silent thunder

When I encountered the long dark, I fought it with everything I had, struggling against the current with a monstrous vanity. Stubbornly forcing myself to emptily perform my previous rituals until all inertia was absolutely spent and I finally just ran out of desire, utterly exhausted in body, mind and spirit. With no more ability to care I just dropped everything and completely surrendered. Came close to suicide twice. The process lasted a couple years in all. When I reached inertial bottom and settled into stillness, I gave in to it, I had no choice, no inertia, no love, no care, no truth. Just empty motions and lack of desire. Nothing had meaning, nothing could possibly matter. The slightest breeze could change my direction in these days. The tiniest suggestion of a friend or stranger could alter my course, yet no matter the course, the ship was empty and lifeless. Although it felt like complete surrender and I told myself it was, it was not, for I still had pride and despair. The despair of 'what is wrong with me? where did my love go? who am I? what am I?' And a pride that I could endure such despair and keep on functioning. Thankfully the long dark was more relentless than my pride or despair. On and on I plodded until finally in true exhaustion even the will to despair fell away. Where before there was despair at the loss of desires and connection to life, within this release, there was no longer even the energy to attach to despair. This was the fulcrum and pivot. The Yang within Yin. When I finally lost the inertia to spend on fear or despair, I encountered silence. Silence of mind, silence of emotions, emptiness of motion, no motivations, just empty actions and words. The silence I experienced was so complete. Silent body, empty mind. In the core of this silence I experienced something new. An underlying sound, like rushing water became apparent very far away and deep, within the silence... and it shook me awake. It was so profound and deep and utterly new, so foundational, beneath and beyond anything I had experienced in the realms of desire and identity. Once I became aware of this sound, this presence, it at once began to grow and fill my awareness. It grew into a roaring thunder that had it been an audible sound would have deafened me. It shook the walls of my awareness until there were no walls and when I looked out of my windowless self, the world I saw was not the world I had known. Trees I had walked by every day for a decade were seen as if for the first time. People, veritably glowing with energy in the simplest of exchanges and even the dirtiest situation had the shining aspect of brilliant connected life to it. The sense of it was like waking from a long dream. I am not enlightened. I am not awake. My long dark was exactly what I had been asking for and seeking. I've been blessedly shaken by the silent thunder and I'm so fucking grateful it's beyond words to describe it. The silent thunder awakened me to the connection. The deep underlying connection of all of it. Now I'm going to go have a piss and make some more tea... Much Love... edit: and of course... the above is all experiential and thus, illusion. But wow, what a ride! gratitude is a great companion

Well met and welcome!

Power in America is wielded mostly by the Military Industrial Complex and the Federal Reserve. They have no term limits and hold the strings of those who do.

Dude... if you had an island somewhere and a robot and some crystals... with this philosophy, you could found the land of Logan's Run.

Snowden is a good example of a person who is not well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

You guys are late... I'm posting like crazy...

My instincts and experience tell me that the hell I end up in is the hell I create and resonate with through my perceptions/actions. The reason the stay in hell can be so long is that low (hellish), vibratory states have a self sustaining inertia once established and exist like all of nature in a cycle. A thought brings emotional reaction. The emotional state prompts another similar thought, which reinforces the emotion. Breaking that cycle can require massive inertia. One of the few things for me that can change low state vibration cycles into higher vibrations is cultivation. But by cultivation, I do not mean just practices related to daoism, buddhism, vedantic or any other ism or school. Although the importance of disciplined practice: sitting meditation, moving meditation cannot be stressed enough, specifically in the beginning stages of gathering enough inertia to alter the thought/emotion cycle. Eventually, I mean cultivating every moment of life. Each breath. Mindfulness. Playfulness. Curiosity. Quiet. Love. Heaven and Hell are here and now and I am the gatekeeper/judge/defendant and victim. Liberation and Damnation are now.

I'm no longer surprised by the lack of trust and abuse of power in any organization. To lead requires power. Those who desire, seek and achieve power of control over others, require aggressive, violent, manipulative, psychotic/socio-pathic tendencies in order to succeed and maintain. In any political, religious, or grass roots organization, if the person/s in authority do not possess, display and master these skills/traits, they do not maintain their authority for long. It's inherent to the structure and is compounded by the size of the organization and the mindset of the culture. In this case, on this level, I see very little difference in east/west. If kept small enough, the inherently negative aspects of leadership can be held in balance with a bit more success. But any large or wildly successful organization is going to be rife with psychotic tendencies, due to the nature of the people attracted to the positions of highest authority and the requirements of maintaining that authority. There is always another one waiting to knock off the king. The Sword of Damocles is ever-present. I see this not being the norm on all levels and in all locations; there are, of course, always exceptions. But the overall culture of leadership and control in east and west, both display a deep psychosis from my perspective.

