chrisjswanson

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About chrisjswanson

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  1. advice? porn, masturbation, jing/qi

    Wow lots of good advice. Thanks again everyone, lot's to consider. I appreciate all of your time and insight. I did a short meditation retreat last week, which gave me some time to wander around the forest and contemplate. A few things came up, I figured I'd share. 1 Yea the porn is no good, ethics aside. As hagar mentioned, it is like a hard drug, at least for me. I've been through the drug addiction thing, and I totally recognize all the same mental aerobics going on here. Plus I noticed some withdrawl - can't sleep good, depressed, anxious. So that just reinforces my decision to get away from it, since I'd rather not have that kind of addictive influence hanging around. 2 I almost certainly use porn to cover the same unresolved issues that I used to cover with drugs. I'm all for getting through hard emotions, so I can use this as additional encouragement. 3 There is a really powerful possessiveness going on. Not that I think I actually own any person. What I mean is part of me really wants to own and preserve the associated experiences. Something about digital images tricks me into seeing permanence and ownership where there is none. The Buddhist style observation approach is really being helping me to become aware of these feelings. 4 As a few have suggested, there is a ton of great stuff written about this already. There's also a few other sites dedicated to quitting porn which have been helpful to various degrees. 5 What is helping the most so far is that I found someone I'm close to who has the same goals, and we are supporting each other. For some reason it's a ton easier for me to keep a shared commitment. 6 Once I told myself porn is off limits without exception, I stopped wanting to masturbate as often. Every few days seems fine and natural to me now. I bet after my brain settles down, other practices will feel a lot more natural too. 7 This is not the most important thing in my life. I need to be careful not to focus so much on breaking addictions that I lose balance elsewhere. 8 Along the same lines, taking it easy is essential. No sense in stressing myself out here. Also, hyper focusing prevents me from retraining myself to think about other healthier stuff.
  2. advice? porn, masturbation, jing/qi

    KenBrace - This is good advice, and thank you for it. It's deceptively simple, but you're totally right that "thought stopping" has to take place. Once it goes from thoughts to mental images, the chances of recovering my equilibrium are pretty slim. Sometimes I go looking for a more complicated solution when really I need to just practice the simple one Kajenx - These are really great suggestions, and I'll give them all a shot. I really like the idea of reframing how I look at things (anatomy, beauty, etc). I've noticed the possessiveness, constant evaluations and comparisons going on in my head, and so far I've just been watching them curiously. Getting away from that stuff to a place where my reflex is compassion would be awesome. You made me start thinking that directing "sexual energy" may best be approached by first working on my perspective and emotional responses to things. Silent Answers - The idea to imagine that climax has in fact already been reached is super interesting. I'd not thought to give it a try until I read your reply, but it makes a lot of sense actually. Much of the time I am actually trying to get somewhere in my head - so that may be the natural place to try and resolve what appears at first as a physical urge. Probably for me I'll stick with getting porn out of my life entirely as the goal. I'm sure some people have no problem at all using it occasionally, but so far it's like the cookies for me. Just 1 doesn't usually happen. Thanks I appreciate the perspective and advice everyone.
  3. advice? porn, masturbation, jing/qi

    So I've got this issue that I've been circling around quite a bit recently, and was hoping the community could provide some perspective. I figure a lot of people here have experience with celibacy and related practices. I'd been using porn since my teen years (I'm 30 now), and finally decided I want to stop. 1 - I've gotten a lot more into TCM and started tai chi recently, and I believe limiting ejaculation is probably beneficial to my health. 2 - I feel like it's a good exercise in self discipline 3 - I think the porn impacts my relationship. Now I tried to just quit, and found that I keep changing my mind. I'll give in, and then right after I'm thinking "darn, I gave in again!". So it's easier said than done for me. I've noticed that if I masturbate a lot, then it's much easier for me to stay away from the porn. But that partly defeats my purpose. I've got some foundation in meditation, and have been pretty easy on myself, trying to just get a deeper understanding of what's happening inside. It feels like the sexual energy is really powerful - strong enough that my mind changes its priorities around - then habit takes over. My intuition tells me that if I learned to direct it elsewhere, it would help a lot. And here is where my questions really come in: 1 - Does anyone have advice on what I can do with this energy? Especially I am curious if anyone has had a similar experience, and found any meditation, taichi /qigong exercise, or other practice that "cools the fire" so to speak? 2 - From a TCM perspective, how does porn impact the body? (it kind of feels to me like just looking even without masturbation could be having a significant impact). Is there something I could do from a more medical viewpoint that may help improve self control? Or any other opinions / suggestions are most welcome. I know these topics could be sensitive sometimes - so I would appreciate if we'd try to avoid too much debating on whether porn is good or bad TIA , looking forward to feedback
  4. Hi Everybody

    I was registered here a few years back, so I guess this is not really required. But it's been a long time and I figured it would be good to start fresh by saying hi and wishing everyone well. I am glad to be re-joining your community peace+love Chris
  5. Yahoo Answer: Red or Blue Pill

    Most anyone here who's watched The Matrix will get a kick out of this thread: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qi...06061019AArEBoa Favorites: Seriously, thoughts on the Red/Blue Pill Metaphor? peace+love Chris
  6. Psychedelic Drugs/ Do They Give You Enlightenment?

