I started meditating to relax and I ended up sobbing with rage - am I stange?

[Apech]

There's a number of subjects which arose on this thread which I want to address - just to clarify my position.

 

1.  Accumulation of qi/energy etc.

 

In Wang Mu Daoist Internal Alchemy the first stage is called Laying the Foundations and this consists in the first place of conserving, restoring and guarding the three treasures.  The three treasures are jing, qi and shen.  The clear implication is that you stop frittering away your energy, turn it inwards and conserve it.  I would call this accumulation.  In Vajrayana Buddhism the preliminary practices are based round accumulating merit (a kind of positive energy) and wisdom (insight into the nature of things).  So here the term used is accumulation.  This is quite basic I believe.  The idea that this is somehow negative versus 'free flow' is erroneous in my opinion and is based on a kind of New Age version of what qi is and how it behaves.  Like the idea that Daoism means 'go with the flow' - a highly discredited idea.

 

2.  Meditation as therapy.

 

There were some examples given of applying Buddhist principles to therapy.  That in itself is possibly ok but I have no experience of it.  However one example of using 'tsa lung' was given.  Tsa Lung means literally 'channels and winds' and refers to a completion stage yoga which uses channels and winds (energy flow) together with tigle (drops) as the basis for the subtle body - which in this practice becomes identified with the Sambhoga kaya.  It is a very high level practice the aim of which is the 'merging' of the self with the entire subtle body realm (sambhoga-kaya).  I doubt very much this is what the therapist is teaching.  Rather perhaps he/she has borrowed some of the more tangible breathing exercises and movements to apply them to relaxation or something like that.  This is almost reverse Buddhism.  To put it simply ... you relax in order to meditate, but you don't meditate in order to relax.

 

3.  Beliefs

 

We all hold beliefs of course - or we wouldn't be able to function.  But in terms of the praxis of meditation belief is not really an element.  There is a process of growing confidence which occurs but this is based on applying the principles taught and reflecting on the positive results.  Through the work you do you find after a while a growing confidence based on what is happening to you - this is not the same as belief.  If you hold beliefs about meditation you should actually challenge them as hard as you can - test them to destruction until if they hold up under intense scrutiny they become working principles you can apply.  Even your very interest in Daoism or Buddhism or whatever in the first place has a cause.  That cause is your buddha-nature (or equivalent) which already knows the possibility of fulfilling the path.  If this was not the case none of this would be possible.  Again this is not 'belief' but perhaps inner calling.

 

Thanks.