I'm practicing a certain form of spontaneous qigong that was transmitted to me by my instructor. (Not 5 Animals.) It's got 5 sections and a ritual to kick off each section that includes my hands in a certain position and saying a couple intonations & chinese words in my head. Different hand positions & words for each section. Spontaneous qigong involves letting go and allowing the qi to move the body, as opposed to intentionally moving the qi around. I always feel a release, unburdened, clearer, lighter after each practice.
Last night during meditation I felt a strong compulsion to practice my qigong (normally I do this in the morning). The full moon was rising, felt like holding my amethyst mala throughout, had done a big bike ride, and actually had already practiced the same qigong earlier in the day with a group and participated in a "group healing" (presumably included qi transmission as well as the instructor singing certain tones).
My practice last night was the strongest that I have ever felt in terms of the strength of body movements and sense of getting lost in the practice. At points, it bordered on scary to observe myself and the strength of my movements. In the first two sections I felt on the verge of ego death, losing myself completely. Normally each section ends gently on its own, but I felt so out of control and the practice wanted to keep going. I never felt unable to stop, but the feeling of stopping and interrupting felt strongly "wrong", so I allowed it to continue but did try to gradually slow myself down and assure myself that it was ok. I eventually starting speaking out loud to myself and repeated, "peace body [name]" where I addressed myself in third person. I mean - I addressed my "body" in third person... WTAF?
Often during the spontaneous qigong practice, my body does this gentle undulation of front-to-back where I imagine that maybe I am generating some sort of MCO. I dunno. But last night during the second and third sections, that undulation was borderline violent, like I was aggressively jumpstarting some sort of I don't know what. While the first and second sections were difficult to bring to a natural close, the third section just STOPPED after a period of pacing forward and walking backward.
In the fourth section, in which I often feel compelled to kneel, this time I felt kind of pushed backward via energy in chest / second dantian area, and then literally dove to the floor in kind of in a yoga cobra pose, and just laid there, completely still, for at least 5 minutes. That was what my body wanted. Felt nothing at first, and then the slow building of energy in my entire body, and then it was done and I knew it was time to get up. Again. WTAF?
The fifth section was pretty gentle, and usually is, and then drew to a slow and natural close.
I will not lie that the power and near loss of self (I refused to let go of the final thread of me) had me totally freaked out. Without going into tons of detail for now, I've also experienced some "weird stuff" this past year that I've had a hard time accepting. I've learned that I have a ton of fear built up around spirituality in general and am only now becoming open to other things beyond what my very recent agnostic-only beliefs allowed for. I am entering into qigong and spiritual practices with complete naiveté and openness and I realize this may be ill-advised. I have no experience or upbringing with spiritual matters and tend to lead with trust and sincerity.
So yes. I will be speaking with my instructor. But before I do that, I wanted to ask this group: 1) WTAF? but more importantly 2) Is there a spiritual danger in practicing spontaneous qigong? and 3) Is there a possibility that the gestures and phrases are somehow an invitation to enter me?