WadeGarret

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About WadeGarret

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  1. I respect the path too. Someone said it helps us discover our fall from grace. The only problem is that we live in an economic world that has been dependent on each other for thousands of years. When we begin the retention process we are going backwards and less dependent on society. For me, I became extremely withdrawn from society. Sure I felt powerful but eventually got laid off. - HA. At my last couple of jobs, I was laid off; I was doing three times the strenuous labor as other workers without a complaint; but the inner fire and rage made me that way from the retention. Eventually I just pissed everyone and got fired. I didn't last long. My point is, the regular sexual cycle probably would have kept me calm and respectful and more joyous and fun to be around. Only few people coudl get through my barriers once I pass a ertain point. Usually happens around day 14 of retention. If you google "Nofap forever flatline" that usually sums up the experience. Sure I like to feel strong and powerful; but whats the point when you end up alone, and lonely, can't hold down a job, and intimidate people that interview you? The only times I was able to land a job was after I had a release unfortunately. I'm so over the point of sex and physical lust I don't even crave it; but it seems a necessary evil to keep my inner fire and rage at bay. Besides I'm not even monetarily or trained / equipped to live in the wilderness and away from society even if I wanted to.
  2. I used to think like you. I agree after about 30 days of retaining sometimes I would have moments with very beautiful girls in their early 20's that seemed to glow a deep instinctual reaction of sorts. But at that same token, from a realistic perspective; retention closed the door for many social reactions and made them few and far between. So perhaps this type of thinking can be coming from a deprived state of mind. Maybe you are convincing yourself of these things, but human connection shouldn't be some "Disasterously long intense process." - and in-fact, my best connections and confidence with women are after I had wet-dreams or sexual activity. I don't recommend cultivation for people who are interested in perusing desire with women; it's kind of like telling a Teetoaller who has sworn off alcohol to occasional hold and smell a beer bottle. What is the point?
  3. Nope, I'm over it. I conserved for 90 days and almost went insane. Stopped communicating with family. Was sleeping on a couch of a co-worker, and my only persuit in life was to wake up and meditate. In order for me to coninute I HAD to meditate. But the meditation created psychological spaces of isolation. Not for me; really didn't gain any benefits. And the energy only came with certain times of day. Other times I could be extremely lethargic and not even be able to clean the apartment. I'm kind of over reading these posts that glorify retention as some "dynamo" power of energy. Also lost my ability to socialize, flirt, and lost my creative ability. Didn't make me a better musician or artist. It made everything in life dull; unless under certain circumstances or time of day I would be passing through some flowers then I would see the inner-beauty but other then that, I would say the 90 days and hundreds of hours of meditation didn't do much for me.
  4. Good day gentlemen. Whenever I go on long streaks of cultivation (semen) I feel somehow Karmaically I am becoming a better, stronger person. But the problem is, everytime I do it, it is a complete battle. In the past I used meditation. But I am not sure I was doing it properly, as meditation, even though it seemed to refresh my mind, eventually it just made me withdrawl more and more from society the more I practiced. So I stopped meditation alltogether. I usually go on streaks of about 30-40 days on semen retention, then I either let one out, or wet dream or whatever. The thing is, I'm beginning to question this practice in my life. Though I feel in some ways it makes me a strong person, it also makes me a very irritable and lonely person. In fact, usually at around day 14, I tend to just become a detractor of people. I'm irritible, grumpy, not fun to be around, seems no one likes me, etc etc. - In the past meditation helped aleviate these symptoms but I lost all social skills and couldn't really communicate above basic things. I feel this all the time actually. I'm beginning to wonder why I have been practicing this for so long and want to just go back to allowing myself a release every 7-14 days give or take. That being said, can someone here point me in the right direction on how I can be refreshed and feel good while doing this? - I will give you an example. One time, I drove to a deserted area like I always do. I then sat next to a tree, and I could feel an uplifting energy, starting to energize me. I felt normal for a little while but eventually it wore off. I get this feeling, sometimes when I visit certain places of high energy, like valleys, or being next to large mountains. I know that I have opned up something in terms of my sensitivity to certain energies, but it's usually, when I drive 30-40 miles away to some remote area that I can only feel that calm; and that seems to be the only way I can recharge. Because as I move forward with my cultivation, it seems that I'm always getting irritible, stressed, attracting hostility everywhere I go, and becoming a burdeon to everyone, loved ones, and family members. The truth is, I am really tired of all of this. I know there is a strength underneath it all, if one can master themselves; I just need the right direction. Do I sit in lotus for 20 minutes a day? do I do yoga ? Seems meditating helped, but it destroyed my social capabilities and made me flee society to remote areas, and I can't do that anymore. Thank you once again. I don't think this is something that I will get a quick answer to. Another example is when I had a high stress job, that seemed to help circulate the energy because it seemed that I did better at my job by day 30-40 of cultivation and developed great abilities; even though I was not doing any Qigong or meditation or any of that; I think by being active and moving around at my job it kept me from going completely insane as opposed to not working and feeling completely worn out and depressed. Thanks for reading.
