manitou

Nice video - and truly there isn't enough dancing in my life. The thing that seems to be happening is an ability to sustain a slight out-of=body-ness, a place where I can get to where I'm almost watching myself - when I can stay in this place, none of it matters. No anger, no good, no bad. This is a good thing, for my purposes right now. Almost like hanging out in the assemblage point, as Castaneda would call it - just about a foot away from me. This honestly is working pretty well, but I have to decide to inhabit the place first rather than letting the rage overcome me. Posting again on TTB's is very helpful - but that's sporadic too. It's all coming together, just taking a little time - what an interesting experience this is. Makes me realize what a truly human animal I am.

I haven't a clue as to what a taoist is. All I know is I happened upon a copy of the TTC at a yard sale, bought it, and fell in love with it. I've read it so many times, along with other translations, that the words are internalized within me; when a situation arises, a paragraph immediately comes to mind. I merely love the mindset and what I perceive as the Truth contained within those chapters - unlike any other spiritual way that I've ever seen. It fits in perfectly with metaphysics, which has always been my path - once I climbed out of the form of Christianity...although the words of Jesus could certainly be considered taoist as well. To me, it's just the Way Things Work. I've proven this to myself too many times to start doubting it now.

thank you, everyone, for your responses so far. Every single entry had a slightly different bit of wisdom for me - Marbles - your modified usage of the 3 Treasures is beautiful - and just knowing that you're listening means so very much to me. Paradise - that seems to be it exactly. we are what we think, and the high falutin' stuff is of the brain; it seems to be the little daily thoughts that show us where our heart truly is. The only thing that seems to save me right now is remembering that we're all One - that person or situation I have negative thoughts about is Me too. K - thank you for your compassion - I thought I'd gotten through the anger through years of inner work - it's been the only way I've stayed sober for 30 years. I just couldn't imagine that the actual anger was waiting to be released at this senior stage of my life. Again, thank you for your love. mjjbecker - you have put your finger on it - including myself in the realm of consideration - not something I've ever even thought about doing, up to this point. I've been journalling nightly trying to get through this- I think I'll add those questions to my journalings. mythmaker - I jumped onto that site and was delighted to see it was about flower essences - this is something that a friend of mine recently showed me - she had ordered Australian bush essences and was making elixers. I found that the mix she made for me was really helpful - I googled around and found that clover essence (the tiny white flowers that pop up when the grass is unmowed) is also referred to as 'serenity in a bottle'. I made up my own, and I don't know if it's psychological or actual - but this essence does give me some relief. Thank you. Harmonious - I feel that qigong would be a definite route through this, but I'm unable to focus right now on the learned movements of others. What I have done instead (I should kick it up) is to do my own qigong-like movements, whatever my body wants to do, to music. It feels right. Some mornings I'm too irritated to do it, but usually it gets done about once a week. Sinfest - Your words are powerful. Make the anger get tired. I drove down the street the other day just screaming at the top of my lungs. Windows up, so I didn't freak folks out. It was so bad about a week ago I nearly did something I didn't want to do - as they say, a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Thankfully that desire passed - and it's not a thought I've ever thought before or since. This was brand new and it scared me. CT - I see what you mean - fear does ultimately underly the anger - I know exactly where my fear comes from, from a young age. I thought I had gone through this, done the forgiving, thought I had assimilated it. But apparently it was done on an intellectual level - enough to stay sober for 30 years, but finding that there was a final scab underlying everything that had yet to be ripped off. The anger just hadn't raised it's little head until now. I love the line in the movie "Hope Floats" where someone said 'Childhood is the thing we spend the rest of our lives getting over'. This actually comes to me often, this phrase - it gives me some solace and the knowledge that I'm not alone - that everyone goes through the same thing at various times. We're all victims of victims of victims. I could spend the rest of my life placing blame, but who am I blaming? The young boy in my father that was raised exactly the same way by his father? And his father? And ad infinitum....these tendencies just seem to be the Gift that Keeps on Giving, if you ask me. Sunny - my soul sister - thank you for the concept of blessing myself. I am going to physically do this somehow every morning and remind myself during the day to love myself as I try to love others. (Kind of a reversal of the original intent, but I need it now) - after all, we are all the same Creature, just different faces, if we embrace the concept of Oneness at all. Zanshin - funny, I do crave physical activity right now - it does help diminish the anguish. I have a craving to work out in some way, I bought some of those rubber cords with handles on the end and I've been using them. Feeling physically helpless hasn't been my problem, I'm well trained in self defense. But you're right - there is definitely a place for working this out physically in addition to better diet - I am doing this right now. At the very least, I'll be an angry person with buff arms Thank you everyone - I feel much love for each and every one of you, and for taking the time to respond to my crisis. Just the fact that I'm willing to share this with you is a marked improvement to my closeted snarlings of a few weeks ago. THANK YOU Barb

Without actively taking political sides, it's becoming increasingly apparent that power is knowing what people want to hear and delivering the words that fit the bill. What incredible times we're living in, K. The unenlightened power that sways the folks in this midwest part of the country is a real eye-opener for me...especially having been born and raised in California...

