silent thunder

In a few weeks I'll be driving cross country with my Son to settle some family business... #possibilities

I lived in Brooklyn and worked in Manhattan from 93 to 2000. Your description of the subtle field of the island is spot on with what I experienced @Taomeow My wife and I agreed we needed to move by our mid 30's at the latest. There was no dimmer switch to that ever present thrumming field of that place. Potent but overwhelming over long periods. Adrenal burnout.

Video proof or it didn't happen. Video is foolproof!

You just described my foundational process of late... full agreement.

We each experience reality from the center of our own awareness, based on perceptual apparatus and mental landscape interpretations. With some overlap we each seemingly experience our own unique universe.

AI chat bots... No intuition, no intelligence, no insight. Just regurgitation of formulaic data sets. It's little more than elaborate copyright infringement software.

When the 'leaders' hold a war and no one shows up...

Afghanistan, Iraq, Lybia, Lebanon, Syria, Ukraine, Raza... How many more Black Tulips will we plant?

Maddie is dropping pearls in this coversation and revealing high skill and insight. Compassion over comparison. It seems our socially reinforced, yet internally adopted mental/emotional models that apply pressure, guilt, shame and judgement of ourselves is far more impacting and damaging to jing, than any physical pressure/activities they target. That which these models subsequently judge and then seek to punish ourselves for... This Judge/Victim internal roleplay is perhaps the most prevalent and damaging Jing blockage egregore in modern culture I have experienced. This has been reinforced time and again by both of my long term teachers over the last 14 years particularly, though more impacting is that it abides in my direct life experience. acknowledge, accept, release. acknowledge what is accept it in awareness, that what is and was... is not what must or will continually arise. release. realease mental gymnastics: assumption, judgement and projection and abide in presence. rest in awareness.

@kyoji

I find the pure mechanical view of cultivation to be a holdover of the 19th century Cartesian model of Materialism. It is untenable, oversimplifying and lacks depth of understanding and engaging the process and the layering of reality that is awareness based. So much more going on than the body's process and breathing. Breath, while intimately related to an inroad to one form of cultivation tool, should not be conflated as 'the process in full'. One tool is not the kit.

Amp up surely. Qi brings higher energy and power. So short answer is yes. I like forest's use of fertilizer vs cultivation. Fertilizing is carte blanc fuel for whatever is in the soil fruits and weeds alike it all amps up. Whereas cultivation is a process of preparing the soil to grow certain things, aspects of i am. There is regular tending, occasional pruning and selective fertilizing. Don't agree that greater Qi always betters or improves folks. While I appreciate the optimism, I've witnessed (as I'm sure most have) students turned away by teachers in martial settings out of concern that their character does not support the responsibility associated with learning some techniques. More commonly, folks walk away from training willingly when the work brings up unexpected emotional structures and it all seems to just be making life worse, not better. "I didn't come here for this. This is all just worse." One woman shared tearfully before packing up and leaving the retreat. Only once have I seen a teacher refuse to continue teaching due to concern of the risk of further exacerbating an existing mental/emotional instability. Not all folks can safely engage some work at certain points in their life. Qi is power after all. But increased Qi predisposes the opening of channels and that involves the breaking up of emotional structures and mental blockages and supressed issues... which is far from pleasant and in some cases and times, not entirely safe to engage in. One of the great challenges of teaching, i imagine, is knowing when to withhold. Qi cultivation has been far from a blissful process for me at times through the decades. During some phases it comes with a relentless, disorienting and uncomfortable unveiling of my illusory assumptions, projections and storytelling; as well as the revealing of long held regrets, shame, guilt, anger. Were there not a stable foundation from which to operate, it can be detrimental when high level energy is involved. So timing in training seems essential and why there is such a focus on proper foundation from which to engage the higher work. Know when to take a break and allow the waters to settle. When the mind and body quiet down... at some point long held emotional and mental structures, dormant traumas that lay beneath the threshhold of notice, will arise in the space and silence. To me, that's when the actual cultivation begins.

It is a strange presentation of the cosmos to me, christianity. When refined to its most basic tenets, it is utterly unacceptible on its own merits and claims. At its core, it demands belief and faith without any hint of exemplification in life. Atop that is the demand to act out this belief through the ritualized, symbolic re-enactment of cannabalistic consumption of flesh and drinking of blood, which is such a whopper to me and always was, from the moment of its introduction to me in Sunday school as a little one. I remember blurting out... "you mean we drink blood like Vampires!?!?!?|" Compounded upon that is the seeming fact that the consumption rite/eucharist is the same old testament ritualized process of sacrifice of life, for atonement, no matter that it is symbolic and the spirit of christ. Symbolic action is the language of sub-consciousness to participation in that act socially is no less impacting to the psyche and sub-conscious than if it were actualized. My discomfort with the christian cosmology was rather intensely deepened and exemplified in my questions regarding the 'immaculate conception' and impregnating of Mary which was met with severe chagrin and considerable discomfort to my teacher. The kids all seemingly perked up and were curious in my memory, though this is likely projection now. But my query was sincere and born of an earnest desire to know the nuts and bolts of the stories I was hearing that I at first inherently took 100% on the merit of 'adults don't lie and adults know'. I did not realize it consciously at the time, but in my process and trying to understand how it actually played out... was bringing to awareness the rather dark notion of the fact that Mary seemed to lack the ability to give consent to the process, due to the deliverance of the Angelic message that she had 'been chosen' by god. Was Mary allowed to say no? was the core of my question to my Sunday school teacher. He was not interested in engaging it and his reaction still resonates to this day as uncommonly and potently uncomfortable for everyone there. He was the one who eventually drove me to read the bible for myself and seek answers there. He kept dodging direct questions with the standard 'god works in mysterious ways' or 'it's his will not ours' or 'the answers are in the bible'. So around age 13 I read the bible for myself. Cover to cover. Twice... and part way through the first reading it was apparent that this world view was and would be an unsuitable platform for my awareness. Many years later after much study and some little amount of angst. I realized the inherent problem that lay between those who shared their christian view of the world with me and why it always lay at odds at a fundamental level... was that they took the bible as literal. When I reached the ability to process the book as I expect it was intended... allegorically, metaphorically, indeed in the New Testament as Christ seemingly taught as parable... much of my former angst and tension released and some aspects of it resonate to this day with merit and relevance.

