silent thunder

one of the greatest benefits of my life process has been what I've lost. chief among these is the loss of my desire to resent people, or events that I found unpleasant, or that seemed to cause me hurt. so much useless suffering I heaped on myself, long after the original condition of that suffering has passed. the one I set free when I let go of resentment, or the desire for retribution and revenge over some perceived slight... is me... forgiveness is my liberation... release is the action of realizing this truth

This knowingness vs object subject observation of a virtual 'thing'. very curious.

is it a left brain, right brain thing? She says she's still very attached to the process so it's not like she's free of the attachment/aversion thing. She just always comes back to this phrase... I don't see things, or hear them... I feel them. I sense them.. I just know them.

I have been mulling this over. Could be an advantage as I know I feast on my dream images and visualizations like a glutton at table full of pork.

She is extremely private, slow to trust and so politely, but emphatically declines.

talk... listen... reason... deliberate... negotiate. my heroes are those who take actions that avoid war and violence. be a hero... talk... listen... negotiate.

game. set. match. well played sir.... well played.

It's one of my favorite plays of all time. Exquisite! Genius. I would love to do it in rep with Hamlet some day. Same cast, same roles, same sets, alternate days, weekend double bills... ah... love it. I still bum out a bit when I recall finding out that I was slated to be offered the role of Rosencrantz in an arena production back in my acting days, but was poached by another Director before getting the offer. The two Directors, both friends of mine had lunch and Nolte, the Director who poached me, falsely told Smucker, the Director of R&G, that I had already committed to his production of Oedipus, when I had heard about neither yet. Flattering that he'd do that... but I was pissed when I found out. As it played, my very best friend in the biz ended up playing Rosencrantz instead of me and honestly he thrived in that role... I think it worked out for the best.... but man was I pissed. Interesting... that buddy who played Rosencrantz just opened his own classical theater up in Oregon. At some point he'll do those plays in rep... we've talked about it often. Gotta dig that out and reread it now too...

yup talk about unplugging... rain causes me to unplug from everything but it these days I grew up in the saturated forests of Minnesota and Canada and took water for granted. My relationship with water and rain completely altered sometime in my first year in California. The awareness of just how much water impacted the quality and content of my air back East. I've become obsessed with rain now and flowing water... a giddy little boy with a white beard in a large body lol. rain in the desert... awe inspiring... incredible... the pure response when it occurs... the mass opening of all the life when the moisture flows... on such minute scales in every nook... it's one of my favorite highs now finding a quiet place to just be while it rains to just feel the earth and all the green and grassy beings open up collectively and bathe in liquid life... drinking liquid life that falls from the sky. ha... miracle.

that was like an awesome 3 hit combo... thanks for the chuckle mate... good stuff!

i live in a few cities generocity, reciprocity, synchronicity i recognize only one nation resonation one human race, one planet are very apparent to me my country, your country... these are very confusing to me but i'm a dumb and stubborn descendent of vikings and woads... pay no attention to me

defend your country... boy that's a loaded catch phrase to me... One of a conveniently vague and broad nature, wielded seeminlgy most often by those who start fights that they never have to engage in personally. They start a fight which then requires other people's children to 'defend your country' for them. But at least they don't risk their lives for mere greed, or malice... no in exchange for risking their lives, they get a 'sense of honor', 'becoming a man' and the best of all (though often the deadest of all) being a hero. I agree with the premise defend your country, well aside from the notion of country... never seen a country myself, (been all up in the air in fancy airplanes, and looked out, but never once saw the dotted lines the maps seem so keen about)... but i defend life, not countries.. and then, really I only defend some life... I don't defend melanoma, or cockroaches... or the chicken in my crock pot. I don't defend any of the vegetables I harvest, or the mosquitoes I seek out and destroy so my wife can sleep soundly... I defend my life and the life of those I care about. More so, I find myself wondering who is this most amazing of humans that we entrusted to distinguish what is meant by 'defend your country'? They must be amazing. Hope they never take anything too personally, or get greedy, or have a chip on their shoulder. It'd be a drag if people had to die over such trivialities... wait... smells like rain outside... I should unplug from the keyboard.

so many types of prisons so many types of slavery I dearly appreciate the scenes between Rosencrantz, Guildenstern and Hamlet. This little exchange is so densely packed with layered meanings for me... incredible stuff. time to reread it again. Guildenstern: Prison my Lord? Hamlet: Denmark is a prison. Rosencrantz: Why then your ambition makes it one. 'Tis too narrow for your mind. Hamlet: O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space—were it not that I have bad dreams. Guildenstern: Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream.