Marbles, you sweet old thing - you're like a nun with a ruler when it comes to staying on topic. It doesn't seem like this thread has a topic at all, which is what makes it the best Tao thread EVER!!

Thanks, K. The emotions are so on edge I even cried during Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter today. It was just so much fun it actually did make me cry...

Omigod, somebody must be following me around with a camera..... I'll check it out for sure. Thanks for mentioning it, Taomeow - The thing I relate to is the rigid left brained structure which is developed over many years of detective work - until it breaks down and the marbles drop out. But it appears that the previously dormant right brain takes over where the left one left off. I honestly think there's something to this....but the need to uncover, uncover, uncover still remains, only the tendency is put to use (in the protagonists' case) in the metaphysical or paranormal plane. I'll watch it for sure - perhaps only once, since anything coppish still evokes a visceral reaction in me. And, funnily enough - that was my Agency. Post edit: I did watch the trailers online (is the show still on? seems like it was cancelled?). the similarity continues: his onset of separate realities was precipitated by an auto accident. My spontaneous kundalini awakening was as the result of an auto accident as well The separate reality I live in is much more subtle than those he experienced - more of a subtle overview, a 'bending the light' sort of thing that we can see if Intent is put into play. I don't know about the actual physical separate realities he's living in - although don Juan Mateus and Castaneda were living and operating in separate realities all the time. Maybe you or someone else would know more about that type of separate reality? Mine aren't that well defined as his. Maybe as my own up-tightness and residual rigid and structural thinking diminish the separate realities will become more real-ized.

Flowing Hands - I owe you an apology, I suspect. I did say a few things to you that weren't the kindest previously on another thread. Please forgive me. Your presence here is wonderful; please stick around. I seem to be going through something with TTB's where I just feel like I have nothing to say. About anything. Hopefully it'll pass soon - I miss the conversations. One possible explanation is that of my own volition a couple months ago I took myself off Prozac, which I'd taken for over 20 years for my PTSD. Holy crap. Talk about tearing off old scabs from old wounds. It helps to explain my erratic behavior in the recent past - my bicoastal behavior, in fact. Nice to be back in Ohio. I miss all the Bums. I hope I can get back onboard soon. At the present time I'm recovering from being an Unmitigated Bitch due to the lack of the drug. I really had no idea it "worked" as well as it did - it sort of enabled me to get through the things I felt I needed to do in life. But now I want the bare bones - and they aren't particularly pleasant. But the streak of anger that I've felt crawling up my backbone daily seems to be abating a bit. Geez. As much inner work as I've done over the years - through the 12 steps, through all the psychiatric counselling and self-help reading - you think there'd be an end to it. But apparently there's not - or at least until I'm flatlined on a gurney. And then the inner work will just continue in a different dimension, I suppose. The best I've been able to do lately on TTB's is to periodically PM Marbles and tell him about the new frog in my pond..... But on another level, the connection to the Bums is so very important to me. I've never been one to collect friends - ever. This online community is a lifeline to me. Again, Flo - glad you're here.

CHAPTER 22 As for the vitality of all human beings: It inevitable occurs because of balanced and aligned (breathing). The reason for its loss Is inevitably pleasure and anger, worry and anxiety. Therefore, to bring your anger to a halt, there is nothing better than poetry; To cast off worry there is nothing better than music; To limit music there is nothing better than rites; To hold onto the rites there is nothing better than reverence; To hold onto reverence there is nothing better than tranquility. When you are inwardly tranquil and outwardly reverent You are able to return to your innate nature And this nature will become greatly stable.

The utility of a cup is in its emptiness.

My understanding of wu-wei is that it is performed by one who has highly developed the nature of his Te (virtue). By removing their rough edges, by rounding themselves out and seeing things from a perspective of not good/not bad, they can then set their intent (this merges with Castaneda as well) on the outcome that is the highest and best for the situation. This outcome can only come about by keeping one's hands off of it. The other half of this, is that any action needed to be taken that is required during the dynamic of the situation must be the Most Loving (highest and best) action, done from a non-judgmental perspective and done with a heart of love. If one asks oneself, what should I do here?, the answer is generally Do Nothing; this guarantees that things will shake out without our interference, it follows The Way. But it does require that the doer, the performer, be in a place of non-involvement as to the particular outcome of the situation, or feeling in any way that they know what's 'best'. We don't know what's best. So often what appears to be seemingly bad turns out to be seemingly good, and vice versa. I don't believe that wu-wei can be done from a perspective of opinion or desire for a particular outcome. The performer surrenders to the outcome, doesn't assume that she knows what's best for the situation, and just watches it fall into place. But the inner condition of non-judgment of the performer is essential. Agape love is the key, if you ask me. It is absolute sorcery, and it works.

