Mediman

Since parents cannot always be watching, they do their best to inculcate their authoritative voices into the child, so the kid can thereafter defer to this "internal parent".

 

Of course, this internal parent is merely a cluster of functions that most resemble the real parent. As such, it is not inherently more mature than any other part of the brain, even though it thinks it is. It is simply more trained.

 

The internal parent has several limitations built into it. For one, it's raised dualistic, separating the world into good vs. bad, friendly vs. dangerous, should vs. shouldn't. Also, because of its conditioning, it displays certitude beyond its actual abilities; it insists that it knows, even though its experience of the world is no more thorough than any other parts of the brain.

 

Probably the greatest limitation of the internal parent is that it terribly uncreative. Its dualism and shoulds collapse interpretations into overly simplistic heuristics. And it relies on a very few mechanisms for enforcing action, such as shaming or praising the self, or of course, through will power.

 

What's wrong with will power? It is a useful tool for some things, but it is hardly a panacea. For example: what is the easiest way to effect a large change? Not by willing myself to do it, which is all uphill, but by falling in love with the task, so little effort is required to do it.

 

When it comes to raising an immature part of myself, will power only knows one solution: push myself against my desire, and keep on pushing. Just try harder. But of course, as we learn every year as the New Year's resolutions fade, will power quickly tires. Unless the will is oriented in the same direction as my current desire, then its effects don't last long. The habits return to their previous state, just with more self-loathing and helplessness included.

 

Clearly, some people have more effective will power than others, but even then, the effectiveness is dwarfed by what happens when we fall in love with a new activity or abstinence, since desire becomes our fuel, rather than our obstacle.

 

If I want a houseplant to grow, I feed it with sun, water, and nutrients. If I try to use my willpower to force it to grow, I will only do damage to the plant.

 

If I want a child to grow into new possibility, then I will try to find a fun way to engage them in practice of the new traits. If I rely on my willpower to get them to change, I will only breed resentment and alienation from the activity.

 

If I want another grown-up to see my point of view, then I cannot force it on them, because they do not recognize me as a special authority. So I have to learn where they're coming from, and build a bridge of understanding from there to the point I'm trying to make.

 

How different is it, then, when I try to grow the different parts of myself? If I want some part to grow, shouldn't I feed it, like I do the plant? Shouldn't I give it the opportunity to practice through play, like I do the child? Shouldn't I respect where that part is at, as I would another adult? Shouldn't I humble my "internal parent", my "self-critic", which acts as if it knows how to grow and fix the other parts of me, but which has never actually displayed real understanding of how an authentic organism grows?

 

IME, every part of my organism desires balance, harmony and maturity. The knowledge of how to grow up is built into the entire system, from muscles to visual cortex to compassion. If unthreatened, and given enough support and opportunity, the function seeks, on its own, to unfold from its conditioned state, and emerge as its authentic, balanced self, at ease with its function, and with the other parts of my system. "I" do not need to know how each function grows, because the function can handle that on its own.

 

In other words, if I want to grow, I need to stop trying to be my own boss, my own parent. I need, instead, to be my own therapist, ask questions and listen closely. I need to be my own uncle, who wants the best for all my parts, but doesn't take my "faults" personally. I need to be my own best friend, caring about what it is that I really desire, rather than just what one part of me thinks I should be doing. I need to be a gardener, who nourishes and prunes, but never tries to force the organism into a shape that doesn't naturally fit it. I need to be a child, because the "internal parent" is anything but humble.

Excuse me i don't post much but pop in now and then for a quick read,i have to say that this is one of the best things i've read for a long time thank you very much.

I tried to silence the various aspects of my self,especially the critic and the rebel which always gets me in to trouble but to no avail,had some very nice experiences in the process though through meditation.

Anyway i have given up now on silencing them it's seems a no win situation.

It starts everyday few mins after i get up,i can hold awarness for a short time but then the daily game of duality begins.

However those few mins is something to build on but getting my uncle or wise one to have a say is proving to be a very difficult operation amidst the pushing and shoving.

End of my ramblings.

Once again thank you very much.

Hello everyone found this site and some interesting information and discussions to digest.

I'm in to Meditation,Yoga and Psychosynthesis.

Best wishes

Mediman