gained insight as to just what was hiding in my lungs after all.

See besides sorrow and grief, the lungs also are responsible for personal boundries, personal pride, self respect, courage, and self esteem. These fantasies that had overcome me were almost always of some sort of BSDM, humiliation, submissive, type scenario; all the attribues that are the exact opposite of self respect, pride, honor, boundries, ect. Also I was dumbfounded at the sheer volume of negative energy that was locked up in my lungs. I literally did the lung healing sound for several hours today, just so much came out, it was unbelieveable. I suppose this also explains why I would not feel the stimulation in my genital area which is the normal area of sexual stimulation, but in my chest where my lungs are. Why the obsession, I'm not sure, but I do have a theory based on some personal observations from my own experience.

Another issue I struggled with was fear. When I was a young child my father would make me constantly fearfull. People used to tell me that I would always look afraid. It seemed that when I went through my fearful phase of life, that I seemed to attract to myself things that would make me afraid. It was not until I began doing Qigong and began to remove that stored up fear energy from my kidneys that not only did I stop being afraid, but I also stopped attracting the things I feared to myself. Perhaps its a matter of like attracts like? So maybe in this case with my father constantly humiliating me and degrading me as a child, there was a lot of negative lung energy such as sorrow (which would explain the anti-depressants) and a sever lack of the lungs virtues of pride, self respect, boundries, ect.. BSDM is the total antithesis of those virtues. There is no pride, its about humiliation, and those seemed to be the scenarios that tormented me against my will.

Now I don't know if its over, for in my Qigong experience nothing is ever so cut and dry, fast and easy. But I do know that as I started working on my lung channel that this obession faded away, and that I began to slowly feel better. I also know that sadness is something that has been a long time problem of mine, yet often due to the painful nature of negative energy stored within us we do not like to look at or acknowlege it, meaning that it was there all along, but I didn't want to face it. But the main reason I posted all of this is because I was wondering if anyone else is familiar with non-genital type sexual compulsions?

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See besides sorrow and grief, the lungs also are responsible for personal boundries, personal pride, self respect, courage, and self esteem. These fantasies that had overcome me were almost always of some sort of BSDM, humiliation, submissive, type scenario; all the attribues that are the exact opposite of self respect, pride, honor, boundries, ect. Also I was dumbfounded at the sheer volume of negative energy that was locked up in my lungs. I literally did the lung healing sound for several hours today, just so much came out, it was unbelieveable. I suppose this also explains why I would not feel the stimulation in my genital area which is the normal area of sexual stimulation, but in my chest where my lungs are. Why the obsession, I'm not sure, but I do have a theory based on some personal observations from my own experience.

 

So maybe in this case with my father constantly humiliating me and degrading me as a child, there was a lot of negative lung energy such as sorrow (which would explain the anti-depressants) and a sever lack of the lungs virtues of pride, self respect, boundries, ect.. BSDM is the total antithesis of those virtues. There is no pride, its about humiliation, and those seemed to be the scenarios that tormented me against my will.

Hmm, very interesting discovery - do you have a source for this? Is that from TCM or somewhere else?

 

I have a feeling that I am now starting to deal with issues stored in my upper chest (heart, lungs, upper back) & neck/throat/mouth/back of head areas...

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DM,

 

All I can say is that it sounds like your really making progress, in fact I think your post is rather inspirational. I'm going to try those healing sounds that you've mentioned here and in the Secret Smile thread. I hope you continue to find healing for the pain in your past.

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Hmm, very interesting discovery - do you have a source for this? Is that from TCM or somewhere else?

 

I have a feeling that I am now starting to deal with issues stored in my upper chest (heart, lungs, upper back) & neck/throat/mouth/back of head areas...

 

My sources are an assortment of TCM, Qigong, and Gilles Marin's "Five Elements, Six Conditions" he does Qigong / Chi Nei Tsang. Most Acupuncture / TCM sources state the same information as well, so does "Acupuncture for Dummies" of all places lol.

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Awesome that you've found a way to heal yourself.

 

Check this TCM site...it might help you make more connections...

 

http://www.itmonline.org/5organs/lung.htm

 

Something in addition that I think would help when the unwanted thoughts are arising is:

 

  • Smile and lift the cheeks (so that it subtly opens the nose, which is a connection point of the lungs...also kind of stimulates the acupoint under the nose which calms the spirit, as well as many other things)
  • Breathe deeply and evenly (relaxes the mind, and lung is obviously related to breathing)
  • and gently close the anal sphincter (also a point, "po gate", related to the lung) on the exhales.

 

Just basic breathing practice to calm the mind.

 

Just a suggestion for another practice to try.

 

Especially good this time of year, coming into the fall.

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Fantastic work dmattwads.

 

"non genital type sexual compulsions" is interesting.

 

Interesting to ponder in what way were the compulsions 'sexual'...expanding the notion of what is 'sex' ... you might like "the soul of sex" by thomas moore...it's a really good book by a jungian analyst who was previously a catholic priest, explaining that we need sex from somewhere very deep in our souls,as part of our every moment, and it isnt at all limited to a genital experience, but is a fundamental engagement with life, the fabric of being here, the fabric of our being.

 

 

.. sometimes BDSM stuff is about giving up personal power and yielding deeply to a greater power...or playing around with breaking through personal boundaries..

 

symbolic ya know, like dreams or poetry... doesnt mean you have to be horrified and think you are going to have to get literal and act it out...

 

it might be that every organ we have has it's own expression of sexual soul fantasy, a dream of what the soul seeks, in metaphor, wether distasteful to our judging mind, or beautiful.. the soul doesnt care, it just wants balance..

 

sex isnt just about genitals, sexual fantasies are like dreams... it's all much more expansive and less literal than we are expected to believe.

 

thankfully.:)

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