Seminarian

Hi everybody, I've been on this forums for some time but I haven't really been participating on the forums because I feel I can't really contribute to any of the topics being discussed here. I've been trying to find information about the sexual practise but I find alot different and sometimes one person says 'Yin' and the other says 'Yang'. ( tao-style joke? ;-) ) This has confused me alot. So I don't know what path to pursue. My situation: I've done some sexual stimulation, without ejaculation ofcourse . First I clenched the pc-muscle for 10 seconds and then I clenched my buttocks and visualised (or should I say 'feel-ised' to be correct) the energy (or rather my focus in my body) moving up from the pc-muscle through the spine and neck in to my head to the top of my head. After this I feel a fire burning in my body, I can focus alot better than before. Some times I really enjoy it, but some times it makes me feel uneasy, like totally 'unchilled' (don't know the english word to describe it good). I might actually compare it to a cocaine rush sometimes. It feels really good sometimes. Now since I've done this cultivation I've trouble falling a sleep. Mostly I lay awake for 3 hours or so. Because I have to get up early I've only slept 5 hours the last 3 nights. (each night that is) Now I'm experiencing a weird feeling. I feel I'm tired but I don't really feel sleepy. I'm tired but I have energy. I think it's comparable to the feeling wheni'm tired but under stress. I feel tired but I feel pumped up at the same time. I have warm vibes, but suffer from less efficient memory (from tiredness I think). I have a past of sexual and drug abuse. This was more soft than hard drugs btw. This started at the young age of 17. Since a few months I finally conditioned myself in the right mindset to live another life and I have developed some goals in my life that I'm eager to accomplish. So all the abuse is over now. This long-term vision keeps me away from the short-term hedonistic junkie-lifestyle. I'm reading a lot nowadays & learning alot on various subjects. Just to state I'm finding myself on a better track. What's up with this energy? Is it transformed already? Is this energy just flowing in my body till it's all used up? Am I damaging my body, doing more bad than good? I'd like to transform this energy so it can be stored and benefit my general health and strongess. Or is it already being used to strenghten my body? Is there a way to store this energy and to lessen the current rush I'm in so I can lessen my sleeping problems? Maybe a description? I hope somebody can shed light in about the unknown state I find myself in. I'm looking for specific help for my situation. Please give me some pratical advise. I don't mean this bad, but I'm not looking for people suggesting me to step away from this as I feel this sexual energy is so powerful and I don't want to waste any more vital energy in my life on such a way! I have some health problems, more specifically back-pain. I've a mild form off scoliosis. In my current condition my back and shoulder muscles are very tensed. And this scoliosis requires strong muscles to keep my back straight. Currently I suffer from muscle-spasms because my muscles are too weak for this situation. I'm also receiving treatment with massages and other techniques for this. So I'm interested in strengthening my body. To store the energy so that it can be used by my body when needed. To charge my batteries for a long time so I could enjoy good health, high energy and lots of mental energy at even an older age. I'm in my early twenties btw. Please help a fellow human in despare! Shed light in the darkness and help me achieve a better health. You won't be able to imagine my gratefulness! ^^ Warm (also literal ) Regards Semi ps: I hope this posts makes some sense cuz I'm not really feeling mentally 'sharp' atm. I also hope it's the right place to post this topic. My appologies if not.

thank you, I've started sitting meditation and I must say everytime I've meditated my muscles in my back feel alot healthier. I will do this everyday now. For now I stay away from sexual practises. Maybe some day when I'm completely healthy and in shape I might experiment with it again. Kind Regards Semi

Hi every1, I've been hanging around this board for quite a while and the time has come to introduce myself! I'm a 22 year old boy interested in all kinds of spiritual stuff. I guess my main motivation is trying to find myself and to free myself from current maya. I hope I can be off value on this board. Kind Regards, Seminarian