Yea, very similar style and perspective. I noted that as well.

Hey christian, once you hit 5 posts you have full access to the rest of the forum. Again, welcome.

Like spokes to the hub, all religions, thought forms and paths lead to the source.

Thanks for sharing. I get the glowing around the object. I've also experienced foggy vision, tearing and small spasms as the eyes flitter about involuntarily after holding one spot for a long period, (I've gone 30 min or so). The spasms come in small waves after a few minutes, then dissipate. I've also experienced spontaneous hypnogogic visions (static and moving) when staring at a spot on a blank wall.

I agree about pharma, it has a place, but for me that will always be a last resort. It's like clear-cutting a forest for vision, instead of climbing a tree or finding a hill.

Hey WillingToListen. I've been there. I went deeper into the yin aspect. I dropped myself all the way into it. I found the yang there.

Yes it is. David Wilcock's book: The Source Field Investigations compiles the results of many various scientific studies into this area. Good stuff.

I don't recall who did this study, but its source was east German before the wall fell, or Russia during the cold war. In it the scientist was trying to pinpoint where in the brain memory is stored. His findings were very strange. He used rats that he taught to walk a maze. Then he would destroy parts of their brain and re-release them in the maze to see if they could still remember the route. Barbaric, but after all, it's human science. So barbarism aside, he came to the conclusion that memory was likely a magnetic field (holographic) that we access. He came to this conclusion after repeatedly destroying so much of his subjects brains that their bodies would no longer operate fully, yet they could still drag themselves through the maze with full memory of the path.

Understanding and Awareness seem to relate as a direct proportional ratio. If you have amoeba awareness, you will have an amoeba level understanding/experience of reality. If you have a dog awareness... Human... Tree... For me it comes down to fields of energy. Fields of awareness. Expand the field man. (let me take a monster drag of some digital saturday morning sublimation..) yea... you gotta expand your awareness.... ohm baby ohm

Wow *deep bow of respect* taoiseasy. Your words shine. Those last two posts feel like they come directly from my experience, This really resonates with what is at the core of what I've learned. The primary foundational focus of the forms I practice: Kind Heart Sincere Heart Quiet Heart Every form starts: Happy (get in contact with joy) Relaxed (release into joy and begin)

Great illustrations and explanations of those stretches. Nice one Old Green.

The conditions of Wirathu's situation seem really extreme. It hurts to contemplate it. With conditions like those, the choices get bottle-necked pretty quickly. Move, resist, or submit, seem like the main reactions I could take in that situation, none seem pleasant. The Tao of Violence: If nature follows Tao, then violence is a part of Tao. All life feeds on other life and even outside the game of 'who is my dinner?' there are a myriad of other types of violence that have their place in the completely natural order. There is a right time for violence. It's just not a pleasant manifestation. Wirathu reminds me of the central character in 'The Compassionate Monk' tale. Briefly paraphrased: Several monks had booked passage on a ship sailing along the coast. Mid-journey the ship they were on was damaged and boarded by pirates whose reputation was for murdering all the men and children and keeping the women as toys. One monk took violent action and killed every last pirate, saving the rest of the passengers including his brother monks. His brothers were incredibly distraught at his actions and his reply to them was pretty simple. "I showed them compassion. My actions disallowed them to take horrendous karma upon themselves that they are ill equipped to handle. I willingly accept this karma, having the skills I have learned in my studies."

I appreciate your take on things Flo, humor and blunt speech are often great forces for truth. I have come to appreciate it when I occupy the spot that 'seems' to not fit. It's a self determined position and fulfills (flolfils? ) a definite purpose. But in the end, everything, absolutely everything fits. We are one. You carry it well.

I agree. Don't bury a topic that is bringing beneficial discussion about a difficult topic among high thinking, spiritual people. That's kind of the whole point of a forum. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems the pit is for 'irrelevant or off topic/non spiritual' matters. This very thing strikes to the core of many matters we all struggle with daily. How to deal with hostility, prejudice and ignorance. Very good discussion in my opinion.

This is profoundly cool to me. Much respect! Is this something you are thinking about patenting and testing as a product? I certainly don't see any reason why you shouldn't share it with your friends and family either way.

Isn't Phowa the name of a specific buddhist practice for mastering out of body travel to aid in averting fear at death? If so, seems very natural to put it with other buddhist practices and discussions.

My Love is effortless. It manifests spontaneously and requires no conditions. In the end for me, all love becomes self Love. Healing myself is foundational, primary. It's the soil Love grows from. Effort and grasping are not Love in my experience, but verbs about controlling or influencing perceived 'external conditions'. Not to say there is no effort in my relationships. Quite a bit sometimes. But Love is what spurs my action, not the result of it. Thanks for sharing your story... I'm so glad you two found each other and grew together. Many blessings there.