Cadcam

If you've impressed the Divine by representing some trait or trade, you can be an Adept exempt and get welcomed into the higher planes. Perhaps, even the new world. If you're a magician of your own design, you can be welcomed in and taken across without true study. If you're an Adept of an order, one can cross the abyss and work for the actual order of Adept. In very special cases, one can go into the abyss for a quest, and when finished, they will take you on board the ship and ferry you across.

Mark of the Beast. Do you accept me?

You too.

Now you id like to meet!

I Am the Serpent and the Sword. I Am the apple on the tree, I am the fruit and veggitation. I am animal, mineral and element. I bless and curse as my Will decides. I can lift you up or knock you down, but always remember, I am nothing if not merciful.

Why is that, nun

Mark of the Beast. Do you accept me?

Mark of the Beast. Do you accept me?

I've gotten to the point where I hardly think at all. I've tamed my mind, and my desire. I sit in the quiet of no thought. The Buddha was most wise to identify desire as a root of the human condition. It seems that we simply can't get enough of satisfying our cravings. I feel it, and it makes me suffer, because I realize that this is really all we are; desire is all life is. All we have is satisfying our wants. It makes me sad, how transient life is! Just to live and want and do, and then die! Even in the afterlife, should there be one, the cycle continues.

God IS love, and He wants you to do the right thing.

Though it is a nice idea, and I'm sure God appreciates our love, I don't believe that God must love each of us individually as is often suggested by Christianity. God gave us free will to choose to love, and loving everyone unconditionally leads to problems. No, people have to earn love. God too, has the free will to choose who to love, and can you imagine, with the billions of people born throughout history, and all their virtues, deeds, and talents; how hard it would be to attract God's attention and earn God's love?

The best way to manage a world of desire, where beauty privilege and wealth are what is necessary, is to deny it, or rise to it.

I've had a couple revelations. The first one is regarding my cry to God and the idea I was cursed. If God is the God of love, he would have blessed me for wanting to bring love to the world, and if he isn't, then why would he care at all? The other revelation i had is about privilege, avarice and beauty. How could God punish us for sin that is what we are built for? This whole system is screwed up.

I've been afflicted for 25 years. I tried many times to create something good, and every time, I was set upon by demons. But I kept getting back up. The only answer, when I had every good intention, is that i offended God. Its the only ans we er to my affliction. Where do I go from here?

Yeah, my brain is broken. It feels dead-end and I can't grab on to ideas or objects of interest. I don't choose to be bored, I just am not drawn to anything. I have also considered all my options and why I would do something and I can't see a reason. I guess you could say I'm depressed

Thanks for the advice. I learned to have no thoughts because my mind was under attack, and so i withdrew my mind- buried it in my head, and sat still while the voices and their device went on and on, until finally they went away. The downside of this is that I can't think or understand complex ideas, so it would be difficult for me to learn a method and apply it. I'm feeling better now, gotten accustomed to the boredom.

After I heard the voice I set out to do a number of things, one of which was to convince people there was a God. It was a shocking revelation for me to know with certainty that there was one. Unfortunately it didn't occur to me that so many people already believe. After years of work, I've come to realize that everyone believes in their own way, and that love and religion are in a state of chaos. And so i now withdraw into my heart and feel a bit of sorrow for the state of man and God.

I've been thinking about all that I've experienced. It isn't like there was a book, or master, to guide me through it. I've been confused about it all for a very long time, and considered everything I've read on qabbalah and magic. The most i can conclude is that the gods acknowledge something of an order of Chaos, which is different than the average, and I somehow initiated myself into it. Its strange because these things just sort of happened without preparation. In the end, did any of it matter? How different am I now, having gone through all of this? I am left with no answers, and suspecting them only cause me trouble. I post hoping someone has experienced similar things, I've given up on books.

The pain came when the jewel cracked open. The hallucinations came later.

Oops

The voice i heard was both masculine and feminine, like two voices, each made up of infinite souls, speaking as one.

A couple of weeks later I was meditating and thinking about order. I thought "i am of an Order, the world is Order..." then the thought "no! Its all chaos!" And then I saw in my mind a blue jewel. Then a star appeared over the jewel and cracked it open. I saw an angel and heard "chessed, chessed" then, a terrible grinding sound in my right ear, and incredible pain in my groin and head. I was suddenly in front of a throne and the being on it said "I am the sephiroth I am all that is". Ever since then, 25 years ago, I've been plagued by hallucinations.

Nearly 25 years ago, back in 2000, I was provoked into contemplating what is good. I thought "love is good" and this presence entered my body and used my hand to draw out a symbol. I read a book that said when you receive a symbol, you should dismantle it into parts, which I did. As I did this, that picture of the al quida woman from the cover of national geographic flashed in my mind. I started to astral travel the earth, and saw places. As I did this, I started thinking about what I believed. Ten years prior, when I was struggling with life, I had decided I believed in God, and that God was love. I believed God made the world, and then took a fatal error and declared that the world was love. As I was astral traveling, looking at the earth and remembering what I chose to believe about the world, I realized that there were people without medicine or food or water. For the first time in my life I suddenly became aware that there was real suffering in the world, and I cried out "you're not the god of love!" "Give me the power to bring love here!" And just as the last word fell from my lips, a booming voice that seemed to come from all corners spoke in a language I did not know. I immediately cried "who's there?" But was met with silence.

It seems to me that life is quiet and boring unless one has a career or hobbies that satisfy and give meaning. Love is good too, but that isn't always easy to find. I have none of these. The only thing that gives me a little joy is food, and that is such a small part of the day.

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