S:C

I like the last advice a lot more than the first, I guess! Thanks! 

Yes, partly thank you. 

From what I understood the concept of the energy doesn't differentiate between men and women, so I was confused, why women may be prone to being drained by emotions more than men - in general. (in my personal experience that is not confirmed quite as black and white.)

Then again I am new to the concept itself and was wondering how one would know there in this concept, which form of energy is lost ? - while being drained by "emotions" probably jing, as it is the topic of this thread. But how can one differentiate, if you use the candle comparision, how does one know if it is maybe shen that is lost or the other one, chi? 

In the candle comparison, so chi would be the flame, jing the wax and shen the radiance, said the search engine. 

That given as a premise, it seems obvious that the fast, hard and wishy-washy emotions would hypothetically drain the flame and the wax and the radiance at the same time. However that's not the point I want to get to.

So how would one keep the candle clear of light but annoyingly steady emotions that might seem to be wasted ? How does one know which is which?

22 hours ago, freeform said:

Once they’re allowed to transform we generally experience much more subtle, nuanced emotions that aren’t so reactive and compulsive in nature…

Which is draining and which not, which is drained and especially what one can hypothetically do about it in order to be free from it all.

Bryan Larsen paints well

When you are marrying you should ask yourself: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman into your old age? The best foundation is friendship and shared values. Romantic love is fleeting.

Ask youself, if you would still care for her if she would be (at a certain time for a certain time or for longer) unable to take care of herself like in illness, age, insanity, fading beauty, inability to give to you anything and unable to please you in the way you seem to desire so much, sexually. 

Dependency is destructive for both of the partners and the relationship. Of course my perspective is different, as I am speaking in the perspective of a self sufficient woman, one who is not in direct need of a partner, neither financially nor emotionally. Thankfulness might be a reason to marry, but in my opinion it is not a good one and shouldn't be the only one.

Shared values, deep friendship and common worldview might be what I would consider.

Still, I once was in a similar situation, like the woman, you think you love. Turned out, I felt caged in that other part of the world and couldn't acclimatize and realized my partner saw in me, just what he wanted to see, but never saw myself, even after being with me for five years. When your partner (in that case me, in your case her) cannot provide you with what you want, romantic love ends very soon and turns into something very ugly, in my opinion.

My guess is you are far away from actually loving this person, you are hormonally attracted to her.

You will want to consider if that is a good reason for marriage.

on the difficulty of finding a partner:

"on the whole, I hate the limitations and obligations of the whole civilized order of things so very much that it would be difficult to find a woman free-spirited enough to follow my lead. "

dichtonomy to: (so much for only women are illogical and in constant contradiction)

"You can take my word for it, that for men like me, a marriage after the type of Goethe’s would be the best of all—that is to say, a marriage with a good housekeeper! But even this idea is repellent to me. A young and cheerful daughter to whom I would be an object of reverence would be much more to the point "

on political views:

“Socialism itself can hope to exist only for brief periods here and there, and then only through the exercise of the extremest terrorism. For this reason it is secretly preparing itself for rule through fear and is driving the word “justice” into the heads of the half-educated masses like a nail so as to rob them of their reason… and to create in them a good conscience for the evil game they are to play.”

 

the saddest one of all of them:

"A good wife, who is supposed to be a friend, helper, child-bearer, mother, head of the family, administrator, and who has perhaps to head her own business and office apart from the husband, cannot be concubine at the same time: it would generally mean asking too much of her."

On 19.12.2020 at 6:35 PM, freeform said:

 

For females the biggest drain on the jing is apparently indulgence in emotion

Why is it that emotions drain women in your opinion? 

Is that always the case or only when unconsciously like reacting merely from habit a place of ritual/desire/loneliness? 

You make the mistake of thinking you have to choose, that you have to do what you want, that there are conditions for happiness. What matters - all that matters, really - is the will to happiness, a kind of enormous, ever-present consciousness. The rest - women, art, success - is nothing but excuses. A canvas waiting for our embroideries.'

I can only find it in a certain struggle with its opposite - a stubborn and violent struggle. 

Beyond the curve of the days he glimpsed neither superhuman happiness nor eternity - happiness was human, eternity ordinary. What mattered was to humble himself, to organize his heart to match the rhythm of the days instead of submitting their rhythm to the curve of human hopes.

 Just as there is a moment when the artist must stop, when the sculpture must be left as it is, the painting untouched - just as a determination not to know serves the maker more than all the resources of clairvoyance - so there must be a minimum of ignorance in order to perfect a life of happiness. Those who lack such a thing must set about acquiring it: unintelligence must be earned.

On 22.4.2021 at 11:47 PM, Nungali said:

?

 

- a  question leads to an answer

i believe i get you point here, but somewhat i would have preferred the image of don quichote de cervantes than the one you offered. or the one of socrates. or something with a little more light.

good lord, the author of that  ...  essay you mentioned up there seems even more lost than poor nietzsche.

both seem to me to have missed an important point, in my humble opinion.

forgive me for saying so, but that man 'smells' awful in my opinion

(he stinks! really! awful! although no one asked me for my opinion on this.)

poor fools. (but i guess he had it coming. abuse. irrationalities. so common. so stupid.)

