Where is Dao in Dementia? Struggling to Find Spirit Amid Decline

[Kati]

 

 

Hello everyone,

I’ve recently started volunteer work in a center for elderly people,  a large number of them are living with dementia.

The experience has been powerful and unsettling. Part of me wants to meet them with compassion… but part of me feels sadness, even fear, watching how their minds slowly dissolve:

 

Some cover up memory gaps with jokes.

 

Many repeat the same conversation four or five times in a row.

 

Others speak of places or activities they haven’t done in years, as if they were happening right now.

 

Without constant repetition of simple topics, they quickly become lost.

 

It often feels like meaningful, deep connection is impossible. And this shakes me: Where is Dao here? Where is Spirit? If the mind fades like this, is real connection still possible?

 

So I’m reaching out to you:

• From a Daoist perspective, how can I understand dementia?

• Is there a way to flow with the repetition instead of resisting it?

• How can I find peace and Dao in this environment that feels so heavy and repetitive?

Thank you deeply for any insights.

 

[stirling]

The Dao is just reality, as it is. Flowing "with" the Dao is being in alignment and not causing resistant eddies and currents with our attachment or aversion to what we think should happen, to what is happening,  or what might happen. 

 

To an enlightened person, these changes in functionality are just reality as it is, nothing to worry about or cause confusion. My late teacher's teacher, the abbess of a well-known Zen institution died of Alzheimers related causes, but went through the process without struggle, in good humor, and in gratefulness that others were so willing to help her. 

 

This obviously won't be the experience of most people. 

 

Having worked with my late wife's grandparents, and my own parents as they age, I can recommend just meeting them where they are. Is the reality they believe they live in any more real than yours? If they think you are someone other than who you are, roll with it. If they think they just came back from the pub, let them tell you their story. If they can't find something see if you can get them to laugh with you about it, and let them know that you are sure it will turn up soon. Don't pity them, or try to explain over and over how YOU see the reality of things, or who you believe them to be. This won't improve their condition, or their quality of life. If they worry, tell them everything has been taken care of for now, and things are OK. Find joy with them.

 

For an example of how to work with those who are effected give this a listen. It is really wonderful.

 

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/532/magic-words/act-two-0

[Cobie]

6 hours ago, Kati said:

… volunteer work in a center for elderly people,  a large number of them are living with dementia. … 

Deep respect to you for volunteering.  However this can be very heavy. If it gets too much, do allow yourself to stop. 

 

Edited Thursday at 10:44 PM by Cobie

[Nungali]

7 hours ago, Kati said:

 

 

Hello everyone,

I’ve recently started volunteer work in a center for elderly people,  a large number of them are living with dementia.

The experience has been powerful and unsettling. Part of me wants to meet them with compassion… but part of me feels sadness, even fear, watching how their minds slowly dissolve:

 

Thank you for your service !   I did similar work ( but paid ) for 10 years in a public hospital .  It certainly brings this question up for contemplation ! 

 

7 hours ago, Kati said:

 

Some cover up memory gaps with jokes.

 

I used to also tell a lot of jokes , if they get them, they appreciate it .

 

 

7 hours ago, Kati said:

 

Many repeat the same conversation four or five times in a row.

 

Others speak of places or activities they haven’t done in years, as if they were happening right now.

 

Without constant repetition of simple topics, they quickly become lost.

 

It often feels like meaningful, deep connection is impossible. And this shakes me: Where is Dao here? Where is Spirit? If the mind fades like this, is real connection still possible?

 

By staying absolutely  'in the moment '  with them . 

 

 

7 hours ago, Kati said:

 

So I’m reaching out to you:

• From a Daoist perspective, how can I understand dementia?

• Is there a way to flow with the repetition instead of resisting it?

• How can I find peace and Dao in this environment that feels so heavy and repetitive?

Thank you deeply for any insights.

 

 

I think our 'eternal spirit' may not be that connected to our mind brain  and  current 'awareness'  ... the mind passes away like the body does .   I found the only way to flow with it is to be in the moment with them ,   its  an exercise in the full reality of that as if one is really doing it , the past moment  (or the present )  never happened . 

 

To find peace concentrate on the aspect of  'doing service ' .   Its one of the main branches of yoga and magick , to not practice it will lead to imbalance .

 

 

 

[Nungali]

... and another thing I found , when they are able to , ask them questions about what they can remember , sometimes parts of their life are remembered and they can be entertaining fascinating and amazing , as well as enjoyable for them to have someone to listen to . 

