Jenn

Shoot, I was too slow: avoiding me now look inside they said! screw that, it's scary in there so, just let it be the world, others, the future, that pustulous zit

I appreciate the information on akasha and a way to counteract the effects. I might have done a poor job explaining myself, but actually I am much happier now. The change in the way I experience memory hasn't been detrimental, it has been a huge relief. But I can see how others might not see it that way.

In my experience, it is true depending on what you mean be "severe memory issues". When you release the emotional information, you lose the "color" - including the host of mental nonsense like what other peoples reactions/thoughts/whatever were - I feel like my memories have shifted from third person to first person (it's funny they were in 3rd person at all). But you remember the facts. Although without the emotional context, the memory no longer resurfaces regularly, so it does start to fade. Personally, I find it a relief. It also makes enjoying new and repeat experiences easier, because what you experience in the present is no longer in the shadow of what you experienced in the past. It is no longer "this strawberry is good, but I have had better", it is "yum, strawberry". Or "ugh, great, now I need to work with so-and-so whose such a xyz" to "hi, let's do this!". You see things as they are in the moment, not some distorted version of what you think they were overlaid onto the present. I also find I am less "invested" in insignificant things. I no longer ruminate about some minor thing that happened, so the information isn't as readily available in my short term memory. It happens, it ends, I move on. I forget about it, but if I try to think about it, it is still there (albeit slower to access). But then again, why try to think about it? I also find this to be a relief. That said I also simplified the work I do to be less mentally taxing, not because I was worried about my memory, but to reduce stress and have more energy to use during my free time. The other memory related effect I have noticed is dilated time, which "distorts" when memories happened. I frequently remember something and it feels like it was months ago when in fact it was a few weeks ago. I haven't really been bothered by this, but it does create funny situations at work sometimes. I don't feel like things are racing by any more. I can still study and learn new things. Skills I learned earlier in life, let atrophy, then try again still come back quickly (although in some cases that isn't always great either, like muscle memory from when I was more dysfunctional). I don't feel like I struggle to remember what happened earlier in the day or in the last few days, but I definitely do not have quick access to the minutiae of life for long. I never realized what a big part of the experience of life previously was predicated on memory, I don't experience that much anymore, now the experience is based more on immediate senses and feelings. Another relief to be honest. I haven't had trouble remembering things like where my keys are or what I am doing / need to do (well, anymore than usual - I have never been great at either thing). That said I did invest a lot of effort to simply my life so there is just less to remember. Life had gotten so complex and scheduled and I was starting to find that very stressful and repressive. So... hard to say if I saw an impact in this area of memory or not because of changes I previously made to reduce stress that coincided with the changes internally. That said, I did go through a brief period of time earlier on where I was concerned about memory loss (struggling to remember facts / peoples names / struggling to find words). I don't know what that was (or if it was unrelated), but it doesn't bother me anymore. As I write this response I realize it is hard to say if I got used to it and stopped worrying about it, or it was just a phase that passed. It is possible when I thought I was "finally seeing how stressed out my life had become and deciding to simplify", I was actually experiencing new stress due to lowered mental capacity - hard to say. But I can still code, learn, get what I need done, do the things I value without any perceived drop in performance/ability and am not struggling to remember words anymore. My life is definitely better now than it was before, so... I'm not too worried about it. I am in a healthier place, and "little brain-y" definitely feels happier after decades of being pushed to the max. In fact, there are other areas where I am still actively working on forgetting / letting go. I still remember too much hehe. But I can see how some practices (and more importantly ways people use those practices) can lead to imbalance. The mind is very delicate and memory is tied into the physical body, senses, emotion, energy, etc - it seems reasonable to me that an imbalanced approach that does not work the whole system gently could cause issues. Especially if you alter the mind quickly without also supporting / allowing the adjustment throughout the other affected systems. In my practice we don't really work the mind directly, we work on the physical, emotional, sense and energetic systems and allow release in those areas to release the mind naturally. Memories lose their color and prominence, but you gain wisdom from reintegrating the information stored in these other systems when the mind is unburdened and in turn can let go. Also I think (at least in the west) there is a tendency to use very forceful intention and effort to tame the mind like your breaking a stallion, rather than gently guiding and supporting change at a pace that allows healthy adjustment. Just like if you are an athlete that goes too hard too fast, you may cause injury or force your body to maladapt to cope.

of "current events", so said the salmon of the bear, nothing can compare

It's also easier when it is a region you are familiar with. For example, if I got on a plane and went to the jungle to live in a cave, even if close to a town and only a few nights, I would probably be not all that safe - because I don't have any experience in the jungle. I don't know what is dangerous or how to avoid them, or what to do if I encounter a jungle predator. But I am very safe doing the same thing back home despite living in grizzly, cougar, and wolf country, because I know how to minimize the risk of encounters with predators where I am and what to do when the inevitable happens, it's part of the culture here. It would be similar growing up near a jungle, you learn what to do and not do when you venture out of the city into the jungle. In terms of protection from wildlife you just need to know the natural laws of the region you are in, follow and respect them. Wild animals and creatures just want to eat you or protect themselves from you - so don't let them see you as food and don't make them feel threatened. You need to know how the predators / dangerous creatures hunt, what they hunt, where they are found, and their behaviors, then adjust accordingly. Honestly, I am more nervous of encountering people when solo in the backcountry, they are more unpredictable because their motivations are not so transparent...

