Tryingtodobetter

1 hour ago, Aetherous said:

 

Not a problem, I understand how stressful that state of mind can be.

 

 

Ah I see, the measures I suggested were especially for the kind of insomnia where it takes a long time to fall asleep (which deals a lot with melatonin production). Good if you don't have that problem at all. Especially good if you go to bed earlier in the evening, like 9-10 pm. That's the best time to get sleep in terms of health, and if you end up waking up in the middle of the night after that, I think it's 1000x better than if you had gone to bed at 1 am then woke up at night.

When you wake up at 1-2 am, are you wide awake and unable to pass out again for a long time...or you just wake up and notice nightsweats, and go right back to sleep? Those are two different types of insomnia.

How many times do you wake up? If just one or two times, and you're able to pass out again fairly easily, I wouldn't worry too much about it...it's not ideal, but it's pretty common for people to wake up sometimes.

I think after extreme stress (like this state of mind can cause) the sleep will be altered for a while, but will gradually improve. For instance, a year from now this might not even be a problem anymore.

 

 

Yes, that delusion can be really intense to experience, and hard to shake. It's very important to see through it...for instance, if you could manifest things, then try to manifest 1 million dollars in your living room. Why wouldn't it work? Thinking about that is one way to realize that the perception is delusional.

I personally had horrible experiences believing that I was suddenly capable of creating reality with my mind...a lot of the time it didn't work at all, and just created problems.

Sometimes there are also just coincidences. Let's say you're thinking about an orange, and then suddenly someone starts talking about the color orange. Then you see an orange bumper stickers. Oh my god, I just manifested orange...

Not really! What happened was that your mind became aware of something, and then started to notice things that corresponded to what you were aware of. It's like the mind got kind of stuck in one mode, and then searched for it in the world, then found it.

"Seek and you will find". Some forms of magic rely on this aspect of the mind, where it queues into things easily that you're trying to "manifest".

For instance, after I was totally mentally well, I read about this technique of magical manifesting. You visualize what you want...for instance, I wanted to get a lean healthy looking body, so I pictured what I would look like with the ideal body. Guess what happened next...right away, I see a bunch of lean people jogging down the street, on the internet I saw a bunch of ads geared toward how to get a lean body, etc.

From a rational perspective, I don't think the mind actually created those people jogging, or those ads. Those things already existed, and my mind was simply more aware of "lean/healthy body", then noticed more of that around me.

I hope that explanation makes sense.

From the magical perspective, becoming aware of what we desire outside of us is the first step...but the next step is to cement our desires into becoming reality by really making sure it happens. So for instance, I suddenly become aware of a bunch of ways to become lean and healthy looking, and see people around me doing what it takes. The magical next step is to also do what it takes...go for a jog.

Or let's say I wanted tons of money. My mind would suddenly pick up on all things money related...but the million dollars isn't sitting in my living room yet...the next step to make it into a reality is to figure out the ways that people make that money, and do it. So real magic is very practical, and the mystical aspect is just the fact that our mind notices more of what we're contemplating...NOT that it's creating those things.

Just my opinion on that matter.

The experience of the mind spontaneously manifesting things can be an incredibly jarring experience...it can give you the worst form of PTSD if you really believe that you're doing it. And to be clear, I understand that it can seem to happen without trying to do it...not that it's always something you intentionally try to manifest.

If you realize that it's just the mind picking up on things, and if you choose to let go and not believe in delusions, things will improve and normalize over time. It will help calm you down to realize this.

 

It's all up to you and your psychiatrist what you choose to do. If it is really bad, I hope you do what it takes to be well! But I also think the meditation and lifestyle tips will continue to help, no matter what you choose.

...

A note on worrying about having health (mental or physical) problems...

Worry, fear, panic, stress, despair...all of these things aren't helpful toward regaining normalcy. They're all erratic feelings.

Of course, they're to be expected when things aren't going right. If you suddenly feel like you're manifesting nearly every thought you have, and that it's making a living hell for you, then some panic is to be expected. Or whatever other emotion.

But try to spend some time not feeling that emotion. The best time is with the meditation...because that will really let the mind loosen up and release. When you do that, that's your normal state. The worry or fear is just erratic energy that's making things seem worse than they are.

In other words, that stuff is mental. For instance, worrying about not being able to sleep fully throughout the night: you can either spend your day worrying about it and cultivating erratic energy, or you can forget about it and go about your day, and end up cultivating some peaceful energy.

Like I said, it's normal to feel these things when there are alarming health symptoms. Not saying to stop having feelings, or that they aren't legitimate concerns. But I am saying to spend more time cultivating the opposite.

