Mskied

From East to West

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When I began my journey into Magick I only had 28 years of experience in life, and in those 28 years I thought I knew enough to get what I needed done, done.  I had read a few books on spiritual and "magickal" ideas, but never really studied any system, or Magick itself.  I had once possessed a pack of tarot cards, but I knew very little about them, except that it was a journey, and that we are fools that climb our way into knowing.  I was raised Catholic Christian and knew an average amount about the bible, but not really any devotional mind.  I never said any God names and I stopped going to church before confirmation.  

 

Upon initiation I became aware that there was indeed a God.  I was given one symbol, and when I went looking for answers I was told about alchemy.  I decided since I didn't know where to begin, I would let the wind lead me, and I put absolute faith in the idea that God would guide me where He wanted me to go.  I saw some amazing things in those days.  Total blind faith led me on a chase, and in a few months I found the gate to the inner and outer worlds.

 

It took a few months to start piecing things together on where to research this subject.  I had intended to return to church and study the bible, but when I went through the gate I learned about other things.  I was not ignorant of history and other Gods, but I was no student of them.  I had a background in philosophy of my own nature, but not of an academic quality.

 

I recall laying in agony over crossing the threshold and finally asked "What is happening to me?" and passed out.  When I awoke I was given the word Aiwass.  The internet had just become common enough to be in the home and I went to the computer to look up the word, which began my research into the occult.  I found some books by Aliester Crowley and opened it and read one of his rites and started practicing this idea.  This rite said to examine the self in all aspects and to trace what you know about yourself and what made you, and go from there.  I started with my name, then my birth date, then my place and origin of birth, and retraced.  

 

I kept investigating the Golden Dawn and Thelema but couldn't really make any sense of what I had seen and what they were saying.  I was pretty dense, and the things that were happening to my body greatly confused me.  There was also what was happening in the world at the time- something that I had foretold and warned people about- that was coming true.  There were other things that were coming true, and the Universe seemed to be speaking to me.  All the while I strained to listen, hoping that this God would speak and guide me.  This intense listening started me on the road of hearing (and hallucinating), for in this gate the memory and all the ideas you carry are dug out and brought to life.

 

Eventually I started making real contact but in those days I was too far gone to recognize what was being told to me.  I started being named things, asked things, having things declared about me that I did not comprehend.  I was simply trying to teach myself about tarot and what the Gods of Thelema were all about when I made contact with the Jewish sect- who kept asking me if I did this to be made a Jew, or for the Jews, and I said that I had, because one of the things I wanted to do after the God spoke was defend and promote Christianity, which I believed held all the good virtues that human beings needed to practice.  This wasn't in the cards for me, and I was devoured and disseminated by an astral Serpent of whom I do not know the name, but will suffice to say Apep.

 

This Serpent devoured me and it was very painful, and it destroyed me and carried me into inner worlds far below common knowledge of worlds.  I tried to climb back up but it kept dragging me within.  

 

My own ignorance worked against me in these days, for I was trying desperately to understand the voices but had no real definition of what a Jew was, or what any of this was.  I contemplated extensively on the Law of Thelema, asking if it were true?  Meanwhile I kept getting dragged down and down and down.

 

I escaped for a time, and found my way back into life, but as I felt obligated to pursue this, I kept going back into research, and this kept bringing the Demon back.  My imaginings started to get the better of me, and I knew that every idea I had about what might be happening was taking on a life of its own, and none of it was the truth.  I needed to name these things, and I needed it yesterday!  I kept trying until it became too difficult, and I decided to denounce it all- all language, all definitions, all meaning and identifiers- because I had conjured up a world of lies.  

 

This took a long time to overcome.  I decided that even if it isn't true, we think it is, and so it becomes real.  This is a special lesson in Magick.  I know most people don't lose faith in reality, but when you force yourself to believe, you find that you realize just how powerful words are.  It is a very deep knowledge, one that I have lately become careless of.  

