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Everything posted by rideforever

  1. Tantra...

    Thanks, where could I easily find the teachings on sung and energy practice you described earlier ?
  2. Tantra...

    Can you specify what training you undertook ?
  3. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    Why don't you take you apply for anew job ? You can send your gf to therapy twice a week, or on a retreat. I think it's good to be practical even if you are in a bit of trouble. Letting your career die is certainly not something you owe anyone, I can't see it helping anyone. Somebody has to get real whilst there is still food in the fridge. And, if someone is going down, you have to place your feet firmly on dry ground, only then can you pull people out of the water. Also with regards going to the woods, it is good to just try something, for instance find an intentional community of hippies, there is a map at ic.org, and go for a couple of days. Or wooofing, or solitary cabin rental. Such little experiments will unstick things, and clarify what you want and can do.
  4. Tantra...

    Okay I have just been practising, as follows. First I am deeply meditative and have scanned and embodied the physical body. Next, I gently return to a painful memory, standing in front of my parents ... what am I feeling. Just gently, not too much ... and the feeling comes, I am familiar with it ... but I "take an interest" in it. I don't want to remember it the way I always remembered it. I am interested in it, for the first time, what is it actually ? Some emotions are difficult to describe, crawling, scrapping, racking, difficult to describe. Nevertheless they are there. They are, what they are. Then I gently feel the energy of it (qi), the vibrational pattern. I rest, and I let it arise and take interest in it. I allow it. Often it is faint, and on a small part of the body, (like the shoulder) ... so I try to gently bring it open, gently stretching it over larger area of the body, either by directly pulling the energy, or simply by scanning a neighbouring area to activate it. Opening the energy, and going in to it, resting inside it. Now it is more open. Then I merge within it, I become one with it, and gently merge into it, dissolving into it, so that I am it, and it is me, through the whole body, slowly slowly I rest as it. It can resist, it can flow, it can resolve, many things. But I am one with it, as it. And the rain falls, and the ground is wet. Throughout there may be many words (thoughts) and memories associated with these things, but I release them.
  5. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    As for your girlfriend she needs help of some sort. Is she doing any work on herself ? If not, the prognosis is not good, you gotta get real, better early than later. Trying to save someone is just ... not good, every therapist book warns about this pattern of trying to save someone, it's very unhealthy. Try to save her for 2 weeks, if it doesn't work ... accept you need external help.
  6. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    sorry was in bad mood
  7. Tantra...

    30 min ZZ, with Chogyam Trungpa. Few Buddhist teachers come close to his quality, even those from Tibet.
  8. Tantra...

    I think humans really have little idea what they are doing, and human spirituality is really very poor. The truth has not really been found, just a few little bits. What is practical ? One thing is actually live by any idea fully for a week and see what happens. All this pretension talk about self and oneness and sutra and whatnot. Our species is really a joke. Best thing is a blue collar approach, doing. Then another ridiculous thing is saying you don't exist which is the termination of any intelligence. People use more intelligence paying their gas bill then they ever dare use on the path. Nobody really knows anything, I don't think. Just clinging on to something from the past. They never really try any of these ideas or techniques, they are terrified. They want to hide at the back of the dharma room and talk of immortal buddhas and bla bla. But, only the unknown is your safety, everything else is a fake structure, trying to cling on. And it's not practical. Are you brave ? Are you brave enough to think, to try, to ... be willing to actually be alive ?
  9. Any particular metaphor you use for chi?

    Recently I have been doing some psychological work, trying to heal some pain and whatnot from my family experiences. And as I do so, I feel chi suddenly start to flow, in my ankle, leg, here and there. Which means that chi is connected to the personality and mind, meaning your inner experience of your identity is connected to the "chi".
  10. Tantra...

    Trungpa was bored by the mind-numbing institution of Buddhism, and got a bottle of whisky and screwed some students. In India, Tantra was not so much different from asceticism, using aroused or pleasurable states for the cultivation of higher consciousness, as a tool. Natural tantra is when you have faith in life and your human wishes inside life and flow with it, without any desire to get to a higher state of consciousness, but seeing this life as either good in itself, or naturally leading to higher consciousness. Crowley tantra, is something like feeling every activity of human life having an underlying tingle of joy, the ecstacy of orgasm or pain, all pain or pleasure, is equally ecstatic from a certain perspective. All these different paths represent humans not really understanding the problem. You can't ever be what you are not, but you can develop your self, bringing into existence states of consciousness and so on. Also, humans as they are, are fragmented so their problem is their fragmentation and that needs primary investment of time to fix. Humans assume they need a higher consciousness to be fixed, but that may be a misunderstanding. If you are able to receive a transmission of a state, and maintain it, then you suddenly have a beam of truth inside you, and on the basis of that can you transform yourself with this rock-solid fondation. And that must include de-fragmentation. As well as fragmentation, the human beings are deeply terrified, and their identity has become totally suffocated and ensnared by the flow of the unconscious mind that never stops. They are mad. Rushing around to do things, ascetic or tantric. People talk about the "now", but do they actually experience the now ? Or rather do they experience themselves at rest, and total rest? I am not really sure what humans experience at all.
  11. On a quest to make sense of things

