DreamBliss

@TI UPDATE! This post is about to be heavily edited because it seemed I misunderstood some things and I want to set the record straight. I have never visited the AYP forums and am not sure I will. I have no calling in that direction at this time. It is unfortunate if what you say is true and they are censoring people. However that does not mean that the teachers of the AYP curriculum are to blame. They may be as helpless to do anything about it as anyone else. Maybe they do speak up and are ignored, their posts deleted. I don't know. But if this sort of forum control is going in then it is probably due to the people in charge or the “public image” people. It would be nice to see the AYP teachers separate themselves from AYP if this sort of thinking is going on and do their own thing, outside censoring or worry about “public image.” As far as number 6 I have never compared any of these meditation techniques to anything else. I have read various texts on meditation, some books that weren't on meditation at all. I listened to George Noory's take on meditation. I read some books on chakra meditation. Even Wayne Dyer's book on it. I have tried new methods, dropped them, tried other ones, dropped those. But I find myself returning to “Deep Mediation” using my own mantra over and over again. My current mantra is, “Release, Flow.” I have recently dropped DM once again and started to use Josephine McCarthy's meditation as detailed in, “Magical Knowledge I.” It is like ZaZen, except you count the out breath to 10 and back down again. Later you add a visualization of black smoke coming out with each exhale, and white smoke coming in with each inhale. I don't know how long I will stick with this. But for now this is what I am practicing. As far as people going crazy using DM or TM I suppose you have proof of this statement? Any sort of research to back this up? How about 3 different, authentic, good resources for detailing the pros and cons of “dissolving attention”, “directed attention” and “focused awareness” in meditation? This would be a very fascinating field of study. In the interim I will look up the books you suggested. Unfortunately folks keep suggesting these books around here, but they are not at my library, and the last one, “Opening the Third Eye” which someone recommended., is $50.00 - $100.00+ used! McCarthy's book, which I got for information on portals, was about $25.00 with tax and shipping. My point is it does not good to recommend these texts if the average person can not get them inexpensively or easily through... Ahem... Other less ethical means using the wondrous internet. If I had the kind of money needed to buy all the books I should read as recommended here I would also have enough to enjoy my first real vacation in 20 years, a surf yoga retreat, a TM meditation retreat, a Buddhist meditation retreat, etc. As I do not have this sort of money, and it is unlikely at this time in my life that I will have it, well getting a book to teach me something is as impractical as going to India for me at this time. Thank you for sharing the information with me I requested. I have decided to remove the AYP books from my list for now. The possible issues with them were, as far as I'm concerned, brought to my attention for a reason. Thanks again! - DreamBliss

First I'm pulling out my whistle and asking everyone to watch this: Hopefully that will give the final word on some of what has been argued about here. @Tibetan_Ice I'm afraid I have been battling a migraine all day so I only scanned through all the posts here since my last visit. But I caught that you have an issue with AYP, I assume Advanced Yoga Practices? I would like to hear more about this, in PM or you can link to me stuff if you prefer. The reason why is I started meditation with Yogani's, "Deep Meditation" and this was one of the books in this series. I would like to know if these teachings are flawed and why you or others feel they are. I am not trying to argue with anyone on this here, PM or link to post or info contact only please! Thank you! - DreamBliss

