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About Tryingtodobetter

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  1. What happens to suicides?

    I've thought about suicide time and time again, occasionally throughout the years and as of late I really see no point in continuing being present on this plane. I had an experience today where I really questioned my existence again, in depth. My life has no value, no meaning, no purpose. I have no substantial savings, no transportation, no relationship, no true social circle, no home of my own, no semblance of true community- really nothing of worth using a societal metric or even using a "spiritual" one. I simply have no worth or purpose. I am very tired. I had things I would've liked to accomplish, though now it's as if the larger part of those desires have been whittled down by time and things unseen, inwardly and outwardly. I have lived far too long. This world holds nothing for me and the inverse is probably true as well. I want to commit suicide and I would like to know the actual repercussions. I dont want to be told to "hang in there". My life is over. I just want to know where my destination is once I release myself from my mortal shell. I figured this forum would be one of the spaces visited by someone with a genuine answer to this question.
  2. Synchronicity and the flow of time

  3. Synchronicity and the flow of time

    Over the last few years the phenomena commonly described as synchronicity has become more and more prevalent in my life It went from seeing certain numerical sequences and their accompanying events and sensations, to recognizing how words spoken by myself and others manifested in near literal ways At times it feels as though I am alone and in a sense creating my life my world, and in another sense it feels as though I'm simply eavesdropping on it Its pattern recognition to a point where its beyond jarring and more like a fluid narrative cascading forward and backwards, if direction is something that can be truly ascribed to time Seemingly senseless or obtuse things I have perceived others and myself saying, and maybe even thinking, have foreshadowed many things. Even patterns in the behaviors of others and the goingons in their lives have hinted at the trajectory of my own I don't think I'm alone in having experienced this. Sometimes it makes me fearful of the future, or what may actually be the past "Everything is connected" and any other oversimplified new-age vagueries that may apply
  4. Travels in the False World

    I didnt watch the video, though I'm aware of that lofty often misattributed quote and remember using it as something of a crutch, if only for a fleeting time. I personally would've appreciated a larger bold font disclaimer on the path of energy cultivation etc. I've been deprived of the illusory comfort provided by a number of things, things I didnt really think I had too much invested in. More of note I've developed, or rather intuit mostly, many rather casual things in a depth that I've still yet to grow into. I'm appreciative of all that's been gifted to me over the years, the aforementioned and beyond, though I still have yet to find a Real application for them. Many of the ways that I consider myself to have improved in terms of my self and my relation to my surroundings could've been done on relatively mundane terms. Sometimes I feel as though I've burdened myself with much unnecessary sorrow and built a spaceship to go up the street a few blocks, time will tell of course. Sometimes one doesn't really take into consideration what it means to begin to free oneself from illusion, hopefully from this world, while residing in a geography built upon many illusions and driven primarily by ego/biological imperatives I appreciate your response
  5. Travels in the False World

    Perhaps it's the life less examined that is to be tread/envied. So far in my experience I have found little application for what I've accomplished in private and my insights have only made interfacing with western society at large all the more challenging
  6. A closer look at candle-gazing meditation

    Time and transportation
  7. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    And also to add onto that quote, don't expect anything of anyone in terms of reciprocation or openness
  8. A closer look at candle-gazing meditation

    I will look into that text, because none of the other options you presented are available to me at this time. I haven't ever been that interested in the spiritual reality of other entities beyond my experience/encounter with greys. Is it really that easy to lose one's soul on what is certainly a rather isolated "self"-contained path? Or are you communicating in a manner less literal than I'm interpreting it to be?
  9. on Bigu and Ketosis as jing: 12 pounds lost in 6 days

    I practiced spring forest for a few months and it yielded what I expected, though I wonder if there is a more compressed concise version? I know the breathing of the universe and the one where you visual a white orb and circulate it through the upper body using both hands at a fixed length , felt particularly powerful and I read a comment stating that the latter could be utilized as a standalone exercise. Also, I remember there being an internal or mental form of qigong which I ultimately became more curious of because I began to find the various poses excessive much the way I did with a lineage of yoga I had entertained. My main takeaway is to focus on a more plant based diet, trying to abstain from legumes for reasons unknown to me though recommended by authorities on brahmacharya. While I'm a bit anxious about malnutrition with such sparse physical intake, I've found that the discipline of brahmacharya(strict celibacy) imbues me with a huge of vitality that makes me think its meeting nutritional needs I'm unaware of. I will look into the shaolin diet. Are there any breathing meditations that you would reccomend? I've read some of your posts over the years and know about the toaist alchemy tome though I never pursued it because of the "incompleteness" perceived by the layman(me). Again thank you for your contributions to this forum, of note I found your post about the mental/quantum connotations of images insightful and relatable, as well as the one where you went into depth about a certain breathing practice that yielded good results which I hope you can reiterate here as I don't remember much about the post, though there was something about doing it while sitting on a bed or something I think I remember the one adherent of spring forest becoming a qigong master over a relatively short period, which I know I can't replicate because I'm not able to sit in lotus position. Do you find yourself on a similar path? I'm pretty sure he cultivated and still resides stateside
  10. A closer look at candle-gazing meditation

