ilumairen

... you must first help yourself. If you want to help yourself you must first forget yourself. I don't know where I came across these words - only that today they mean something different to me than they first did. Still pragmatic, but differently so than what the mind conceived. Thoughts?

The idea of entitlement is such an interesting thing. We humans excel at the skill of justification.

Yeah forget it. Apparently I get to just savor the smell of used bookstores without labelling it. Sorry guys.

Until it happens you will not know for sure, so why not take a deep breath and savor this ride? Good morning.

We become/merge into the universe. We don't get to keep that which we 'put all that hard work' into because we are no longer that which did all the hard work. You are cursing your own experience by pulling it back to you, instead of going with it.

Horus? You're awesome.

Everything, we find things that are precious to us. The degree of preciousness dictates the degree of 'protectiveness' This is the essence of both war and peace. It is the human condition.

I'm your reflection - playing back to you the song you asked to hear. (Both literally and figuratively) I do not know, but the sun is shining at the moment.

Good morning (((Everything))) Thank you for your willingness to look a little deeper.

My mind is a garden. I lovingly planted seeds of compassion, understanding, and acceptance. The sunlight of my attention enabled them to grow strong. Every once in awhile a weed of anger, frustration, or resentment sprouts. I notice the sprout, accept it's existense, and understand its potential. I then leave it to whither away from neglect. Last night a storm blew in, the garden became a disheveled mess, and I discovered that while that little sprout of anger looked shriveled and puny it's root was quite strong. It was a short lived storm, but while it raged I still called someone I have often naturally and effortlessly held with compassion a two faced bitch. At the moment it doesn't matter that she is in fact a two faced, often bitter and angry woman who gets lost in the words swirling around in her head. It doesn't matter that she has been hurtful to many people I care about. It doesn't even matter that just hours before we had a conversation about these things being the reason my SO doesn't talk to her after she threw one of her emotional fits at me about him not talking to her. What matters is that I did this. There was even a moment of awareness that I was about to step from center. I knew what was happening, and I still took that step anyway. I willingly and intentionally stepped from the place of peace to metaphorically slap somebody who is lost in their own suffering upside the head. Today I'm back to watering flowers.

Workplace dynamics are, at their core, the same as any other interpersonal dynamics - with the exception that we don't get to choose who we will be spending a very large portion of our lives with. It's kind of like family in the not choosing, but more intense due to the lack of family bonds. People will make more allowances for those they love, but even here jealousies can abound. ******** And I've come to the realization that most of the angst revolves around comparisons. If you think you take issue with how some women are treated, you should take a look at the issue many women take with each other. I did not choose the physical features of my form, and grow more confused with the fascination, and sometimes obsession, with every passing year. I had believed that by the time I reached the age I have, with my smile lines and tinsel highlights in my hair, I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. ******** I just do my job, and do what I can to hold other women as openly and gently as I can. The resentment remains. Once someone told the new plant manager that something needed to be done about me because I didn't do anything. He looked at the numbers, and I was effective and productve no matter where they put me (while she was not). In spite of this being a fact the resentment and perception remains. And it isn't just about me. The same thing happens with other women. It hurts them more than it hurts me. And then there is the acting out... and all I can do is hold the one being hurt and try to help them find the 'center' where these things don't matter. I can't fix this. All I can do is open myself more to this reality, and see what presents itself. ******** And yes, this only lightly touches on the male aspect. Maybe later; maybe not. But for now... this is enough.

Thank you for your response Bob. At the moment this is just an acknowledgement. I'll return when I have the time for the response. Hope you are having a pleasant day - from one blue collar worker to another.

Actually I didn't admit anything. I was responding to you saying who wouldn't want to with you. If you get attached to my 'sexy' you miss everthing else. It is, of course, your choice.

Actually, it isn't easier; my job has become ... my practice. And apparently I still need a lot of that. I recently told a coworker that if I can't remain centered when life throws drama into the mix - I'm not 'there' yet. There are lessons and reminders everywhere..... ******** The center remains... if only we can remember it. It's not a hoping you will be ok. It's a knowing you will be when you decide that's what you want.

Hi Bob. Nice to see you. I agree that the repression of anger only leads to more deep seated anger. I also think that holding up an ideal of good that we strive to live up to causes it's own problems. In either case there is often a conflict between what is and what we tell ourselves should be. ********* There has been a wierd dynamic with me and my coworker. I'm the only person there who will tell her to 'shut the f*ck up' when she just can't stop the stuff floating in her head from coming out of her mouth. Part of her wants to stop, but she can't. It's like slapping a hysterical person in the face. She feels better, other people feel better. And I feel sad. I don't like this dynamic. Although others feel better its nothing more than a mother kissing a wound better - it's still bleeding. And I can't fix that, and don't want to slap her anymore. I'm stepping away so perhaps her and others can learn better ways of interacting. I've learned my lesson. Now I have to leave others to find theirs.

Everything... I don't want to f*ck you, but I do want to hug you. Good morning ((((everything)))). Thank you for this.

And still, I'm tired, weary, and I miss my sister. There is no help to offer, but the heart still loves, and the mind does long for her to be ok.

Dreambliss? I'm perfectly ok with a 'f*ck you' if that's where you are and what you need to say right now... really. Pretend I'm any and everyone who has expected you to think, see, feel other than how you do. Pretend I'm every pithy substanceless response you've ever read. Write me hate mail. But most of all just keep letting it out... until there isn't anything to let out anymore. I'm here, but I'm only a straw dog.

((((Dreambliss)))) I don't know you, but .... I'm here.

Yes, and if this someone has already had the living shit slapped out of them in a violent manner, this treatment may be more harmful than beneficial - reinforcing the emotional pain, instead of relieving it.

I tried saying, 'no thanks.' That hasn't worked out so well so ... yes. Thanks Horus.

Hi Jetsun. You are right; I did get something out of it. I got to walk away from something that was hurtful to me and others. It was an ugly break up. Thank you.

So there I was, holding another's baggage, calling it loving kindness. It enabled understanding of behaviors that were intentionally hurtful. I gently presented the baggage to others, so they could find the same understanding. I was interfering. It was more codependency. I saw the anger, I recognized the anger, I released the anger. I said the words I had stopped others from saying with my meddling, and threw her baggage back at her feet, and my own at mine. Daeluin, you have helped more than you could know. You have my gratitude.

Probably... I just recall an old friend sharing this experience with me, and me suggesting a chili cheese dog.

Someone else called it paralysis by analysis.