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Everything posted by Flolfolil

  1. So, i tried the pain/submission thing the other night. Rather enjoyable. Jumped right into it without doing any kind of research or talking with anyone experienced and i kinda regret that. So, i have some observations and questions: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_%28BDSM%29 ^what is the relationship between this and meditation? i felt as if being consensually harmed was -very- ego destroying and like emptiness-style meditation i sometimes do. Very enjoyable, but it came as a huge surprised and kindof shocked me :/ i also noted that my partner/dom experienced a drastic drop in their emotional state and they have been depressed and anxious all day...unable to get off, etc. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aftercare_%28BDSM%29 There's a page that talks about this a tiny bit. Just wondering if anyone has any advice for me on how to deal with it? Possibly any energetic techniques to prevent this sort of endorphin crash? Normally my partner/dom is -very- sensitive and shy and has problems expressing assertiveness and masculinity...so while this was very attractive to me to have him switch his game up, i believe it may have traumatized him a bit. i am normally the bossy one in our relationship, he has trouble saying no to any requests, so it was as if we both switched roles entirely.
  2. nvm

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  5. Woah boy. Okay. I debated whether or not to post this here. I weighed the positive and the negative potentials and decided to just go for it. So, as far as I can tell, I've done it. Pretty much anything I have ever read about freedom being like, I now experience it on a constant basis. I could put it into a nice flowery story, but I have always been partial to a good bullet list. Here is said list, a collection of things I now experience. I now fully recognize and visually see that the world around me, including my ego, is an illusion. A picture. Consciousness in my perception, arises spontaneously and is neither divine nor mundane I [?] have been to the place of non perception. The total emptiness where I didn't even perceive going there until I got out and realized it was terrifying and I'd rather not die. I can slip into this at any moment, with barely any meditative effort. I find it difficult to want to sleep because it feels so similar to dying. In and out of this place, consciousness feels like a slider where existence has to construct the idea of consciousness and you are half conscious as you crawl your way out of the singularity, painstakingly. When "I" go here and eventually come out, I am usually greeted by whomever I am around shaking me and the realization I have stopped breathing and was beginning to suffocate. I frequently now have non dual experience and can go into my idea of samadhi whenever I choose. I sometimes find it difficult to differentiate between my hand and an object I am holding. Since the awakening I have been throwing knives in this state with laser like accuracy even though I wasn't even close to being an expert. I understand and experience the spontaneous arising of compassion. This is huge for me because I have always been a sociopathic sadist. Seeing everything as illusion experientially has lead me to strong feelings of just wanting to see a happy picture in front of my material face. I want nothing more than to make people smile and feel love I have dropped all need to be insertive/assertive. Recognizing the other as myself I no longer wish to attack because I don't believe in the attacker, the attacked, or the attack. However, I fluctuate between the desire to teach and the desire to just kick back and be happy with the attainment. My moment to moment experience is constantly nodding to the "Trimurti". I'm witnessing the creation, maintenance, and destruction of the universe so intensely it is hard to keep my job at times. Talking incessantly about my attainment is the only thing I can do to make myself feel like a functioning human being. I understand how guru types seem like they are full of it, because they are stuck on wanting to teach and that is preventing them from fully blissing out. Going into the nothingness, you awaken to the moment to moment choice to be the doer. Currently "I" am choosing to construct an I, so that I may be the doer Right action as far as I'm concerned is flowing like water. The only thing I am forcing now is opening my mouth to talk or type People I used to not get along with at work are all good friends. I said nothing to them and as soon as our eyes met all conflict was resolved. Months and months of ill feelings evaporated on both ends. I'm creating false memories. Consensus reality is half gone to me. I'm picking things up in stores and forgetting to pay for them because I created a false memory of standing in line, handing them the money, etc etc My magical ability is higher than ever, but speaking of it at all kills it completely. It takes about a day to recover after I mention it. The specifics aren't important but basically, the only thing I don't have control over yet is the ability to transcend time and space. If anyone has any heady philosophy that can get me there I'm open to hearing it. All of the people that know me well knew that I was this way all along, even non spiritually inclined friends Pretty sure there is more that will come to me once people start commenting and asking questions but those are the things I can remember right now. Maybe consider ignoring everything in between these lines, because while it lead me to awakening, it isn't necessary for it: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// [Also, at one last ditch effort to be the teacher/doer, I have discovered a physical system of yoga that makes all of hatha yoga obsolete. You just learn how to walk correctly with every muscle of the body and they are all maintained without the need for practice or exercise. The main point is to immobilize the spine to end mind noise, and in using every muscle to accomplish this goal, you experience the body as One. This is how human beings are inherently meant to walk and I have searched for a year trying to find someone even hinting at this knowledge and found no one. If you want to learn this from me, shoot me a PM.] /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// After I answer questions and potentially teach my system of movement to someone on here, I intend to just kick back and enjoy life. I will give up teaching and write no books. I will cease from telling anyone about how I see and feel. I will drop out of the spiritual community and just work on the commune I have started. Thanks for reading everyone, and for all the guidance Flo
  6. My enlightenment experience.

