chrisjswanson

I was registered here a few years back, so I guess this is not really required. But it's been a long time and I figured it would be good to start fresh by saying hi and wishing everyone well. I am glad to be re-joining your community peace+love Chris

Most anyone here who's watched The Matrix will get a kick out of this thread: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qi...06061019AArEBoa Favorites: Seriously, thoughts on the Red/Blue Pill Metaphor? peace+love Chris

Ah psychedelics. They may bring about things you find wonderful at the time. Later you may hate those same things. Later still you may be quite glad regardless of whether you ever took a psychedelic drug. I don't think "good" or "bad" are adequate tools / concepts, and I'm pretty sure you can find some really respectable people who will answer this same question in opposite ways. peace+love Chris

Jedi, Interesting post, I'd tend to think that we might be able to eat a small amount of meat in a healthy way, but the reasons it is causing health problems and the like is a combination of excess and improper consumption, and other poor healthy living conditions and choices. That said, I'm a vegan. My good friend Bert's a vegan too, and he wanted me to point out that even a vegan might disagree with your points. But he is a vegan, so he does agree totally with you about not having to eat meat. peace+love Chris

Thanks so much , everyone , you people are like a family to me. (A non dysfunctional one!? :-) Not sure if that exist But I love you all. Really really interesting and good advice, thanks so much. I will certainly look into that Diamond thing, I always thought Ken Wilber was awesome, especially after watching him stop his brainwaves on youtube :-) I've already found that chanting can help me, I'm experimenting with sounds, and have found my playing of my guitar to be a strange and powerful self healing tool. So you called that one, sound heals feelings. I'll have to look into the qi gong thing to develop a proper routine, I'm kind going on intuition right now but I'm sure a teacher would help. Thanks for the suggestion though, I agree with that as well. I'm gonna look up 5 animals, 5 emotions, Chi Nei Tsang, Karzai Nei Tsang, and see what they're all about. Any links, anyone? Totally feel you on that , and you are so wise to point out that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the pain. I guess this harsh world provides the sand to make us pearls... Totally awesome, and very in line with what my intuition tells me anyways. Its like the Hindu thing, "all paths lead to me" I think Krishna said to Arjuna, and it's true, we really can't go wrong, even thinking that things are going wrong is part of the right. So thanks eternal spirit friend for reminding me to learn what I'm here to learn! I'll check out radical forgiveness too, I suspect I already have an idea of what I'll find based on your post :-) I hope everyone who has these pains to deal with can know that suffering is the fire under our butt as we climb the ladder to heaven, and maybe that knowledge will take away a little pain, without taking away the motivation to keep climbing! peace+love Chris

Hey Trunk Thanks, you gave me another perspective. I do see what you are saying, you explained clearly enough for me. Makes a lot of sense to me too, as a matter of fact I've always kinda thought about it like that, I can feel an energy exchange happen when I'm around girls (to me energy exchange, body language, subconscious communication, etc. are all different manifestations of something similar or same). I have very little idea about how to go about shifting this kind of thing, but I figure you're right, it's not the kind of thing that happens overnight :-) peace+love ALL Chris

Hey man, congrats! A thought: In my opinion, choosing between Jesus and your child is an impossible situation, because inherently to neglect your child is to neglect Jesus (and the reverse is true too!). I feel it is true like this of all spiritualities... But I'm not a father, so hey, what do I know peace+love + best wishes Chris

Well he married my mom My dad is an intellectual, pretty reserved, keeps his emotions pretty well hidden. I have no reason to think that he is abusive, and know of no abuse history in his family (not sure if that's what you were asking about). He is a very light drinker, doesn't use substances, maybe has a little too much faith in the established system. I gotta get him to put down his cell and hit the donation supported 10 day vipassana retreat :-) Again, I'm happy to answer specific questions and give out personal info about things, as long as I'm not giving out others' personal info that they might not be cool with, but I don't wanna flood your forum with my life so anyone who's interested and has ideas will need to ask me! thanks :-) peace+love Chris Sorry to hear about your pains Dean, thank you for sharing with me. I totally know what you're talking about, these girls hurt or worse. Yet for some reason there's a spark of intensity that I haven't found elsewhere. Maybe I love the risk of getting hurt like you said, if that's the kind of thing I'm into. My question is, why would I be into risking hurting myself emotionally. Why would it make me feel more intense (alive?) Something to do with my own father's tendency toward not expressing emotion? All comments welcome. peace+love Chris Wow you're all zenned out :-) Great post , for some reason it gives me a sense of destiny, that this is all working out according to a bigger picture. I'll most certainly be attentive to the opposites and similarities that I find myself attracted to or pushed away from. Thanks Shon peace+love Chris

