illyria

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Ooh. Do you think it has to do with electricity, or the intensity of light? I have a salt rock lamp that is very soothing, was thinking of trying that. Whenever I've tried Qigong at night I've felt too.. umm amped up I guess you could say? Like I should be doing it in the morning instead to help with energy throughout the day. Do you do something special at the end to settle things?

For this one, I see a monkey hanging off a tree branch, pointing downwards to a hole. Or giving it the finger.

I see.. a traveler who has come very far, across dangerous terrain to honor the sacred waters and breathe in the misty air =)

-- Edgar Mitchell

Talking about politics online never ends well.

So, my grandma passed away last Saturday night. I was the last person with her before she left. After about 45 minutes of my leaving the nursing home she died. She was 74. I tried my very best to help her on her way. I read to her aloud for a few hours that day, kept her company, and played music. I also talked to her and let her know that I knew she wasn't happy in the state she was in (she was nonresponsive at this point), and I also let her know that while I felt like it was too soon, I understood what was happening and that I wanted her to be happy, and that she didn't need to worry about me or the others she would be leaving behind. I also jokingly added that she needed to come haunt me after and let me know what it's like where she was headed. The last things I said to her were how much I loved her and that I wanted her to rest well and that I'd see her in the morning (I had planned to return the next day). Around the time she died, I felt her presence and I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence or something more. Basically, I was sitting on the couch with my laptop and suddenly I felt Love and felt like I was with her, or she was with me - it's hard to describe. Like there was a middle-place between me being there in the room with her, and her being there in the room with me. It only last a couple seconds, and then a few minutes later we got the call from the nurse that they found her already gone when they went to give her her evening bath. I have a lot of conflicting emotions - I feel sad, of course. But also curious about where she is now, if anywhere. Hopeful that she is in the source of all, in the heart of love. Happy she suffers no longer and perhaps feeling a kind of freedom she's never had before. Anyway, I haven't been very good at keeping up with my practices so I am hoping to resume that shortly once I get back into the swing of things. I am supporting others as well and trying my best to have my own space and time that is free of their demands and beyond the reach of family/inheritance drama. A friend shared this poem with me, seemed to hit the right spot: -- Basho

I have Celiac Disease so I eat gluten-free. I've actually taken it a step further and eat mostly paleo, it works well for me. I also don't do dairy (Casein allergy). Getting off processed foods and only getting sugar from natural sources has made a huge difference. Real food tastes so much better now, I can taste more flavors, and feel a need for less sugar and salt. I don't crave cookies or anything like that. Some fruits are too sweet to me now!

Marina and the Diamonds - Lies

I just wanted to update this. So, my grandma currently is in hospice care under DNR orders. I am back home for now, and plan to visit again soon when I am able, though I am very aware that I might get "the phone call" any day now. Her oncologist estimated she has about a month left. Sometimes I feel like I am fine, and then other times I just start to cry and wallow in the future that will not be (how if/when I do have children, they will never know her, that sort of stuff...). I drift between feeling like the sadness is healthy and other times feeling like I am just tormenting myself and am being selfish for holding onto her in this sort of way, that I am just indulging in the sadness, because I know she wouldn't want me to be in pain and I know she is being well cared for and is a.. transitional stage between this life and whatever comes after (assuming there is something). Since I've been out of town I haven't kept up with my Qigong (I found some free videos) but I have been practicing meditations through the Meditation Oasis podcast (the lady's voice is so soothing!). Now that I'm back home I'm going to try and get back into things if I can (I have just been feeling either incredibly drained or overcharged-buzzy, no nice middle ground).

Thanks for the responses so far. I am trying to focus on love while I am with her in the hospital. It is hard, though, because often the sadness bubbles up. A journey to the countryside does sound nice. Perhaps once this winter storm is over I might try to find a good place. I'm sorry for your loss Zanshin. We had a meeting with hospice this week too, really nice people. And yeah, not feelin' the holiday cheer over here, either.

So right now I am dealing with a terminal illness within my family. It has been a long battle but it looks like it will be ending fairly soon. A DNR has been signed, and there is so much emotion and stress going on around me. There has also been some heartbreak as I learned that a family member attempted to forge documents in order to put themselves down as beneficiary to life insurance. There's just so much going on. I am doing everything I can to help, and am able to keep a cool head and sort things out and tackle things one at a time. There is a deep sadness within me that doesn't feel ready to come out yet, though. I am trying to get through this the healthiest way possible. Are there any specific meditations or Qigong that might help with this? Anything I could do to look after myself?

Thanks for the responses so far everyone =) I don't really have very defined goals or milestones, just generalities. I dunno. I feel like specific set goals are too much a product of the mind. I think I would like things to flow more naturally of their own accord. Does that make sense? I would like to find teachers, I know none in my area.. The book looks interesting and has a lot of good reviews. I added it to my wishlist and when budgets allows I'll pick it up =) That site has a lot of information on meditation! I would like to better quiet my mind. It's always so busy, even when I first wake up it's going going going. Lately I've noticed I've been waking up with music stuck in my head and it's hard to shake. Those names aren't familiar to me. I haven't really tried the MCO recently since it became uncomfortable to me. I would like to resume it at some point, though. I actually eat a very clean diet -- no processed foods, low sugar (only occasional honey in my tea, the rest comes from fruit), no grains except for rice perhaps once a week. It works very well for me.

I have a very eclectic taste in music =)

I'm trying to figure out how to proceed on this path I've found myself on. I would like to continue my pursuit of truth. It seems like so many of you have particular things you practice every day, books you read, classes you take, and all sorts of things. I know so little. I have my Tao te Ching book, and my dabblings in the Microcosmic Orbit (you can read more about it in my intro thread). I try to meditate sometimes, but my body feels so heavy and so loud and my mind is constantly drifting. My interests are centered around finding truths, connection, healing, awareness. I am not particularly interested in any special 'powers' or immortality (I've seen that come up around here). What are some good beginner first steps? What did you start doing in the very beginning if your spiritual journey?