As above, so below - as they say. Why not?

No, I think it's exclusively a male thing

I can't seem to rub two nickels together - always a great ideas person, but lacked the motivation for 'success'. I've finally come to the conclusion (or maybe just a decision) that I was 'successful' in a prior incarnation and haven't the need for piling up the stuck energy we call money. I've also come to the conclusion that I was terribly impoverished in a prior existence, (I do get flashes of a prior existence when I was a child in a dirt-poor location). This second decision helps me live with the fact that I am comfortable in this existence (I'm living on a pension, but comfortable); rationalizing it this way helps me live with the terrible inequity that exists in this world. so much of it just depends on where you were born. I'm totally unable to promote myself. I am unable to thrust myself ahead of others for the purpose of 'succeeding'. I don't even know what Succeeding is any more. I used to think I knew, but I no longer do.... If we let life come at us one day at a time and flow with it, then success will be ours - just not the world's definition of success. Following your heart with your musical talent *should* bring about the result that's perfect for you. In theory. But this is what I cling to because of my own frustrations about success. Mainly I have problem with the guilt of having so much, not having to struggle as so many others do. I seem to have guilt about everything. Guilt about what my ancestors did, guilt about my own actions prior to learning differently. I know this 'hovering guilt' is a very big part of my being unable to push myself ahead of others - which is what we have to do if we're going to Succeed on the world's terms. But I think about the TTC when I get into this. One of the three treasures is that the Sage knows to 'Never be the first' - what this says to me is that perhaps those of us who dance to a different drummer - those of us that question our own existence and look for the Real Stuff in life - just don't have the same instinct to push ourselves ahead. It goes against the grain of the Tao, if you think about it. Maybe we're supposed to just Be what we are and let the river of Life take it where it wants to take us. It sure makes me feel better, anyway....

That video was wonderful. For some reason it made me cry. It's like the 60's on steroids.

I think the martial arts idea, or something similar - something physical - is a great idea. Maybe even learning to ballroom dance or something? Find something that you can learn to feel good about yourself, something that you can see your own progress. If you go the martial arts route, then bullying won't bother you because you'll know you have an ace up your sleeve, hopefully never having to use it. This will also open up your world and put you in contact with folks who have more to do than just make someone else's life miserable (because theirs is).

I think Teach a Man not to BE an asshole and he'll never need an asshole-free environment again.

Lotus - it just occurred to me that with your initial post you have just worked a magnificent Step One. (I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable). You have given a great description of the unmanageability in your life. You appear to be at the end of the road of revelry.... So the next thing to do, recovery-wise, is to go to Step 2.....Came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I would suggest that you write down your concept of a god-figure; your current concept, not the one you were given as a child, unless it's the same. Really think about it - think about how you can tap into that inner self, the highest self - and see how it can apply to your recovery. Try to pin down what you actually do think of a god-figure; is it a Taoist void sort of thing? Or a father figure? A Buddhist perspective? It doesn't matter what you choose, as long as it's something that you can turn to and trust to lead you in the right direction as you go through your inner work.

All points given will be cheerfully accepted and gleefully squandered.

Lotus, what courage and self discovery it has taken for you to post your inner being here with us. Please know that I too am an alcoholic; I just haven't indulged the first drink in over 30 years. I am at serious risk for being seriously boring here. I did notice the multiple stints you've done in recovery programs. I didn't hear you mention the 12 steps of recovery, though. When I first started working the 12 steps, I thought it was only to keep from drinking any more. I didn't know at the time that the very process of going in and finding your fears, your resentments....this is the very thing that places our feet on the road to Self-Awareness, self-realization. It is this process that must be followed for us to reach the Awareness that we on this site seek. The 12 steps changed me 180 degrees; from a cynical and judgmental person (I'm a retired cop, so that came with the territory), into a more gentle and accepting person, a person who values totally different things than back when I was living the alcoholic dream. Although I know nobody wants to hear advice like this, PLEASE go back and revisit the 12 steps in a way that you have not before. If there is anything I can do to assist you with this, I'd be happy to be a sounding board, if you need one. It's the inner journey, pure and simple; the beauty of it is that the steps are so Simple (but not easy).... Best wishes to you, friend. Please contact me if I can help. Barbara

As I read this, my thoughts turned to quantum physics. The essence of matter is both a particle and a wave. A particle takes up space. A wave indicates motion, even if it's a wave of probability, but motion just the same; this brings Time into the equation. It appears that the static and the dynamic are built into the building blocks of matter from the get-go. Time and space interlocked together.

