Immortal4life

10 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

Cherry-picking, gaslighting, baiting and switching, trivializing, projecting, victim-blaming, stonewalling  — the list keeps growing with you. 

I don't do any of those things whatsoever.

Fear? No, I'm not bringing martial artists from outside a forum, into any discussion. Not with names or identifying info. Nothing. Sorry.

 

I don't know why the subject of sex and women is so sensitive to you. It's really not some big deal, or super solemn thing. But it's a cop out for lack of abilities or knowledge. 

 

It's ok I don't judge you or your experience level dating though. We're all here to help each other and understand each other better.

3 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

“Old and outdated” logical fallacy calling for a contemporary reference from the guy who has been spouting the same crap about women and sex in every thread. The irony is not lost on the rest of us who see your constant contradictions too. 

What crap about women? 

 

I'm only talking about things we can test and apply, you however are indeed posting theories and platitudes without examples of practical application.

 

Remember the bottom line is, does it work? The saying in sports, science  in anything, is does it work in field? The fact I can say what has been tested and works and what doesn't is king. You have no evidence or even examples. Just psuedoscientists...so far at least.

I'm not a Trump supporter or conservative. I"ve never said a single misogynist thing ever, women are great, beautiful, loving, sexual beings. There's nothing wrong with sex.

 

If you insist on getting into politics on a non political thread, I'm definitely for John McAfee for president.  He'd have done much better than Gary Johnson the guy they picked instead last time. He's about as Liberal of a person as you could ever find. He's also the only person out there capable of giving Trump a run for his money on the debate stage. I mean let's be real Trump's gonna eat Joe Biden alive, and that sucks cuz I really want someone who can give him some kind of battle.

Came off in what manner? Saying a widely known psuedoscientist is a psuedoscientist?

More about mating strategies and why emotions work the way they do based on psychology and evolution.  Of course emotions and genes will always have a greater effect than religion on mating strategies

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/28/sex-women-relationships-tanya-gold

Quote

We are, apparently, scrabbling around for what biologists call "genetic benefits" and "resource benefits". Genetic benefits are the genes that produce healthy children. Resource benefits are the things that help us protect our healthy children, which is why women sometimes like men with big houses. Jane Eyre, I think, can be read as a love letter to a big house.

 

and also

 

 

 

Quote

Then I learn why women marry accountants; it's a trade-off. "Clooneyish" men tend to be unfaithful, because men have a different genetic agenda from women – they want to impregnate lots of healthy women. Meston and Buss call them "risk-taking, womanising 'bad boys'". So, women might use sex to bag a less dazzling but more faithful mate. He will have fewer genetic benefits but more resource benefits that he will make available, because he will not run away. This explains why women marry accountants. Accountants stick around – and sometimes they have tiny little feet!

 

On 18/04/2020 at 7:59 AM, ralis said:

 

Viewing women as walking talking sex machines, waiting to be seduced, and are easily flipped by a dominant male is some Don Juan fantasy which is what the PUA community thrives on. Shlong fantasies are rooted in rigid personality structures as Dr. Wilhelm Reich would characterize it. And, what follows from that is an insecure male that blames women for being an incel. One that is emotionally secure would not be on here bragging about being a master of seduction.

Wilhelm Reich was known as a psuedoscientist with crackpot theories. All your references are old and outdated. Get something more current that actually applies today. 

 

Women have all kinds of schlong fantasies, it doesn't make them rigid or stuck up. They are also highly sexual to a level that they usually don't let on to most guys, sometimes even their longterm bfs, and only really bring out their true sexual nature for guys they are especially aroused for. There can be women who have starfish sex without much effort for years with a bf, but then with another guy they just go crazy with him and let out all their inhibitions. It doesnt mean they don't have sex with as many guys as they want, just most guys they won't even show that part of themselves to, and most guys don't even know.

 

There's  nothing easy about persuasion and dating. There are guys who have fought in wars like Afghanistan and Iraq who weren't as afraid to join the army as they are of approaching women in a romantic or man to woman context.

I'm not about narratives, stories, or politics. This isn't a debate about narratives, or political stances, or social causes, or anything like that. Just how dating works and how things apply in practical reality.

 

Nothing I've said has ever been contradictory or mutually exclusive. 

You have some things right for sure. Attraction, the initial vibe and chemistry is actually not the real meat and potatoes of an dating relationship. It's really about connection, building trust, emotional empathy, building experiences together, and all those things. 