This is a very hard thing to put into words clearly. Briefly I will start by giving you some background. Some months ago I had an experience, in my mind, after an experience I had, a feeling, after reading a book, that, essentially, messed me up. I won't go into details. Basically I thought I was in love with someone and it turned out to (most likely) not be what I thought. More study and some time since I ended this has provided a few possibilities: 1. The magician's perspective - I was dealing with power which had manifested in this form. 2. The Yogic/Buddha/Tao perspective - I was dealing with Kundalini energy manifested in female form. 3. The alternate Buddha perspective - I was dealing with a Tulpa I had created. 4. My original perspective - I was really in love and energetically connected to an alien being on another world. This thread is not to talk about that, only to give you background. You know the saying, "Once burned twice shy." Before this experience I was exploring the inner landscapes of my chakras with a spirit animal named Ayhunna, who came to me during a dream re-entry session to shamanic drumming. He left as suddendly as he came, aging before my eyes and disintigrating for lack of a better word. Now he's back. This brings me to what I need help with. Before with Ayhunna I would meditate on my chakras, enter its landscape, and then Ayhunna would lead me to something I had to deal with there. Usually this was done playing his favorite game, "Chase the fox." I have since ceased to meditate on my chakras. Now I do ZaZen when I get up and try to do Deep Meditation using the mantas, "Release, Flow" or "(my real name) a Center of Consiousness." With this last mantra I was trying to see myself as a center of consiousness per the first lesson in Raja yoga. Recently with Ayhunna's return he usually sort of tells me during ZaZen through a sort of glimpse of him in my mind's eye or a sense of his presence that he wants me to follow him. Generally he comes during my last meditation of the evening. But I am having an issue here. I need to figure out how to seperate that which my mind is manufacturing to distract me from meditating and that which is truly Ayhunna wanting me to follow him. I feel it is an honor to have his guidance and help once again, and I want to honor this by following his guidance. But I also need to make sure I'm not getting disracted by thoughts. You could argue that it's all thoughts. But for now let's try to keep it simple. There are thoughts generated by my mind, and there are thoughts my mind either locks onto or is given, like a message. I want to seperate what is message and what is just mind drivel. Understand? So how do I do this? How do I make sure that I am not getting lost in thoughts durring meditation? How to I tell when Ayhunna is genuinely calling to me? How can I distinguish a mental distraction from a summons? I need to be sure so if it is a mind distraction, I can simply ignore it and focus on my mantra. But if it is Ayhunna, then I must follow him. My inner landscape/inner world/chakra landscape - whatever the heck it is - is seriously f-d up right now. Hope nobody gets mad at the swear word. But it is very apt. With the loss of Ayhunna and the confusion around this, this relationship and its recent and raw end, as well as the fact that I was, not even a year ago, a simple church-going Christian with a few questions so this is all brand new to me, well I'm a mess. Ayhunna is trying to help. I had one other indivdual who was trying to help me, but we have unfortunately sort of come up at odds to each other. My problem is I never really understood a lot of what he said. I tried and for the most part I followed his instructions. But so many things he instructed me to do just didn't feel right, or I didn't want to do them or something. But he did direct me here, so perhaps someone can help me out. One last thing... As I read, "Magical Knowledge I" by Josephine McCarthy I am seeing much that could coorelate to my experiences. Later in the book she discusses meditation and inner worlds. I think I might have to drop my Raja yoga studies for now and adopt some sort of Inner Stillness Meditation based on her training as my last meditation of the day, and the time at which I work with Ayhunna. So this is what I tenatively plan to do. However I wouldn't mind getting some other viewpoints and advice here. I mean what is the best way to go inside and work with your spirit animal? Maybe the answer is to somehow have a session devoted simply to Ayhunna and inner working, seperate from meditation. That may even be the answer to my problem. Simple enough, just train him, as much as that seems like the wrong way to think about it or say it, that meditation time is seperate from our time and ignore any glimpses or senses of him I recieve. If there is a practicing shaman somewhere in here I would dearly love to hear from you. Above anyone else you would be able to shed light on a lot of this stuff. So please post if you can help me! OK, off to meditate then sleep. Thanks everyone, and Namaste! - DreamBliss

@-K- I know, the title of this forum sort of makes its focus very clear Do you have any shamanic/spiritual forums you would recommend? Anyone else? Hey thanks everyone for all your replies! It sounds like I need to observe my thoughts. If I am focused on my mantra and my thoughts flicker to Ayhunna, and if the image is not clear, then it most likely just a distracting thought. But if he comes in clear and strong, then I should consider that a sort of calling or something. @Tibetan_Ice I'll look for that book and go over your words a few times. Lots of good stuff there. I don't know how I feel about channeling. I haven't spent much time with Ayhunna trying to figure out if he's good or bad. I guess I just naturally feel I can trust him and so far he seems to only be trying to help me, even at the sacrifice of his own form. Anyhow I will remmeber your advice. As far as protection I infuse myself with my own energy spark from my center every day just before my first meditation. As everyone's energy signature is unique nothing can latch on to me once I am thus protected. Described in detail in Meg Blackburn Losey's, "Touching the Light." Gotta make this quick, need to do a few things on the computer but been fighting a migrain the whole day so my time is limited. - DreamBliss