Usually I do not find a reason to break it off first. In fact, these girls keep breaking my heart. I think they are attracting me cause they sense I want to protect them, and then subconsciously hurting me to get back at their father... As far as finding healthy girls to hang around, Yes! I agree totally, problem is that girls with abuse history aren't always obvious, and every time I meet a girl who seems really healthy I end up finding out it's the same old story. Seems there's some subconscious gravity happening here. Maybe to do with the fact that my mom's father was an alcoholic (don't know if he was abusive...) and she's probably, like Freud says, my first female role model. I'm really starting to see a lot of patterns here, in myself and others. There is a pattern of suffering happening that is being transmitted and perpetuated through families and relationships, sort of like a virus of the social unit as a whole. I intend to behave as an antibody, take that virus out, if it's at all possible and won't hurt anything :-) peace+love Chris Or maybe they're sensing that I unconsciously intend to hurt them? (yikes!) and they want to be hurt (again)? Uh oh... Time for vipassana :-| peace+love Chris

Thanks so much for sharing your ideas rookie. You are quite correct that I sometimes sense a huge "blind spot" and you might be right on the money that I feel like it's safer to engage these types. I'd go so far as to say that they lose their attraction to me to a large degree as soon as they show signs of 'health'. Yes 'healthy' girls probably make me feel vulnerable, and I've long been aware that I translate it into reasons not to go around them much, especially favorite for me is blaming girls for their (maybe even biological) tendency to be attracted to guys with money or influence. For some reason I see this more in 'healthy' girls than I do in 'blind spot' girls who just want someone to take care of them, although it could be my discomfort of feeling vulnerable making me pay more attention to things I dislike in order to get me out of the unconfortable situation. I also get turned off by girls who are assertive at traditionally male things, even to the extent of things like high education and stuff. I find myself gravitating to girls who desperately want traditional roles, and again these girls seem to have the 'blind spot' syndrome most every time. I'm workin on my living situation, it's complex enough that I won't fill the forum with my life. Same goes for drugs. But You are right about that too, there's some things around here I need to get in order. In Fact, the reason I've been delving into myself at all (which has led me to this conversation) is because I know that I can't get things in order until I understand better what's out of order. Thanks so much for Risking sharing with me what may have pissed me off and actually probably really helped. My Love goes out to you man. I'll find my way, don't worry The Gita says "all paths lead to Me" after all :-) Since I can't write my life story, I'll say this now - If anyone wants to ask me about something that could be related (or anything really) , feel free. I'm all about openness here. peace+love Chris

Right on, so another person has this same (or similar) kinda thing happening. And it's not just us, I see the results of sexual abuse/incest father daughter issues (almost every time alcoholism is involved) all around me. I'd estimate almost 1/3 of the relationships I see around me to be suffering in some way that I intuit is related to these issues. The knight in shining armor mentality applies to me as well, and seems to be an old theme in mythology. However, we see the I Ching teaching us an important lesson: Both hexagrams #31 Xian (Mutual Influence) and #32 (Long Lasting) show trigrams which represent youngest daughter with youngest son, and oldest daughter with oldest son, respectively. I see these hexagrams as showing the proper way for people to interact in a relationship. When Father(#1 Qian Initiating) and Mother (#2 Kun Responding) are in the right places, we see #11 Tai (Advance) , while improper positions of these trigrams shows #12 Pi (Hinderance) However take the Mother (Earth) trigram and replace it with the trigram for Wind, the oldest daughter (whom is usually the victim) and we see a different picture. In the case of a proper mother father (Heaven/Earth) position #11 Tai, changing the mother/earth trigram to the eldest daughter shows hexagram #9, Xiao Xu (Little Accumulation). The decision of "clouds condense, yet no rain" suggests to me a picture of Not Time Yet, and the hexagram as a whole suggests storing up one's own virtue before making advancement. At least we see "Prosperous and Smooth", however. In the case of an improper mother father (heaven/earth) position #12 Pi, changing the mother/earth trigram to the eldest daughter shows hexagram #44 Gou (Encountering), and a decision which admonishes "Do not engage in marrying such a woman." I see this as advice against assuming the Father role in a male-female relationship (at least in general), and perhaps (surely) more advice is hidden as to the proper way to conduct oneself in this particular arena of life. Anyone, thoughts? Thanks in Advance (no pun intended :-) peace+love Chris

Tell me about it. Although Wiki claims Freud's ideas have been all but proven untrue... Seems like these things are common enough that there must be some mention of the phenomena of incest related psycho-sexual development patterns outside of science, more in the realm of religion. I'd expect that the Vedas or some old Taoist writings probably mention these things somewhere, and may be a lot more helpful than modern psych 101. peace+love Chris