 

And so I worked for a number of years on re-establishing a definition that was more true to life regarding names, and words, and meaning.  I was lost in Chaos, and couldn't explain why Chaos existed.  This was the next victory for me reclaiming my sanity:  I realized that Chaos is not a cosmic force, but a quality of human minds comprehending events and outcomes.  I had thought it was an actual activity of the Universe until then, but I have since seen enough to know that for the most part, all things happen because something made it happen.  Whether the initial something was accidental, I cannot say, but the ensuing sequence is definitely orderly.  

 

Working on the Law of Thelema, and having been told I am in the cult of the self, I began examining the concept of self more in depth and wondering about a community where each person does what they will.  That is when I realized that this is not the evidence that keeps us working as a species, and I went from the "left hand path" to the right.  These names are loose, mind you, and in this term only do I say there is a self and a non self.  The left and the right have more significance than just self motive or not.

 

From there I started to examine primary elements of life that all people share and realized that there are things we have in common, and common needs, that we should all agree on.  I separated the things that we need to work together with from the things that our personal liberty should allow us to do, and I began to study Law in America and our personal rights, and the rights granted by older cultures.  I sorted these things out and came to recognize that fire was the primary element of life.  This lead me to re-examining geometry, which is tied to math, and math being invented by not only counting, but by starting with One (one source, one God) and extending out into multiples and branches of things that occur from a primary mover.  This led me to examining idealism and materialism, and seeing things as we want them to be, and seeing things as they are.  I started to distinguish between the two, and that is when I realized the need for mercy.

 

I then recognized motion and gravity as being intimately connected to fire, and I named the 4 elements, the movements of the shapes, the geometry of the shapes, and the number of the shapes.  After doing all of this I decided to teach myself academic philosophy, which I took a good survey of, and realized that I was not far off.

 

I climbed very high in the astral, and contacted many beings that showed me things about life and morality and people and how the Gods and Masters and Demons govern our species.  It was incredibly maddening to follow- it was not Evil or ill intent, it was that I had initiated myself so vastly that all the planes of reality that I worked upon were working upon me with such intensity and speed that I couldn't keep up, and so I went to the hospital again to get them to stop.

 

Today I am sitting in peace healing.  I am waiting before I begin again.  I have a nice understanding of things, though not a very modern knowledge of where physics and math have brought us.  Social truth and morality, cosmic comprehension, spiritual adepts- these things I understand, but I am not yet a man of science.

 

I see the spiritual path of the Tree, and wish that I had found it on my own, because I think it does nicely for us to recognize how society is, though I don't think it is how society should be.  I know that people want to experience, and I know they want to explore their Will, and I think God does too- but I also know that both God and I know that this leads to a lot of accidents, ignorance, and apathy towards one another.  

 

I do not think the Law is Do What Thou Wilt, I think that we think it is, and I think we do this, but I am certain that the higher powers expect certain things of us.  As far as initiation goes, however, I think it is a good way to begin study, and if you keep it up, you will find Truth.

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Posted (edited)

I believe that mankind has been sped up, and that we are on a race to our demise.  All of the ideas of physics and science have been invented, I witnessed this in comic books and sci fi tales.  We are nearing the end of our research into matter, and I feel that we will reach a tipping point.  All of the souls that existed are being harvested, and will either begin anew in a primitive state where existence starts over, or go to a more advanced place and keep that line going.  My money is on the renewal of life.  Depending on how advanced you are, you will be placed in a time that you will serve with what you understand.

Edited by Mskied

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I finally comprehend.  Thank you to this forum and all the others that I have visited on this journey.  Thank you to all the people that I have known, and let my message now be that everyone is important to someone.  We are a whole, and united we stand and divided we fall.  Let there be kindness in the world, and understanding.  Let us seek the cause of the ill rather than persecute for the misunderstanding.  Let us work on the cure rather than ways to punish the disease.  Let us find a way to bring the basic needs of all people to a level of affordability, and let those that contribute more pay for the luxuries, for all people deserve decent food, shelter, clothing and medicine.  Let knowledge be available and affordable, for without it we are lost, and let the misguided minds that cause Chaos find the joy of peace and order, so that our young will slow their pace and our world will know Grace.  God bless you, and everyone.  Peace.