Spend time feeling peaceful, stress and worry free, being in good mental and physical health so that there's nothing to fear.

If you can only spend time feeling stuff like that for a moment, then that's better than nothing...and it will be a seed that's planted, which will grow into a lot of harmony and normalcy later on.

Hope this all makes sense.

I've been waking up early in the morning

, sometimes midnight or earlier, and noticing night sweats more often than not, and unable to return to sleep until hours later sometimes much later. Sometimes I wake up multiple times, it varies.

Orange, oranges, has been a theme, related to my relationship with a woman I'm currently talking to. As well as plants and mountains, your original examples when posting. Sometimes it feels like her life, some of the things she says, bleeds into my own life and maybe vice versa. Sometimes I think about how healthy it is to speak to her or be in a relationship when I'm trying to recover from this. The beginning of our face to face relationship was around the time this started happening and there's some things I've thought about her that I'm trying to shed while interacting with her on a consistent basis, it's difficult sometimes given the nature of this. I want to do the right thing.

I've been working on positivity and have seen results, it's difficult sometimes, especially when I feel like certain posts on the internet or things/events in real life relate to my personal life. It's difficult to disregard those delusional thoughts, though I'm making steady progress in disregarding them.

11 hours ago, Aetherous said:

 

Perhaps...they're a stimulant, and your nervous system doesn't need to be more stimulated. But maybe it would be more stressful to quit, in which case it'd be better to just continue smoking. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think you can get through this whether you smoke or don't.

For health long term, it's best to quit smoking...maybe once the mind is totally normal, then work on the next step of quitting. Or maybe quit now and see if it helps. It's all up to you.
 

 

In that case, if walking is making it worse, best to not walk. Maybe going to a gym and doing resistance training wouldn't have that effect? Whatever works. If it doesn't work, don't do it.

I personally experienced that walking would make energy go to the head, but lifting weights was better for me...so maybe you'll experience the same?

Try to get as much things in your life that are calming and normalizing as possible, and take out the things that cause energy rising to the head/stress/delusional thinking. I think you will get better if you do that.

 

 

It's promising to hear of some improvements. Just continue with the meditation, and in time you'll improve.

Definitely try to get the sleep resolved, in as natural of a way as possible (not taking ambien or anything). I posted some tips before for doing that...try to include every detail that was recommended, if you haven't already.

If results could be better, or if they end up worsening, then maybe you want to be seeing a psychiatrist at the same time as doing the lifestyle and meditation advice (although, sounds like you are already, having taken some medications).

Best of luck!

I appreciate the timely responses, it means a lot to me right now

As far as medications I was on risperidone and it caused the insomnia to worsen in my opinion, I was also still smoking cigarettes which the nurse practitioner advised against. I quit for a time and started again because the sleeplessness it cause was stressing me out.

The main issue with the insomnia is staying asleep, as I continue to wake up 3-4 hours into sleep and the measures that you and others have recommended don't seem to be alleviating that. I've been trying walking, I don't know. I was thinking of trying to get on Ambien which it's funny you should mention not to take it. 

I've been waking up around 1-2 in the morning, often with a lot of sweat on my upper body and no recollection of the dream I had. 

It's really worrying to me that I'm not getting enough sleep, especially since sometimes certain delusions have reoccured and it throws me off because of their intensity, particularly one where i felt i was manifesting things around me a lot and I'm trying to abandon that belief.

I'm not sure how long I can hold out on not getting some kind of medical sedative 

4 hours ago, johndoe2012 said:

The rising of the energy to the head could  mean blockages from throat and down. So opening up the chest and heart would probably help. 

 

Looking at screens (pc, mobile) makes the head symptom worse. 

 

You could use yellow glasses in the evening to decrease blue light and increase melatonin production to help you fall asleep. 

Thank you, I will look into the glasses because I think that's kind of unavoidable for me at this point

How do I got about opening up the heart and throat? I ask because this will be an ongoing issue if I don't get it resolved because I've had it happen in the workplace and the accompanying state is usually unpleasant and delusional in my opinion

On 3/22/2018 at 8:54 PM, Aetherous said:

 

Yes, I'm sure it isn't helping. The brain needs rest.

 

 

Yes, a big aspect of what started that state of being for me was not getting enough sleep. It's very essential for you to get it. When I was able to finally rest for a long period, that's when I slowly got better.

It's good to get enough exercise in the day so that the body is tired when night comes. Just walking around is enough. Getting good nutrition throughout the day will help a little bit.

Then the biggest thing...when it gets dark out, wind down with the sun. Turn the lights down, maybe even have candlelight...don't have screens or tvs, and if you do, get some blue light blocking glasses or something.