    Just relax away the need to debate self/no self. The experience of having a self arises spontaneously from the reality of no self. "I" just don't want to alter my typing to include stuff like "there is a spontaneous desire arising that feels like the need to teach in this non self's perception". This age-old argument is holding you [me] back. It's really easier to identify with the ego when trying to communicate with other people. Yes, I slip back into ego identification occasionally. Hell, most of the day I straight up abide in it. Abiding in ego consciousness does not change the fundamental reality of no self. No attacker, no attacked, no attack. The ego is a tool. There is no wielder. Ego consciousness is a part of the One just like everything else. You cannot possibly be out of oneness no matter how flawed you think your views are, no matter how flawed others think your views are, no matter if you do actions that are good or evil etc etc etc etc
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  10. Transgender Problem

  11. Who here lifts weights?

  12. Worst translations of TTC?

    i am interested in any "bad" translations, meaning ones you feel corrupted the message in some way. Not ones that are just poor translation, but were influenced by someones self interest. Anyone got any particular ones they can't stand? lol
  13. Walking

  14. just avoid spiritual practices for a while and remember to drink water and breathe deep bro [deep inhale AND deep exhale]
  15. Looking for some resources that do more than just scratch the surface in these two areas. Anyone got any book recommendations? Websites? I have read so much stuff that says nothing, starting to get irritated
  16. Kundalini help, please?

    Learn all the muscles of the head/neck and exercise them by clenching and releasing them fully about 25-50 times per muscle per day. The ones that raise the ears, draw the ears back, lift the forehead skin, the neck one that pulls your chest skin and face into a grossed out face[this one really rubs your lymph nodes so dont worry if it makes your neck swollen for a little while, it eventually stops and then I believe the lymph nodes start to work better. Imagine that, a muscle that makes a grossed out face while purging nasties from the system!]. The ones that flare your nostrils both wide and constricted. The ones that make you smile gently, and the ones that make you smile wide. Get something like a piece of rubber and work out your jaw muscles. There are two different muscles that produce a high pitched and low pitched vocal sound, so go after those too. There's the tongue...that's a strange little fellow. The muscle that produces a swallowing action doesn't feel like its a good one to strength train. Practice drawing your lips over your teeth into an "o" face. And super important is the muscle that clenches your chin towards the very top of your chest. One that seems to produce a 3rd eye activity/feeling is clenching your eyelids shut as tight as you can - be sure not to make angry eyebrows during this action though. All the muscles of the body are important but I think people have more than enough practice making distressed faces. Work all of these out, then take giant handfuls of your hair and gently tug them. Try to wear your hair down as much as possible, as wearing it up creates a lot of scalp tension. Take nattokinase for a couple months to improve your overall circulation. Can't recommend it enough. Also practice doing as many of these actions at once as you can possibly do in front of a mirror for a nice laugh
  17. Learning Hydroponic Food Growing? Herbal Medicine?

    That is what I tried my first shot at it and it didn't really work. The aphids just kept attacking all the flowers of my fruiting plants until they fell off.
  18. Learning Hydroponic Food Growing? Herbal Medicine?

    Yeah I'm in AZ I live in a cheap apartment with hardly any window light. I snuck in a quail farm a couple years ago but the plants in the closet didn't do so well I hate relying on the government. I don't feel entitled to it, or like its really hurting anyone because the country is screwed anyways and everyone is sucking the system dry just as bad as I am...its just the principle of the matter. I'd like to be more self sustaining. Also, yeah they let you buy plants on EBT so there is that. I am pretty good at manifesting the little things I need though. Met someone in the past year that says he can teach me to make LED lights so that is why I am starting to invest more thought in this project.
  19. Learning Hydroponic Food Growing? Herbal Medicine?

    I'm trying to become self sustaining so I can get off foodstamps dude. Get off your high horse...
  20. Learning Hydroponic Food Growing? Herbal Medicine?

    Woah there, super helpful post!! thanks Does anyone have any foolproof pest control plans? One thing holding me back is I don't want another apartment full of aphids...mostly on the plants but I'd prefer them not in the house at all.
  21. Learning Hydroponic Food Growing? Herbal Medicine?

    Thanks! And I suppose I should have clarified that I do mean western herbal medicine
  22. Hey all, I know I don't post here very much anymore but you are all still in my thoughts. Some may remember me complaining endlessly about my knee injuries, and feeling hopeless, like nothing would ever make them better. Well, I did it. I studied the body intensely and fixed myself. No more pain at all. Now I am ready to pass on the knowledge of the muscular system that I have acquired to hopefully help some other people. I have been teaching privately for a while now and everyone I instruct gives me rave reviews. I take the hyper anatomical approach to asana rather than the "look at the general shape and try to get a feel for it" approach. I am teaching completely for free, so that I may reach as many people as possible and improve more lives without the money getting in the way. My philosophy teachings center heavily around pulling people out of victim mentality and encouraging them to take back their own personal power. In the knowledge of the One, we are all untouchable and nothing has to ever make us feel afraid or defeated. Tomorrow I will be leading a class of 15-20 people. Some are new to the practice, some are more seasoned, one is a hard headed old lady that wants advanced postures without doing the preliminary work! So yeah...words of encouragement? Advice? Questions about fixing bodily pain and correcting posture?
  23. the top quote in your sig is a huge source of inspiration for me
  24. Woooooo totally killed it at my first class. They asked me to do it every week. I freaked out until the very second I started and then it was completely effortless. Can't wait for next weeks class <3
  25. When you squat, do your knees collapse towards the center or splay out to the sides? The goal is to have them in a straight line with your ankles. Try doing a "ballet turnout". Its hard to describe online but you can find videos. Remember to keep your leg straight in this one. Can you draw an arrow pointing to the exact area where the pain is on a picture of a human? Hell, I could do a lot more for you if I could get a picture of your squatting form. Feel free to PM it if you go that route instead of posting in thread. Go through all of the information in my original post, do every exercise that makes sense to you, and I am sure you'll see improvement. Also check out my reply I just made to soaring crane about the hamstrings and try all that stuff. It has a ton of squat form advice. If you are in pain that's not cool! Lets fix that, ASAP!!!!