  5. Hate is a useless emotion that can do physical harm when exercised, on the one projecting and that which it is projected unto
  6. Hello everyone. Well I am about day 15 in Semen retention. I set myself out to a meditation plan. The only time I could do it, was very early in the morning. I forced myself to get up at 4:00am and Meditate. Sometimes, I could only get into the meditative state, only after about 30 minutes to an hour. This recent I sat in the meditation position for an hour and a half, and did not go into the meditative state at all. The thing is, I am taking great precaution into keeping my mind balanced, and emotionally stable. I am taking the utmost precaution and meditating daily, somtimes for an hour or more to keep everything calm, and for energy and such. And still.. My results are the usual. Some days I can, other days I can't. The days are becoming Tedious, sort of "Agonizing" For instance, I have a headache, my body temperature is rising. My appetite not as much. (Which may be a good thing, depending on how you loo at it.) However I do not want to go outdoors, I have no motivation to do anything. I have very little energy. I am clumsy, and lethargic. I am forgetful, and I am also becoming more disconnected once again. I am trying to do this for strength but it is deteriorating me. If anyone has any advice, please help. Thank you.
  7. <p>Greetings from the Flip side.</p> <p> </p> <p>Appreciate responses, once again I apologize for my elongated response in the back. The reason I want to take up celibacy, is from a lot of the ancient texts recommending giving up the sexual induldgence for the greater good. I suppose it can be linked to spiritual karma.</p> <p> </p> <p>I spent my entire 20's dissipating my energies, carelessly and foolishly through any means of gratification. Bad relationships, porn etc. I just turned 30 and want to master myself. I've experienced the calmness of mind, increased memory, emotional stability, courage, and also, physical strength that comes with retention.</p> <p> </p> <p>But what I have now found is that as a man "Closes his seed" that it is very important to have emotional stability and clarity of mind. But only through personal experience I have learned this. I reflect upon a popular post buy OldChi, actually on his experience with semen retention. (IT's quite a popular post and comes up under different searches and I even found people linking to his story.)</p> <p> </p> <p>As you can probably tell from my previous post my emotions have been a bit haywire. Certain stresses in life have brought this about. But with retention I feel life can be handled and controled, and sort of Flow. I would also like to mention that, in my experience, pornography seems to be a sin against nature, not in a religious or dogmatic sense (I am not religious) - but it seems to bring a trick on nature.</p> <p> </p> <p>It seems to warp the mind and spirit, as well as the aura, and in fact; that can possibly be the result of anger and aggression being manifested through my environment, other people, and the very essence of life itself. This being said, I have vowed to not partake of it to the best of my ability. I used to be very nonchalant about it, but becoming very observant of the effects of what the eye beholds and how it manifests in the soul; and the importance of keeping the emotions regulated when conversinvg jing (or attempting to)</p> <p> </p> <p>I have discovered keeping my mind with stillness to be the most effective way to go about this. I was having a very rough time and realized I had been under stress and resorted to using pornography or even "Releasing" through sexual function but as I continue I realize keeping stillness of mind has helped tremendously.</p> <p> </p> <p>I am only on day 10, once again, but I plan on meditating at 4:00am in the morning. I notice in the morning there is more of a draw of energy when I meditate to the point where it almost feels like I am "High" - I have only experienced this in the mornings, and I feel I have a lot of spiritual or soul cleansing to do before I can normalize. As someone stated earlier to "Flow" - this is part of me "Flowing" - but if I do not meditate, the course of the day can be knocked off.</p> <p> </p> <p>So I ahve prioritised meditation in the morning, mainly because where I live, there is absolutely no silence or peace, only at that hour (I live in a busy city and environment, something I am not used to as I come from a rural area) - So I have to get up extra early to catch natures essence, so to speak; if that makes any sense. I also notice attempting to meditate during different times of the day seem unfruitiful and become a struggle, and I am better off trying again early in the morning when the spirutal Pallate seems to be cleansed.</p> <p> </p> <p>The only thing I can compare this to is spiritual purification; I know no other term for it; when I go into retention under bad circumstances or emotional baggage, it makes my journey toughter, but with each attempt, and regulated meditation, as well as early morning exercise, I feel I am on the path to clearing my conscience and maintaining emotional stability and mental and spiritual health.</p> <p> </p> <p>Thank you for your insightful responses and help; I am alone on this journey but being here feels like I have type of counsel, which is GREAT.</p>
