liminal_luke

I often find writing cathartic. Sometimes I do Julia Cameron style "morning pages" only I type them out rather than write longhand, and I usually go over 3000 words. Just write as fast as I can think. I find it a fantastic practice, very emotionally grounding. My own writing often leans in a dark direction. I wish it wouldn`t. I think people like reading happy stuff better, or at least hopeful. It`s kind of a goal of mine to write something heartwarming. Nevertheless, I`ll share something I wrote during a more depressive period. .................................................................................................................. I feel like an overloaded Mexican mule. My backpack contains two computers and their respective chargers, two notebooks (one for throwaway jottings, the other for semi-permanent notations), and a Lee Child thriller. It`s as if I won a gameshow sweepstakes entitling me to a free shopping spree at some weird store specializing in technology and fancy stationary – all you can carry out on your back!. First world problems, right? People should be so lucky as to have my troubles. Ghetto kids don`t groan woefully as they lug home their newly purchased Playstation 4`s; socially isolated teenagers don`t kvetch about the oppressive bulkiness of their Iphones. Lest I unjustly paint myself as an ungrateful brute, I`ll point out that even the most impoverished child generally has something wonderful that I`m sadly lacking: Coca - cola. Statistically speaking, poor people drink a disproportionate share of soft drinks and eat a disproportionate share of delicious fast food: money is overrated. I`m seven days into the first phase of Paleo guru Mark Sisson`s keto reset diet, and sugar, in all it`s glorious forms, is strictly forbidden. The diet is supposed to reduce systemic inflammation thus wiping out all manner of modern maladies including – drum roll please – depression. Perhaps you can guess from the tone of this journal entry how that`s going? Honestly, I`m OK with unhappiness but can I please also be skinny? Being fat and sad at the same time seems like too much. One of my best pals recently got a mood disorder and stopped eating. He`s lost tons of weight and looks better than ever. His blood sugar numbers are nearly normal. Too bad he wants to jump off a bridge. Perhaps I`ve never really been clinically depressed, just garden-variety blue, because I`ve never lost interest in cupcakes. Seriously though, the worst part of suicidal ideation is the anticipatory guilt. Ever notice how hard people are on successful suiciders? We`re so quick to slap the dead with judgmental labels – selfish, senseless, stupid. Talk about kicking `em when they`re down. I can`t kill myself because I couldn`t handle all the mean things folks would say about me after I`m gone. As fast as people are to judge the dead, they never credit the living. Nobody evers says...Oh look, he`s still breathing...how unselfish of him. What a mensch! There`s a man who really cares about his loved ones. I might gripe a bit as I sling my weighty technology on my back, but look at it this way: I`m alive. I`ve made the heroic choice every hour of every day of my fifty something odd years on this bittersweet planet to continue the journey. Maybe I love myself, love other people, more than I think. I remember you and inhale.

OK, so maybe I was a little slow yesterday. My present understanding of the graphic: The top mucky-mucks of both right and left only appear to be opposed to each other. Actually, they are united against the "little guy." This hypotheisis intrigues me, and I hope, Zerostao, that you as delighted as before with the new thoughts your illustration provokes in my mind.

Perhaps. I haven`t thought about it deeply. The meaning I attach to these last few posts (perhaps wrongly?!) is that I did not receive the message you intended. That seems unfortunate to me. I would of preferred to understand you better.

Does the meaning I got share any resemblance to the meaning your intended?

I`m open to the posibility that this is exactly right. Certainly things aren`t as they seem-- they very rarely are. So far the sky hasn`t fallen with the Trump presidency. Here`s hoping it never does. Here`s hoping that my impression from watching Trump video is totally mistaken and that he`s doing great things. Like Karen once said, America is already great. If Trump is truly making it greater, I`m all for it.

Perhaps we can agree that compassion and the desire for a better world (including a "greater" USA) is widely shared across the political spectrum. Take the issue of illegal immigration, for instance. I believe that RedCairo wants strong borders out of her sense of compassion -- compassion for blue collar workers who are unfairly pushed out of jobs when there`s a great influx of illegal immigration in an area. Conversely, many people who favor "sanctuary cities" and the like do so out of their sense of compassion, compassion for the illegal immigrants. Two different political views, both motivated by compassion. This is the message I take from your chess graphic.