    Ah psychedelics. They may bring about things you find wonderful at the time. Later you may hate those same things. Later still you may be quite glad regardless of whether you ever took a psychedelic drug. I don't think "good" or "bad" are adequate tools / concepts, and I'm pretty sure you can find some really respectable people who will answer this same question in opposite ways. peace+love Chris
  7. How humans are not physically created to eat meat

    Jedi, Interesting post, I'd tend to think that we might be able to eat a small amount of meat in a healthy way, but the reasons it is causing health problems and the like is a combination of excess and improper consumption, and other poor healthy living conditions and choices. That said, I'm a vegan. My good friend Bert's a vegan too, and he wanted me to point out that even a vegan might disagree with your points. But he is a vegan, so he does agree totally with you about not having to eat meat. peace+love Chris
  8. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Thanks so much , everyone , you people are like a family to me. (A non dysfunctional one!? :-) Not sure if that exist But I love you all. Really really interesting and good advice, thanks so much. I will certainly look into that Diamond thing, I always thought Ken Wilber was awesome, especially after watching him stop his brainwaves on youtube :-) I've already found that chanting can help me, I'm experimenting with sounds, and have found my playing of my guitar to be a strange and powerful self healing tool. So you called that one, sound heals feelings. I'll have to look into the qi gong thing to develop a proper routine, I'm kind going on intuition right now but I'm sure a teacher would help. Thanks for the suggestion though, I agree with that as well. I'm gonna look up 5 animals, 5 emotions, Chi Nei Tsang, Karzai Nei Tsang, and see what they're all about. Any links, anyone? Totally feel you on that , and you are so wise to point out that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the pain. I guess this harsh world provides the sand to make us pearls... Totally awesome, and very in line with what my intuition tells me anyways. Its like the Hindu thing, "all paths lead to me" I think Krishna said to Arjuna, and it's true, we really can't go wrong, even thinking that things are going wrong is part of the right. So thanks eternal spirit friend for reminding me to learn what I'm here to learn! I'll check out radical forgiveness too, I suspect I already have an idea of what I'll find based on your post :-) I hope everyone who has these pains to deal with can know that suffering is the fire under our butt as we climb the ladder to heaven, and maybe that knowledge will take away a little pain, without taking away the motivation to keep climbing! peace+love Chris
  9. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Hey Trunk Thanks, you gave me another perspective. I do see what you are saying, you explained clearly enough for me. Makes a lot of sense to me too, as a matter of fact I've always kinda thought about it like that, I can feel an energy exchange happen when I'm around girls (to me energy exchange, body language, subconscious communication, etc. are all different manifestations of something similar or same). I have very little idea about how to go about shifting this kind of thing, but I figure you're right, it's not the kind of thing that happens overnight :-) peace+love ALL Chris
  10. You heard it here first