    I found the bold and italicized especially interesting, as a few sites with information about Tratak also encourage performing it on a mirror as well as a flame. When you were combining the practices, did you simply switch off between the two deviating your attention/focus, or did you pursue the flame then the mirror or vice versa? I ask the question about which entity because of the talk of dimensions usually occult to the average person. Also, when I originally began this meditation there were a few websites with information on tratak that have since vanished from popular search engines. One of the things I remember from the aforementioned was the talk of the practitioner eventually being assigned/engaging with a deva, I'm sure it was another term, that was either light or dark depending on their character. I have also read hindu lore of yogis with high attainments being accompanied by or interacting with certain spirits, which is something I've found similar instances of across the popular eastern energy cultivation practices. All of that aside, if by dimensions that author was referring to the subtle layers of reality that are for the most part imperceptible to the average person then that makes sense and is far less intimidating than some nebulous ineffable realm of the gods I have a slight fear of the terms ego and real/true-self, because from what I've gathered many who shed the former become "incapacitated" in a sense that leaves them unable to truly integrate into and work "constructively" with the social whims of the material world at large. I haven't experienced that to the same degree as I've perceived other seekers to have, though I have had a period of extreme instability where my sense of self simply vanished and I had to create a caricature of one of my previous selves just to be able to "carry on" with things in a "normal" fashion. I've witnessed a number of practitioners have to revamp their approach to their interpersonal relations, to life itself, etc and many of them became hermits. I don't have the luxury of being able to adopt a hermetic lifestyle or spend most of my time unanchored abroad in various retreats or mingling with and being put up by like minded individuals and communities Basically, I wonder if my real-self will have any easier of a time navigating this world and finding/maintaining a general sense of purpose than the false-self I currently reside in
  11. on Bigu and Ketosis as jing: 12 pounds lost in 6 days

    Thank you for the contributions you have made to this forum Concerning the toxicity of fruit to spiritual advancement, what diet do you find to be conducive to spiritual progress for one residing in the western sphere? I ask this because as of late I have felt ill after consuming what is for me a normal amount of fruit, my diet being primarily vegetarian. It seems that the more meditative my general mode of thinking and operating in the world has become, the less I desire food. I am by no means a qigong master or even a novice, though I have practiced meditation devoutly. That said the information you have shared strikes a chord with me and I'm considering whether I should take up a qigong practice. While I know that diet is only a small part of the discipline, I would appreciate your insight on the matter
  12. I have a question regarding candle-gazing meditation, specifically that of Tratak. I have practiced this meditation in the past, at times with diligence and at others inconsistently, overall the discipline yielded very tangible results. The times of inconsistency and general faltering in the required self-conduct are what caused me to distance myself from the practice, yet in all the time that I have left it alone I've felt a strange compulsion to begin again anew. While I do not recommend this form of meditation, it has been deemed to be easy, direct and powerful by many internet users and I personally agree with the sentiment. This meditation is seen by a number of people as a sort of straight-shot to self-actualization, a path with "less fluff" if you will. My question is, is the end of this particular path indeed self-realization, "enlightenment", or something maybe more nebulous and ineffable? There isn't much writing on the internet to be found in regards to this particular form of meditation, and the information available tends to be copy-and-pasted from site-to-site ad infinitum, with little in the ways of variance beyond the occasional vague, brief and largely positive testimonials of experience. However, this particular passage kept coming up and really caught my eye: "The human body is made of five elements: ether, earth, air, water and fire. The Fire Tratak removes from it two constituent elements. Viz. earth and water. By virtue of the Fire Tratak the practitioner brings about a blending of the remaining elements and enters the universe of the three elements. All gods are made of only three elements. One has to leave behind the to elements named above. It is only then can one reach supreme godhead. The principal use of the Fire Tratak is that one gets endowed with power to enter such realms which are generally obscure and forbidden. The human being who is made of five elements will not be able to reach the universe made of only three elements. He may be the greatest yogi belonging to the highest order. Dropping two elements is central to the job of acquiring power to enter all realms of the universe. Until the process of elimination is consummated, one has to remain confined to the mundane framework. One can achieve this only through the Fire Tratak." If someone has had any prior experience with tratak or is able to translate the above into more accessible terms it would be greatly appreciated, because as of now what I've interpreted from the above passage has instilled fear in me much more than curiosity. Anyways. I also recently happened into Zoroastrianism where fire is largely revered as a symbol of god and purity. While there are other things/ideals I find to be of interest in that particular religion, the whole fire worship thing is very synchronistic. For me personally, it just raises a question of what space is it that tratak will eventually grant me access to? Also, what exactly is the force or entity that I'm aligning myself with by continuing to entertain and engage with the practice of tratak? After all, if one truly does dedicate themselves to this discipline for the long run they would essentially spend a number of days, months, possibly even years, staring into the depths of a flame.
  13. How to sever a soul tie/energetic link with someone

    I see and hear what you are saying. Though surely there is some rite I can perform that will disconnect me from this person's sphere of influence entirely. You seem to be a sentimental person, as am I for the most part. However, I want to no longer have this person be a part of my reality.
  14. I have recently distanced myself from an intimate relationship that I needed to distance myself from. What are the best methods to go about completely cleansing myself of this person's energetic bond with me? I'm aware that the cessation of thoughts towards them is of benefit, though I know of little beyond that. I would really appreciate any and all input concerning how to begin excising this person's energy and influence from my personal sphere. Please and thank you
  15. Is it possible for castrated person to cultivate?

    There are plenty of cultivation practices, on this forum especially, that explicitly state how celibacy/semen retention is necessary in order to reach higher states- it is the basis of alchemy.