In the end, barring recieving any other advice, this is what I will do. I already keep a journey of my time with Ayhunna and I was posting about it at my blog (accessible through my profile.) Fell a little behind though, will try to get back on it. Thank you for posting! - DreamBliss

All I have to say to this is, "I love you" and send you a big smile To be clear... I do not hear voices in my head, I have no need of any sort of councillor or headshrink, and I couldn't afford one anyway I was hoping that this forum may be the sort of place where strange folks like myself could get together, but if it is not that's fine. I'll just have to find another place. You have made a possible useful and valid point about the possibility I am confusing my meditation time and shamanic practices, and a good recommendation for how I should contact Ayhunna. Thank you. - DreamBliss

Well a couple of weeks back I biked out and went to the only Buddhist temple listed in the phonebook in my area. I know there are more than a few across the river in Portland, Oregon. But I'm not ready to go on pilgramge yet, so I'm trying to keep it under 40 miles round trip It's listed as the, "US Oregon Buddhist Association" but is really the, "Wei Shei (I probable have this wrong, going from memory) Buddhist Temple. And it's a house in poor repair with a Dish satellite sticking out of the roof. Not very encouraging. However on 18th in Vancouver, WA I did find a strange place that looks like some sort of temple, but there was no sign. It was very well maintained, bright colors, huge state of Buddha (I assume) next to a stone with strange writing on it, and another seated Buddha in meditation at a pool with a lotus flower in front of him. My guess is that this is some sort of Buddhist temple (not a huge stretch of the mind here), but I have no information on it. So is anyone at these forums a monk at either of these places, or do you know about either of them? I'd like to get some more information if I can. Also if there are any other places tucked away and unlisted in this area? Neither of the ones I have mentioned here are listed online at the Dharma Pages or whatever its called. So how do you find your local Buddhist monastary or retreat when they are not listed in the phone book? Is there a listing somewhere of every religious place for each US state, or more specifically a listing of all the known Buddhist centers in Washington? Oh and I would appreciate some good "first visitor" advice. Know I need to be wearing clothes without loud design, shouldn't have perfumes or strongly scented stuff on my body, that sort of thing. But beyond that I don't know general etiquette at all. So I would appreciate some advice, as well as the typical times for a service, in case I just have to bike down there and catch a service to learn more about them. Appreciate the help! - DreamBliss

Thank you for your help and information! - DreamBliss

On the one hand I feel I should not post, risking bringing this thread to the forefront again but on the other I feel I should post, to thank the posters for all the links and materials. Also to try to get this runaway train back on track, and to blow my referee's whistle. Can you hear it? OK in consideration of my desire to touch only positive seeds in myself and others, to cultivate positive or null karma, and to only set positive intentions for myself and others, could we please stop with the arguments? I would really appreciate it! Whatever your path is, whatever you may believe, I'm sure you can agree with me if you have been down the spiritual road very far at all, that attatchment to one's beliefs, and pretty much anything else, will only bring suffering. It's the beliefs in many of our religions that have brought us war and lost us much knowledge. So let's stick with discussing our beliefs as a Buddhist practioner for the remainder of the life of this thread. Try to clarify important insights you have gained or issues you are passionate about. But whatever you post do not be attatched to your words or the beliefs to which they may be connected. That way if someone comes in and challenges them you can do what I imagine the Buddha himself would do. Pretty much nothing. Maybe smile brilliantly at you. But he would view these opposing viewpoints as simply gifts, and he would decide whether or not he would accept them. Because the secret is any gift that is not accepted has to be taken back by the giver. So someone can insult you and spit in your face, and by not responding, or merely smilng at the person with love, all those negative feelings, all that garbage they tried to throw up on you, well it changes course and goes back to them. I used to love saying this to my brother, even before I started walking my current path. Drove him nuts. I would say something he didn't like, he would respond, usually defensively, and I would simply say, "You know I can't insult or offend you. You have to choose to be insulted or offended." OK I'm putting the whistle down for now. Please don't force me to use it again! Oh and BTW, thank you for all the information and posts! - DreamBliss

