My name is John and I am a new member here. There has been some marvelous work in these forums that I recently discovered and I sincerely hope to be able to add my little knowledge wherever I can and also get answers to the many questions that I have.
I originally met Tibetan Buddhism a little more than two years ago in a seminar about phowa training in the Bon tradition in Budapest. There first I heard about Dzogchen, rigpa, Tapihritsa, Guru Yoga and the rest. Then I started to read a lot books about Dzogchen and Tantra ( I attended another seminar about mother Tantra in Graaz this year which was not what I was expecting - even though I got an empowerment) and here I am.
From the moment I discovered Dzogchen, I felt it speak into my heart. From then onwards I am trying to experience/discover the "natural state of mind". I have read a lot about it, I even attended a direct transmission by Norbu Rinpoche via live streaming from the internet (no comments ) about a week ago but ...I guess I do not even know what I am searching for....let alone felt it.....My meditation practice is calm abiding focusing on the voidness of thoughts with eyes closed or with eyes open watching a remote natural scene. Also I try to imagine the following (most there are adaptations from text I have read in the search to find alaya of habits or even rigpa...).
Try to image how would I be with no senses...especially with no sense of touch
Try to imagine what it means "The experience and the experiencer are the same"
Try to find out who is 'I'
Try to feel in what way the vision I see with my eyes is not different from me (there is not a 'me' looking at something)
Try to just *be*...do not focus on anything
Be mindful and in silence most of the day
Unfortunately I still do not have a personal teacher. Recently I thought I could try Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche and be his student, I even scheduled to go to his Yang Ti retreat but my financial situation did not allow it Then I learned that 1,300 people were going to attend his retreat in Italy and got more dissapointed. I guess with these numbers the possibility of becoming his student is less than...zero...
Any help on understanding and realizing alaya of habits, natural state of mind, rigpa etc would be extremely welcomed.
I thank you all in advance