Cat Pillar Posted March 28, 2012 Remember my last thread where I was all depressed? I feel like posting an update, because things have changed and I'm coming to a fuller realization concerning certain things that weren't clear to me before. So, shortly after I made that post, I got a lot more serious about meditating. I hadn't been meditating much at all. Essentially, my current meditation consists of using a binaural beats track (Shinka Meditation Level 1, which I purchased a long ways back) and focusing on the sound of the wind while letting thoughts go. I do this most days for at least an hour, sometimes more. Only a week after starting this back up again, I experienced a significant improvement in mood. Not only did my mood improve, but my attitude about certain things improved as well. From a viewpoint of depression, all I saw were those things I was resisting and fighting against...life situations, unfulfilled desires and fantasies...and there was little consideration for what I have. Now, as the days go on, I find that I am naturally becoming more grateful and accepting. I certainly have a long way to go with my attitudes on a lot of things, but there is a noticeable improvement in my approach to life. I still suffer from anxiety, but I'm starting to think that at least half (if not more) of that is poor lifestyle choices...and even at that, my anxiety is not near what it used to be. When I look at my life now, I am much more prone to feel grateful for everything I've accomplished, and everything the universe has provided for me. In gratefulness, there is a humility and a...release, I guess you could say...that is very uplifting and refreshing. Also, I am coming to understand just how much I've changed in the past few years. Before I started seeking I was an angry misanthropic youth with a bone to pick. My thoughts were about power and personal gratification. But in choosing to explore the meanings and mysteries of life, I have slowly evolved into a person who genuinely wants to have a positive impact on the world. All of the introspection, the mostly irregular meditation practice, the paying attention to thoughts and their sources...all have gradually accumulated into real, positive, measurable change. I want to thank everyone here who has given me advice, challenged my preconceptions, and prodded me to look deeply into my nature. Every exchange has provided an opportunity for learning, great or small. So, thanks! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mokona Posted March 28, 2012 Cheers for your progress! Keep going, and going. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
C T Posted March 28, 2012 Congrats CP!! In the face of small obstacles great patience always wins! ...btw, obstacles only get huge when we permit them the leverage to grow. With a little mindful attention, we can usually stymy this leverage from snowballing out of hand. WELL DONE once again! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted March 28, 2012 In the face of small obstacles great patience always wins! Damn! I just this morning spoke to this concept on another forum!!! Yes indeed, congratulations on your progress! Always nice to hear good news. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zerostao Posted March 28, 2012 " In gratefulness, there is a humility and a...release, I guess you could say...that is very uplifting and refreshing." _/\_ " My thoughts were about power and personal gratification" and now you are becoming aware of a truer power 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Pillar Posted March 28, 2012 Thanks for the replies and support, everyone! " In gratefulness, there is a humility and a...release, I guess you could say...that is very uplifting and refreshing." _/\_ " My thoughts were about power and personal gratification" and now you are becoming aware of a truer power Becoming aware, although still not well acquainted with. ^.^ Congrats CP!! In the face of small obstacles great patience always wins! ...btw, obstacles only get huge when we permit them the leverage to grow. With a little mindful attention, we can usually stymy this leverage from snowballing out of hand. WELL DONE once again! Ten years of major depression and unconscious living can make for some big obstacles! Although I've come close at times, I never truly gave up...so, I guess I have more patience than I ever gave myself credit for. Makes me even more grateful for what I have been provided - the universe has been much more patient with me than I ever was with the universe! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oildrops Posted March 29, 2012 As someone who also struggles with depression, I am happy you are making progress with meditation. Sometimes the hardest part is the first step, getting out of bed. I recently began cleaning house, and have tapped into some deep negative energy in my body. Stuff I had been pushing down for years. As blockages are released, you might start to not feel great. Remind yourself that you are working through your karma for a better Now. I also try to feel those negative emotions fully, in order to learn new lessons, the most important that I've learned and re-learned, is that the body remembers everything! Good luck, and keep us posted! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat Pillar Posted March 29, 2012 As someone who also struggles with depression, I am happy you are making progress with meditation. Sometimes the hardest part is the first step, getting out of bed. I recently began cleaning house, and have tapped into some deep negative energy in my body. Stuff I had been pushing down for years. As blockages are released, you might start to not feel great. Remind yourself that you are working through your karma for a better Now. I also try to feel those negative emotions fully, in order to learn new lessons, the most important that I've learned and re-learned, is that the body remembers everything! Good luck, and keep us posted! Thanks for the well-wishes! I've actually experienced what you've described with negative energy/blockages a few times before. You're totally right about trying to feel the emotions fully - when I hit rock bottom (which is when I posted that last thread), that was one of the things I did to try and manage it. All throughout my spiritual journey I've had these things come up, I just usually didn't recognize them for what they were. While difficult to experience, they ARE important lessons that are being brought up specifically because they need to be dealt with - and the longer they've been buried, the more they usually hurt. But, like you said, it's important to remember that you're working through your issues, and while it may hurt in the moment, everything changes and even if it takes time the work you do will pay off in the form of a better Now. I know I'm not totally out of the woods yet, but I'm a lot more positive about my situation and much more confident in my ability to handle new blockages as they arise. Cheers, and good luck on your journey as well! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