 

When it gets late enough to sleep, it's good to have the room pitch black...zero light entering from outside, zero electronic lights, etc. It's good to have the room cool, so that it's uncomfortable to lay there without the blanket but feels cozy with the blanket over you. And also have a fan on, so that the white noise from the fan will let the mind rest.

All of these details are really important. If you lay there for a couple of hours and can't sleep, then have candlelight and read a fiction novel...something where it's a story that you can get really lost in. That will help get you into the relaxed and dreaming state, so you'll naturally want to sleep. When you feel the tiredness roll over you, let it and go to bed right then.

 

 

Yes, it's like zero boundaries in that state of being.

Simply doing the meditation every day is the strongest thing that will help. Doing the rest of the lifestyle stuff will help support the process of the brain healing itself.

 

 

It's best to walk in nature. Ignore people. Pay attention to simple things in nature, like the feel of the breeze on your skin, the color of the leaves, birds chirping in the distance, etc.

If something really does increase delusions, then it's best to not do it, even if people say it's good for you. I'll give an example: psychologists would say that having close ties to your circles of family and friends is good for mental health...but during this state of being, my mind would misinterpret what my family and friends would say, to the point of it being severely alarming. It was actually better for me to just watch Psych and rest, and not get caught up in the drama of those close to me. So the point is: do what works, and if it doesn't work, there might be a reason. You'll get better over time and won't have problems with stuff.

 

 

Yep, it's very effective!

 

 

I overcame everything. It was literally like crawling out of hell (that's how bad my experience was of this) and then getting "back on the horse" to become successful in life again. After the experience, I went back to earn my bachelor's degree...then went on to grad school and am less than 2 months from graduation. I have zero problems of this sort these days.

It really is as simple as letting the mind rest, so the brain can repair itself. All of these types of problems will go away with enough of that.

Thank you again for the helpful meditation and advice, however I'm still having some difficulties.

I have been having insomnia and not getting a good night's rest for the majority of the time after posting this. I think it has to do with my body recovering from the extreme stress and the scenarios I was entertaining. Also I took an antipsychotic for a couple weeks and discontinued after I found that it exacerbated the mania I was experiencing, and it wasn't doing much in terms of the delusions, the meditation helped with that a lot. Im unsure of what to do at the moment since this seems to be a key part of recovering from this.

Do you think that me continuing to smoke cigarettes regularly is damaging the process?

Also to try to curb the insomnia I've been walking and it seems like energy keeps rising into my head when I do that and I have to fight to keep my mind blank so it will calm down. Im having a difficult time trying to get proper exercise when it seems like that keeps raising that energy.

It seems like I'm struggling with some of the delusions still, though overall I'm in a much better place. The correlations I was drawing between conversations have stopped somewhat. I really just want this to calm down and to live a normal life. There is a woman i m currently talking to that I care for a great deal and this event has really been straining my ties with her for me personally, I tried to use social media again because I don't have anyone else to talk to outside of the internet and i just want my life back

18 hours ago, Starjumper said:

Is this insomnia due to being overly energized from chi kung?

No it started during an emergency situation I was having, I went into detail on my first post one the welcome section, I'm pretty sure that you commented on it.

http://www.thedaobums.com/topic/46301-emergency-situation-seeking-advice-content-may-be-triggering/

It started off as tolerable and has gotten progressively worse 

On 3/28/2018 at 10:32 PM, cmpunk50 said:

Here is something you can try that helped me. Listen to a radio program or soft music, put it just as low as you can, but enough to hear. Listen to the program/music, and just concentrate on it, focus on it, and think of nothing else. I drift off most of the time. 

I will give this a try tonight

On 3/28/2018 at 5:55 AM, johndoe2012 said:

Yes imsomnia is a symptom of the incessant mind that keeps talking.

 

I use some energetic tricks (from a lineage) to make me fall asleep. Eg channel essences of animals to myself since animals are not head heavy as humans.

I don't know how to stop it

19 hours ago, Songtsan said:

could also be to a ramped up fight or flight system, adrenals, etc. Besides things already mentioned, you can practice various meditations until you fall asleep, take some melatonin, valerian, or look at what you are taking during the day drug-wise, including caffeine, as possible catalysts for insomnia. Supposedly honey at night helps sleep too.

Thats what it feels like to an extent, my brain feels like its on fire sometimes as of late. I've been taking a melatonin and valerian etc herbal supplement consistently and trying to relax my thinking, to no avail.