 

I hate all the Pickupy douchey stuff out there too. Most of the guys I've met into that stuff were just creepy guys. What I do think is important though for all aspects of life, are things like developing persuasion skills, social skills, and skills at building emotional connections. Building an ability to have social influence and being a social influencer are key.

 

The truth is there's a certain courting process all relationships go through. It starts with comfort and attraction, moves into being able to have a playful vibe with someone, to flirting, to emotionally connecting, to meeting each others peer groups, to developing sexual chemistry and arousal.

 

However slow or fast each person takes it is up to them. However, just be aware that for most people there will be a problem if that process goes either too quickly, or too slow. Just because you did it faster, or slower, doesn't mean that was better or worse. It doesn't mean that would be the best most compatible person for you necessarily  

either. 

 

As your skill increases you become more able to lead the pace of the interaction too while also mitigating any problems from speeding it up or slowing it down too much. I'd also say for every person who had success slowing it down, many others had problems cuz they went too slow and the woman lost attraction cuz they didnt make a move when she felt she wanted them too. Many guys also have successful relationships by having sex as soon as reasonably possible, first date is just fine for solid relationships.

Tea is fine, it's a good enough reason to come over, but I'd go with Saki over tea though, you could say "have you ever drank Saki in the traditional manner?" 

 

What you don't fucking say is "Netflix and chill", that's the same as saying "wanna come over for sex",  or "would you like some dick?" Don't do that. Of course she wants some dick, but doesnt want that pressure put on it, or to take responsibility for sex happening. She wants it to "just happen" and not feel cheap or pre-planned.

Hundred percent agree. Voice messages and talking on the phone can be powerful. Honestly I haven't put that to use yet at it's full potential 

 

It's like the only time ever where inviting a woman straight to your place can't be perceived as a douchey move haha.

1 hour ago, Earl Grey said:

Otherwise, start giving a history lecture on the Dadaist influence on Fluxus in the middle of copulating with your date and see how well that fits into the situation, if it contributes to it or if it makes your date raise her eyebrows and wonder what the hell you're doing. You're doing the same thing here. 

 

Hey, ok I'll give you another freebie here though. Earlier I explained to ralis that in a dating interaction there's text of what's being said, but then there is also the subtext.

 

Here Marcy is is a great example of how there can be one text in an interaction, but the subtext is saying something else entirely.

 

Marcy's words are about the economy, but her subtext is clearly about sex😏

🍑💦🍆

 

1 hour ago, Earl Grey said:

 

 

What you have just said is one of the most idiotic, insane, deluded and despicable things ever said about anyone.

 

At no point in your rambling, incoherent, mental masturbation, do you even come close to anything that resembles being a decent human being capable of empathy or intelligence. 

 

Everyone in this forum is now dumber for reading your posts. 

 

We award you no further effort or attention, and may the mods have mercy on your sick, sad soul before you are dismissed. 

 

Oh yeah, it's me who's the one refusing to discuss the topic with an open mind.

 

That's also a totally played out movie referencece that was cool to reference on the internet like 10 years ago. You gotta get some more current material man.

 

It took rails until page 5 to actually talk about the subject of dating. He had to get in 4 pages of politics and religion fist. Yet people are trying to say I'm boring😂

1 hour ago, Earl Grey said:

is as realistic as hoping that the Pope wears lacey underwear. 

What the.....man you're into some freaky shit😂😂😂

I'm just going by what you've said about yourself and based on your thinking styles I've seen a bit of. People on the Autism scale often are known for having very rigid thought processes.I was just concerned and thought it might be helpful for you to look into. I don't mean to insult, and there's nothing wrong with being autistic. It's not an accusation just a question, and a helpful suggestion. 

 

I don't really like formal discourse either. I much prefer social talk, I enjoy discussions much more from a perspective of sitting around having a few beers than any kind of dry formal discourse 

 

Rails by the way, are you on the autism spectrum by any chance? 

 

I ask this because you mentioned that in your youth you had problems fitting in and having harmonious relationships in your hometown. You don't seem to understand the social skills involved and just brushed them off as all "assholes" as a coping mechanism. But we know when a person says everyone is an asshole , it's the person themselves who is invariably the problem.

 

Combine that with your rigid and strict posting style, inability to have a flowing conversation covering a broader range of perspectives and nuances on subjects, and I think it's very possible your actual problem may be social skills, perhaps mild autism. Perhaps you should look into that?