As I understand it it's not so much that it does or does not exist, it's more about that the object is more than the mere object. Mr. Hanh uses the illustration of a table. The table is really at a molecular level just atoms orbiting around. If you squeezed them all together they'd just be a tiny fraction of the table's original size, and look nothing like the table. As well the table isn't just its molecules. It is sun, air, earth, the people who made the table, the people who made the tools that made the table, etc. ad infinitum. If you take any of the non-table elements away from the table it would no longer exist. I thought about this, how someone would argue that the table would still be built, by a different tool or person or tree, but it would not be the same table at all. The table we are talking about is what it is based off its unique configuration of non-table elements. Any other table made in its place would be a completely different table even if it looked the same. So if the table's existance depends on changable elements, then it is not real in Buddhist thought, because, to paraphrase, "It is only real if it never changes." Anyhow that will either clarify or confuse, I hope for the former not the latter Thanks everyone for all your posts! @ the poster talking about leaving one's faith... I have already said it but I will repeat, I ran into a dead-end with my faith. Maybe there are branches off the Christian tree I could follow, like Chistian Mysticsm. But in the end it comes down to the fact that I don't believe the Bible is accurate and I want nothing to do with a God that consigns people to Heaven or Hell. A God that basically gives me free will then punishes me for using it and not following His chosen faith. Such a narrow-minded entity to my mind could not be God, could not be someone who conceptualized the designs of this planet and all the life on it, as well as the rest of Creation. Too many people project into the Astral Planes and bring back similar reports that are nothing like the afterlife described by the Bible for me to keep those old beliefs. Too many questions... Here;s another... In the Bible there is an uncrossable gulf between Heaven and Hell. Yet in Job what do we see? Satan has come before God, crossing an uncrossable gulf, to basically get God's permission to persecute Job, for not good reason at all, and God grants it! Yeah, that kind of God is no God for me. But I mean no offense to any Christians or returning Christians here. If this faith is what draws you go for it. As for me I will test the Magical, Buddhist, Taoist and Yogic paths for now, drawing from each whatever it is I need to learn to become more aware of what is real, I.E. what is unchanging in Creation. So I guess that'll make me what, a former Christian Mystical Shaman Taoist/Buddhist/Yogic Magician? Maybe I have to invent a catchy label for myself, since everyone loves labels so much... - DreamBliss

@lifeforce If you would be willing, I would dearly love to hear why you were considering a return to Christianity, through a PM of course because I am sure this is personal. I know that may be a strange request, but I think it will help me understand the limits of the options I am considering outside of Christianity. At this point, knowing what I know, seeing what I have seen, experiencing what I have experienced, illusion according to most Buddhists or not, I don't see how I could ever return to my former faith. I mean among other things I have the companionship of a spirit animal named Ayhunna, a red-tailed fox. I explore the landscapes of my chakras. I meditate and find it far more nourishing than any sermon or worship session. I'm about to start lucid dreaming again, and I have set an intention to leave my body and astral project, as well as physically cross to another reality. So for me I'm way too far down the rabbit hole to ever return. Took the, what was it, green pill? Haven't watched The Matrix in years. But you get the idea. So I have my answer. The Buddhists in general have no God. They are trying to break free of illusion and really, when you come down to it (and I mean no offense to anyone) the whole concept of God really is the ultimate illusion to become enslaved in, isn't it? I mean you can never know the absolute truth about God while you occupy a physical body. Only on leaving it will you know, and then you probably won't retain any memories of your previous life to compare it to, or have any way to bring the knowledge into your next life. So the only knoweldge any physical man can have about God is the words from other physical men. So subscribing to anyone's belief or holy book is to ensnare yourself in an illusion. Better than to give up any idea of God and work on getting rid of the illusions that trap you. Well this should help me understand some of the writtings that I have been reading. Thank you, everyone, for your help. Now I must make my decision, but, in true Buddhist matter, do so in a present minded state, taking my time, with no attatchment or aversion. A breath, a slow step, the setting of the foot down, and the next part of the journey will begin. - DreamBliss