I'm thinking about quitting cigarettes since I've been smoking a little more than usual due to the stress

On 3/28/2018 at 5:38 AM, Wizz said:

Yes! Stop your internal dialog and you will start dreaming, you will fall asleep! Nothing else helped me besides that and once I managed to do it in the midst of the mind storm I never really had much insomnia again. The trick is to be persistent even if it seems you are still awake suddenly your dreaming attention will appear and take over. Silence is the key!

I've really been trying to and it hasn't been helping too much. I was still waking up in the early morning and having trouble falling asleep and now the sleep is even worse. Im not sure what to do and its become an emergency situation

Has anyone here dealt with insomnia,  and if so what helped you to deal with it?

I want to chalk this phenomena up to a delusion, it is just so persistent in my home and sometimes in other places

I feel like my magnetism is higher than "normal" and I just want to free myself of these happenings around me.

Sometimes it seems as though those around me are able to be influenced by my thoughts.

Sometimes it seems as though my words have an unusual amount of influence.

I just want to free myself of these kinds of happenings if that is possible, I just want a relatively normal life at this point

I would greatly appreciate feedback on this matter

On 3/17/2018 at 7:18 AM, Wizz said:

I liked your post Tryingtodobetter as I see you are trying to be as clear as you can! This is all good and I'll expand on it if you allow!

 

Learn not to think, center yourself and learn to reside here. This happens whenever you fall asleep as your mind withdraws within, observe this state so you can learn how does it feel, its the state that you experience all your life, nothing new to be learned here so its perfectly safe and natural. The same goes for taking a long walk it will make you really feel better. The mental energy body is making you feel agitated but you have another energy body that is silent by default and you reach this energy body when you stop thinking and center yourself. Try making a distinction between these two as most people miss it for what it is and just think its the same energy body and if they feel bad you try to discard all energy work, this won't help and you will need meds to ease your mental/physical energy body which again isn't a perfect solution.

 

Try focusing gently on the center in front of your Solar Power Chakra an inch above the navel (or at the diaphragm or few inches below navel center all 3 are centers for silence). You can put a little weight there to experience what feeling you should look for when focusing gently. Then stay here center yourself make a continuity from this feeling and see the difference between this energy and the mental emotional energy that gets so easily agitated and dizzy. Mental energy body always seems agitated its just that regular persons have lots of shields that sort of makes them numb to these feelings and once you take drugs or do some energy work those shields become weaker and you feel problems more then before. Nothing new really happened its just that your mind now is giving you lots of suggestions (you heard a lot of stuff) feeding off the mental energy body (emotional energy) on what is happening most being just false or over-exaggerated.

 

From your center you will strengthen your focus, do it when the storm begins there is no where you can really go but here. Its very subtle but this is your other self, its a real self that is with you all your life and expresses itself still daily in some simple tasks especially when you do some discipline task whatever that may be. It activates when you are honest such as when writing your initial post, this self gave you the strength when writing every word, it made a continuity out of your intent. Its you. Try being aware of this "place" as you.

 

Also its probably the self that made you take drugs in a honest fashion, the period when you liked something about it. Nothing is that bad unless you have too much mind, that is when stuff starts to get weird. At first focus on not thinking which is done by centering - just don't allow the mind to take over 100% and then when you get the feel for it from this point on you will be able to look at all the situations with a different outlook and then you can slowly do something about it, you can even use a sweeping motion with your hand to sort of clear them out. You'll know what to do.

 

Best of luck! Hope this will safe you time!

 

 

 

Your post resonated with me a lot.

You mentioned that "Mental energy body always seems agitated its just that regular persons have lots of shields that sort of makes them numb to these feelings and once you take drugs or do some energy work those shields become weaker and you feel problems more then before." Is there a way to strengthen those shields so that my day-to-day life is more "normal"?

Thank you for your response

I hope that this is the proper forum for this post, I could not think of anywhere more appropriate to post

18 hours ago, Aetherous said:

I have experienced this exact thing...it was so intense that I actually became delusional, and wound up in a couple psych wards for a few days at a time back in 2011. You seem to be doing a little better in comparison, and asking for help is a good thing.

Luckily, I know the way to solve this problem!

What really helped me get past this was Dr. Amit Sood's "Attention Interpretation Therapy"...specifically, the attention training aspect of it. I'll explain how to do it in this post, but will give some additional info, too...

 

So...the Buddhists have a practice that's basically the same called shamatha, or calm abiding meditation. They would say to use either a "pure" or "impure" "external support". An external support means something that you pay attention to outside of yourself, like a picture for instance...that's in contrast to paying attention to something inside of yourself. "Pure" means a symbol of enlightenment, such as an image of a bodhisattva, and "impure" means anything else, such as an image of a tree.

