liminal_luke

At the risk of being diagnostically nitpicky, I don´t believe having any degree of borderline personality disorder is gratifying. Perhaps you´re getting borderline mixed up with sociopathy? Here´s something I found on the web about the difference. "Typically, antisocial offenders with borderline personality disorder are emotionally reactive, unable to regulate emotions, bereft of cognitive empathy (knowing how another person feels), rageful, and reactively aggressive. By contrast, antisocial offenders with high psychopathic traits can be characterized as emotionally detached, cognitively empathic, morally problematic, exploitative, and proactively and reactively aggressive." I get what you mean about that ruthless manipulativeness being accepted in socity, even celebrated. And you´re right, it absolutely is. But people with borderline personality disorder come by their antisocial behavior out of a profound sense of emotional anguish. It´s no fun at all. Sociopaths on the other hand are less likely to be bothered by their mental illness. Maybe even incapable of being bothered by it. Not that it´s a difference that makes much of a difference when deciding what to do after being punched or what have you. Either way, borderline or sociopath, the best course of action remains the same in my opinion: have as little to do with them as possible and protect yourself and those you care about. Liminal

Gendao, I find the idea that the entirety of the "outside" world is set up to perfectly mirror my inner reality appealing in a way, but I´m not sure I buy it. If that´s true, everything can be solved by simply working inside ourselves. It´s comforting to think that if we get clear inside there will be no monsters walking around that we might innocently bump into because we´ve structured our internal world so that that possibility doesn´t exist for us. I´m prepared to believe that I "create" some of my reality, but I think there is more to it than that. Sometimes we run into a monster or two without having summoned them, even unconsciously. They simply appear. Liminal

Here´s what comes to me. There´s not much of a possibility of talking things out in an interpersonally satisfying way. She´s not likely to take responsibility for her actions, and, furthermore, it isn´t really your responsibility to teach her anything anyway. You could find a way to bruise her back, but what would be the point of that -- she´s been bruised enough by life and her own psyche as it is. What I would do is this: use your internal tai chi skills to evade. Protect yourself by being as sly and cunning as she is. Be silently powerful like a big cat with nothing to prove. Have nothing more to do with her without appearing to avoid her at all. Of course, this is easy to say and hard to do. I´m not sure I could do it, but something tells me you can. Liminal

I´m not sure how to quote from another thread, but here is my copy/paste of a practice given by Lin to be done during periods of "retention." I think it might be useful. ........................................................................ Inhale from the tip of the penis, up through the spine to the crown, and then back down to the dan tian, on exhale keep focus at dan tian.This can be done whenever the desire arises, and also throughout the day, for a constant "saving" of the sexual energy instead of letting it disperse on its own. You can also direct the energy not just to the crown, but also to the 3rd eye (pineal gland), or to the heart center, and even on the inhale you can choose to bring it up to the crown down to the dantian, and around to the mingmen, then on exhale hold focus at the mingmen. (Just a few options to play with.) if one chooses to sit in meditation for this practice, do it for 15-30 minutes 2x's a day for as long as the retention practice is ...practiced. It can be done standing, lying and walking as well. During sexual stimulation, do not ejaculate, but upon the orgasm, inhale it to the crown, and into the dantian. On exhale, keep focus at dan tian. Throughout the whole entire practice, keep the tongue to the roof of the mouth. Even something more simple than that, chant OM and direct the vibrations you make with your molars right to the genitals, and then, when you feel charge up in that area, direct that sensation right up the spine to the crown and right back down to the dantian. You can place that vibration also to any other chakra you wish. On the inhale, hold focus at that center. That's as simple as I can make it, without any loss of sexual energy, and without any harm. Enjoy! Lin

I´m no tea expert but unless your actually noticing negative effects I´d be inclined not to worry about white tea. If anything could be too much, I would imagine it would be caffeine. Are you having trouble sleeping? Feeling jittery? Anxious? If not, I wouldn´t sweat it. Many people have experienced negative consequences from over consumption of alcohol and cannibis, but you never hear about people being carted off to Betty Ford because of an out-of-control white tea habit.