  8. No, I'm not familiar with that Yes. I experience a range of emotions. After I have a sexual episode; I am relaxed and more emotative. I am more "open" to feel things. As I progress in my retention, I begin to develop heat waves in the body, feel less emotion, bordering on depression and agression. My mind is foggy, and I cannot think abstractly or socially; This in the long run, has damaged my social skills over the past couple years of me practicing this. But because I keep hearing about how "Great men in history" have all practiced this art form, and have read stories of "Super Power" qualities (memory, strength, willpower, etc) - I keep at it. The longest I've gont is 40 days. And that was a disaster. I'mt not familiar with Chi Kung. Thanks for responding. I've read many stories that strong willed men have abstained from Sex, and transmuted chi. From India's "Ojas theory" to the Chinese Taosim and Buddhism. I'm trying to become stronger willed. I've experienced strengths at times when being celibate that I can only explain as mental and physical will-power. Well to be honest, I have heard stories of men who have retained for 30-90 days about how they became strong in all areas of their life. They became these sort of "Superhuman" type of men with increasing strength and social resilliance. And I've read a lot of Guru texts speaking about the strength in abstinence and retention. The first time I went down this path I did feel that I awakened an inner strength in me, through bouts of celibacy that included physical and mental resilliance to certain situations; but it seems these situations didnt benefit me too much. It was more of something I did to prove that I could be "tough" if need be. There is something else however. I was a security guard at one time. That was when I was first practicing semen retention, and regular streaks would be about 30 days. In those days, though I was emotionally stoic; I stood long hours among people and dealt with stressful situations. It seems that, about 21 days into a streak, I would be able to deal with any situation, if it involved conflict. It didn't seem to bother me much. I felt pretty resilliant at those times. I recently had an experience that put the Fear of God in me. (A situation almost lead to a physical altercation.) - now when I was completely celibate for longer than 3 weeks. Situations like that, didnt bother me. I was pretty emotionally resilliant to any escalation or threats and in fact, fearless of them. but I had a situation like this happen to me, and it put so much fear in me I was disappointed in myself. But I also know that, I havn't been practicing semen retention as strongly as I have been. I've been struggling with retention because, unlike those times, NOW, it seems that trouble is naturally attracted to me whenever I practice. Not that I am looking for trouble, but that when my energy begins to peak; it seems I am invoking a lot of "Fight or flight" responses everywhere I go. Mostly in Men. I used to be a man who could speak, and flow in conversation; when I was a younger lad i actually worked sales and retail. These days, I'm very short on words and keep it to a minimum. I also notice now, when practicing semen retention, the general populace doesn't open me in converation anymore. I attributed it to bad personality or bad thinking or habits, but I noticed whenever I would get a sexual release, My "Chi" would release into the air, I would feel "Cleared" of it and in fact, people are more open to me in conversation. I experienced this several times, and it's always after I have a sexual release that I am the most relaxed, and (unsurprisingly) people are more relaxed around me. When I retain semen longer than 6-7 days, I even develop a sort of Strong Aura , and depending how I feel, others feel it too. Because during retention and cultivation I become very hot, agitated, and stressed, this translate into a very strong aura of Heat, agitation, and stress. I am not very pleasant to be around and others can feel it. Here is another mystery. When I've stayed at peoples homes, and have been retaining, they become just as stiff and frozen with tension as I do. If I go into a private room and "Do the deed" (Masturbate for release) - something weird happens. Almost every single time. People begin to move around and continue their usual activity. It's as if my Aura is so strong and effective, it affects everyone around me. Needless to say my life has been in a bad place