 

 

https://www.thedaobums.com/topic/56258-wrtings/

[Lairg]

8 hours ago, Kati said:

Where is Dao here? Where is Spirit? If the mind fades like this, is real connection still possible?

 

Reality is more complex.

 

There are many layers and vehicles between Spirit and Matter.  If one of the layers does not operate properly, Spirit cannot flow easily through to the densest layer.

 

Typically with dementia there are brain issues including contamination.  When the brain is not suitable, the next levels above (including mental) often turn away to more productive activities - such as parallel timelines/incarnations

 

 

Edited Friday at 12:42 AM by Lairg

[Kati]

On 22.8.2025 at 12:20 AM, stirling said:

To an enlightened person, these changes in functionality are just reality as it is, nothing to worry about or cause confusion. My late teacher's teacher, the abbess of a well-known Zen institution died of Alzheimers related causes, but went through the process without struggle, in good humor, and in gratefulness that others were so willing to help her. 

wow thank you for sharing this

 

On 22.8.2025 at 12:20 AM, stirling said:

Having worked with my late wife's grandparents, and my own parents as they age, I can recommend just meeting them where they are. Is the reality they believe they live in any more real than yours? If they think you are someone other than who you are, roll with it. If they think they just came back from the pub, let them tell you their story. If they can't find something see if you can get them to laugh with you about it, and let them know that you are sure it will turn up soon. Don't pity them, or try to explain over and over how YOU see the reality of things, or who you believe them to be. This won't improve their condition, or their quality of life. If they worry, tell them everything has been taken care of for now, and things are OK. Find joy with them.

this is gold. thank you

i actually started to apply this. and now i do enjoy working with those people. at the end it is just like you said "their reality is just as untrue/true as mine"

[Kati]

On 22.8.2025 at 12:39 AM, Cobie said:

 However this can be very heavy. If it gets too much, do allow yourself to stop. 

thank you
i really dont know if this is for me or not.

i changed my perspective and now i did enjoy the people, but i only have been there for two days. i wonder how i feel about it in a week :?

[Kati]

On 22.8.2025 at 1:01 AM, Nungali said:

think our 'eternal spirit' may not be that connected to our mind brain  and  current 'awareness'  ... the mind passes away like the body does .   I found the only way to flow with it is to be in the moment with them ,   its  an exercise in the full reality of that as if one is really doing it , the past moment  (or the present )  never happened . 

 

To find peace concentrate on the aspect of  'doing service ' .   Its one of the main branches of yoga and magick , to not practice it will lead to imbalance .

actually i already had similiar thoughts and these thoughts are really helping me fel more relaxed. thank you for taking time to put it into words. i deeply appriciate it-

[Kati]

On 22.8.2025 at 1:07 AM, Lairg said:

When the brain is not suitable, the next levels above (including mental) often turn away to more productive activities - such as parallel timelines/incarnations

Hey Lairg, this sounds interesting, could you explain this a bit more

[Lairg]

 

In the Egyptian/Kabbalistic system the human has five souls - intelligences that operate the physical, emotional, mental, heart and intent/will bodies.

 

Each body is an energy vortex integrated by an elemental providing a set of functions - e.g. physical balance/digestion/healing...

 

Each body should have at least a nature spirit (lesser deva) that manages external relationships e.g. finding the walking track

 

Some bodies, with enough accumulated/refined/integrated energy substance may attract higher devas that deal with cosmic relationships.  

 

Thus the Christian account of the soul is the same as the (Holy) Guardian Angel.  In that case it is a solar deva/angel that assists the human to manage its higher vehicles: transpersonal mental,  heart/buddhic, will/atma.

 

The solar deva progressively withdraws as the human enters the stages of enlightenment and is thereby receptive to the real human spirit.

 

So the solar angel usually makes its first connection through the higher mind.  The higher mind anchors in the brain if the brain is suitable.

 

If there is too much damage/contamination in the brain, the solar angel may turn away.  Quite a few human forms are not over-lighted by a solar angel.   Severe autism, unknown when I was young, often involves the solar angel turning away.

 

Sometimes  the nature spirit operating the emotional body will turn away - usually because of excess trauma in the human.  

 

The solar angel may have up to 12 human personalities to manage - on various timelines etc.   The real human spirit may have up to 12 solar angels to manage.

 

Thus the real human spirit may bypass an incarnation that is not working well

 

 

Edited 9 hours ago by Lairg