Sorry if I come off as a "hater" Oneironaut. I don´t mean to be judgmental. I was speaking from my own experience as someone who hasn´t always made good sexual decisions. I´ve done my own version of what you propose, and paid a price energetically. That´s all.

Oh, well I think it´s pretty common anyway. And not necessarily a bad thing. It actually does make some sense to commit to a system and see where it takes you. Otherwise you risk cobbling a practice together on your own whose parts might not work together optimally -- or at all. There´s also the danger of flitting from spiritual flower to spiritual flower and never really getting anywhere because you´re always moving on. Anyway, I wouldn´t let my reservations stop you. They are more about the fit between my personality and the system, and might not apply to you at all. I think SunDo is a legitimate system, and if your attracted to it I don´t think you´ll regret checking it out. One more note: SunDo is a very physical system. It´s challenging physically, and a good work out for the body. Which isn´t to say it´s not spiritually potent as well. Just a very different kind of a practice from meditation which involves just sitting still and doing something (or not doing something) with your mind.

Thought I´d say a little bit more. As you probably know, the practice is structured with a warm up routine, followed by a series of postures held for a specific amount of time with specific breathing, and finally a standard energy circulating routine at the end. It´s all very choreographed. The middle portion with postures and breathing changes as one advances through the system. There´s a lot of emphasis on breathing into the lower dan tien. It takes patience and work, but if you devote yourself to it there´s no doubt in my mind that it could take you very far. The culture around the practice is very "Sundo is all a person needs." For better or worse, I´m someone who likes to explore widely and integrate bits and pieces from what I pick up into my personal practice. That´s arguably not the best approach, but it´s what I´ve done, and for that reason the orthodoxy of "just do Sundo" didn´t work for me. Liminal

I did the practice briefly some years ago. Attended one "mountain retreat" in Virginia, I think it was. Anyway, I think it´s a great method even though I didn´t keep it up. I´m far from an expert but happy to answer any questions about my experience. Believe Trunk has also experienced the system. Liminal

You note, rightly I think, that your question is likely to piss some people off. Your curiosity about "plowing through several colleges of hotties" suggests a willingness to treat your sexual partners as objects, rather than as people. Of course, the upshot of this approach is that you end up treating yourself as an object as well. Apart from pissing people off, this behavior won´t get you very far spiritually. You´ll become disassociated from yourself, splintered into little pieces, which is exactly what you don´t want to do. The question I ask myself as a sexual person who wants to develop spiritually is this: what kind of sexual behavior/values will contribute to my feeling whole and complete? It´s a place to start. Liminal

I don´t know if this is what you mean as well Marblehead, but I´ve often wished people would talk in language I could understand. Sometimes, when I´ve really wanted to understand something and didn´t, I´ve asked for clarification and generally people are willing to try to explain. And for that, I´m grateful. Mostly though it´s hard to come upon such conversations because I like to think of myself as a smart guy, and when I don´t understand my ego takes a beating. Which happens quite a lot around here. Sometimes it´s because other people are just all-around more intelligent. Sometimes it´s just that they are talking about a subject I´m not knowledgeable about. Sometimes it´s because understanding the conversation requires a level of spiritual experience I don´t possess. There´s a subtle fear that flickers up when I´m confronted with something I don´t understand, something that challenges my ego. Part of the practice of being a bum, for me, is learning to allow people to be themselves. It sucks when that means accepting their brilliance, but there ya go. If I stay in the fear and ego, I suffer. If I accept myself and others, I suffer less. Liminal

A lot of people try meditation and give up, perhaps prematurely, because their experience doesn´t jive with what they think meditation should feel like. They think they should be relaxed, or shouldn´t have pain, or even that they shouldn´t have thoughts at all. When they try it and find their minds and bodies aren´t relaxed or calm or pain-free they give up. I suggest finding a class or teacher (if you don´t have already) who can offer support as you go through these experiences and put them in perspective. Liminal