 

So for attention training, you'll want to use an "impure external support". You basically just want any object to turn your attention toward. I prefer to just call it the "object of meditation". It sounds less judgmental, and in actuality it works better. As a side note, I think any object that trains the attention is "pure" automatically.

What Dr. Sood points out in his books is that it's easy for the mind to get distracted when it's only paying attention to one thing...so he recommends to look for "novelty" in the object of meditation. For instance, you can notice one thing that's new which you didn't see in it before.

Because that's the case, I liked to use detailed objects...like a bush where there are many different leaves blowing in the breeze, or like a single leaf from a tree held up close, or an orange, or a picture of a mountain range with a lot of details you can focus on.

 
 

So for the meditation, you spend 5-10 minutes gazing gently at the object of meditation, noticing new things about it. The point is not to go crazy trying to find new aspects of it to look at...the point is simply that your attention is being directed toward the object. It's simply training the attention to go where you tell it to.

In training the attention, the higher brain centers are activated and as a result the mind basically self heals. Currently, the mind is a little bit fractured in that it's not filtering out useless information, like random people's conversations, or the energies around advertisements or social media. Your mind is queuing into things that it doesn't really need to, and perhaps it will even start doing what mine did, which was attempt to create meaning from the various "synchronicities" (aka, coincidences) that can happen...connecting the dots where there is in fact zero actual connection. When it does that, I call it "magical thinking" and it's something which ends up being diagnosed as "delusion".

Besides meditation, a big part of healing the mind is to recognize any delusions and forget about them. Such storylines can keep one wrapped up in an erratic state of being, which prolongs the healing of the mind. Best to have no mind, then the brain has a chance to heal itself...versus the mind being wrapped up in any kind of drama or intense emotional experience.

So what we have now: meditate as described above for 5-10 minutes at a time (could be twice a day, could be more...with this type of meditation, it's not bad to do more). Secondly, try to recognize and forget about any delusions. Next, you should take care of your lifestyle...

The body and mind have needs in order to self heal. They need to sleep at night, and they need to have nutrition. Sleeping at night should start before midnight, and last for 8 hours. Nutrition should be 3 meals a day, breakfast taking place within the first hour of waking up...and each meal should have protein. Meat is good but not in excess.

Skipping meals or having ones without protein is a sure fire way to have the body and mind start malfunctioning. Same with going to bed way past midnight, like let's say at 3 am...if you do that you're going to be lacking in some important foundations of health the following day. For healing the mind, the system needs to be working optimally!

There should also be some exercise and enjoyment...like the equivalent of 45 minutes to an hour of walking outdoors in a day. Something that is kind of strange which helped me during the roughest time was watching the tv show Psych...it worked because it was lighthearted and made me laugh sometimes, and it wasn't something that my mind tried to read too much into. I could also use it as a time to pay attention to novelty, basically meditating while just relaxing watching tv. Rest and relaxation are as important, if not more so, than getting adequate movement.

So yeah, those are the keys to healing the mind, in order of importance:

• The right kind of meditation.
• Dropping delusions and having "no mind".
• Good sleep.
• Proper nutrition.
• Rest and relaxation.
• Adequate movement.

Oh yeah, and a final note about meditation... Focusing is not the goal for training the attention. We don't want to cultivate "hypervigilance". The goal is to release the mind by bringing attention back to the object of meditation. It's not to become more intense in our control, but actually to become more freeflowing in our demeanor...while also having the filter which naturally blocks out information that isn't relevant.

The meditation works, and doesn't require anything else other than paying attention to the object of meditation...the results will come naturally and don't require any effort other than in doing that.

Best of luck and please report back if the problem resolves.

I'm also having problems with my sleep cycle and not getting much sleep each night, which I think is worsening the effects of what has been happening. Did you struggle with something similar, and if so have you found a remedy?

I remember reading this years ago and found parallels to my own life in it

https://www.lausanne.org/content/chinese-case-study

Did you ever experience people around you coughing or feeling that your thoughts were somehow imparted to those around you? If so how did you overcome that delusion?

Also as far as exercise and walking is concerned, is there any sort of thought or meditation that you would recommend? Trying to have no mind? I just remember when I had a less severe case years ago, when I would try to walk or run it seemed as though I became more entrenched in the delusional patterns because they would flare up when I tried walking in public.

Thank you for the helpful meditation, I observed immediate results when I performed it this morning, though I had a stressful afternoon and was not in a geography/mindstate to perform it then.

P.s.- If it isn't too much to ask have you managed to overcome most, if not all, of the delusions that you found to be the most troublesome?

20 hours ago, 七星門 said:

I can't really know your mind, & this is probably just another entanglement for me, but I've been reading & rereading the Zuowang lun these past few weeks. 

