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About Tryingtodobetter

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  1. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    Would you use those colorful negative attributes to describe the ongoing sensations and shocks in my legs that respond to my thoughts, that have yet to slow down at all despite attempting different methods? Would you use it to describe waking up feeling like I had been sodomized in my sleep by something electrical, and then for a few weeks having large pulsing electrical shocks in that region feeling like someone or something was messing with me? Would you use it to describe all of the obtuse things that were said to me at the mental hospital? Would you use it to describe how my last gmail account was deleted and all of the captchas had "piss" in them which is odd for a company like google to do? Would you use it to describe how a guy at the mental hospital was yelling right in front of me about a hacker named "pee" something? Would you use it describe waking up in that hospital and feeling like I had been stuck with a needle and my current roommate walking over to me and whispering "sorry" and then walking out into the dayroom? Would you use it to describe the pointed algorithm I saw on my youtube and facebook account? Where certain numbered and phrased posts, regardless of content/source, would be the first result and if I pressed "most recent" then suddenly my paranoid ideation/OCD disappeared? Would you use it to describe how i kept getting local ads from the city that woman was from despite me changing my location several times? Would you use it to describe how I tried to commit suicide in a hotel room due to various perceived stimuli, and when I woke up from me failed attempt there was a pill or painkiller on my thigh that I didnt put there and the door to the hotel room was locked and chained? Would you use it describe all of the various synchronicity and/or "synchronicity" I've experienced? It wasnt a rant, despite what you or the pulses in my legs and shocks say. It was a plea for help because I thought that someone might be able to help or just understand. I dont even know your motive behind posting in this thread or even who you really are, the same i could say of the forum member "everything" and probably others, I dont know- some members have said unusually synchronistic things. It's not some joke or "just trying to make someone feel bad", I haven't been getting any answers so far from here or elsewhere so like I said im going to kill myself at the first opportunity.
  2. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    Like I said. Your posts show a lot about your character, your opening is the summation of your responses As if I hadn't already sought and applied the methods you suggested already. As if the main person on this thread behaving from a place of total immaturity isn't you
  3. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    You're either pretending, or you're not a very discerning person You're either pretending, or have little working knowledge of the pervasive systems of orchestrated struggle and artificial scarcity You're either pretending, or you genuinely believe a teenager(child) found her way to being the mouthpiece for a powerful environmental party/organization by sheer will and capability alone, and not because she was essentially "manufactured" for lack of a better term There aren't "too many people" in the world. When I choose to help people, it's not for simply for the sake of a chemical release or whatever. Sometimes suicide is not from a place of sadness, depression, etc- sometimes suicide is a very logical solution to ones situation. As I said before, I'm not sure if you're pretending or not at this point. I guess I would ask the same about a few other people responding on this post, especially when looking into their responses and even my own I wonder how many of the responses to this post were mostly projection if not entirely
  4. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    It was for attention in that I thought someone here would be able to help me. It's not a temper tantrum and it's not childish. Ever since that night with the owls hooting I've had very palpable sensations in my legs and occasionally my body that respond to my thoughts. Left side for wrong or right side for right, I dont know the logic behind it with certainty- that seems to be it. It feels like something writhing under my skin akin to a light scrape with a finger nail and when it's not that it's like a low voltage shock or a deep pinch. I would dismiss it as a nutritional deficiency or a delusion, if it didnt persist throughout every day for well over a year and seem to have some sentience. I would meditate properly if it wasnt persisting during every waking moment for the last fucking year. How am I supposed to meditate for any given length of time, when I sit down and someone or something is zapping my legs the whole time. It is happening while I'm awake 24/7. It is constantly happening. None of you are even addressing that, the reality of it. How is someone supposed to do much of anything when this is a constant? It's not some occasional thing or a waning emotion, it is happening constantly. How the fuck am I not supposed to be suicidal, when nothing that anyone has recommended had worked thus far, and those replying with condescending bullshit about my attitude towards the situation when they dont have someone or something shocking their fucking legs and occasionally their body every fucking second of the day when they're awake. Its constantly happening to me. It's not a troll it's not some teenage bullshit. I dont know if its supernatural harrassment or man made technology. Like I said, none of you deal with this. None of you deal with this. And next to none have responded to any of the more unexplainable nuances of my post. Like how when I attempted suicide and when I went to the hospital to get the wound treated they put in a medical honey as the nurse called it and when I have certain "paranoid" thoughts about certain situations/groups-people it sends a deep shock- just in the spot where she put it. Thank you for showing me how compassionate and understanding most of you Really are. I dont think I'm "unique" or whatever other aggrandized attributes you want to project. I'm not blackmailing anyone. I've already attempted suicide before, and like I said I'll choose a more sound method this time whenever an opportunity presents itself.
