Well, as you can tell by my forum name, my name is alexander (alex), and I am a 18 year old college student. I have been doing a lot of research/practice in Eastern "faiths" (I suppose you could call it that), and that is what brought me to this forum. If you don't mind reading a little paragraph, I have been having a lot of difficulties in my life because of some recent changes in my brain chemistry.
What first brought me to what you would call "religion" was that at some point during the summer I had smoked marijuana and had a very depressing high, and through a a series of coincidences I was convinced of a higher power other than "myself". I then somehow stumbled upon Buddhism, and it made so much sense that I pursued it for hours and hours each day. I practiced mindfulness, etc. and I noticed that everything became more lucid. Then one day, I decided to smoke (I'm sorry for all the marijuana references, I just feel that they are important to know about) to let it all soak in, and boy did it. The effects after the weed were just tremendous, it was like the lucidity that I was experiencing before multiplied x10. I continued on through the summer, and I felt a little less "stable" than before. Two weeks later, I had to go to college, and I found myself devoting even more time to these studies. I picked up many Hinduism things, and thats what has finally led me here. It seems that my lucidity I suppose you could say, is getting out of control. I am losing my sexual drive, and I find it hard to relate to people now. I am usually a very sociable guy, and I am finding myself lost in my own mind these days. I feel like my individuality is lost, and I think that is one of the beautiful things of Humans. Hinduism/Buddhism has nailed in my head that looks/personalities are subjective and there is no point in seeing someone as attractive, and someone as not. But how can that be so when they advocate naturalness? Isn't being natural related to sex, much like eating and sleeping? I'm just really confused what to do, and I read somewhere that Taoism doesn't denounce sex, but rather sees it as a sacred thing. So if you guys could please explain to me, what am I experiencing, and how can I gain back my sexuality/life?