Hey Everyone Figured I'd try this question here since I see so many points of view come up in this forum, points of view that I suspect I wouldn't get exposed to elsewhere in my life... I'd REALLY appreciate some insight on this one. ----------------- Before I start I'm gonna say that this thread could bring up sensitive issues for some people, I suspect for myself as well. I want to come in touch with these issues, but others may feel they are not ready or do not wish to take this path. Since I'll be exploring issues of relationship, women will naturally come up. I'd like to take the time now to pre-state that nothing I intend to say has any conscious malignant intent (towards men or women), so if anyone gets a vibe that I'm being hurtful to them, it's likely because you hit a soft spot and I'm fighting back subconsciously. Nothing personal, really, in fact I'm asking for it :-) Forgive anything now please if you can. ------------------ I've been looking deeply at myself and how I relate with myself and others, by writing and studying my dreams, insight meditation, I Ching, reading western Psych texts, keeping a daily journal, etc. So I've noticed (don't know how I could'v missed it now) that I have a strong sexual pull towards girls that either have no relationship with their father at all, hate their father, were abused by an alcoholic father (sexually in almost every case), or some combination of these traits. I would go as far as to say that EVERY girl I've had a real relationship with had an alcoholic father who most likely or surely sexually abused them. Now I'd say I'm finding these girls on purpose, except that I don't have to know anything about the father situation prior to having feelings. For example: If I find a friend's girl enticing, and go to that friend and ask if he suspects or knows if his girl had any of these father/(sex)abuse/alcohol issues as a child, I can be pretty much sure to be greeted with "Who the F*** told you about that? She only told me. How'd you find out?" And all I can say is I knew it was very likely, simply because I thought she was cute? What is happening here? My mom's dad was an alcoholic. I was an alcoholic until just over a year ago, when I quit drinking, and at the same time removed myself from a relationship in which I was being in retrospect quite emotionally abusive. My parents split up when I was ~16, I'm 25 and live on my mom's couch. I have a propensity for substance abuse just like the girls I'm always falling for. I like to call females 'girls', not 'women', but I don't know why? I tend to be attracted to girls that are much younger than me, too. (Not talking pedophile here, just ~6-8 years younger than me). I guess this age gap is more commonly accepted around the world, but people around here (silicon valley) hate it when a 25yr old is talking to an 18yr old... I know, many will say these are the issues a good shrink can help one work through. But I've had very little success with western psychiatry, they say I'm bi-polar and manic and keep trying to put me on SSRI's and mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics. If they'll put such toxic chemicals into my mouth, who knows what toxic words they might put into my ears... I trust you people more <3 Thanks in Advance for Insight and Advice peace+love Chris P.S. Taomeow: If you spot this, I dig your ideas about memory. What do you think about repression? What's in those dark holes that I can't quite put my finger on? Do I even wanna know, is it safe, or maybe everything's forgotten eventually, some things best left gone? Is anything ever gone?

Looks like Salvia is related and sort of an anti-opiate.... No wonder it is so unpleasant :-) Interesting stuff in the wiki article about salvinorin-a also (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvinorin_A) A little more, from wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kappa_opioid_receptor It surely induces visions, it's physically safe, but please do be careful (especially smoking extracts!) as I think you could really easily bring something deep and subconscious to light way too fast and go totally nuts if things went wrong. Then you'll need a real guru for sure :-) peace+love Chris

Hi All Figured I'd share, since I have a little experience with salvia. I've only smoked it, cause I've never been able to get my hands on fresh leaves... 1) It's not fun for most people, actually most people including myself find it to induce anxiety 2) From what I understand it induces 'flashes' of REM brainwave activity during waking conscious states 3) I have personally seen people smoke it, then get up in a stupor and find something that there is no traditionally logical way they could have known where was. 4) It induces lucid dreams for me (and I've heard others) if smoked in small amounts before bed 5) Of all the drugs I've done (most all of the common ones, including mushrooms , lsd etc.) Salvia Divinorum is by far the most unusual substance I've come across. 6) I almost always feel like there is a strong belt of energy pulling my head to the ground. It is usually unpleasant. 7) Alcohol and Saliva is extremely frightening in my one experience with it, it knocked me out and I thought I was dead for ? amount of time 8) Smoking the extracts is so powerful that it is (imho) probably not 'psychically safe' even though it may seem physically safe. The most amazing report I've seen is here: http://leda.lycaeum.org/?ID=8617 Here's an interesting article on more traditional use: http://leda.lycaeum.org/?ID=16287 : I think we've got a lot to learn from this plant, it's doing something amazing, but we've gotta be really careful too. Explore safely :-) peace+love Chris