Lost in Translation

Well said.

Yes, something can be both real and unreal at the same time. For example: A mother looks at her young child and says "I love you." The words are not real. They have no mass and take up no space, yet hearing them deeply moves the child. Don't believe me? Perhaps the mother look at her young child and says "I hate you. I wish you would die." These, too, are just words with no mass and occupying no space. Yet these words carry life long impact on the child who hears them. These words cascade outward from the point of utterance, affecting many people for many years to come.

I recently heard the phrase "Light and Shadow" during a discussion about eclipses. I very much like that wording since it brings clarity to what is otherwise a murky concept. From now on I shall strive to use the word shadow in place of the word darkness.

I don't see it that way at all. The cop was a hero. Now imagine that the same man climbed the same cliff a week later and once more threatened to jump. And imagine the same cop arrived again. Would he risk his life twice to save the boy? What about a third time, or a fourth? At some point the boy would drag the cop off the cliff. This is what I am calling masochistic. And if at some point the cop simply lets the boy go... well, that is not unconditional, is it?

I'm glad you said this. I think you are on the right track but perhaps I can clarify your thoughts for you. "I do not want anything from you, I do not need you to do anything for me, and even if I have to kick your a#*, I will still love you and want the best for you." This is not right. You do indeed want something, You want the other person to be good - to be a good person - otherwise you would not consider the need to kick their a#*, and you are willing to sacrifice your relationship with that person to do this - hence the belief that you do not want or need anything from that person.

I think we need to define "love", otherwise this conversation will lose all meaning amid words. What is "Love?" Is love a feeling, or is love a feeling combined with the impetus to action? For example, a man "loves" his son and his son gets in trouble. Will the same risk his reputation and his fortune to help his son? If he will then this can be called love, since the well being of the son is greater than the man's own well being. If he won't risk his reputation and fortune then this cannot be called love. Perhaps it's more like affection. So back to "unconditional love", e.g. to love someone so completely that you put their well being above your own and in the process are prepared to sacrifice your own well being in return regardless of that person's words or deeds -- that is what I see as masochistically allowing someone to walk over you. And if a person claims to feel "unconditional love" but is unwilling to take deleterious action against themselves to follow through on that love then that person is simply being narcissistic by granting themselves the pleasure of feeling like they are loving towards the other when really they are just loving themselves.

You do what you desire. Is the highest path of purity your desire? Is lust your desire? Neither path is good, and neither path is bad. Knowing your nature and being true to yourself without self judgement or regret is what matters. If you follow the pure path will you regret that choice? If you follow lust will you regret that choice?

Unconditional love, such a strange concept. It means "there is nothing you can say, do or be that will lessen my love of you." This sounds good at first. From God to humans it is good, but from human to human it's garbage, since it means love without discernment or judgement. It means "you can walk all over me, abuse me and hurt me and I'll still love you," or perhaps it means "I am so far above you that, not unlike God, you are incapable of moving me." Neither is love. One is masochism and the other is narcissism.

The shadows are negative in that they are yin and draw energy towards them. This does not make them bad. That you were not messed with but simply observed is a testament to that. What did you feel?

"What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love, but a second hand emotion?" -- Terry Britten, Graham Lyle as sung by Tina Turner

"to make it a nest we can hide away from the world in"... Beautiful way to say it. Like many things, spirit may start with a yearning and end up clinging. "to make it a nest we can hide away from the world in"... I shall remember this.

I think you are on to something.

My heart goes out to these people and I help them when I can, but their fate is theirs as mine is mine and I refuse to accept any guilt for my life as I refuse to begrudge those who are more wealthy than I.

How is the above any different to what is below to the hypothetical homeless person? In both cases one simply walks by.

I also work in a city and witness the same, but look at the other side of the coin: what happens when one stops and offers to help? One may feel good about himself for a while, being generous, but what of the homeless person living in puddles of piss on the floor? Is he truly helped? If not, what would it take to truly help this person? Are you willing to personally do that? If you are, what of your family, is it right to lessen your role in their lives at the expense of the other person? And what of this other person - is it right that they make you responsible for their life? I'm not expecting answers from you. I'm just showing that the problem is not a simple one, and neither are the solutions. As regards "first world problems" - this is just another way of saying "your problems don't matter." It's actually quite insulting. Everyone has their problems, and to that person those problems are important. One person may not understand or appreciate another person's problems, but that does not mean they are not real. To the construction worker a pimple on the nose is nothing. To a model working for a magazine the same pimple is devastating.

Taoism is acceptance of that which is, without preconceptions or desires. That is the way. The rest are flowery trappings. How does this fit in with modern life? How often do you resist? How often do you struggle against what is, unable to change what is external to you and unwilling to change what is internal?

As long as we're bashing Buddhism, I must admit that I find their notion of "Mindfulness" to be exceptionally good. I have incorporated mindfulness into my day to day activities for several years now and it has helped me immensely. I very much recommend it for everyone regardless of faith or other practice.

I very much doubt that you are insane. Very good. Never lie to yourself about your feelings. False! Anger is neither bad nor good. Repressed anger is bad. It builds like dam waters until it can no longer be contained. Acknowledged anger is just another feeling. Yes! I did not like you at all when you first joined. Now I have much respect for you. This is progress for us both. I enjoy your honesty.

I agree, they should not remain unchallenged, but what I sense here is beyond challenge. This is control. Specifically, this is you letting them control what you feel. They only control your feelings because you let them.

This is the kind of thing that many couples say about each other when they divorce. Has Buddhism hurt you this badly?

It works best when you don't use an alarm, e.g. on your day off. Otherwise just go to bed earlier. Once the alarm goes off it's impossible to reach this state. This morning I awoke in the manner I described and lay in bed for maybe ten minutes before moving. I listened to my house cat as he groomed himself at the foot of the bed and savored the sound of my wife's gentle breathing. At times my muscles would begin to awake so I focused on my own breathing and they relaxed again. I think now that you know this process is possible you will soon experience it. When you do, let me know what you think.

Get plenty of sleep! There is a brief period after sleep when the mind wakes up before the body. One literally lies in bed feeling the body asleep - muscles relaxed to the point they feel like sacs of water. It's quite pleasant. With awareness and practice one can learn to expand this period of time, to hold on to it. It is about intention. Once one intends to move, the body awakes even before one actually moves, but lie there without intention and the body remains calm. Knowing how the body feels when sleeping, one can learn to steer the body towards deep relaxation while awake. That's harder to do, but like most things it is the practice that matters most. Results follow.