    Hey man, congrats! A thought: In my opinion, choosing between Jesus and your child is an impossible situation, because inherently to neglect your child is to neglect Jesus (and the reverse is true too!). I feel it is true like this of all spiritualities... But I'm not a father, so hey, what do I know peace+love + best wishes Chris
  11. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Well he married my mom My dad is an intellectual, pretty reserved, keeps his emotions pretty well hidden. I have no reason to think that he is abusive, and know of no abuse history in his family (not sure if that's what you were asking about). He is a very light drinker, doesn't use substances, maybe has a little too much faith in the established system. I gotta get him to put down his cell and hit the donation supported 10 day vipassana retreat :-) Again, I'm happy to answer specific questions and give out personal info about things, as long as I'm not giving out others' personal info that they might not be cool with, but I don't wanna flood your forum with my life so anyone who's interested and has ideas will need to ask me! thanks :-) peace+love Chris Sorry to hear about your pains Dean, thank you for sharing with me. I totally know what you're talking about, these girls hurt or worse. Yet for some reason there's a spark of intensity that I haven't found elsewhere. Maybe I love the risk of getting hurt like you said, if that's the kind of thing I'm into. My question is, why would I be into risking hurting myself emotionally. Why would it make me feel more intense (alive?) Something to do with my own father's tendency toward not expressing emotion? All comments welcome. peace+love Chris Wow you're all zenned out :-) Great post , for some reason it gives me a sense of destiny, that this is all working out according to a bigger picture. I'll most certainly be attentive to the opposites and similarities that I find myself attracted to or pushed away from. Thanks Shon peace+love Chris
  12. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Usually I do not find a reason to break it off first. In fact, these girls keep breaking my heart. I think they are attracting me cause they sense I want to protect them, and then subconsciously hurting me to get back at their father... As far as finding healthy girls to hang around, Yes! I agree totally, problem is that girls with abuse history aren't always obvious, and every time I meet a girl who seems really healthy I end up finding out it's the same old story. Seems there's some subconscious gravity happening here. Maybe to do with the fact that my mom's father was an alcoholic (don't know if he was abusive...) and she's probably, like Freud says, my first female role model. I'm really starting to see a lot of patterns here, in myself and others. There is a pattern of suffering happening that is being transmitted and perpetuated through families and relationships, sort of like a virus of the social unit as a whole. I intend to behave as an antibody, take that virus out, if it's at all possible and won't hurt anything :-) peace+love Chris Or maybe they're sensing that I unconsciously intend to hurt them? (yikes!) and they want to be hurt (again)? Uh oh... Time for vipassana :-| peace+love Chris
  13. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Thanks so much for sharing your ideas rookie. You are quite correct that I sometimes sense a huge "blind spot" and you might be right on the money that I feel like it's safer to engage these types. I'd go so far as to say that they lose their attraction to me to a large degree as soon as they show signs of 'health'. Yes 'healthy' girls probably make me feel vulnerable, and I've long been aware that I translate it into reasons not to go around them much, especially favorite for me is blaming girls for their (maybe even biological) tendency to be attracted to guys with money or influence. For some reason I see this more in 'healthy' girls than I do in 'blind spot' girls who just want someone to take care of them, although it could be my discomfort of feeling vulnerable making me pay more attention to things I dislike in order to get me out of the unconfortable situation. I also get turned off by girls who are assertive at traditionally male things, even to the extent of things like high education and stuff. I find myself gravitating to girls who desperately want traditional roles, and again these girls seem to have the 'blind spot' syndrome most every time. I'm workin on my living situation, it's complex enough that I won't fill the forum with my life. Same goes for drugs. But You are right about that too, there's some things around here I need to get in order. In Fact, the reason I've been delving into myself at all (which has led me to this conversation) is because I know that I can't get things in order until I understand better what's out of order. Thanks so much for Risking sharing with me what may have pissed me off and actually probably really helped. My Love goes out to you man. I'll find my way, don't worry The Gita says "all paths lead to Me" after all :-) Since I can't write my life story, I'll say this now - If anyone wants to ask me about something that could be related (or anything really) , feel free. I'm all about openness here. peace+love Chris
  14. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Right on, so another person has this same (or similar) kinda thing happening. And it's not just us, I see the results of sexual abuse/incest father daughter issues (almost every time alcoholism is involved) all around me. I'd estimate almost 1/3 of the relationships I see around me to be suffering in some way that I intuit is related to these issues. The knight in shining armor mentality applies to me as well, and seems to be an old theme in mythology. However, we see the I Ching teaching us an important lesson: Both hexagrams #31 Xian (Mutual Influence) and #32 (Long Lasting) show trigrams which represent youngest daughter with youngest son, and oldest daughter with oldest son, respectively. I see these hexagrams as showing the proper way for people to interact in a relationship. When Father(#1 Qian Initiating) and Mother (#2 Kun Responding) are in the right places, we see #11 Tai (Advance) , while improper positions of these trigrams shows #12 Pi (Hinderance) However take the Mother (Earth) trigram and replace it with the trigram for Wind, the oldest daughter (whom is usually the victim) and we see a different picture. In the case of a proper mother father (Heaven/Earth) position #11 Tai, changing the mother/earth trigram to the eldest daughter shows hexagram #9, Xiao Xu (Little Accumulation). The decision of "clouds condense, yet no rain" suggests to me a picture of Not Time Yet, and the hexagram as a whole suggests storing up one's own virtue before making advancement. At least we see "Prosperous and Smooth", however. In the case of an improper mother father (heaven/earth) position #12 Pi, changing the mother/earth trigram to the eldest daughter shows hexagram #44 Gou (Encountering), and a decision which admonishes "Do not engage in marrying such a woman." I see this as advice against assuming the Father role in a male-female relationship (at least in general), and perhaps (surely) more advice is hidden as to the proper way to conduct oneself in this particular arena of life. Anyone, thoughts? Thanks in Advance (no pun intended :-) peace+love Chris
  15. Daddy Issues and Taoist Psychology

    Tell me about it. Although Wiki claims Freud's ideas have been all but proven untrue... Seems like these things are common enough that there must be some mention of the phenomena of incest related psycho-sexual development patterns outside of science, more in the realm of religion. I'd expect that the Vedas or some old Taoist writings probably mention these things somewhere, and may be a lot more helpful than modern psych 101. peace+love Chris