On 22.4.2021 at 11:47 PM, Nungali said:

whoever you relate to

alright. that reminds me of what i believe in. that's good.

(...)

--

what i still don't seem to get here, who this drew guy is (...) i suppose that's really not important. (...)

thank you for reminding me.

thank you all for answering the questions, that needed to be answered here, that were answered maybe in a different way than expected. finally i guess i will be able to go back to work effectivly.

see ya! maybe

Sorry, there's so much I don't seem to get here... I'll end up asking just more questions, - don't know where that ends (if anywhere)...

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

whoever is related to next gets the benefit of  your experience

there's a benefit?

who is related to what? me?

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

so that one's over - onwards and upwards , its all part of the big jig saw puzzle

is it ever over? 

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

he is being obscure

no kidding!

from the very beginning.

but why? 

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

to approach  Drew

who is this? a person? what's this got to do with anything?

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

it seems like the whole thing is orchestrated

smiling on the inside. (no pun intended.)

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

start is to keep a dream diary

Ok I'll try.

(...)

I'll look into Liz Greene, I guess, thank you!

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

going 'down'  the Kabbalistic Tree

mystic. hmm ??

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

a good positive learning outcome

okay, that seems okay.

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

but by the observation of others  methods that leads to mistakes

'mistakes'? what is a mistake here?

On 22.4.2021 at 12:10 AM, Nungali said:

but  that will do for 'story analysis ' .

thank you for trying to help me!

Hi Nungali,

thank you for sharing your experiences and the welcome! (...)

OADs? The acronym sound reminds me of IEDs (as improvised explosive devices)

Somewhat a similar working mechanism, eh?  (...)

What's the whole point of this, in your opinion?

On 21.4.2021 at 12:16 AM, Nungali said:

we might want to move the conscious and the unconscious a bit closer together .

Out of a purely hypothetical interest, I would be curious as of how that might work?

(...)

With demons, do you mean manifestations of fear or negative emotion? Guess our perception differs here.

(...)

Frankly, I don't know if that is

On 19.4.2021 at 7:21 PM, dwai said:

Usually, when the heart opens up, it is an irreversible thing.

what happened to me. (...)

(...)

Now self discipline doesn't work like before. Last year, all it got me was high blood pressure, (...) extreme cravings for sports and running.(...)

(...)

Still I would be very thankful for _information and opinion_ here.

But not needing help, thanks.

(...) 

How do I get back to self discipline? Do I have to get carried by the flow or is there a way to make it work in unisono? 

hello.

Thank you all for the contributions and the welcome.

Abstract concepts are something I am used to deal with, as well as differentiation between causalities and correlations.

Usually I like to leave out causalities if I have no proof for for cause and effect. (...)

The concept of 'intent' and 'cords' @RiverSnake is something I accept theoretically but never believed to have some outside influence, if I do not combine it with setting something in motion on the outside (newtons laws etc. rather headstrong usually). Am I about to be corrected here?

I'm okay with developing myself, but would be horrified at the thought, that I had or would have any undue influence on someone around me.

The quote 'answers end reality. questions leave it open.' @Michael Sternbach was posted here by someone named Orion, I believe? He said, it was by his favorite author, but I couldn't figure out who the author is.

Glad, we seem to share some views here.

(...)

Frankly, I cannot say for sure if(…) there is anything other than correlation (not sure about causality). (...)

The recherche of the effects that he / it had on me obivously brought me to Tao. (...)

Very interesting @dwai, so if one of the partners is sort of not open with his, - well spirtual heart, then there is actually nothing going on in the deeper levels with this person sure, but what with the other one?

What if one decides to close out, does that have any negative side effects?

And, @dwai, what to you mean by selfless love? The healthy one? Leaving projections (of egotistic wishes and desires) behind? Subliming the emotions for the individual to something higher?

So yes, I like abstract concepts, still that doesn't make me a believer in anyone of them fast. (also some could make sense of this.)

(...)

Hello ilumairen,

thank You for Your direct answer and the welcome.

Curious what the jouney will bring.

Good day kind readers,

obviously I'm new here, with no spirtual or esoteric background or interests (…) I live rather ascetic, no drugs!, (…) I was (and am usually) into sports, enjoy long walks in nature and am a rather shy person. 

(…) Although I'd say one shouldn't always seek explanations for wonders but simply cherish them while they last and although somewhere here in a thread from 2016 I found the quote that "answers end reality, questions keep it open" which made my day when I read it (couldn't figure out who the author was..?) 

I still feel kind of overwhelmed and am looking for the way, which right now seems quite hidden in the nebula. 

Therefore my question, with which I'd hope to break the ice...

is it possible to be in a tantric relationship without knowing for sure about it? 

what are the guidelines there, apart from intuition and mutual respect?

(...)

it is about honesty and trust, about letting the ego step aside (at least for awhile), about directing your deepest fears and managing them with grace. I view relationships as a learning process, as well as life itself. 

(...)

Boundaries and the boundless, there seems to be a dichotomy?

Is there something like uncouncious tantra? 

(…) 

I'd be glad for some helpful insight of someone who'd been in the experience (...)

Thank you for reading this far.