Yes, it makes sense. I have no particular advice to give, but I´ve enjoyed reading your account of your process. Liminal

At the risk of going off-topic, I just wanted to say that sometimes it´s simply not possible to fully understand what a practice does without doing it. Yes, of course skepticism is good. And it´s certainly a good idea of approach possible practices with a cautious eye. But, having done a certain amount of due diligence, there´s also a place for a certain leap of trust. Sometimes we can only learn what a practice does through the practice of it. Liminal

Not sure it counts as "mystical poetry" but I wanted to share... Let me now celebrate all my beautiful failures, all my brilliant stupidities. For example: practicing Taoism like it was an army boot camp rather than a watercourse way. For example: tromping a straight line when the path before me meandered in graceful spirals, those lovely curves with their feminine ineffability so far above my karmic pay grade. For example: thinking I was in control of anything at all. Life is unimaginably immense. I tried to rocket into space on the tricycle of my ego and only succeeded in getting a few feet down the driveway. But, you know, I´ve got to believe that´s OK. Somehow there´s room even for someone like me, too, in this big, big universe. Here I am; Liminal_Luke: human being. For all my fumbling, I belong here. I guess we all do.

I learned it years ago from Michael Winn. In addition to his DVD of the form, which teaches the actual movements, he has a set of audio talks about it that go into more philosophical detail. If you´re interested in his take, they might be worth it though it´s been years since I´ve listened. Also, he´s writing a book about the form though I don´t think it´s released yet. Hopefully soon. In my experience, it´s a very valuable practice, but not the kind of thing that everyone feels a huge shift from immediately. It takes persistence, and doing the form multiple times a day helps. My two cents. Liminal

I´m remembering some of my old Taoist teachers (among them Healing Tao´s Juan Li) as recommending drinking a cup of plain hot water -- not tea or coffee -- first thing in the morning. Has anybody else heard of this? Does anybody practice this? Know the rationale? Thanks!

I like to think that amazing magical powers are just the natural extensions of everyday abilities and gifts common to many. What makes some people put spiritual growth at the center of their lives while others concern themselves with more mundane matters? It´s the siddhi of spiritual interest, a power shared by almost all of us long-term bums.

Yes I am. Though currently living in Mexico where ice fascism is not so much in vogue. Here an iced drink often amounts to some tepid fruit water with a single cube of ice floating on top. I love the freeze myself, so perhaps this is a case of getting what you need, not what you want.

My experience is that with these kinds of things the teachings themselves are often on a donation basis, so free if that´s what works for you. I´ve never heard of free lodging and meals though although perhaps that exists somewhere. The place I´ve been in Washington is called Cloud Mountain. Years ago but I assume it´s still humming along. One thought is that you might apply to work at one of these centers in exchange for lodging, food, and teachings.

Interesting about the gut bacteria connection Soaring Crane. I´ve been reading more and more lately about the importance of those little critters. Have also heard about the not drinking ice cold drinks recommendation. I love my cold ice tea, actually anything cold, so that would be a hard one for me. Might be worth trying for awhile though and see if I notice anything.

Many people want to have sex without reproducing. A few want to reproduce without having sex. Why judge? I think there´s this thought that by judging our own sexual impulses impulses and those of other people, we will somehow be able to keep this powerful force in some kind of check, perhaps even stop it altogether, or harness the energy to fuel our spiritual pursuits. My experience is the opposite: the more judgement there is, the less control.

I know many people find parenting very fulfilling, and far be it for me to question anybody else´s choices, but given my own experience with children I´d ask a different question: why does anyone ever have sex with the intent to reproduce? Liminal

I don´t know anything about Padmasambhava in particular, but it´s comforting to me to think that emanations of spirit and divinity reach into the deepest, darkest, most unlikely places. Yes, even into The Dude. Otherwise, what is the point? Liminal

I once heard Healing Tao instructor Juan Li talk about the power of Spanish churches. According to him, many of the cathedrals were built in an alchemically potent way. You´d need to know where to stand and what to do to access the energy of the place though.