Touche! That does seem to be the point, doesn`t it? To be fair, I`ve also heard people make the opposite point (though not so much lately): that everything good is on the left, and everything bad on the right. Between you and me, this alternative point seems way more defensible, though I try to avoid saying so in mixed company. Usually I say something more concilatory like "there`s good and bad on both sides" or "nobody has a monopoly on the Truth." I recently noticed and clicked on an icon at the top of my Daobums screen called "Clubs." (Has it always been there and I`m just now getting around to seeing it?) Anyways, my computer took me to a page informing me that I didn`t belong to any clubs. I didn`t need a computer to give me that unfortunate news. No clubs, really? Tell me something I don`t know. Lately the Trump Talk thread has gotten a little clubby, or at least it feels that way to me. I picture the people on the Right getting together for coffee and donuts. These gatherings feature an inordinate amount of back patting as members take turns gleefully disparaging the fools on the "left." I know it`s wrong, but I`m tempted to sneak inside just for the comaraderie and apple fritters. I wish I smoked just so I could stand outside the door sharing a cig with Marblehead and the other nicotine rebels. We leftists could form our own club, of course. We could talk just as disparagingly about the right-wing fools, of whom there are, arguably, many. But for some reason it feels to me like we haven`t, at least not here. Who would of guessed that Trump would attract so many flag-waving interal alchemists, so many America-First non-dualists? (Not me.) One thing I`ve always admired about the spiritual views you`ve shared online is your emphasis on the center. You seem more acquinted than most with the clear neutral light emanating from that central place, a good thing if you ask me because I think that`s exactly what`s necessary here. We need to get beyond right and left. Beyond the petty name calling and the I`m-right-you-re wrong mentality that messes everyone up. There`s a place in the center that blows all this pettiness away. It`s where I`m aiming for.

I`ve read here that teachers should always teach for free and that they should never teach for free. Personally, I think they should do what they want. Why load ourselves down with so many rules? What`s important, it seems to me, is being clear with oneself. If you`re a teacher, don`t teach for free if you`re gonna resent not getting paid. If you`re a student, don`t pay for a course if you`re gonna resent being charged.

I do agree that it`s possible to over-share. And you`re right that nobody shows "the whole enchilada" -- and they probably shouldn`t in a literal sense. But I lean in the direction of openness. That`s my particular style. I find that it suits me and I recommend it to others.

Stosh, I think you`re misreading me. Where did I suggest saying any of those things? What I did say was... be yourself, be authentic, don`t pretend to know more than you do or do more than you can. What I think is that there is beauty in presenting ourselves as we are, not just the bad and not just the good -- the whole enchilada.

Vulnerability is charming, or so I keep telling myself. The board abounds with posers who pretend to be more knowledgable and more accomplished then they are, and I`m betting you can spot them from post one. Most of us can. We reveal ourselves, in spite of our most secretive intentions. I`ve been around on the board awhile, and other long-term members likely know a lot about me, good and bad, and a lot of it is even true. Of course there are limits. This can be a very rough-an-tumble place and there`s such a thing as opening too much. But, as a general rule, I say be yourself. People will sense the authenticity and love you for it. Trust me.

Can I take a stab? People balk at the idea of acceptance because some things are so clearly "wrong" or "bad" -- how could it possibly be OK to accept them? In this view, change and acceptance are experienced to be at odds. If you accept something you don`t seek to change it; that`s why bad things should not be accepted. Or so the story goes. I think it`s more complicated than this. Let`s look at change and acceptance on a nuts and bolts level. I`ll take an example from my own life: my desire to lose weight. My experience tells me that if I don`t accept my body as it is now, my weight loss attempts won`t go smoothly. Ironically, it`s the acceptance of present conditions that opens the door for change. Telling myself that I`m bad for being overweight leads me to eat more donuts, not less. Although that`s a personal example, I think the idea has wide application. Aren`t there plenty of examples of history where people revolt against oppressive regimes only to turn in time to resemble their former oppressors? Oftentimes the appearance of drastic change masks, well, not much change at all. Here`s my definition of aggression: an attempt to change conditions that doesn`t originate from a place of acceptance. A definition of acceptance: that state of being rooted in silence and inner peace such that one is free to optimally respond to outer conditions in a conscious way rather than being unconsciously swept in a direction by internal forces outside of awareness. (As I wrote this, @ilumairen post came in. Ilumairen states: Inner direction informing action from a place of peace. This is essentially what I`m trying to get at --much less succinctly.)

A few mornings ago I was sitting in a cafe here in Ensenada, Baja California trying to journal while a game played on the television. Was Mexico playing recently? Did they win? I assume so given the clapping and general carrying-on of the assembled crowd -- GOOOAAAALLLLLLL!!!! There`s something beautiful about it, I gotta admit. I remember the general hoopla a few years back in Zacatecas when Mexico won a match, cars cruising up and down honking wildly as if the whole town was getting hitched in a mass wedding, as if Mexico had just catapulted to leader of the free world status and her soldiers were marching through the the streets in triumph. Whenever Mexico scores, thousands of enthused fans all over the country whoop and holler. Even in the United States, in every sizable town, there`s likely a bar filled with proud Latinos living vicariously through their team.