Thanks for sharing. Very potent and empowering relationship they fostered, with each other and with life and death. I share much in common with them regarding death, bodies and dying. I delayed having my Father's body sent to the morgue for as long as I could, but Michigan I discovered is quite demanding and intrusive even in this... but I'm deeply grateful for what time I did have with his body. I don't have the fear of death. Never have. Early experience rendered me immune. It's so natural. Decay is not terrible, it's absolutely full of loving softness. Or so it seems to me.

It is a relief to know you have it figured out mate. *deep bow* I confess I was growing concerned for you. In my ignorance, (which is like a vast gem with many facets), I confess that I am missing the deeper meaning of what you claim you are conveying with your posts... as your words do not, to me, reflect an inner state devoid of pain and pleasure. Many of your words are uncomfortably familiar and remind me of times my mind spent spinning and revolving in deep pain and constant judgement of all the external sources of my pain. But that's me, not you. My ignorance is really displayed when attempting to understand your absolute statements regarding the true nature of things and their unchanging, concrete and your definitive descriptions of these... they deeply reveal my ignorance... as I can only look out and perceive the constant flowing nature of things around me. I can't say that I've ever perceived one static thing in all my life. But perhaps what they say is true... ignorance must really be bliss. It certainly is in my case, as this fluid dance of my self and others is miraculous and stunning and causes more and more, me to experience depths of gratitude I never knew possible for even the simplest of moments. My wife opens a door and smiles at me. A hummingbird visits my spiral sculpture. My intestines extract minerals and protein from my food and then I excrete what is not useful to me, yet even this feces which I must confess in my ignorance is very repugnant to me, is still useful and can nourish the very earth and bring about conditions where there is more food for me in the future... miraculous! Typing these words while my lymbic system separates waste fluids with nary a thought on my part... a flower opening on my wife's cactus plant... the list is endless, my sources of ignorant joy... where was i? right, my ignorance. I'm sure there must be some deep meaning I am unable to discern in your claims of the inferiority of women. But this concept you seem very comfortable and confident with, mystifies me deeply. I'm utterly baffled. It is one of the things that had me concerned for you. This one small group of words you use that conveys an idea from a mind, that supports a perspective, that has come to know with seemingly unwavering and total certainty, the essential static nature of 3.something billion fluid beings. And you sum it up in so few words. Incredible. Such surety must be remarkably comforting. It is no wonder you are beyond pain and pleasure. It is further demonstration of my ignorance. Having not attained a state where I can claim to understand even the essential nature of my own self, I try (don't succeed) to not make many claims as to the inner essential static nature of anything. Though I will likely share how things seem to me though... I like doing that... (another facet to the massive gem of my ignorance). To me mate... you seem to be in pain. I love you though. I've been there. I'mma go hug my wife now and then give my cats a treat and sit on my porch for a bit, see if another hummingbird comes to see my sculpture... (it's intersecting copper waves in a spiral, shaped like a toroidal sphere) they all seem really drawn to it... just like I am...

Yea, I wouldn't pick a fight with Dolph, I'd pick a pub and head out for some story time... I bet he has a few good'uns.

taking one position... forces all others into a positional opposition without consent and without consulting intent how powerful and convenient to be the source and dispenser of right and wrong decider and judge of good and evil

or this haiku: muddiest waters left undisturbed by 'process' rest in clarity

your question reminded me of this 13 Hope hollow like fear. Both foster tension in mind. Success like failure. One imbued with hope, tension takes a joyous form, anticipation. When fortune turns ill, as seems inevitable, fierce anxiety. Bodies will suffer. An undeniable truth. Embrace misfortune. Sage knows the self, as a simple yet fine robe impermanent shape. Surrender the self. In humility, find trust. Now love world as self.

I just snorted...

Can you just imagine the unyielding swordplay of words and concepts he would wield in its critique? funny... that thought is as delicious to me as it is useless...

I really appreciated you sharing this... we have an awesome herb/tea shop that just opened in town... you have me thinking...