since. The problem for me is that, I am an enjoyer of life. At that same token, thought I experienced Mental and Physicall will-power (working and standing for long hours, and mentally resilliant to certain harsh conditions) - I also experienced great stress, and depression, as well as feeling completely, socially cut off. In fact, I suppose you could say I was so littered with 'tension" that I couldn't function socially, no longer. It's been about 2 years, and any celibacy streak longer than a week leaves me socially dehabilitated, as well as lethargic. Though my body temerature rises and I may become resiliant in other conditions, my inerpersonal relationships begin to fail, the world feels like it is "Falling down on me." and I am really unfunctional and useless. This is all new by the way.. ... I used to be able to hold streaks of celibacy for 2-4 weeks and would actually get stronger and more social. Now the opposite happens.. I become extremely claustrophibc, the walls feel like they are trapping me in, and merely walking down the street is enough to get me angry at society, life, and people, for instance if someone looks at me rudely, or if I feel disrespected. Again all of this is completely new, and never happened before. And it has ruined some aspects of my life in fact. I took up Meditation and it seems to only make things worse. In fact I meditate, sometimes for hours; attempting to enter the meditative state. And while it seems I am making some Progress, I begin to get the Worst headaches ever, nothing that I am ued to. I know it is from meditation, and has something to do with my third eye, because I begin to feel a pressure in my forehead region every time I meditate for prolonged periods of time. The pressure builds up the more I focus on my breathing and sometimes I have to stop. I used to get into great, deep meditative states on my best celibacy streaks, but that was a few years ago. I recently went 40 days Celibate a few months ago. And while I did get into a great meditative state, where I almost felt like I was floating; simutaneously, my energy was completely cut off from society. i became more and more withdrawn to the point where, it was difficult to even hug family members. My father in law asked me, "Why don't you even hug me?" The strange thing is, it was around day 40 of celibacy; and I felt so "Closed up" - "Tight" and Not apart of anything, that I found it extremely difficult to even be around other people. When I go on streaks like this, the only thing that seems to help or heal my spirit, to feel less "Condensed" is to go far far away, as in, 30-40 miles away from civiliation. (I've literally driven on freeways where, as soon as I entered desolate areas with no people; the energy would clear up and I would normalize) This leads me to believe that, the spirit, as celibacy continues on, becomes absolutely more magnetic of what it is feeling. I'm not sure. I still havn't figured it out. Nor have I figued out how to transcend sexual energy and radiate constant bliss, love, and joy like some would-be Gurus have proclaimed on mystic websites and such. Something I want to do, have emotional physical, and spiritual ressilliancy without the drawbacks. In Summary, I am forced, not by choice, to put myself on a "7 day cycle" - and by that I mean, One ejaculation per week. I have no idea why this seems to be the case to keep me normal, but I feel Ive possibly developed hormonal or chemical imbalances, or small types of psychosis for sure over the years of practicing this. I've recently been allowing myself to have a sexual release every 6-7 days depending on how I am feeling to "Normalize" and have noticed the quality of my life improve in certain aspects. It's nice to partake of the fruit of the vine, but I also some day aspire to seek truth and close my soul off to worldly desires (soe day, perhaps not just yet) - but in that process I find that I just can't seem to function .. not just in the world.. but AT ALL in general. anyone with experience with this, it would be GREATLY appreciated as I am now stumped at what to do next. I wish to cultivate, and continue, (Like I had been doing) - but Lo and Behold.. once again.. .. This past week I was on day 10, and like clockwork. The heat flashes.. the paranoia, the "walls closing in on me." feeling, not to mention, the noise. I seem to attract energetically every noisy, angry, vehicle, person, etc in my vicnity. All of this negative stuff starts happening.. my relationships dwindle.. I become more and more Cut off from the world. I meditate more and more and nothing changes.. I meditate, to release and stay grounded and flowing, happy, blissful, energetic. but I Become stiff, tight, cut off, socially inept, slow minded.. etc. On top of that.. As celibacy progresses, not only do these feelings increase with time, but strange events start to happen that reflect my surroundings. Weird things happen. People