  5. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    I'm going to kill myself. I'm sure someone who was being shocked and messed with all the time by someone or something would have no problem killing themselves, because what is the point of even being alive with that happening?! What is the point of living when every thing I even think about doing or even enjoying I get a response in my legs that pulses or shocks me depending on the thought? Volunteering is going to stop the pains in my legs that respond to my thoughts? How, how is that going to help Meditation is going to stop the pains in my legs that respond to my thoughts when they're constantly happening how could i possibly meditate properly? Is someone going to recommend a meditation involving imagining myself with butter melting on me?! Is someone going to recommend jesus or Catholicism?! Or some abrahamic or toaist whatever?! Is someone going to recommend qigong?! Is someone going to recommend gardening?! Is someone going to share some photo involving imagery counterintuitive to the plight ice outlined in detail?! Is someone going to recommend "the upanishads"?! Is someone going to recommend something that doesnt help?! Who knows right What is this forum even Suicide is a good answer to this problem. It's not childish. I doubt any of you experience what I do. You want to help me? Just give me something to kill myself with
  6. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    Also, I would appreciate if you could specify what part of my reaction to the symptom I outlined in this post that I experience at nearly all times during waking hours is childish, for clarity
  7. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    It's not sarcasm. I'm not a sarcastic person. If you read my response previous to that I stated that the previous remedies suggested have done nothing to alleviate the situation/symptom I've outlined throughout the post, I'm not expecting immediate results- I was expecting progress/lessening of the symptom. If what I've outlined in this post is lifelong- though I doubt that amongst other things, as I stated I will kill myself in a sound manner at the first opportunity I specified nuances of this situation and I've seen little to nothing on the internet about people experiencing similar
  8. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    Thank you for all of your replies, none of the methods recommended have remedied the issue thus far, I will kill myself of course in a sound manner at the first opportunity
  9. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    What else can I do beyond what's already been discussed? What do you think I am being ignorant of and/or what do you think I'm suppressing that caused certain things to happen, "nightmares", in the past? Is the attempted suicide wound where the nurse put "medical honey" that shocks me whenever I have polarized thoughts of paranoia about certain scenarios/people-groups also something that can be corrected by simply dreaming/thinking of something else?
  10. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    Sorry if I've offended you in some way I didnt know things like this happened a year+ out of practice I hope you have a good day
  11. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    They are constant, I've gotten used to them- somewhat. It's a little destabilizing when just about every polarized thought you have causes that kind of reaction, and as of late it's often in "opposition" to what I'm thinking- or so it seems. I'm not really sure of the logic behind it whether the left side if wrong and the right side is good or vice versa. There are the occasional shocks which are like a deep pinching and electrical shocking sensation simultaneously. I've tried a bunch of things, this is my last resort as feeble or contrived or vague as it may seem to some. I found the owl presence unnerving because I'd yet to encounter them in such a way. The faucet running for no reason and the appearance of the pulses/shocks probably shaped that perception. I will work on trying to uncreate the circumstance
  12. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    I havent practiced any meditative or qi based practice for a long time. This started about a year ago. I would be more than willing to write it off as some stree based phenomena is I was really stressed and that the pulses/tightening and ocassional shocks didnt respond to my thoughts/actions, all the time. Left side could be wrong/bad and right side could be good/right, I dont know really. I asked the question here because I thought it could be a spiritual or energetic- thing. I dont mean to come off as inattentive or arrogant, it's just that most responses seem to be completely overlooking the nuance I tried to include in my original post. I will try meditating again, even though I haven't in a really long time. Thank you for the responses and concern
  13. How to sever a soul tie/energetic link with someone

    How do I perform a ceremony alone and without seeking out another for help? I thought we were in a relationship, tho she was just using me I would like to completely sever any connection we have and her influence on my life, as well as the influence of some others- particularly whoever or whatever is behind the strange sensations and shocks in my legs that respond to my thinking/actions
  14. How to sever a soul tie/energetic link with someone

    I will try one of these tomorrow
  15. How do I get rid of these sensations?

    This didnt happen in meditation. Did you read my initial post in full? I'm wondering if you read it because you're talking about meditation and this didnt start happening in meditation, I provided decent context and none of it included meditation