Red Pheonix

I spent an hour trying to write up this long and introspective post about certain psychological and emotional hurdles I'm faced with. But each time I would get near the end, have the wording just right to properly convey the situation...I'd think to myself, "You're being a whiny little bitch. Stop it. Put up or shut up, your complaining won't do shit. No one else can fix you, it's all on your shoulders." And then I'd delete the post. This happened a couple of times.

 

I believe this voice every time I hear it. I base my trust in this voice on the belief that I am 100% responsible for any suffering I experience, and I am 100% responsible for dealing with it.

 

Am I delusional for thinking this voice is telling me the truth, or is it the clearest thought I've had all day? The voice says I should delete this post too.

Hey Cat... first off *big huuuuuuuuug*

Don't take yourself so seriously! It is as they say; water which is dammed cannot flow.

When I finish writing this I'm going to send you a special intention, I need you to receive it though (should you choose to). Stand or sit and get comfy, place your tongue on the roof of your mouth and simply breathe through your nose. Listen to the sound of the wind as it flows in and out, this is a beautiful wind that is the very light of heaven. See within yourself the light of your inner child... if you giggle it's ok, I might giggle too!

I prescribe for you some nature! Go on a walk or just be outside where you can experience the warmth of her embrace and observe the wisdom of her flow. Take her in just as you take in that wind which is the light of heaven and find for yourself a new perspective from which a new part of yourself can smile

I know I'm well worse off than the average person in terms of selfishness. I desire change, that's why I'm studying the Tao Te Ching. I am curious though. It states when in accord with Tao, you're good by nature. What if you're not though? I always feel I'm betraying myself when doing "overly-generous" things with my time. Should I assume that what I feel to be my true nature is just my "ego-self" attempting to keep control of my actions instead of following Tao. Or might I, when all said and done, just be an ass at heart? I can't say I want to be more selfless for others, I'm so selfish I hurt myself in the process, so my desire to be selfless has selfish motives!

I think it's great that you're aware of how you can be, most people can't see themselves for their own stink; every single person reading this has been guilty of it at one time or another... it's called pride and it kicks our asses!

There are many scholastic, dogmatic and technical approaches that can be taken to addressing this topic, but I think the most practical approach is the simplicity of meditation. It is our selfishness that prevents us from meditating, it's our selfishness that prevents us from experiencing things because we are focused inwards. Meditation is one of the greatest tools in resolving this. How many people here can sit down to meditate and instantly find stillness in their minds and hearts? Even those who have mastered meditation know that there are days when they have to go back to cleaning out the old emotion closet.

Here is how I use the tool in a larger scope, this is one way you can get deeper and start to resolve some of the issues within.

First lets explore 'why' we are introverted. It all goes back to our desires and attachments. If you had no desire and no attachments you would be perfectly happy to sit peacefully and bask in the radiance of the universe. Desire its self leads to things like a feeling of entitlement, we then become attached to ideas and wants; many times we don't even realize that these things are inside of us.

Now that we understand where these things come from, let's establish some mechanisms to help us pinpoint our issues. I have 2 suggestions. 1st, pay attention to where you mind goes when you meditate! Often times you'll see patterns in the things you fall back to, observe yourself and make notes... in time this will lead you to the root which is always desire. 2nd, we speak our attachments! Listen to yourself and contemplate on the things that come from your mouth. You can also use this tool with other people; if you want to know what's in someones heart just be quiet and let them speak... they will show you everything that they are attached to.

If you are able to see these things in yourself then you are most likely capable of letting them go. This can be hard in some situations because we desire resolution and feel entitled to a particular outcome. These are things that only bind us though, it is the weight of judgement that makes our heart heavy. If I have an issue that I absolutely cannot find resolve for, I do a little ceremony to let it go. For instance, perhaps I place the problem on paper in writing, then meditate and in my meditation I go to a place of light where I can give this thing up. Then in the future, if my mind goes back to this issue I simply recall the meditative state of my ceremony and tap into the peace I had. Do this a couple of times and the issue will go away... it works wonderfully!

This very issue is of the highest importance from an Internal Alchemy perspective because it is the key to being child like! A child does not see the world with predefined expectations as adults do; they are able to observe the great mystery and experience it in greater truth. If you want to attain things like the secret of the golden flower, you have to be a vessel capable of having peace and balance within; to find that place where the universe can reveal its self to you. Everything will be given to you if you are open to receive it, but you are not open if you already have a preconceived idea. You're certainly not open if you can't stop thinking about yourself and your own problems. In the end we can come to a place where we have no concern for ourselves and the Tao is expressed in our very essence

Thanks for the quality of your response. I have no clue who "Grandmaster" Zhang is. We may be getting into the realm of Chinese politics here if you take my meaning.

 

Craig

To clarify this, Master Wu was a student of Master Zhang; I've seen original school photos of Master Wu with the other 100 or so students in the class. As for 'who' Master Zhang is, he's a lineage holder for several styles, primarily Long Men Pai (Dragon Gate). Lu Zijian named his as his successor in 2002. If you want to know more you can peep qigongmaster.com There was more explained to me about Master Wu's lineage claims and it wasn't all positive, but I believe that we're all men with faults and hopefully everyone in this scene is taking steps towards being beautiful Lord knows I have room to grow... hopefully this world/life will grant me that room!

Hello brothers and sisters! I've read a lot on this forum, for years actually, but have only now actually signed up. I guess I learn more when I shut up and listen lol. I've studied kung fu for most of my life, my father taught hard fist styles and as I grew I found the softness that I was looking for. Bagua is my favorite, it's balance of internal/external expression is sweeter than the duality of frosted mini wheats mmmmmmm!

I live in Dallas and travel a good bit, if you come out this way let me know and I'll take you out to drum circle with me to meet some of the family here. I study with a few different masters; I've been fortunate enough to find several wonderful teachers. I primarily study with Master Yuanming Zhang (Long Men Pai -Dragon Gate) and help orchestrate workshops for him as well.

happy to be meet you all... high 5's n *hugs* all around