Thats not dramatic, thats pathetic. Ask yourself one question, "why am I this way?" The answer, you will find, is because you are scared. You are ruled by fear on so many levels that it controls everything you do, and it keeps you contained in the depression filled bubble you now exist. Four words buddy, sack-the-fuck-up! Take the reins in your life! No ones advice on this forum will 'fix' you, you have to 'fix' you. Wake-up and start doing, stop watching.