I've been wanting to post a picture of the Washington Monument I saw a few months back - but I'm unable to find again. The picture was taken from the FAR END of the reflecting pool. The sun, as it was setting, was directly aligned with the very top point of the monument; this was reflected in the reflecting pool as well. What resulted was an equidistant reflected image in the pool - half above, half below, with the sun at the peak of each reflection. Picture a barbell, only with two bright suns at the terminal ends. It seems to me that this is a perfect metaphor for whatever you want to call it: inner alignment, merger of physical man with his god nature, enlightenment, self realization. What it seems to show, to me, is that the amount of inner work we need to do for self realization is the same dynamic as the outer work - the study, the internalization of the Words of Others. When I first saw that picture, it struck me hard - like being kicked in the chest. At the time I saw the picture, I had just finished the Time magazine work-up on George Washington. It specifically mentioned in the piece that Mr. Washington was of the opinion that god was an "impersonal one". If anyone's read the Impersonal Life, this is the very mindset that is of the Tao - that the rain falls equally upon everyone and doesn't much care if that person is you or someone else. This belief is so very far, if this is truly the case, from the ideation that the Tea Partiers have ascribed to our founding fathers. Throw in the fact that Washington and the other founders were Masons (and I guessing that the 33rd degree just has to be the I AM consciousness - what else could it be?), this certainly provides a template for their ideas to reflect the separation of 'church' and state (I'm assuming here that the concept of 'church' may have been somewhat distasteful to Washington and the others as well). I think the founding fathers knew good and well Who We Really Are. I think the religious right, who see through the lenses of what they want to see and hear, will always err on the side of thinking church and state should be merged. It is only after the dualism is seen through and punctured (and they stop that infernal singing of Jesus Loves Me This I Know) that the merger of man and his god-nature can occur. I'll keep looking for that photo. There are plenty of the Washington monument at sunset, but without the reflecting pool alignment - like everybody's missing the point!

It can't be said better than that, Piper - sexual energy is sexual energy, regardless of how it generates. There is no right or wrong about it, once we get closer to the One, as far as I feel. I was brought up with lots of sexual hangups which harangued me throughout my life; the funny thing is, once The Way is found, the judgment just seems to remove itself from the sexual arena and it can finally be experienced wholly and totally hang-up free. Everything - I've always chosen to remain with males because I guess it was just easier - but was with several females before this longstanding relationship I'm in. I think that earlier in my life I would have had problems coming out with any sort of lesbian identity - I was too concerned about what people would have thought about it. This would not be the case at this point in my life; the fear of what others think has been removed to a great degree. Just go with it, friend. Your concern over your own sexual attractions would be eliminated forever if you just plunged in and found out one way or the other. Breaking through the fear of discovering a new identity (and the disapproval of others) will catapult you up on your path like a slingshot, I'm guessing... You sound like a wonderful lover, by the way - so very in tune with your partner and the type of energy from moment to moment. I can't help but think that your partner, male or female, will be very lucky....

Wow. Can I ever see myself and my partner in this paragraph. This is like the bottom essence we both have to work with... Very nicely put, astraic. Wow. VMarco - that was one incredible piece of writing. It's going to take some time to digest it fully, but I have a feeling it will be well worth it. Thank you for the time you took to do that...

Absolutely - just like that. When I first saw the reflection of the sun at both ends, it hit me hard that that was so similar to the spiritual condition - it takes an equal amount of inner work (the obelisk in the reflecting pool) to match the outer work (standing obelisk). The sun aligned at both ends is like the candle that lights the birthday cake. It ignites us with passion and inner knowledge; it aligns man's mind with the mind of god, our highest self. If indeed Washington (and assumedly the others) saw an impersonal god as the Source, perhaps more in a Masonic way than a Presbyterian dual perception, then what an incredible beginning we had. And how poignant it is that the monument is indeed sinking, saying so much more than the physical act itself. I know the Masonic symbols were utilized in the design of the District of Columbia, but I've never done much deeper reading on this. Perhaps they were truly enlightened ones. The understanding of an impersonal, non-judgmental 'force' is the very same as the Taoist mindset - or the mindset of just about any master of any tradition, once the 'personality' has been taken out of the image of god...once the structure has been transcended. If there is anything to a beginning that is more enlightened than what the history books tell us, how very far we've fallen. We are split in two. This is such an ugly time for us - and yet most likely the beginning of something else - something more functional, more kind to everyone. It just feels like we're all at the edge of an abyss and it's anybody's guess how this will all come out. And my honest opinion is that the ugly face of Racism is very much to blame here in the U.S. Under all the bickering, under all the division, under all the mean-spiritedness - I truly think Racism is alive and well. Even if it's called by a different name. Our monument is sinking.