 

Naturally that means I can see parallels in what you describe so I'll post some excerpts that maybe you can relate to, the text alongside others describing Zuowang can be found in its entirety in Kohn's Sitting in Oblivion. 

 

"3. Taming the Mind

 

The mind is the master of the body-self, the master of the hundred spirits. When still it gives rise to insight, when agitated to confusion. Delightedly straying in delusions and projected reality, it speaks of obligations and enjoys to be in the midst of action. Who would awaken to see this empty and wrong? 

 

Yet, as one realizes one's derangement of mind and consciousness being largely due to one's place of residence, one chooses a new neighborhood and goes to live there. This is already a great improvement. By careful choice of friends one will profit even more. How much more should this process apply when the body-self leaves the realm of birth and death and the mind comes to rest in the center of perfect Dao? Without giving up the former, how could one ever attain the latter? 

 

Therefore when one first begins to study the Dao one must sit calmly and tame the mind, let go of projected reality and abide in nonexistence 

 

... 

 

However, if one gives free reign to the all mental arising and does not attempt to tame and control it, then one is not really different from ordinary people. 

 

... 

 

Any confused deviance or disturbing fantasy should be eliminated as soon as one becomes aware of it. Upon hearing slander or praise, or anything good or bad, one should just radically cut it all out and not admit it into the mind at all. This because if anything is taken in, the mind will be full. With a full mind, Dao has no place to go. Whatever one may see or hear, it should be like one had not seen or heard at all. Then right and wrong, good and evil cannot enter the mind.

 

When the mind does not receive anything from outside, we call it an empty mind. When it does mit pursue anything on the outside, we call it a mind at peace. In a mind at peace that is always kept empty Dao will come to stay of itself. On the inside there is nothing the mind is attached to, on the outside there is nothing one would actively do. One is no longer pure or defiled, which is why slander or praise no longer arise. One is neither wise nor ignorant, which is why profit and loss no longer appear."

 

Maybe you're just aware of the perverse workings of the ordinary mind, its automaticity, a reality built from scraps of sensory data, reacting to stimuli without any awareness. Maybe you've become aware that the ordinary mind runs on delusions & projected reality, that the ordinary functioning of mind is deeply flawed, that this situation is no longer tolerable & you must find a way to discard this way of being. 

 

Maybe you've gone crazy or maybe you can now see how crazy you've always been. I can't tell you, neither does this replace any advice from your doctor, but I can say with certainty that insight into our suffering is the first step towards freedom from that suffering. 

 

Be still, 

七

This was a good read. Cultivating dispassion is something that I need to work on.

Thank you for the response, the last paragraph resonated with me the most as there have been times when things have flared up in the past though this is definitely the most pronounced that it has ever been to date.

A few weeks ago I made a welcome post that outlined an emergency event I was having, and in the time that has transpired since then I feel I have more insight into my current situation and what I still require assistance dealing with.

It seems that my subconscious has become relatively conscious in that I am able to see almost immediately how advertising/labels and negative things that people say affect my mind, almost like snares. At the peak of this happening various fictional scenarios that people relatively close to me would say, mostly inconsequential, would manifest as dreams or as a nightmarish overlay to my reality. I think my mind is now incredibly sensitive to external stimuli in general, more so than ever and I'm having a difficult time of deciding what to do about it.

I suspect that an increase in my general magnetism for whatever reason, probably irresponsible candle gazing, has led to much of this.

It seems like highly charged thoughts that I have affect those around me almost immediately and I have some trouble ignoring the words of others having conversations that are not addressed to me personally, kind of like a continual eavesdropping and finding how their words apply to my own life. Both of which have eased slightly though still a nuisance as I imagine many of you could surmise. It also seems that my hearing has become more heightened, which is troublesome at times because it seems that my memory also has and I have linked together uncorrelated happenings time and time again.

Working indoors in an area with lots of advertising products or with a "corporate" playlist has an effect on me that is highly unfavorable.

I'm trying to find a peace in it and remain positive, though it is very difficult as feelings of unreality and general delusions accompany all of the aforementioned because of their perceived synchronization to my thoughts, social media in general is particularly difficult as it feels as though the entire thing is some self referential facade at times, as does many things in my day to day experience.

Is this a part of some awakening or just illness?

I would really like some feedback from anyone who has experienced something similar 

On 3/9/2018 at 7:02 PM, 七星門 said:

Clinically it sounds like ideas or delusions of reference. This is almost certainly exacerbated by the use of Marijuana. It can be pathological, but it can also be the byproduct of spiritual practices & wholesome if the mind is adequately prepared. 