Here's a potential banner - I used the low resolution banner off the website (the existing banner) but if I get a better copy of the background image I can updated it quickly now that the snake is ready. Let me know if you have any suggestions for changes, improvements or if I made any errors! I haven't been able to get to the site for two days and it is slow today. I second Master Logray's suggestion of a backup communication plan it the site fails completely so people can get information on updates / stay connected / collaborate if a long term outage occurs. Reddit maybe? It's free and pretty simple to make a temporary sub people can post on (although people will need to create a reddit account). Or discord? Also free and fairly straightforward to make a short term discussion board on (although a bit harder to use/find than a reddit site). Edit: Okay so it takes about 5 mins to make a reddit site: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDaoBumsNoticeBoard/hot/ If people want to, it can be used to connect and get info in the event the site becomes unusable. If someone has a better or preferred site to use, that is fine too! I wanted to see how easy it was to make a sub and see what tools the mods have access to anyway. Can be deleted once the site is fixed.

Yep, will do, I'll get a snake ready to go to put on the background and if I don't hear back on the weekend re: a better resolution original background image I'll just use the banner image and remove the dragon. I also see some site issues, it is intermittent and seems sort itself out after a minute or so, but I see slowness and the gateway error below:

Ha! Interesting I usually think that angle too (especially nowadays - sheesh), funny I didn't as there was a period I stepped away from reading the forum for a few months because some of the people posting at the time seemed to have a strange agenda. Actually I was thinking along the lines of maybe we should have a way to donate for those who wish too / can, if one person really is paying out of pocket for the software, domain, hosting, etc.

If someone has a copy of the background image (preferably high resolution but I can work with whatever we have access to) and put the snake on it? As far as I know there are no restrictions on the snake styling (like there are for dragons) - but if someone else is more informed or has a prefered snake image let me know. I can use the low-res image I can access off the page if necessary but using the original would be nicer and less work (to remove the dragon and recreate the background that would be behind it). BUT... If there is not really anyone to update the site anymore (or at least not easily) maybe we should just make the upper banner generic / year-agnostic for now until there is someone who can manage the site backend more frequently? Also I was checking out the site's backend provider and it's a fairly pricey product - who is footing the bill?

It's scary enough right now as a cis woman, I can't imagine what you are going through. Hold on to knowledge that not everyone is full of hate, even if it feels like it is everyone now. Hate screams the loudest, love and hope may be quieter, but are the only things that can never be extinguished, and will always endure. ... And block that turd on every site you use and stop using sites where you can't block articles by either topic or person, no need to be triggered by that hate stare going about your daily life while in the height of all this. Ad blockers help too and not using social media. Youtube's "not interested" flag is surprisingly effective at permanently clearing unwanted videos and topics from your recommendations / homepage - just flag all the unwanted ones you see when you use the site and you should stop seeing any after 2-3 goes. If you must check what is going on, do it during defined, limited periods of time when you are in a solid frame of mind. Keep your energy/mind/spirit safe to nourish yourself.

If everything is a foregone conclusion anyway - doesn't that take all the pressure off? Decisions, dilemmas, guilt, worry, blame, failure, outcomes, choices, repercussions, shame, disappointment - if what will happen will happen regardless - you can just be yourself and do what you will. You can't ruin anything because you don't have that level of influence - the weight of the world is not yours to hold. I found that realization very freeing.

originally nothing, strut, fret, a small while, but at end, nothing

As long as you have the persons permission it's fine. I would think carefully about doing it if they do not give you permission though - respecting someone's privacy and wishes is important if you want to be trustworthy. Another way to look at it is, you want to be trusted enough to be trained by these individuals, betraying their trust by sharing their personal details without their consent would be a poor way of repaying the gift you received of being able to contact them in the first place. It would be a shame to manage to find the contact information you want, only to be told no because you proved yourself untrustworthy. They will likely just change their contacts anyway, at their expense and inconvenience. Edit: Maybe I should share in case you have been lucky enough not to encounter some of the types of people who are interested in the internal arts. Lots are great people, but some can become belligerent, threatening, stalking, etc when they are told no or don't get what they want. Many publicly known teachers do not make themselves publicly accessible to avoid dealing with such people, to protect their families, etc. It's not all honest practitioners out there. Sharing contact information for someone who hasn't already made their details public will open them up to people who behave like what I described.

I advise some caution and recommend you don't post the contacts publicly or share with others if you do find them unless you are given express permission from the people involved. There is a reason those individuals have not made their details publicly accessible themselves.

Apologies, I didn't mean to imply you don't have any experience, I assumed since you were asking here instead of within the community that you were new to the system. That is a tricky situation, I think it can be hard to enter a lineage self-taught unless you start back from the beginning with a teacher. But if it is meant to be, you'll find a way