    I find this to be excellent for re-integrating fragments of myself. After a week of doing this, muddling through, I noticed that I have started to smile at people with my whole top lip so that all my upper teeth are visible. Something I never did before. It has a deep effect; but it is also not so easy to do. People are mindful, they suppress, they encourage etc... that's all easy peasy. But those are either re-conditioning yourself with attitudes about your emotions. or developing a maintenance awareness or control on your emotions. All of which is a fake wake to deal with yourself. If you are repeatedly aggressive towards people what does it mean ? It means that there are orphans parts of your emotional body that you are not in contact with, they are dissociated from you, and the solution is re-integration which might mean feeling the underlying pain (anger protects pain), or actually embodying the anger rather than sneering at people, actually feeling it insideyou.
  12. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    Unconscious ego people are not benign, they are dangerous, because they are not really unconscious but they have a "false consciousness", something negative in their head, and they hurt others. Damaged parents raised damaged children, they damage their children after birth. Others use emotional victimhood to spread their misery to those in their circle. Even speaking to some people can leave you with a headache as part of their unconsciousness disease enters your headspace energetically. To the point where you might call it a disease, Wetiko perhaps, some parasite. So ... to live here, one has to know that, and disconnect from it, to have no illusions. But you can also forgive everyone, and be kind to them ... although I read recently that you should should be kind by carrying some of their heavy load for them. They appreciate that. But on no account ever explain to them what the problem is, or they will turn on you and hurt you. It is not common for you to have a good opportunity to expose your inner truth; for most people you meet it is not appropriate. Nothing is for free, people run around today with their digital toys imagine that heaven just landed in their lap. But in fact staring at the technology saps your soul, your lifeforce, it is draining. Out of your eyes your soul is being drained, and in the end you will die here, consumed. I'm very much afraid that is a fact. So ... it's a very uneasy place. But still you could be working as child labour in a brothel or in a mine, you could be starving and dying in a famine. It is a good place to make rapid spiritual progress. There is an art to live in such a strange unreal world, but I think by the end you are sick of its insincerity and confusion. Those who are very unconscious, think they are conscious. They have heard all the spiritual words, but assume that they are conscious. They will attack anyone different. Then there are some people who are relatively sound and in a good place inside. But due to the damaged culture, they will start to question themselves. It is a real madhouse (maya), and very dangerous actually. One must protect one's sanity and consciousness in a robust way. Today I thought that technology is a sign of degeneration, people have lost the language of nature, of feelings, of love of consciousness and started to make things that make them feel safe, a sort of fake shield, made of technology. And that it will end in destruction. And then a million years will pass and another creature on earth will have its golden moment in the garden of eden, before it loses its way, eventually it will be so disconnected from everything that it will make "technology" until it blows itself up, and the earth is quiet again for another million years.
  13. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    Many great teachers died in their 30s. Soldiers died at 17. Even Kings and Emperors. There are many opportunities, amongst the noisy and smelling zombie phone watchers. We will all die, as well, picture that. There are many bad things here, but ... still many good things to be done.
  14. On a quest to make sense of things