 

Certain crises are catastrophic from our limited view but transformative from a cosmic perspective, as cinnabar is destroyed when mercury is distilled. 

 

There's an effect I've experienced wherein every phenomenon is a dealing of the divine with the spirit. This sounds a bit grandiose & egoistic, admittedly it can progress to that if we grasp too tightly to our sense of self. If, on the other hand, we are able to make our selves permeable & dissolve the barrier between "in-here" & "out-there" it culminates in an apprehension of the essential unity of the Universe.  

 

All that said, without proper preparation this glimpse can drive you mad. Eliminating intoxicants  is a good step, excess caffeine as well. Stop all spiritual practices, stop paying so much attention to the chatter of your mind, concrete activities are important.

 

Look around you, what have you let go? Is your space clean? Is it as jumbled & disorganized as you feel internally? Day by day impose a beneficial order upon your surroundings, change your sheets once a week, make your bed every morning. (This alone is an anchor in the storm.) Pick up, reshelve books & discs, empty the trash, clean your shower, take your car to a wash station & clean it inside & out. Throw things away, clear away the clutter. 

 

Maintain this clarity in your outer space & it will translate to changes in your inner state. 

 

*The words and other con­tent pro­vided in this post, and in any linked mate­ri­als, are not intended and should not be con­strued as med­ical advice. If the reader or any other per­son has a med­ical con­cern, he or she should con­sult with an appropriately-licensed physi­cian or other health care worker. Never dis­re­gard pro­fes­sional med­ical advice or delay in seek­ing it because of some­thing you have read in this post or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a med­ical emer­gency, call your doc­tor or emergency services immediately.*

Yea, I quit all substances and stopped all spiritual practices. 

I followed your advice regarding my personal space. This afternoon I cleaned and did laundry, I will try to do those things with regularity.

On 3/9/2018 at 6:52 PM, thelerner said:

When things go off kilter slow down or stop, take a break. Leave the manic cycle. Stop the social media, go for walks in nature. Disregard signs. For a while anyway. 

 

Sometimes we overload our systems, get disturbing feedback  and need to reset. 

Yea ignoring the "signs" is kind of difficult when they've become so pervasive, or rather that I've allowed them to become so pervasive. I think the most difficult one is ignoring what people say in conversations going on around me and not looking to deeply into conversations I'm having to find some kind of parallel between what they're saying and myself, even though I don't have to look hard most of the time

Yea, I think I've been overloading myself for a long time and I'm just noticing the true extent of it this past year

6 minutes ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi Tryingtodobetter,

 

What substantial?

 

Dada-da has already said -

 

 

Please be soft and kind to yourself - love yourself.

 

- LimA

It's difficult to do that when I've felt like I've let so many people down including myself, and not I'm trying to get out of this mess and be less of a burden to those around me. 

I tell myself that I love myself, sometimes I don't think I know how yet

On 3/9/2018 at 6:46 PM, thursday said:

Welcome tryingtodobetter.

 

I recognize your situation, drawing parallels/connections and such.. It can be frightening, but it can also ease out.

 

Good suggestions from the people above.

 

Also, don't worry too much, and if you do, know that the stuff coming through is not going to harm you if you don't let it. I believe this is like learning a new language, don't worry about the content for now. If you worry a lot and afraid you're going to do something foolish, find a doctor that can forward you some medication that guards against a crisis.

 

What you can try is feel your hand over your abdomen area and feel for the physical sensations, this will help with grounding.. In any case, this is a good time to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that help you feel more calm..

 

Feel free to send me a message.

Thank you for letting me know that its not going to harm me, some scary things have come through and while they frightened me it was clear that they weren't going to bring physical harm to me. I'm working on being a stronger person

When you suggested I put my hand over my abdomen, were you being completely literal? 

I'm wondering if there is a certain position I should be in, or if my hand needs to be a certain distance from my body, or if it matters which hands it is etc. 

For now I'm just going to try as is and see what results that yields

I would like to be surrounded by people that make me feel more calm, though they're pretty much all gone at this point due to various circumstances and reasons. I'm alone most of the time and it can be pretty challenging trying to solve this on my own and gain the inertia needed to get where I'm trying to go

Thank you

On 3/9/2018 at 6:14 PM, Lost in Translation said:

You need to ground yourself, literally. Get some dirt under your feet, under your fingernails. Get back to nature. Visit a park for a few hours each day. If you can then take a few days off to go camping.

I took your advice today and went barefoot for about half an hour and noticed a tangible change in the energy within my body. I noticed where I had blockages about 5 minutes in. It was nice besides it being a little cold outside. I think a few hours is what is needed for the energy to balance itself out more, today definitely clued me in to that. I don't know if I could handle camping at the moment, being that alone is a little intimidating

Thank you

On 3/9/2018 at 3:58 PM, liminal_luke said:

I`d advise paying attention to the basics.