are Extra rude.. Police Helicopters start circling the house (Have experienced this too) - Car accidents happen.. AND.. I can hear the energy of other people and anger of other people. I am a big believer in that, our minds, our thoughts and energy attract similair frequencies (as is the old monastic theories of the universe) and this rings true, especially if a man is practicing Semen retention; has all of this stored up Jing in the wrong manner, blocked, well his energy becomes more powerful, but it is blocked.. and because it's blocked it manfiests in all types of things. Fear, paranoia, aggression, anger.. and then his reality becomes a Reflection of that. I, for without a shadow of a doubt have experienced all of this. But as I said before, because I cannot channel it properly, I'm a bit screwed. So in conclusion, I want to be a strong willed warrior who can get past this. But the longer I practice this "Semen retantion" the more socially withdrawn, cut off, physically dehabilitated, mentally dehabilited, unhappy.. etc. I've heard great things from people who have mastered this, which is something I wish I could learn, but as you said, I am doing myself more damage than good for doing this. (You can thank the Nofap Movement for that, which is why I came here actually) So far, a 1 Ejaculation every 6-7 days has been a God send. In fact, I am starting to feel like my old self, the guy who was happy and enjoyed life. Not on edge all the time. I just hope I didn't develop and health problems from the past 2-3 years of stress I put my body through by practicing this. anyway, thanks for reading. I hope it wasn't too long.
  9. This is a re-post actually. I am posting it now in the proper forum. Thank you for accepting me into this little community. I've searched for and wide in the Realms of Cyberspace and have not yet found anyone knowledgable in these matters. I hope someone with experience walking in this path can help me. I am a 30 year old male. I have experienced the strengths of Semen retention in my personal life, but with that came both positive and negative effects I would like to explain. I am seeking some answers as I cannot find any. I first started this path due to the popularity of the "NoFap" movement in early 2012; Since then I've been on numerous "Celibate" streaks that mitigated the use of Semen retention. Unfortunately , I could not find any advice on Semen retention other than vague theory and shaming for letting the "chi" go. When I start to conserve Semen, I do try to meditate daily; but with no avail. These symptoms always occur around 10 days, and become increasingly appearant as the time goes on. During Cultivation ---------------------- A bit more emotionally resillient Stoic (No feeling, have no emotion, can't feel joy, sadness, or anything) I feel physically heavier and harder to move around. (Feelsl like my spirit is weighing me down more) Head feels Foggy. Unmotivated to do anything, like workout, (clean) - or even hygiene maintenence. Do not like being around people much. Weight on my heart and mind. Trouble expressing myself, but when I do it is powerful and heard. Body temperature is usually VERY HIGH and Hot Crave Meat and Sugars / junk food / Seem to want to eat a lot. Simutaneously can go a long time without food, which is strange. But when I do eat, I crave bad foods. Note: These symptoms dissipate about 20% with some meditation, but after a while meditation becomes useless. After a Single or Multiple Orgasm ---------------------------- I feel light on my feet. High Energy Crave healthy foods like Fruit and vegtables. Calm and head is clear. More motivation in general. Don't feel as "powerful" but more emotative and expressive. Aura is a bit diminished, but free flowing. Feel more emotion and creativity. More susceptible to my environment... (I can feel the ocean and the air.. I am more open to people somewhat) it's a bit strange as the enegies change, and I am trying to find the right balance. I want to be able to retain semen with the attributes of strength such as emotional strength, mental endurance, adaptability and other such things.. traits of manhood. But I also do not like the negative consequences of becoming.. less motivated, lethargic and moody. When I meditate, depending on the session, the mood will soften and my energy balances about 20%.. but it goes away quickly.. and excessive meditation sometimes leads to frustration. Also, sometimes my meditation leads to slight dizziness.. I am trying to find the proper practice to channel my "Chi" and rejuvinate my body to feel "cloud-like" if that makes sense. I want the inner strength as well as outter glow that comes from Orgasm.. but without orgasm.. I do not want to be dependent on carnal desire to feel "Normalized" rather able to do it through spiritual means. I have tried many different meditation techniques and can't honestly say I've ever felt any "energy" regardless