Cadcam

It's a simple idea: jews believe in one life, live the right way and life is good. Christians are the same, except they are also rewarded with Heaven. Buddhists are the same, but until you do it perfectly, you come back, unless you attach yourself to nothing, then you...

The problem with religions and systems that are based upon profound realizations is that the original prophet had very simple observations but their followers started applying these thoughts to other ideas and systems, and soon you have reams of books going in all different directions. When I studied, I would notice that nearly all systems start with a core set of ideas and then the author wanders off into new areas. Buddhism has been around a long time, and there have been many people contributing to the knowledge of it. I recommend just sticking to the essentials

There are two realizations that I keep returning to in order to keep a level head. The first is that all people have free will. Regardless of what they have been taught, all people are free to do what they choose. To expect them to do otherwise is asking for conflict. People can do whatever they want for whatever reason. This can be especially difficult to acknowledge for those that come from a wisdom tradition. The other but of awareness that I return to often is that no matter what I personally think, feel or say, the world goes on unaffected. That means there is no one to reward or console me for grief or goodness. I can sit in despair all I like but it will reap nothing. With these two pieces of knowledge, I can maneuver through the world and control my thinking and action.

Yes, as John wrote "God is love", I too believed that statement. I went a little further and accepted that God made the world, and then one more step: the world, then, is love. But it's not. I woke up when I was 29.

I think the self is based on actions we take and our responses to things. I know for myself, I have gone through many choices, often ones contradicting others taken in the past. I am what I choose and do, and though I think I change and move into new attitudes, my dreams tell me differently, for in them, I behave differently than I currently believe, and what greater indicator of who I am than how I behave in a dream?

I take that back; not all my questions have been answered, such as- why did this happen, what was the intended outcome, who did this to me, etc... those questions have no ever, but my philosophical ones are settled.

I wouldn't say I was psychotic and was drawn to the occult. I had some experiences that led me to qabalah, and then I was sort of possessed by something that fed on my ideas and attacked me with them. This eventually led me into bought of psychosis. On a side note, I'm sane at last. I've abandoned all occult philosophy, and Philosophy in general. My questions have all been answered, and I am at peace.

Ever since I was young, I've been a rebellious, and lawless person. This has changed, but as I reflected on my past, I had memories of different things. For instance, I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, standing in the middle of my bedroom and calling out "Satan be my god" around that same time I stopped going to church, totally refusing it. This drive my parents nuts. I remember walking to school, and this spirit was giving me lessons on chaos and order, and I, not being happy with how things went, decided to cause chaos (not the right decision). I used to harness this idea of chaos, as I would interact with others. It gave me a spiritual strength. Eventually I found myself manipulating energy with my mind. It was a form of magic. This all came back to bite me in the ass.

Suppose, as many do, that God and the devil are real. These beings and their kin interact with humans to guide and mold identity and actions. Do you suppose they would rather that one was aware of this interaction, or oblivious to it?

Though it is a nice idea, and I'm sure God appreciates our love, I don't believe that God must love each of us individually as is often suggested by Christianity. God gave us free will to choose to love, and loving everyone unconditionally leads to problems. No, people have to earn love. God too, has the free will to choose who to love, and can you imagine, with the billions of people born throughout history, and all their virtues, deeds, and talents; how hard it would be to attract God's attention and earn God's love?

I was always a minor dabbler in occult and mystical things, casually reading and adopting different magical ideas, but then a spirit got ahold of me and I stumbled into serious belief, yet, I did not know what to believe. I started searching and what I found led me to pain and madness. I found myself living out ideas that evolved on their own, and started overlaying my daily waking awareness mixing with dream and fantasy. I would act out in response to the hallucinations. Eventually these fantasies would break, and I'd wind up in a deep depression. This has been going on for 20 plus years, and after this last psychosis, I think I have broken this curse, because all of the ideas and experiences culminated in a total breakdown. Crossing my fingers.