Goldleaf

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About Goldleaf

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    Dao Bum
  1. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts,m good to know i'm not alone on these thoughts and nice to hear opposing viewpoints too. Yup, I am scared of getting burned again, I have been in three meaningful relationships and actually never had the woman cheat on me (as far as I know lol) in any of them, nor get bored, but even so, this paragraph really put my head into a spin. But anyway, no point worryign about things that can't change...just focus the good 1% of women that are hopefully out there... Maybe I will use the Secret to find them lol.
  2. I won't mention the site I got this from. I don't know why, but honestly, it makes me feel sick in my stomach at the prospect of dating again, especially as I now older and more of a provider type. Here it is. "Evolutionary psychologists agree that women are actually looking for two mates, not one; a provider, and a genetic resource. They will hook up with providers and then have steaming sex with alphas behind the betas’ backs. The best deal is of course an alpha who is also a provider, but those things kinda cancel each other out because an alpha stops being an alpha when he supplicates. Women actually do this quite often; they just don’t get caught for it as often as men do because they don’t brag about it. They also don’t have a need to tell their partners because while men make an emotional investment in their woman, women reserve their emotional investment for their children. If you study the statistics, you will notice that while men frequently commit suicide when their long-term relationship ends, women almost never do. Anybody ever wonder why? Another study showed that the truth is actually likely to never come out; they did paternity tests to thousands of couples and their children, and it was revealed that a staggering number of the children weren’t actually genetically related to their father at all. I wish I still had that paper somewhere…" I mean, my jaw drops when I realise this is true. So, a man has to not only be a provider in a relationship, but also work hard, maintain the romance....and meanwhile the woman lose respect for him and cheat behind his back...while eating the food he puts on the table and driving his car he bought for her!!! I mean, I truly do not want to start a gender war, but I also don't want to become a mysogyonist who sees women only as sex objects who would otherwise exploit and backstab :(( I am posting here, because I have read some wonderful posts from some of the ladies here, and I am particularly interested to hear that they honestly do not believe this themselves. Cheers Gl
  3. good sleep journal

    Thanks ilumairen Will buy some eye drops shortly, too.
  4. Buddha was referring to the external world as illusion to inspire those interested to seek the reality within them.
  5. good sleep journal

    Usually 1-2 hours per night. Lighting is on the ceiling behind and above me, I am lying down. I am using it this way now, and my eyes are bloodshot andsore, even though I had a great day which felt both tiring and invigorating. It feels like I am being attacked by an irritant in the room, since, I have used this computer in other areas and never feel this way.
  6. Perhaps its when you feel most lost that you will realy find what you are after. You sound pretty self-aware. I know you don't want info overload, but maybe a book like Cosmic Ordering or The Secret could help you find the answer to what you are after, since you seem to know how to ask the question. Good luck!
  7. good sleep journal

    Thanks mate! Just want to quickly share an important breakthrough. I managed to go beyond my mind for a brief period during chi kung yesterday, and had a powerful chi flow!! I felt warm and energetic and engaging, i.e, it opened my heart. Then, when I came home after long day, I immediately noticed some irritation on my eyes and nose. I used the computer in the room, and felt a not-nice liquidy feeling in my kidneys, which I wouldn't normally get from PC use. So, at least I am getting somewhere to figure this out. So here's the strange thing, when i first moved here, for the first month, I slept amazing. Had no eye or nose irritation. Felt energetic and even had girls flirting with me openly! So, what has changed?? I vacuum, clean sheets regularly, etc. That is some serious irritation. When I woke up this morning my eyes were totally bloodshot. So my next question is, are there any enlightened daobums out there, with second sight, who can help me identify the source of this irritation? Please pm me if you think you can have a go. I'll even pay you if it works. (and I honor my agreeements I am a gentleman). In the meantime, if you are suffering an issue like me, try doing your chi kung in the morning, have a nice chi flow, and then at least you can still have an enjoyable and productive day, and the chi kung will in the long term will improve your sensitivity and overall health. Thanks gl
  8. What do you sleep on?

    Reminds me of Karl Pilkington, in my eyes one of the funniest man alive
  9. Hi there, Am I mistaken or did there used to be sub-forum for daily practice? Rather than post occassional threads about my sleep issues, I am keen to make a regular entries, like daily practice, both for posterity and for the hope that other enlightened daobums might pick up something in what I have written, that I haven't! Cheers GL
  10. Emergency situation, seeking advice (content may be triggering)

    You could also try Shaolin Chi Kung and Kung Fu. It is taught by Grandmaster Wong Kiew Kit. I did a couple of courses there, after I had abused Marijuana, ecstacy in the past, had some strong, cleansing chi flows, and although it wasn't a magic bullet (nothing is), it helped me appreciate it the simple beauty of life without drugs, and have a clear-thinking, positive mind. (I even managed to still my mind!). Courses are expensive, I paid about 1500$ Australian but you can get a full refund if you don't experience benefits. (N.b I do not work for or receive any monetary benefit for promoting, just sharing what I thought might help you the most). I've met a guy who also had a heavy pot-smoking past, now he enters into free-sparring tournaments using only his Tai Ji and wins them!! Good luck on your journey. And remember, it is you that controls your brain, not the weed lololol
  11. Freedom or Bulls***

    Freedom to choose. This is the advantage Neo had over Agent Smith in the final Matrix film. Smith had only purpose (to take over and multiply himself), whereas Neo had choice. If you don't choose the solution, you're part of the problem.
  12. Wonderful post, thanks for everything :0
  13. Rideforever, thanks but to be honest, since doing all the blood tests, sleep study, allergy test, visit naturopath... I have come to believe the major issue is environmental. That doesn't mean I want to dismiss internal aspects. If I was healthier, doing yoga, could stop overthinking at will, was getting the reported benefits from my daily chi kung, and not as sensitive to chemicals as I probably am...then I have no doubt this would help. But the fact that I have had amazing sleeps just after moving to a new house and new mattress (literally amazing, I had girls stare at me as they walked past), what else can I believe but it is the environment? Maybe I just need to air my mattress every two or three days. I will try that and update. gl
  14. Everything, that is the funniest thing I have ever read. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. Thanks
  15. Thanks kind daobums. \Can't open a window, it drops to freezing temps at night. I've seen a doctor, done a sleep study, I don't have sleep apnea. Done blood tests, I don't have any diseases or allergies as far I know. Slept a little better last night, don't feel as frantic. I had dreams. If I could just understand, why some times I have good sleep and sometimes horrid (like when I wrote my first post), I could have some control over it. I even lost my job thanks to unreliable sleep lol. And how the f*ck does it change so easily, its so volatile. Anyway, perhaps a part of me secretely hoped that someone here would have some near-psychic insight into my problems and/or have some relevant experience with it, and I apologise to all you Dao Bums for approaching it this way. I have at least made progress since a decade ago when this first happened, and I am determined to keep posting any new insights I have for posterity. gl