@surrogate corpse Your recent sharings regarding the acceptance and rejection of the 'overt/accepted/cis culture' and subsequent villification that takes place within each of the sub groups that lay within its reach of impedence and control... resonate deeply. Thank you for sharing and I appreciate your word choice and tone a lot. Throughout my life I've witnessed the villification... You're not gay enough, You're not black enough, You're too gay, You're too ______... The steadfast refusal of compliance and acquiessence among the 'unaccepted' of whatever sub group (be it race, gender id, sexual attraction or curiosity of aspects of psyche outside traditional dogma) has always resonated as home for me, even as a cisgender white straight male in a cis/straight/patriarchy. Your recent sharings brought this image to my mind pond again. Very Auspicious for me... *deep bow* Thank you for sharing, your sharing brought a deeply impacting synchronicity for me this morning.

'the algorithm' recently brought Gyuto back into focus... it's been a while. Only able to use them actively... as their chanting draws my awareness like a gravitational whirlpool. A whirlpool of sung and gratitude...

Appreciation of process...

It does feel random, though one of my teachers regularly asserts to questions of this nature that while we may not be conscious of the process occuring, it's a natural function. Much like the MCO when it arises of its own accord (not forced). For some years now I get a strong rhythmic magnetic buzzing and downward flow at the MDT (always during daylight hours and often after exertion when I sit to rest), along with occasional thrumming in the Lower and Upper. Unless there are accompanying problematic issues, I'd not be concerned and chalk it up to the natural work occuring, but I've nothing more specific to offer sorry. edit to add: My LDT awoke seemingly randomly at the age of 15 during a telephone conversation with a friend and years before I ever started any formal internal training or even was familiar with the concept for what it's worth...

I regularly have two or three youtubes playing on loop throughout the day in the background at home. These two in particular are mainstays...

No need to project your personal experience onto the world. Some aspects of deep philosophy and esoteric content require time and rumination to bring understanding. Some also require more life experience, so revisiting these texts over time will reveal more as one's depth of engaging in life expands and deepens. There were aspects of the DDJ and the Chuangze that were utterly mysterious in my teens and 20's. And now in my mid 50's the relating has broadly shifted. In 2012 my subconscious gave me a strong imperative of deep study of the DDJ which I listened to and undertook in depth amd sincerity. I took a dozen versions and spent several days/up to a week with each verse reading and rereading, sitting with it and ruminating on it throughout my days until I could rework it in my own words comfortably and fully. It was rather intense what arose at times and what stood out in my neighborhood and daily life while engaging in this process. Aspects of my neighborhood and relationships that lay beneath the threshhold of conscious notice due to familiarity suddenly drew focus and would reveal insight into what was pertinent to the intention set by consciously seeking the meaning behind the words. It was a paradigm shifting process and while some verses of the DDJ spoke to me on first reading in my teens, by the end of my nine month playful engangement, the text had seeded and grown in mind and heart and the flower bloomed full for me. I ended up further refining my prose version of daily vernacular into haiku form... spending another few months refining and synthesizing each verse again into the minimum possible words to simplify and convey meaning. It was a year of intense revelation and joyful discovery of self and how i relate to others and environment. So I would encourage anyone struggling with relating to the text but drawn to it, to gather several translations and try putting them into your own language as sincerely as you can... it's sure to broaden and deepen your relatability, or at least fill a few enjoyable afternoons and evenings with some classic poetry.

One of the things I most miss, having moved and living in the Southern Desert is the ability to go roll in the snow, or ice stream flop after a sauna. Sounds like you had good fortune with your trainers/teachers. It really seems a time like no other for Westerners and access to many modes of legit training. If I were to/felt I could reasonably return to a hard art formally, it would be Aikido. Elegant, direct, effective is how I describe what I've witnessed about it.

Welcome to the Bums.

Benebell Wen is fantastic! I've been a subscriber for a couple months now and am working my way through her archive. She seems a potent scholar and one of the more resonant and effective bridges/presenters of classical chinese to western modern modalities that I've encountered. I just received her translation of the I Ching before an unexpected trip arose. I look forward to returning so I can delve in with focus. But she is a gem. Her insights and scholarship are deeply impressive. I was particularly impacted by her sharings of the Guan Yinzi and of the Dragon culture of her Father's side of her family.