    Yes it will. The thing is that going round and round in your head whilst seething ... it's actually a kind of loop, a kind of avoidance. It is not actually the correct experience of anger, it's caught in a loop. This is what I do, I relax deeply and do a body scan, in fact I do the first 10 mins of an exercise called "The Morning Sitting", on youtube, but any body scan is good. That one is particulalrly good. Then I am relaxed, and feeling my body. Then I just wait and see what I feel, some gently feeling of betrayal in my left arm perhaps. Sometimes there are several feelings, but I choose one, that I can feel easily,. Then I go into it, I try to stretch it so that I pull it from my left arm into the chest and further, so that I can feel it fully. I try to move my body in to. Not forcing but going further in. Then I relax and I let it flow inside me, I am not observing it, I am being angry. Then there are words in the head "fighting with people words" or pictures, but I try to put these aside as they distract me, and just feel the angry feeling, the energy feeling and let flow, let it flow through my neural network, through my through, so that it works through. It needs to work through. Not too forced, not too light. For about 5 minutes. Then I relax. Sometimes it is confusing so I relax, return to the body. Then I choose another feeling that arises, or I recall a bad feeling from the past when I was sad, ashamed, when somebody died, or rejected me. And I choose one of the feelings, and I go into it again, slowly ... but to let flow through. Sometimes there are happy and angry feelings together. It is confusing, but I choose one. Sometimes the happy feeling turns out to be a fake-happy feeling, like trying to convince myself. And let it flow through. Let myself be angry, sad, mad, bad ... whatever, be happy. And so on. It is very good technique. It gets easier, at the beginning it is more difficult, but just go slow. If you can take a particular feeling, stretch it over as much of the body as it will go ... and let it work right through you, into the blood, raining inside, raining the feelings. Not too much, not too little. Then rest.
  15. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    I was in a coffee shop today, but it's a special one ... it's the one the taxi drivers and east europeans use, plays Chilltraxxx, and is run by a gay guy. Anyway it's the one where people are most normal, working class guys stopping their trucks on the way to electrify roof or plumb someone's house. Blue collar wives and actual English people !!! Some awful chain called Flowerpot Bakery just opened up the road, packed with the middle class and their mobiles, and the chatter chatter chatter ... it's all the same unconscious. Yes they talk to each other .... sort of. I use to play this game in Cafe Nero; Tables 1 & 7 : Moaning, Tables 2 & 9 : Complaining, Tables 3 : Domestic Struggle, Table 4 & 5 Planning Something for the future. Yawn. The girls who work in the cafe have started to sit with me when they get a minute spare, to do some crayon drawings on my pad, or have a confession and talk about their husband / boyfriends / future / immigration / spirituality. Anyway from sitting silently for 6 months, now I speak to almost everyone. Anyway today I was in a good move, I even felt that I smiled so that all my top teeth could be seen. Probably haven't done that since I was 1 year old. It's been a bit of s*** half century.
  16. A closer look at candle-gazing meditation

    What are your circumstances that seem constricting for you ?
  17. A closer look at candle-gazing meditation

    You would do well to get some proper instruction. The Haa centre is excellent, and the Satyananda / Bihar School of Yoga is the best general yoga school around that I have seen There is a book also called "Yoga Tantra and Meditation in Daily Life" by Swami Janakananada. Following such a school you will not have an big problems of the type you describe above. As for the esoteric and devas, there are many things in the esoteric dimension, and whilst you play with that you are slowly dying and losing your opportunity of finding your true self. You can waste many years with the flying purple energies, and probably many people have lost their souls doing it. Whether you have a normal false self, or an esoteric purple false self, .... well it's all false. I would not spend much time on that stuff, although a small investigation here and there might be interesting.. Indian spirituality is not very concerned with the esoteric, mostly it is either bhakti or direct guru transmission of states of consciousness. You sit with a teacher, and after some years your light is on. Zen soto is another reliable tradition. You can spend one day a month at a centre, then return home. If you need to remain inside worldly life then you should not fk around. Just get yourself properly trained and then practice morning and night, go to work and kiss the wife. Then you'll get there.
  18. Why do YOU think the world is so messed up?