I didn't miss your point but what I'm telling you is religion is not a major factor when  it comes to interpersonal or dating relationships unless one of the people are religious. Even then religious influence can be overcome by triggering biological instincts. Women who thought they would never do certain things, can be flipped and completely changed if you're willing to put the effort in rather than move on to greener pastures so to speak.

 

There are many reasons society hides how men and women work on a biological level.

 

One reason is it's not in society's interest that every guy be at the top of social dominance heirarchies, which is the primary attraction factor for women, social dominance not physical arrtactiveness. Everyone cant be attractive to women.  Society would fall apart, so lower ranked men have to have the truth concealed from them. They need that carrot and string to have hope to keep going. They need the hope that by following the social script and social conventions they can one day get a date.

 

Another reason is that it's in women's interest that men don't understand their biological mating strategy because they have a dual mating strategy. The good genes vs. Provider strategy. Lover vs. Provider. This is likely why human females developed concealed ovulation. It's literally in human female's genes to conceal their mating strategy. In the ancestral environment a male finding out about their dual strategy could mean her death, banishment from the tribe, or the killing of her baby.

 

In many tribal societies around the globe, men kill children who are not their own. Or refuse to give resources to children not their own. 

 

So you are out of touch, and religion has very little to do with dating strategies in the modern era.

I honestly dont meet many religious people these days.

 

Religion isnt the only reason society tries to hide how attraction works from men. In general women are more clever and intuitive about how men work, than men are about how women work too.

29 minutes ago, bax44 said:

 

Only in 2020 can we turn dating into a business transaction. 

I hate the idea of tranactional relationships. It's what society teaches men, that relationships are some type of reward for good behavior, that you're "entitled" to relationships if you are a good guy. So men feel like they need to "provide" for women or things like that. It's awful.

 

Relationships only come about out of genuine attraction and when both people feel genuine chemistry. That's why its so important to understand attraction cuz you can't transact your way into a relationship. 

 

 

The vast majority of guys are just never gonna be naturals. Unless you were getting laid at like 13  you're not going to be naturally good at dating. If you do get the odd success here and there it will be a fluke, not consistent, few and far between, and not the best person for you. You won't just intuitively grasp it without years of experience. 

 

It's similar to martial arts that way. Every guy thinks he can fight, and every guy thinks he can be a natural at dating. But if  you havent trained and you fight a skilled martial arts fighter, you're finished in seconds. 

 

So that means you have to practice. You need to go on a lot of dates. You have to learn the theory. You have to interact with a lot of women. You have to have mentors. All of it.

None of that is wrong per se, but it's overly general and incomplete advice.

 

How do you apply those concepts? Guys need specific examples, they need actionable advice they can go out and practice, or it's just platitudes.

 

It's not enough just to say have boundaries.  Why are boundaries important? One reason is that contrary to what society tells you, women don't want to be a prize, if they do run, women want to get the prize. So take the attitude that you are the prize. Another reason would be someone without boundaries comes off as desperate. They are desperate.

 

How do you develop communication skills? Many ways. You have to practice. There are many communication methods. There's what you say, but then what's even more important is what you convey. There's facial expression communication, body language communication, vocal tonality, and addition to overt communication there's subtext and sub communication. Women especially are good at subcommunication. They want a guy who "gets it" and doesn't need everything spelled out.

 

So how do you practice it? By learning calibration. By testing it out. Learning where that line is, where you've gone too far, and being able to dial it back and walk it back from there.  With practice you'll learn where the line is, how not to step past it, and learn to adapt to each individual person. 

 

There's  a loooot more to add too. It's good not to make dating too complicated, but on the other hand, it can't be too simple to the point it's not practical.

 

1. Don't be attached to outcome

 

2. Be process oriented

 

3. Be the buyer not the seller 

 

4. Be Self amusing, if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong 

 

5. Analyze your interactions

 

6. Lead the dates forward 

 

7. Have good logistics

 

8. Know where you are in the interaction. Physically, emotionally, and logistically. For example if she wont hold your hand yet, don't go for a kiss.

 

9. Take the pressure off, it's no big deal.

 

10. Dating is a skill, it can be learned

 

This are just few off the top of my head

That's one type of peril of not having online dating. Here's another peril😋

 

We're lucky to have you man

Anyways, if you guys would like share any experiences you've had with online dating I'd actually genuinely be interested 

2 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

Liiiiiiiaaaaarrrrr.

Is he always like this?Jk I'm just messin with you buddy, I get it though it's your way of showing you care