So for many years I have been doing a head centered meditation via teacher (Aziz Kristof). Perhaps I was overzealous as I often practiced for many hours a day and attended many retreats. I was working with an individual who had a crown chakra opening and he told me that I should strive to open mine. Well, I did, via visualization of the energy moving from the base up to and above the head.
Then in one instant my world was flipped up on side of its head. It's been 19 months of hell and the energies have subsided. The awakening has left me in a state of depersonalization and I am humbly pleading with members of this community with some help or insight.
Meditation, for the most part, pushes me further into samadhi and I become more and more depersonalized. I tried facing it and going into it many times, but it left me crippled to the point where I could barely walk.
Reiki, EFT, Tai Chi, Acupuncture all seem to exacerbate the symptoms. Anything that encourages stillness/trance tends to totally un-ground me. Often I feel like I'm half conscious, half awake, half sleeping. It is very easy for me to fall into trance.
Anything that increases energy seems to make matters worse. It's almost like the energy is not circulating through my body normally but instead moving up and out due to years of visualizaing up and out. Is there a was to re-pattern this energy?
I've met with a fair share of "half-baked" teachers who were all too eager to help but ultimately either did nothing or made things worse.
My internet searching has found many individuals suffering from a similar condition hence I believe that it must be somewhat common(especially in the East and in Monastic communities) but why does NOBODY seem to know the biology of the this experience of depersonalization as it relates to meditation?
If anybody knows of some sort of practice that would help my condition, I would be very grateful if you would share. A practice that de-crystalizes energy in the head space of forces energy downwards without increasing overall energy. If anybody knows of any teachers/individuals who might be of assistance, would you please provide me with that information. It's gotten to the point where I don't even care so much if I have to travel to the top of the Himalayas to get relief. My life has become almost unbearable.
I humbly ask you all for your guidance on this matter if you feel you can be of help.