qofq

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About qofq

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  1. What happens to suicides?

    This exactly describes a place I inhabited in my mid 20's. I had already taken a few petty attempts to end it. One night I decided to sit down for a beer at my favorite place and really (and I mean REALLY) take stock if I had anything worth continuing to live for. I detested ordinary mundane consumerism/modern life and the boxes it wanted to put me in so that I might have "worth". I had been indulging all my desires past the lines of my good sense in a vain yet still conscious attempt to try and satisfy SOMETHING. I had no connection to family (kidnapped and raised by sexually and emotionally abusive lunatics). And no friendships which I could even begin to call "nourishing". I was convinced I was better off. I sat alone drinking. Emotionally preparing my departure and savoring the moment as my conviction was all but set. Then in walks this older woman who I had never seen in our local tiny dive bar before. The air she had about her was so "different" and "clear". I remember sensing that she was out of place but I couldn't explain to myself why. She sat right next to me at the empty bar and instantly started inquiring about my state of mind. I made vague passes about my general dissatisfaction in attempts to evade depth but she eventually pulled the truth about how I was feeling from me. I hated this world, my life was worthless, and I see no point in continuing my existence. I remember thinking to myself "I'll bet she's got some bullshit encouraging quip that just isn't going to mean anything to me" As if she could feel me thinking that her stature became more stern and she faced me. I had a strange sensation/feeling come over me. Everything in the bar, my feelings, my sight, my mentation became clear. She looked really intensely at me said and spoke directly into my depths. She said "If your life is so worthless to you, why not offer it in service to others. The world needs it." I was speechless. I couldn't muster a response. I was pierced deep in my heart because I knew what she said was true (capital T) and my general orientation up until this point had been completely selfish. I was embarrassed. Something changed. I walked home in a stupor. My fate ended up taking me to a Daoist priest where I've been following the teachings as if they are a life and death matter. Because for me I guess they were. Being so far away from that person I was back then I'll say a few things. 1. I could have never imagined -at the time- the blessings life would end up bringing to me. I am so deeply grateful. 2. I couldn't have seen at the time the ways I was responsible for my own mental state. I needed, sought and received real guidance that allowed me to change. I am so deeply grateful. 3. Looking back, I can see that my burden was the very stepping stone I used to reach this new place I inhabit. I am so deeply humbled for my life now and if I would have thrown that away I would have wasted So Much. I am so deeply grateful. Amazing Grace! May any who read this be as blessed.
  2. I think this is an appropriate response @Walker. Very clear. Very sincere. And helpful to those who might not know any better. Thanks.
  3. Of interest to healers

    I've experienced the same phenomena you mention. Regarding the instant knowing of connectedness between internal and external relationships. What a wonderful mystery.
  4. Did you ever meat that person (or otherwise confirm skill)? He rang fraudulent to me. But I'm ok being corrected.
  5. Can you say a little more about this? I've noticed quite frequently that I get very warm to the point I perspire (notably so during sitting practice) during practice. Yet I've not had a very concentrated or distinct sensation of warmth. Curious I wonder how the general heat and sweating might possibly be different from what you mention as a "transformative" heat, as far as stages and development goes.
  6. Disagreeing is insignificant. Your practice will also be, should you be too dense to recognize good advice. Find a teacher.
  7. I can hear pretty clearly. Animals will make a sound (or humans will say something) and I hear very clearly in my head what they actually mean by their vocalization. It's more strange with humans though as their intent can be the exact opposite (if not most frequently incongruent) of what it is they are saying. Animals are nice as they don't necessarily want much from you and it's nice to watch natural beings be themselves. My cat however has been an interesting study. The rapport is fun to see develop. He also seems to be aware on the subtle plains as I catch him coming to me from where ever he goes out to in the neighborhood for two things. 1. is whenever I start my gong practice 2. (and I have a suspicion this is instructed to him from my teacher or his accomplished wife as we live in close proximity) He comes to scream at me whenever I have subtle "pest" bothering me. As if to say "Don't listen to it, it's a pest, send it away". A good friend he is! For practice I'd say if you sit in the early a.m. listen to bird songs with the appropriate neutrality and hear when/what they are trying to communicate. They are literally sitting there screaming to one another. I was delighted to sense the richness and range of each respective personal expression behind each little squeak and chirp.
  8. Bliss in hands and feet

    That's a tricky question. And I talk to much as it is.
  9. Bliss in hands and feet

    Thank you for sharing. Great experiments and many things to perceive. I wonder about the correlation between what's called "internal strength" (In my experience and in this reference, a increasingly powerful hydraulic like manifestation in the limbs) and sensations that you and freeform are talking about?
  10. Bliss in hands and feet

    I really appreciate your encouraging words. Thanks By "find the middle points for energy sensation" I'm curious what you mean by "Middle" ?
  11. Bliss in hands and feet

    Do you suppose there is significant difference between post and pre-heaven energies and their practice with regards to what you're saying?
  12. Bliss in hands and feet

    How do you mean "practicing that energy"?
  13. Bliss in hands and feet

    "blissful electrical love" sounds about right, thought I don't know that I'm "doing" anything but the most slight awareness movement. and I've noticed when I shift mentally and subtly to begin the act of sensing it, Then say I put my awareness into my elbow, It feels as though this blissful sensation flows past into the end of whatever limb. If I keep my awareness in the abdomen, it flows into the end of EVERY limb and results in increased (as in more intense than the already present full body sensation) of "blissful electrical love" at the hands and feet. Most of what I've been taught centers around non-doing. But this is a new and consistent phenomena so I'm very curious about it's significance as a signpost. I also like to talk here more anonymously as so as not disturb my fellow classmates. Thanks.
  14. Bliss in hands and feet

    yes I do have the feeling of something under the skin, though I would say it's like a flowing liquid bliss or an aliveness.