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Greetings. I need help. I am not very sure what to start and what to quit doing, but I've got to change something in my life. It's been about 6 months since I stopped trying hard, and tried to go back to basics. A short background: I've got very ill at the age of 19, after just about 2 months of living by myself in a new city. I hated the university, ate terribly, slept for 4-5 hours and practiced guitar for 10-12. Pretty soon I got stressed and depressed. Next I got carpal tunnel syndrome, inflammation of wrists and all the joints and muscles/tendons in my hands. Got more depressed. Few months later I ended up in hospital, because of severe stiffness of lower middle and upper back. Not able to sleep, not able to focus, had blurry vision, and was just awfully miserable. Shallow breath. Barely functioning. Oh I forgot. I had acute hyperacusis and tinnitus even prior to that. Nothing helped much, time healed some of the issues, to a certain degree. OK so 2 years later I did a 14 day water fast, followed by a 30 day water fast. Cured the inflammation, ears and back problems and CTS to about 70%. I'm finally able to use computer keyboard and even play guitar a little, which is nice. Cool but now I have some digestive issues(very fragile stomach) and have some trouble gaining weight( I'm 5'9'' and 118lbs). During the fast I felt a lot of tension around and below my navel. My stomach now is very sensitive and when I'm frightened or even surprised it hurts as if electrically shocked(previously I felt neck tension and head pain when under stress). I'm glad I'm so much more emotionally and mentally stable and don't have panic attacks and paranoia tendencies as I used to. I'm not depressed anymore. The downside is I'm still regaining strength 3 months after the fast and it's kinda slow. Still have a shallow breath and get exhausted pretty easily. I Think I need some sort of plan guys! If anybody could take time to address any of the following points, I would be most grateful. I feel somewhat stuck. No.1 Diet, sleep and basic activities. I've been following raw vegan fruit based diet since the fast and it was great for a number of reasons, but recently I started to see some limitations. Main problem is I guess lack of enough ripe fruit available here in Europe. So I started introducing cooked millet, potatoes, lentils and diary. Diary is fine, but over all I just feel week, lazy and lethargic. I tend to overeat on these things, since non of them is as satisfying as ripe fruit. It's really a pita. Will this last until I regain all my weight? I used to weigh about 75kg. I use cronometer.com and try to get about 3500-4000 calories daily now. I started following ayurveda for my dosha(vata) and it's amazing! Different foods like peppers, mushrooms eggplants, beans and other things always gave me problems, and now as I follow the guidelines I don't have to fear the food I'm eating lol. I try to get a litre of water before each meal, I can then eat normal sized portions. I try to sleep... as much as possible lol. In a few days I'm coming back to work. Walking around a warehouse picking up items for shipping( luckily not very strenuous). Anything to change here? Is the Chinese method of eating worth exploring?(Don't know anything about it, heard it's kinda complicated). Would it be a good idea to go to a Tibetan Medicine centre? I'm open. No.2 Meditation, Martial Arts and Qigong. I'll give you my goals: -fix my body posture( I have very weak back, slouch, my shoulders are tight and high. Shoulder blades stick out like crazy and it's hard to relax sitting or standing. -improve circulation(it used to be terrible before the fast, but still could be better), -spontaneity(you know in life, in guitar improvisation, even in conversation I feel the lack of flow) -Calm the fucking Dan Tien(lower, and perhaps middle I'm not sure my whole stomach is a mess recently) I'm trying Zhan Zhuang. Have the book The Way of Energy and watched the YT channel. I find it exhausting, even ust the1st position. I tried it a dozen of times over past few months and couldn't hold it for more than 3 minutes. It's appealing, I see the potential and acknowledge it is a foundation, but it's harder than this Anyway, the second I heard about Baguazhang, I didn't want to look back anymore. At anything, even Taiji. I'm sold for life. I don't know why, I'm totally mesmerised. Something about the spinning circle flowing motion... and I see myself as somebody who's trapped in cycles anyway so why not lol? Do you think it could be appropriate for someone like me? Right now? How can I find a teacher? Do you know anybody who does it in the Netherlands/Germany/Sweden? OR should I already start learning Chinese ? I understand it's even less popular then real Taiji. Is it really so rare? And before I find a teacher, would it be ok to learn from books/dvds or I'd be better off joining Taiji classes? One Taiji instructor I met even suggested I should go back to Karate and do that for some time, before I get into the internal styles and qigong... I'm confused. As for meditation, I always did like a simple body scan relaxation, or progressive muscle relaxation, and rarely got satisfying results. Only recently I had some success with BK Frantzis Taoist Meditation CD's. I'm sort of used now to breathing from the belly and the back and focusing on the Lower Dan Tien is kinda effective. I feel it. Still it's hard for me to stick to the practice. If I do it one day properly for few minutes, the next day don't even feel the interest and get bored easily if I try. It's like it stirs my body energy, and then I lose the drive to repeat the exercise. Same with Qigong massage I tried few days ago. I yawned like crazy, and didn't feel too good afterwords... I know I have a tendency to overdo everything, but for Dao's sake- is there anything I can practice for more than a minute and not feel totally exhausted??? I would really love to get into all the energy meditations, organ massages, moving and manipulating chi inside the body... you know, the fun stuff. How can I get there? What should I read? Most Importantly: what I SHOULDN'T be doing? What could hurt me? And again, how can I look for a teacher of meditation and qigong? I also occasionally do Trauma Releasing Exercises, which are awesome: Has anybody heard of this? And I'm also interested in the Alexander Technique... No.3 Would something like Initiation Into Hermetics by Francis Bardon or other such curriculum contribute in any way to my vitality? I'm still kind of clueless about all the occult stuff. Would appreciate some feedback on that as well. I'm interested in inducing trance on the fly. Why? I'm not sure. But you've got to be able to in order to play like Jimi Hendrix, am I wrong? I would also appreciate any magick and spiritual inspired fiction and "fiction" books. Novels perhaps. I really dug Carlos Castaneda a while ago. Finally, and this is minute but can you share with me what type of shoes and clothing do you use for walking, and practicing martial arts? I recently realized it also matters. What type of materials? I'd like to get some loose(traditional/modern Chinese perhaps) clothes that would be socially acceptable lol. Any good sites? Kinda love shopping To end this huge lament of a noob I'll just throw some titles on you and if you want share your thoughts on them( just your general opinion): Book of Five rings - Musashi Baguazhang - Hidden Knowledge in the Taoist Internal Martial Art Ywing-Ming-Yang-PHDThe-Root-of-Chinese-Chi-Kung The Complete System of Self-Healing by Dr. Stephen T. Chang Way of the inner smile by Michael Winn Daoist Body Cultivation by Livia Kohn Taoist Meditation by Thomas Cleary Becoming Te Iceman. Any recommendations? Peace. PS. Please excuse my English, I know it got a little rusty recently.