how long I've retained Semen / chi - I've tried to visualize and feel the energy for the Microcomic orbit but can never feel it. I've tried deep deep meditation, which helps a lot sometimes, but as celibacy progresses I find myself more energetically confined as the days go on. I am also looking to do this because it has also affected my ability to connect somewhat. I notice that when I have cultivated beyond 10-14 days; my energy and body are HOT; as well as the general energy of people around me, can feel my irritability; not only am I myself foggyheaded, but it seems to effect everyone within the vicinity of me to some extent. It's a bit unexplainable. I do believe in the hidden energies of all things, so I am not surprised that my energy effects the behaviors of others when practicing semen retention;; even to the extent of it being they can be in another room. For instance on many occasions when I simply decided to release jing (ejaculate) - have sex, immediately people in other rooms around me changed what they were doing. They would either go to sleep, move around all of a sudden, go to another room, etc. Sometimes I feel my jing when it is high, my body temperature is hot and I am sleepless, I tend to keep those around me sleepless and awake as well. I've experienced this on many times. I'm trying to find a way to channel the Chi into bliss and peace, rather than have to have a sexual act. thank you for reading. Any help appreciated, thank you for reading
  10. Greetings fellow truth seekers. I am new here. A little bit about myself. I am a 30 year old male. I have experienced the strengths of Semen retention in my personal life, but with that came both positive and negative effects I would like to explain. I am seeking some answers as I cannot find any. I first started this path due to the popularity of the "NoFap" movement in early 2012; Since then I've been on numerous "Celibate" streaks that mitigated the use of Semen retention. Unfortunately , I could not find any advice on Semen retention other than vague theory and shaming for letting the "chi" go. When I start to conserve Semen, I do try to meditate daily; but with no avail. These symptoms always occur around 10 days, and become increasingly appearant as the time goes on. During Cultivation ---------------------- A bit more emotionally resillient Stoic (No feeling, have no emotion, can't feel joy, sadness, or anything) I feel physically heavier and harder to move around. (Feelsl like my spirit is weighing me down more) Head feels Foggy. Unmotivated to do anything, like workout, (clean) - or even hygiene maintenence. Do not like being around people much. Weight on my heart and mind. Trouble expressing myself, but when I do it is powerful and heard. Body temperature is usually VERY HIGH and Hot Crave Meat and Sugars / junk food / Seem to want to eat a lot. Simutaneously can go a long time without food, which is strange. But when I do eat, I crave bad foods. Note: These symptoms dissipate about 20% with some meditation, but after a while meditation becomes useless. After a Single or Multiple Orgasm ---------------------------- I feel light on my feet. High Energy Crave healthy foods like Fruit and vegtables. Calm and head is clear. More motivation in general. Don't feel as "powerful" but more emotative and expressive. Aura is a bit diminished, but free flowing. Feel more emotion and creativity. More susceptible to my environment... (I can feel the ocean and the air.. I am more open to people somewhat) it's a bit strange as the enegies change, and I am trying to find the right balance. I want to be able to retain semen with the attributes of strength such as emotional strength, mental endurance, adaptability and other such things.. traits of manhood. But I also do not like the negative consequences of becoming.. less motivated, lethargic and moody. When I meditate, depending on the session, the mood will soften and my energy balances about 20%.. but it goes away quickly.. and excessive meditation sometimes leads to frustration. Also, sometimes my meditation leads to slight dizziness.. I am trying to find the proper practice to channel my "Chi" and rejuvinate my body to feel "cloud-like" if that makes sense. I want the inner strength as well as outter glow that comes from Orgasm.. but without orgasm.. I do not want to be dependent on carnal desire to feel "Normalized" rather able to do it through spiritual means. I have tried many different meditation techniques and can't honestly say I've ever felt any "energy" regardless how long I've retained Semen / chi - I've tried to visualize and feel the energy for the Microcomic orbit but can never feel it. I've tried deep deep meditation, which helps a lot sometimes, but as celibacy progresses I find myself more energetically confined as the days go on. Any help appreciated, thank you for reading. .. Less and less motivated to do things. Increase appetite for