You posted this as I was framing my reply. So if I grasp this correctly, the Buddhist system does not have a God per say? Instead they encourage the same looking inward of the yogic/advita traditions to find one's truth of one's self for one's self? Something like that? So really as far as a Buddhist is concerned, there is no God, outside or inside themselves, but this is not something a Buddhist directly asks, instead their focus is on freeing themselves of illusions? So basically a Buddhist does not worship any sort of God. They are inner-workers and inner-seekers only? I mean no disrespect here, my words are kind of clumsy here, just trying to see if I have this right. - DreamBliss

Well I have read your posts and will let myself digest them for now. But I have to say, at this moment I am more confused :/ Is it possible to put it very simply for someone like me who is having a hard time understanding? Something along the format, speaking generally, of: Christians = God, Jesus (His son), and the Holy Spirit (the holy trinity.) Yogic/Advaita = I am God, you are God, we are all together seperately yet collective God and connected to each other. Buddhist = ??? I must admit, the whole alien origin idea throws me, but I remember something from Arthur C. Clark. He said something along the lines that an alien race could have a technology so advanced it would seem like magic to us. Thinking about that, if one of us went back in time and showed someone in the 15th century a cell phone, well they would think all sorts of strange things about us and our device. It would seem like magic to them. So the theory that aliens in essence created us is plausible. I hear what the Buddha is saying in those 3 verses, and have to admit they echo some of my own thoughts and feelings. My whole journey started when I began to ask questions. Things that Christians never talk about. Such as if Heaven is a perfect place, meaning no imperfection, then where did the pride and sins of Lucifer come from that caused him to be cast out? More troubling to me, after reading some of Thich Nhat Hanh's work, was, " Could a holy, loving and perfect God cast such a man into hell simply because he was not a Christian?" Now I have never met Master Hanh, I would like to someday, but from what I can tell in his words the man probably acts more like a Christian than most Christians. But the problem still remains, what if? As unfair, as wrong as it looks from all viewpoints, what if God is exactly as detailed in the Bible, what if the Bible is telling the truth, what if there is only Heaven and Hell? All faiths that hold this Heaven/Hell belief are a trap, because you have no way of proving them right or wrong to the point of safely ensuring the security of your own soul. Nobody gets to know for sure until they die. So whatever your religion, or lack thereof, you are still forced to take that final leap in faith, hoping that whatever you believed or didn't believe was true. Trust me when I say I don't think there is anything harder in this life than moving past and in many cases moving on from long held and ingrained beliefs from your religion. I am scared, and not afraid to admit it. At the very least I know I make my journey in this physical portion of my life harder, because my parents and my grandmother are all Christians. Some of the views I hold now, the realizations I have had, I can't share with anyone in my family for risk of offending them. It hurts and it sucks to not have anyone outside of some forums I access through my computer screen to talk to about this stuff. Anyhow I would appreciate some simplication here. Thank you sharing and your patience - - DreamBliss

I'm in a lot of pain and it's about to get worse. The proverbial you-know-what is about to hit the fan. Music is my therapy, but because of everything that has happened my tastes have gotten all messed up and I'm not really sure what to listen to anymore. I can not describe to you in words how it feels to go through your music collection, and realize that nothing fits anymore, that much of it does not speak to you anymore when it has spoken to you for years, leaving you unable to find anything to help you work things out. Worse some of the music reminds you of the pain you are suffering and what you are going through, so when it's not a temptation to return to it and hurt yourself it brings back memories that hurt you when you see it or hear a snatch of a song in a TV program Sucks. Big time. No, I wasn't going to have you try to guess what might fit me. I've been listening to Jes and The Birthday Massacre. Both are working very well for me right now, Jes actually speaking to me a little more. Here is the song I love the most by Jes, from her album, "High Glow": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk0ltsJzh9E Do you know of any other music similar to that? I think what I am after here is stuff that is emotional, spiritual, melanchony, and electronic/dance. If you have any suggestions for me would you post them? I really appreciate it - - DreamBliss

Woah! OK then, now I just have to figure out why mine is a "more real" midieval battlefield... Thanks man!