Well this seems certain, there sure is no, and likely will never be a shortage of opinions, surety and dogma over what is a helpful herb and what is harmful... and what is and what is not a drug is the more interesting question to me. I have noticed there is considerable variance in what folks consider to be a 'drug'. And one thing I think folks miss out on, is how many drug like influences they have in their lives that have nothing to do with what they put in their mouths, or what they smoke or drink... It's what they allow themselves to think and what they subconsciously habitually do, that cause just as much hormonal reward as any of the 'drugs' that are so easily pigeon holed as the source of societies woes... And then even among what are openly classifed as the drugs... there are those that are good for us and those deemed bad... I'd be interested to get the firm numbers of people who die, or suffer long lasting injury from prescription meds vs street drugs. I recall looking into this some two decades ago while taking a class on street drugs prior to trying some of them out. My findings then caused me to stop just taking any pill my Dr. offered me without looking into it myself. But then, I was in that class for the same reason... always curious to learn what others knew about entheogenic and street drug's I was interested in trying... always needed to look into it and read up on it and make up my own mind. That process resulted in me having a personal definition of a drug. To me a drug is anything that causes an 'affect of my experience of perception or life', A drug to me is anything that can affect my awareness... plant essences and secretions, animal products, pills and injectibles from the dr, activities (sex, eating, exercise, meditation, qi gong...) image media, books/ideas, conversations, thoughts, emotions... all of these have a drug like affect on me and then become an avenue where I may seek them in a manner that is deemed 'out of balance'. and can inculcate addictive behavior.... I then saw that for me, all phenomena, in any form was like a drug and thus held the potential for me to relate to it in addictive manner to very interesting and beneficial results. When I realized for instance, the daily, bodily manifestation and influence of broadcast television and radio on the state of my mind and body... I got rid of it the next day. Television for me, was far more harmful to my experience of life than anything I've ever smoked or ingested or done naked in a bedroom, (or 30 feet up a tree for that matter)... Most of what I've encountered in the notion of drugs and which ones are accepted and which ostracized stems from nothing more than the old school we all attended in one form or other... the school of 'that's how it's always been' in our culture, so that's what's normal... The cutlural social indoctrination we all receive and that creates our foggy yet oh so firm, subconscious notions of normal. It sets right alongside our culturally created notions of correct sexual orientations and what pursuits and activities normal folks are supposed to engage in. It covers such broad and undetailed topics about you know... how folks 'should' behave when they are 'normal' and 'decent'. All perfectly normal and unavoidable... the cultural waters we all saturate in from birth, before the age of critical thinking. you know... normal. But back to herbs proper... even among herbalists, there is so much flexibility and opinions and debate... some seem helpful in small amounts and harmful in large doses... others are helpful when steamed and fatal when raw... some are good when we are young and others are only beneficial as we age. Drugs are everywhere... coffee, sugar, sports and internet seem like the big four in terms of most accepted, politically supported and prevalent in my culture, but that's just my little corner. Far more potent than any street drug, pill or grocery store item I've ever tried is a tie between pranayama breathing... and lucid dreaming. In my experience, anything that causes a reaction, a response in awareness, that we then can duplicate and come to rely upon is a drug capable of having an addictive relationship with... Pranayama breathing and lucid dreaming are far more addictive to me than any drug I've ever used. Posting comments on an internet forum can be another example of a potent drug desired emotional payoff for an action in my world. Fluid questions... concrete answers... fluid answers... life stuff. oh look... it's time to go breathe i wonder if there will be any smoke in that breath, or if the fog within is really without? maybe the hermetics know... where are they now I wonder?

*exhales and sinks down... thanks mate! that was powerful and well timed!

whoa... Seekerofhealing... your words often display a pain that indicates you are indeed a seeker of and not a dispenser of healing. Your pain is evident, it is yours and you alone have created it as you have created a need to seek healing from it. Do you like its flavor? You may tire of it someday, then the healing will likely manifest realization that the healing was present within you all along, only untouchable through all the self inflicted pain of seeking and seeing others as the source of your pain. I gave up seeking some time ago... what a powerful liberation... I would wish it on anyone... much benefit. It was exhaustion that brought it about for me... simply couldn't *thankfully* maintain such energy any longer and it all just sort of fell apart, and away leaving in its wake... awareness and beingness... with some strong side emanations of gratitude and contentment. How can one experience the present or be healed when one is seeking? How simply abide in presence and awareness when the source of one's inner state and wholeness is dependent upon something one considers to be outside their own self? Such slavery as this is a travesty of the highest order and ironically, seems to always be self imposed. To be a seeker is to be seeking, not present. To not be present is to separate oneself (within one's mind chatter). Its very name alludes to its energetic action which is to project outward with the intention to discover in some assumed external place, or medicine, or teaching, a source of healing what lies within... which implies that the seeker assumes they lack something in their present state at this present moment. The very declaration of one's self as a seeker says 'i don't have it yet. i suspect it's not part of me and I must seek it out. out there...' In my experience seeking is seeking, being is being One need not seek, the anchor of the universe is there in you in every ephemeral atom of your form... you are as close to the source now as you were in the womb as you were prior to the womb... All one need to do is release all the extras picked up on the way. Abide in being, let all else fall away.