 

Good sleep habits.

Nutritious food.

Plenty of exercise, preferably outdoors.

Time in nature (see above).

Spending time with people who care about you.

Following up with medical care / counseling as seems appropriate.

Do you think that reintroducing meat into my fairly bland vegetarian diet would help to ground the energy more, or do you think it would make things more difficult to manage? I've been sustaining myself on various beans and rices, though I've begun to reintegrate salmon back into my diet in hopes that it will level out the energy.

I was jogging for a time, though I found that the energy became Extremely heady sometimes after a long jog and that I was "manifesting" certain things unaware, though that could just be me imagining things. Jogging "worked me up" I think, especially since I didn't like being around other people very much and would encounter a number on my jog. I'm working on being more compassionate and opening up though it is a process

On 3/9/2018 at 3:53 PM, moment said:

 

About thirty years ago I got into self-hypnosis without proper safeguards.  I went into it way too fast and deep.  I had many of the symptoms your are talking about.

First off, no more candle gazing, avoid it like the plague.  Start looking into more low key, calming influences like Yoga Nidra and Hakuin's oil melt.  Keep either of them or whatever seems right to you down to less than thirty minutes a day until you know them well.  Walking meditations  in the forest or nice parks is useful.  Start eliminating stresses.  Everything negative you are feeling is an artificially magnified condition.  You need to soothe yourself.  Do more of the things that relax and calm you.  Absolutely stay away from drugs or alcohol. Simplify. Keep in contact with the people who care about you.  I wish you well and you can contact me at any time.. 

The Hakuin's oil melt resonates with me more, is it similar to "the butter meditation"? 

I had a barefoot walk today and felt more relaxed, though the energy seemed to become "heady" again shortly after putting my shoes on, I was only out for about half an hour today.

Yea, I quit using marijuana cold turkey about a month ago and recently gave up cigarettes.

Thank you 

On 3/9/2018 at 2:16 PM, Limahong said:

 

Hi Trytodobetter,

 

I am not the right person but I think you are on the right path in trying to do better. Why? There is clarity in your self-accountability.

 

Perhaps you may like to take things a little easier. Why?

 

 

Position yourself as 'the right person' to help yourself. My inkling - you surely can.

 

Welcome to TDB.

 

- LimA

28 minutes ago, Limahong said:

 

Hi thursday,

 

I know the feeling of putting my hand over my abdomen - I will feel centred, anchored and safe. 

 

Tryingtodobetter - meditatively (with an open mind) feel the warmth generated. Perhaps you may like to do what thursday has suggested lying comfortably down. You may end up having a peaceful slumber.

 

- LimA

Thank you for the suggestion that I begin to take charge of my own situation and not leave it completely to the will of another("")

I will try putting my hand over my abdomen tonight and see if it yields anything substantial. A peaceful slumber is something that I have longed for as of these past few months

As of late I have been experiencing a lot of synchronicities, whether they be repeating numbers, overhearing certain phrases in others conversations that I perceive to apply to me or drawing parallels between far too much that I read and see with myself.

I have heard that this all may be part of what I have been manifesting for myself or attracting.

Years ago I began to practice a candle gazing meditation known as tratak, and while I was relatively dedicated to the practice, I think I proceeded too hastily and at a pace too fast for me. I only adhered to the practice for a few months, and didn't follow many of the safeguards expressed by the sites I visited describing it. There have been very brief periods over the last few years where I picked it up again, again with little precaution. The last time I did it, my reality seemed to be okay, though soon drastic changes began to happen. 

I began thinking that too much of my social media feed applied to me, I had difficulty ignoring the conversations of others and I noticed that the negative nightmarish(to put it lightly) changes in my reality were resultant of considering fictional musings of others far too much and my depressed mood at the time. I am sure that semi-regular marijuana use exacerbated all of this to a nightmarish extent.

I worked 30 days straight at my job while using marijuana off-and-on, and I felt like I was in hell at the time and my surroundings suddenly reflected that. I also felt like I was in heaven for a time and my surroundings reflected that.

I have since quit using marijuana and am currently taking medication, I arranged an appointment during my episode. Im also quitting cigarettes today for at least a month

If anyone reading this has any advice as to how I can smooth out this experience and return to some semblance of normality I would be extremely grateful.

So far I've been using positive affirmations and meditating on positivity occasionally. There have still been nightmarish "hiccups" in my reality that I would like to permanently go away.

I would really appreciate some help and I figured this was a place where my voice might get to reach the right person.