I see. Well thank you. I too love the woods, but especially fantasy woods. Weird stuff like houses in trees and fairy villages. Ayhunna loves taking me through the woods playing, "Chase The Fox." So if I were to guess it's a part of my inner landscape. - DreamBliss

Then I would also recommend: I went through a phase with this kind of music. - DreamBliss

Well hello everyone! A friend of mine, also I suppose my teacher and guide, known as Telethiese at Dream Views (where I am also a member under the same user name) recommended you to me. I wasn't going to sign up initially. Been burned too many times, kicked out of Spiritual Forums, tired of signing up at dozens of forums for half a dozen answers. So I wanted to read some forum posts and replies. But you guys have limited your permissions here for nosy folk like me, so I went ahead and signed up. Sometimes the best way to learn how to swim is to jump in the water. Just have to hope there aren't any sharks in here... Well expect some very strange questions from me covering subjects that are going to test the limits of your collective knowledge and experience! - DreamBliss

If only that were true! BTW how do you determine who is an "ordinary man" and who is not? How do you define "ordinary?" What makes you so certain that your idea of ordinary is correct? That society's idea of ordinary is correct? Who determines, ultimately, what shall be labeled as ordinary or extraordinary or subordinary? What would you do if it wasn't ordinary to be ordinary? Why not believe that everyone is extraordinary and thereby manifest an intention that they be so? Wouldn't this world be a better place if it was populated by the extraordinary? What is extraordinary anyway? Is that more of ordinary, like you have extra ordinaryiness, or does it mean more than ordinary? Because of it means more of ordinary, well you shouldn't wish that on anyone. Better to see the best in others, not the average. Anyhow be careful with the label machine around peope - - DreamBliss

Hey thanks for all the suggestions! I'll go through them later tonight. Couldn't have come at a better time either. White Wolf Running On Air - what is the prupose of the picture? It is very interesting, and I will study it, but I don't know what you mean by it. - DreamBliss

I should be clear that I have been working hard the last 20 years or so. I like to work hard. But I want to work hard on things that matter to me. Put effort into doing things that are worth the effort. I have no intention of lazing about. I just also have no intention of working at the first crappy job I can find simply because society, through my family, tells me I should do so. I've already put in a lot of hard work and had very little to show for it most of my life. I don't want 40 years or so of that. If I'm going to work hard for 40 years at something, then I need a proper return for all the time and effort. A small house or apartment, a minvan and a mortgage just doesn't cut it. I will remember your tip about the Zen Archery... - DreamBliss

All I know is I don't intend working in an office, or anywhere else, for anyone else, for 40 years. I will find another way, and any female daft enough to stay with me will be well worth the wait. - DreamBliss

I think its sad we have to follow the generally accepted ideal of what society calls success and accomplishment in order to have a nice warm house, someone to cuddle with, and a full belly. To add insult to injury society calls this so-called "American Dream", this vision of a white picket fence and a family, reality. The sole reason to live and die on this planet. We are very much like sheep. We drive in herds where we work in herds and back to where we live in herds. We follow this idea of reality simply so we don't have to be out in the snow, cold, alone and hungry. Even those living on the street generally huddle together somewhere. Very few people actually want to live outside the herd mentality, or maybe I should use the word drone mentality, for fear of loss of personal comfort and their basic needs. Everything we do, we strive for, we attach value to, all of it is driven by our 5 senses. What we can see, taste, touch, smell or hear. We become trapped by our senses and by our beliefs, making us narrow minded. Few rarely if ever consider there may be more to life than society's ideal of it. Fewer still who realize this actually try to change things. Think about this for a minute... Is the only workable system one were everyone goes to work a a job that usually makes no use of their inherent abilities and talents, work for 40 years or more, if they are lucky to even keep their just that long, just so they can barely make rent or pay the mortgage on their house, all in the effort to raise children who will be forced to do the same, in the vain hopes that someday, when they are in their 60's or 70's, their bodies used up, their minds failing, that they can enjoy the final years of life in retirement? No, there has to be a better way. A way to move beyond this flawed concept, allow people to work at things that make full use of their inherent abilities and talents, and in return get a nice place to live, knowing their children will be able to do the same. And once the focus is removed on survival and blind pursuit of a non-existent dream, they will have a chance to explore the world that lies beyond what their physical senses show them. That's what I think, but these thoughts should be considered a WIP. I fully intend that, should it flow in my life's course to do so, I will change the system for myself and any family I may be blessed with. If I am given the chance, I intend to change things. - DreamBliss