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First comes the void, which is nothing, and being nothing, is no-thing, therefore it does not exist.  As nothing does not exist, everything is.  Everything that is, is in some form eternal.

 

There is formlessness, followed by form, followed by experience, followed by decay back into formlessness.  As the soul enshrines into a body it takes on its form and reacts to the environment it finds itself in.  This path is normally linear, and the imprint of the life is now part of the soul of the inner cosmos, whether we retain it after death, or embrace any of it on rebirth is a mystery, but in the inner cosmos, which is infinite copies of our conditions and personalities, it remains forever.

 

It would seem that there is a Heaven of purity, where the consciousness lives in warmth and trust, and is curious, and is lured out of this Heaven into the world of experience and more complicated form. 

 

Whether we can ascend this wheel is a mystery.

 

As all is, God is All, and we are all within the All.  This is the map of existence.

 

The experience of life is the form and the emotions.  The Sephiroth are not places, they are states.  The emotional states are joy and sorrow, and the actions that cause them, and our reactions to them.  All is desire, for life is fire and motion, and when we achieve what we desire we have joy, and when we do not, we have sorrow.  With sorrow comes anger and sadness, and if it involves others, rage and revenge and hate.  With joy comes love and gratitude, which breathes into us acts of kindness.  The wheel of emotion and action follows by our interaction with ourselves, with our environment, and with others.  

Edited by Mskied

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Every system has a God and a Law.  For the Jews, their Law is Torah, and their mystical experience of Kabbalah is to refine and understand that wisdom, after they have approached Godhead.

 

For the Thelemite, it is the same, except their Law is of a different nature.  Essentially, any civilization is within the realm of the Western Occultists access, and so, depending upon your foundation, you will approach Godhead with that information, and proceed to dissect that Order and comment.  This is how adepts become Masters of Wisdom.  

 

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Whether reality was an accident, or whether it was designed, no one seems to know, though both sides present convincing arguments.  It is true that Chaos is supported- total liberty and apparently irrational behavior has a place in the design.  I believe that matter is being harvested and replenished with its destruction, and to stray from a straight path broadens the whole spectrum.  I imagine that it depends upon what you want to wind up with after life how you will lead this one.

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The I and the me and the we

 

Which will it be?

 

The I influenced by the we, is it I?  Is it me?

When does the me overtake the I, that was formed by the we?

Is it me?

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Do What Thou Wilt is an absolute

Help The Weak is an absolute

 

What is up for debate is what the strong should be allowed to do.

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In my opinion, Chaos Magick is about options.  Its about looking around, below and above what we see.  If there are 30 options and I only know of 3 of them, I am restricted in choice.  These choices were given to me by the world I am surrounded by, so looking into other worlds is the only natural course to find more options.  Do What Thou Wilt seems to say take the options you have and do what you want with those, but Chaos Magick is larger.  Also, and I cant stress this enough, there is indeed a standard for human interaction from the expectations of the self and from others, and that stems from the way we come into this world relying on others and needing to find our own strengths.  This is the fundamental premise that all action is considered from the eye of the beholder, so following wisdom that is in line with whether I should help, or whether that person should be capable, should be the pre-eminent method of analyzing actions in regards to interaction and personal choice.

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Kindness begets kindness, violence begets violence.  We are born into this world being nurtured, and we show our gratitude for that kindness with acts of kindness to others.  Its a simple equation really, but one that seems out of our reach at times.  Gratitude leads to Wisdom; taking care of what you possess, appreciating that which you have been given.  When you appreciate what you are given, you return the kindness to the giver, and to others.

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