Forgot your password?
SheepishLord, November 7, 2004 in The Rabbit Hole
...because as "The Professor" wrote in Living in the Tao, "it isn't what to do, but rather what not to do that is important in your life."
Tao Bums love their freedom.
Haven't read it all, but most of it.
While I do agree that on the legal side the situation is greatly imbalanced and it makes me quite furios. I don't have a similar reaction regarding the social situation. Maybe in the US the situation is different, (for example here it is the family of the woman that pays for the marriage, methinks), but generally social status is strong in the measure in which you feel and accept it. In other words if you don't have the balls to buy a ring that you can afford (instead of the ring of her dreams), and a vacation that you both enjoy and can afford, who's the fool?
In this society there are many street that bring to slavery. And mortgage with marriage are the royal roads. Still you don't have to. But if you are not strong enough to say no because of social convention, you are already a slave. With or without collar.
Many women see themselves as victims. Some don't... and guess what. The one that doesn't are hardly the one to actually experience abuse.
Saying that if a man cheat he is seen as a womaniser, and if a women cheat all is ok does not seem to show the wholepicture. Both can be seen very bad (womaniser vs bitch). Men are often worse at keeping secrets, at least to male friends.
From my point of view I am right now reading 'the ethical slut' which I strongly suggest you. It does indeed have a bit a female centered prospective (even though they tried to be a bit balanced, but the authors are two women), but what it really gives is a prespective of how life can be without monogamous marriage.
I was in a flame war with this whore on craigslist.org (NYC) and she was talking about what a slut she was before marriage but doesn't tell her husband about it because it would hurt him.
I ask her why she thinks he would be hurt and she says because she has had more experience then him and he would be intimidated. I laugh at this, because the real truth goes something like this...
A man is at a terrible disadvantage to a woman in the sex department: if a woman wants a gangbang all she has to do is ask a group of men. Men don't have it this easy. So of course her husband's hurt is first-and-foremost jealousy that she had a better time then he did!
Now here is where I set up my killing blow:
Marriage is about love and intimacy. Love is proved via sacrifrice, and intimacy is proved via honest communication. So, this woman is not in an intimate relationship because she is not communicating honestly (she is deceiving her husband).
Naturally, if she were to be honest, he would divorce her tomorrow when he found out what a whore she was--or would he?
Well, he wouldn't if she made the appropriate sacrifices to prove her love--i.e., providing him with enough sexual fun to even the score. I am talking about bringing home hot girls for threesomes, etc., etc...
If this hooker-bitch of a wife was really so secure herself she would do so without a thought--but her so-called "love" simply isn't strong enough. She can't get over her own jealousy. I would go so far as to say that what she calls her "love for him" is in fact a farce.
Women fancy going around and saying that they lie to men because "men are too fragile to handle the truth."
But what is this "truth" which we won't be able to handle (in a way that will leave the woman with her head still attached :twisted: )?
The truth is much more then the fact that it is the woman (and not the man) who can't get over her own jealousy.
The truth is that it is all about controlling men and striking at them in a very yin sort of way because she herself does not know love nor good sex--no matter what she claims. She is furious with men and uses her hidden slutty past as a curious sort of "secret weapon." She rather cheats the man she is with and hold him in quiet contempt with her "semblance of love." Perhaps one day he will catch wind of her history and she can then point the finger at him--projecting her own jealousy and inner rage on him, mastermind a divorce and strike another blow against the men she hates.
Let me tell you, a woman who loves you does anything for you. If she sees that you are hurting because you didn't get enough sex she will do what she has to do to make you feel good about yourself.
There are very few women out there like this, but the ones that exist know what love, support and healing are all about.