Strangest... Welcome... Ever... I am beginning to view concepts such as success and accomplishment with the same disdain as what others call reality. - DreamBliss

FernandoD: You and I are very much in the same boat. Except I'm 36 and don't have a girlfriend One thing you can do, that I practice myself, is when the temptation comes, to stop for just a moment and tell myself, "I choose healthy sexual relationships. I choose healthy sexual expression." Realize that this is, afterall, your choice. Choose to stay away from the porn sites, choose to stay away from the cigs, choose to save your sexual release to be shared with a companion you care about of the opposite sex. Assuming you have regular interaction with your mother, her negative energy is infecting you. Yes, infecting you. Please check out or buy, then read and study, the book, "Touching The Light" by Meg Blackburn Losey. It is a very strange text to be sure, but there is an exercise in there I will detail in brief that will help you. The theory is simple... Your energy is unique to you and no other entity in creation shares that unique energy signature. So to block out interferring and infecting energy signatures from others, you have to fill yourself with your own energy signature, filling and then surrounding yourself in it. This is done by assuming a comfortable meditative pose, relaxing, dropping your chon to your ches, closing your eyes, and then looking towards the center of yourself. You should see a small spark or light somewhere in the core of your being. Once you find it breathe into it, visualizing it expanding with each inhale and exhale until it has surrounded and filled your entire body. Do not force it around yourself or into any shape. It will, on its own, assume a tight shape around your body. Do this every morning, first thing, without fail, before going out into the world. The bonus to this is that your negative energy will not infect anyone else either. The next two books to read are Maxwell Maltz's, "Psycho-Cybernetics" and "Letting Go of the Person Your Used To Be." I typed out some of a section I feel may be relavant to you: Using The Power of Mind To Transform Your Thoughts From: “Letting Go of the Person You Used To Be” By: Lama Surya Das 1. Be Positive No matter how bad things seem try to replace your unhappy and negative thoughts with those that are joyous, serene and happy. Be optimistic about your life and your future. 2. Be Clear About What Is Hurting You Reflect on the causes and consequences of what is bothering you. Think about the origins of your difficulty. Did your behavior play a part in your unhappiness? Whenever possible try to fin other ways of behaving that might cause you less grief in the future. Let go of your old opinions and believing that you are always in the right. Can you accept responsibility and make better choices in the future? 3. Distract Yourself Let go of any tendency to be obsessive about what is bothering you. Think about something else, or do something different to completely change your mind. “Stop feeding the flames of negativity by turning old negative stones over in your head.” 4. Question The Way You Think Pay attention to how you think and what form your thoughts take. Ask yourself what triggered this series of disturbing thoughts. Follow the patterns of thinking that led you to these thoughts. Think about the different patterns of thought you could possibly pursue. 5. Push Away The Disturbing Thoughts If all else fails, use willpower to refocus your mind. Use your inner strength to let go of the particular thought or thoughts that are causing you so much distress. Psycho Cybernetics will teach you how to create mental movies. You can use these to mentally program yourself in a desired way. For example, I have a movie I made to get me out of depression. Write out a script for the movie to accomplish whatever it is you wish to accomplish. Understand that you are setting an intention here. Sit back, close your eyes, and run this script whenever needed. For me when I used to get depressed I would run the script then. I had another for when I got angry. You can substitute a written script for a graphically drawn sequence if you are artistically inclined. Whatever speaks best to you. I hope this information helps you. Believe you will succeed. Believe you will find a girl, and not just any girl, but the right one for you at this time in your life. Believe it, think about it, act like, it has already happened. Wayne Dyer goes over exactly this in, "Wishes Fulfilled." You can read that book as extra credit if you like. - DreamBliss