To every man his own goalpost, I guess. It`s hard for me to imagine a more potent suicidal-thought inducing hell than the World Cup.

Yes, but.... Liberals are surprisingly conservative when it comes to genetic modification of veggies and pesticides. The farmer`s market in Portland, Oregon, where I lived for many years, is crawling with organic carrot buying Democrats. Conversely, conservatives are fairly liberal when it comes to shady business practices and putting people`s health at risk if it means bigger profit. Or am I wrong? If I come to believe that it`s really the conservatives who are championing the movement towards healthy traditional foods and the liberals who are destroying the environment and our wellbeing generally in the name of the dollar, I`ll gladly burn my blue hat.

I haven`t. Do you recommend it?

The Luna picture reminded me of when I used to traipse around town in Vibram Fivefingers. I never got into running "barefoot" -- am not nearly that athletic -- but I love how I felt just walking to Starbucks. Reading this thread, I`m so grateful to have escaped the snare of philosophy. Not that deep thinking about the nature of the universe and our place in it can`t be a pleasurable and worthwhile activity. Many people seem to enjoy it and more power to them. It`s just that all that knowing doesn`t take the place of practice, and for me practice is everything. I want to do things that change how I feel in my body. (Although some of the best things are subtle and don`t initially result in perceptible change.) If I`m calm and happy and flowy, I figure deep Buddah-esque understanding will come in it`s own time -- or not.

Yeah, and I`m with Bush about the broccoli. Maybe my theory doesn`t hold after all.

There´s an expression that describes someone who doesn`t stint when it comes to spooning sour cream onto her tacos during the annual Cinco de Mayo company picnic and always goes back for seconds on berry pie : we say that such a person eats liberally. Obama, a consumate liberal, once dined on Vietnamese food with Anthony Bourdain. Ex-president Bush won`t even eat broccoli -- definitely not a liberal. A conservative is someone who favors the corporate practice of putting noxious chemicals into processed foods to presere or "conserve" them. Such a person conserves something that really shouldn`t have been made in the first place. So there you have it. Liberals travel the globe eating delicious ethnic foods; Conservatives make Twinkies.

Beautiful collection of hat and headpiece photos! Although their sometimes gaudy elaborateness is easily made fun of, I find them fascinating and mysterious. What impulse originally inspired such creativity?

Hi Rara, When I thought a friend of mine was suicidal, I made him a no-nonsense offer. I said..."If you really think you`re in danger, I`ll drive you to the emergency room." This is probably not the right response for every depressive situation, but I felt good about it at the time because I felt that I was matter-of-factly offering the assistance that might have been necessary. It`s a response that takes the suicidal talk seriously without communicating a willingness to endlessly listen to manipulative victim talk. Not saying this is what you should do. Just offering up a strategy for consideration.

There are obvious issues around transgendered people competing in sports. As it happens, I agree that transgendered women, who may have a vestigial hormonal/physiological physical advantage over women-born women, ought to sit out from competitive women`s sports. But do we really have to use this issue to spew hatred toward this already maligned group? Jeez...

It`s reassuring to look back over the years and realize we`re still basically the same ole guy we've always been.

Maybe I don`t understand multiculturalism. Odd, I know, given that I grew up in California. I thought it meant always saying yes when friends suggest going out for pizza. By that standard, I`m a big-time multiculturalist. I used to have an adopted friend whose birth parents were Mexican. He looked Mexican as could be and didn`t speak a lick of Spanish. Everywhere he went, Spanish-speaking people who tried to talk to him figured he was stupid or self-hating. Poor guy. I love how specific cultures can be and appreciate it when people hold on to regional foodways and folkways. It`s also true that we`re all individuals, and that none of us fit perfectly into somebody else`s view of what`s appropriate for our supposed culture. I sure didn`t fit into mine. The first thing you notice when traveling internationally is how different we are from each other; the last thing you notice when traveling internationally is how much we are the same.

Meh...it`s only a paradox if "support" means tit-for-tat. I`ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. That`s a pretty narrow definition of support. I lived for awhile in Oaxaca, Mexico, a region not known for it`s hearty embrace of "outsiders," although the capital city relies heavily on tourism. The people who live there for the most part don`t "support" me; they certainly don`t think very much about multiculturalism. But that doesn`t mean that I can`t find a lot to appreciate about the region and it`s inhabitants.