The mind ego entity strives on opposition

[awake]

I had a test today. I spent most of the time studying for it. Actually I spent most of the time trying to get my mind to concentrate on the material.

 

End up being able to take the test monday, I take tht opportunity as I was not 100% prepares. I stop having something for my mind to focus on, it starts going wild in random thought, and thats it.

 

The entire time I was studying, it was going to stillness, the entire time I don't have something to do, it becomes active. Seems like its sabotaging to my desires, regardless of what they are.

 

Its a really logical mind, is there any way to trick it with some conundrum into changing its paradigm? It happened on the bus ride home that I made some conscious generalizations that didn't really work much, I think.

 

I just am hard pressed to control this thing. From what I have read, the fact that something in me is acting up like this seems to point to that thing inside me, once enjoying its control, is now fighting for its control against awareness. I noticed the ego is content irrelevant - only purpose matters to it.

 

But recently this purpose has become self-defeating (by self I mean "my" intentions, that must be done, as I still have physical worldly responsibilities) - and it is like so regardless of the perspective on which it resides.

 

So, I would like to know, is there anything I can do to help with this particular stage of awareness development? Or, should I simply go back to my normal method of trying to breathe with my diaphragm (GFM) and silence my thoughts by becoming aware of them, and how things make me feel, without additional commentary?

 

Thanks

[goldisheavy]

I don't think it's a good idea to refer to your mind as if it was an entity that's different from you. This gives your mind a unique and distinct-from-you personality and can create a big problem for you. You might get a split personality disorder if you're not careful.

 

Your mind IS you. It's not something other than you that's sabotaging you. It's you. Embrace it. Listen to yourself. What's probably happening is an internal conflict. On one hand, you want to pass some test, which means you want to get along with convention. On the other hand, something deep inside is telling you that convention is not a good thing for you, so it doesn't want to study for the test. Believe me, if you thought convention was a wonderful thing, you would enjoy studying for the test. You'd not be able to sleep because you'd be thinking how cool it will be to study for the test the next day, then you'd wake up and get to study right away because it's so wonderful. But that's not what's happening, is it?

 

Face the truth. The test probably sucks and is useless, and you don't like how life is structured right? You need to look into those feelings. Don't try to control them by brute force. Understand them instead.

 

There are a couple of solutions, but they all follow the same principle:

 

1. You understand your feelings and authentically, honestly and without any tricks or subterfuge convince yourself that you don't need to feel like you had. So the conflicting feelings vanish. In that case, you will easily study for the test and pass it effortlessly without a second thought.

 

2. You understand your feelings and realize that you feel correctly. You realize that what society is doing or what the situation is trying to impose on you is not good. You then become at peace. Conflict vanishes because you no longer strive after two mutually exclusive things. You might decide to skip the test and do something more worthwhile instead.

 

3. You realize that convention is not as horrible as you felt, but you also realize that your feelings are not as wrong and as interfering as you thought. Both side of the conflicting emotions/beliefs come to the common ground. There is harmony. This might mean you study for the test, but not as hard. You settle for a B or a C+, and you enjoy life knowing it's good enough and you do other productive or relaxing things with the rest of the time you saved.

 

And there can be other options too. But the principle is always the same. You investigate the conflict, and you create more congruency or at least more harmony in dis-congruency. This can only work when your contemplation is of utmost sincerity. There must be no bullshit and no self-lies of any kind. You have to stop trying to isolate a part of you and stop trying to brand it an impostor. It's all you. All of it.

 

Internal conflicts happen all the time, and it's good to learn to understand them, what they are, how to feel them out, how to resolve them, etc.

Edited May 1, 2009 by goldisheavy

[Birch]

I liked this http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/michael...stic_brain.html

 

 

Edited to add this http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/conte...9041701372.html

 

and this http://physiciansforhumanrights.org/juveni...ts/braindev.pdf which is not the thing I wanted to get but close enough.

 

Take care of your ego. Wait till you have one before getting rid of it;-)

Edited May 2, 2009 by Kate