    Alright, I am starting to feel something very strange is happening. When people arrive here they are smashed to smithereens and sent off with a false identity, which they will argue about until they die. But ... it's not your real identity. Then they want to be enlightened and "observe the world", ha ha More insanity. Then they say : "how can I not be myself". And it's all just insane. Oh ... now they are depressed when they look at the world !!! Except they don't look at the world, they don't know who they fk they are, what they want, what they are doing, or what the world is. So ... don't worry too much .... ha ha ha ha ha Anyway that's my conclusion. Then they want to purify their emotions, have satvic emotions, or have no emotions, or be beyond emotions. Jeez, it just never ends. Anyway suffice it to say that humans are very very very confused. In my opinion the real problem is that they are fragmented, meaning they are inwardly split, often due to resisting their negative emotions, they try very hard to not be sad mad and bad, and not be lustful, and the more they try the worse it gets. But they also do benefit highly from a channel of light. So probably best thing is to just receive a direct transmission and then head to the brothel !!!
  19. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    Humans do not know their own reality, when they fear themselves, it is simply human life seen through a damaged mind. This world has the absolute transendental mystical truth flowing through it, but humans seem to have a broken mind. Then they all rush off to the mountains to get awakened and all that, vanish from this world. But ... when people talk of this world, all they are talking of is "this delusion" my broken mind keeps playing. The mind needs to be re-fragmented then the world, the human world, will be just perfect and mysteriously divine. Thats my feeling. Of course if you have no idea what I am talking about, then please do rush off to the hills and meditate but it's a 2nd option.
  20. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    I remember Roald Dahl (1916-1990), he would take his children out in the moonlight, and walk up the South Downs (southern hills in England near the coast), and with his young kids he would watch the night mail in the middle of the night, chugging up and down the hills carrying letters around England. So do that. Do magical things. I am sure in those days most people were sheep as well, but he didn't stop to think about it. He was busy making magic. It is the same in every era, in this era the sheep are more noisy and arrogant, and transhumanism all this will mean is some humans disappear into vats, they will absolutely not be more intelligent, and imo I think it will even be totally impossible to connect the human mind to the internet, I think that is not possible. So it will end up being some poor souls in a vat with electrodes stuck in their head, probably jacked up on antibiotics and adrenalyn, and dying at 25. The difference between this picture and the matrix, is that in the real world it will be impossible to connect a human mind to the internet. no way can that be done. And so you can only have "virtual reality", with 3d glasses and so on, and it will turn out like 3D Movies, of very limited appeal. That's a wager right there. Anyway don't waste time with these freaks. The nightmail is still waiting for you in the moonlight.
  21. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    I feel f*cking awesome today. Don't ask me why !!!!
  22. The Self, Does it Exist?

    Is a whirlpool a thing ? Yes ... it must be if we can talk about it. Otherwise how can we understand what you are talking about ? In fact in order to communicate a whirlpool several things must be active : we must live on a similar earth world, our intelligence must be similar, and our form must be similar. Only then can "whirlpool" be communicated. So, our intelligences can identify from the environment a whirlpool through the use of intelligence. You might say materially it is just one set of atoms in another set of atoms : but this is not really the point, because our development is of our intelligence, and we can pick out relative structures on the earth. And in fact our intelligence needs to interaction of a physical body with a physical environment to grow, we could not grow without a physical presence, we just would not understand. Later our intelligence, trained on the earth, can be used to pick out internal absolute structures of our real identity, which can be embodied with direct knowing. Another angle is the exhausting nature of the mind, just shutting up and sitting in presence. Although it might be far away from many people, the mind is only exhausting due to it not being embodied. When you use your mind it does not cause pain, but when you don't use it and it is still talking what is happening is that it is working unconsciously because you have not not embodied it. One day you must embody the mind itself so that you sit in its "control chair", then it won't talk on its own.
  23. A closer look at candle-gazing meditation

    I have been taught Tratak at the Haa centre (Satyananda style yoga), where it is done with a mirror behind the candle. Hmm. During about 1.5 years I sat in meditation in front of a mirror, it's about 50cm square, from Ikea and just sat on the floor reflecting me. And I had no particular practice, but being very relaxed, looked into my own eyes, and eventually entered a deep state of absorption. This is a very good practice. Staring at a candle ... can do several things. One is it simply occupies your mind, so that your real self can awaken and experience itself. Another way is if you become self-aware in the flow of perception. These are different practices. The way it is taught at Haa with a mirror and candle is actually two meditaitons combined. Because, in order to feel the real self and do inner work, one must first have some concentration stability ... and so staring at the candle gives one concentration stability, then you can look into the mirror and feel / question who you are. What is the entity you are aligning with ? You are waking up, one of the parts of the soul is meant to awaken. What is the space you will have access to ? Well, you (the ego) will hopefully be unseated, and instead your real self will awaken in its own space, in its own world.
  24. Which books sit on your nightstand?

    There Is Nothing Wrong With You - Cheri Huber It's good, I understand it as meaning ... there is nothing wrong with you including all the dark and smelly pieces.
  25. On a quest to make sense of things

    As a fellow argumentative person, I recently noticed that although I can be angry, I am actually very uncomfortable with being angry. It's a strange thing, but it seems that I was taught always to be "good" and so when I am angry (or sad etc...) then I don't feel comfortable and try to pretend I am happy. And then I get really angry. Anyway it's a big mess. What I have found interesting is to allow myself to be angry and to sit in meditation and really embody it, minus the "story". Just to accept and feel the energy let it be there, and soak in it. This feels honest, and integrative. And I feel some power returning to me, and I do'n't feel so angry. It's a strange thing, but true. Likewise for all other emotions, I allow the to be and soak in them ... but without any story, just the bare feeling energy.