Tryingtodobetter

48 minutes ago, Gerard said:

 

They are free of charge, some monasteries ask for a donation. I'd recommend you going to Asia at one stage:

 

https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/site/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/Asian_Retreat_Centers.pdf

 

Best money you'll ever spend in your entire life (airfare, food and accommodation until you arrive to the monastery).

 

 

 

 

 

Love = sensual desire

Lust = excessive sensual desire

 

Deep down is the same thing: it's a form of craving for desire.

 

Humans live at the bottom level of what Theravada Buddhism calls the Kama Loka (sensuous world)

 

You need to work this out through serious practice. A teacher will be required in most instances as progressing through the stages of the Mind is hard work and it has many pitfalls.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your continued aid 

How do I go about finding a teacher, as this process sounds quite involved I think I'll need to find one soon

3 hours ago, thursday said:

Try to refrain from negative expression on facebook and real life.. It's one of those things that can come back quickly to haunt us. Try really hard.

 

It's been hard for me too, with paranoia and delusions, mistrust..

Remember to try and live for yourself, regardless of how things working out/failing with the woman in your life.

 

The people that are there in your life now, try to treat them like you'd like to be treated by others. Try to work towards turning the other cheek if you can.

 

Phenomena won't stop happening, try to work with things as they are happening, one thing at a time..

Thank you for the response, I really appreciate it

I'm working on trying to live for myself, to find my purpose/passion

I love her and she's been helping me in big ways since the onset

I want friends, I don't think it's healthy for me to be so alone so often. 

10 hours ago, Gerard said:

...and one eventually has to practice non-stop in order to remove ALL BLOCKAGES (karmic fires) as they are only activated at specific times according to the movement of Qi in the corresponding organ networks:

 

http://www.astrodreamadvisor.com/Qi-Cycle.html

 

It makes sense why I'm serious Vipassana retreats one is required to meditate non-stop in the last 3 days, no breaks. Only the ones required to eat (but they are better to be skipped).

 

I remember reading Ajahn Chah recommending a full night meditation practice for at least once a week. The Liver is very active during that time, also the GB and the Pericardium.

 

Also, blockages work as onion peels; that is, any wrong-doings early in life; ie. childhood traumatic events, schooling brainwashing, etc. need to be worked progressively in order to get to them. You can't suddenly jump straight down to them...the system won't let you. It is a very slow and minute work, step-by-step and some of the fetters are so difficult to beat that basically require renunciation: lust and delusion, the most difficult of them all!

 

 

I was thinking of attending a vipassana retreat, though I'm unsure of how I'd fare in my current state, monetary issues aside.

I'm pretty sure I've identified most of the primary delusions I suffer from, how do I discern the difference between love and lust? I ask because I've been talking to a woman i care for deeply since before the episode, and then when the episode happened all of these feelings of paranoia and general mistrust arose, ways I didn't think of her prior to. It really hurts me day to day, because I wake up sometimes with thoughts against her and the world and sometimes like this past night things are fine. It stresses me because I know she cares for me deeply and when I have moments of clarity I cry over what I've put her through thus far. I don't know what to do sometimes

11 hours ago, Gerard said:

And another document that discusses the intricate dynamics of the Yin-Yang:

 

"The Stomach meridian of foot Bright Yang has an abundance of Qi and Blood from the digestion and transportation of the food. It also easily produces Heat from all these activities, that is why the Bright Yang meridian and organ are regarded as the ‘Sea of Food’, and the ‘Sea of the Yang and Heat’. One of the strate- gies for clearing Heat from the entire body is to clear Heat from the Bright Yang meridian and organ. After that it will be much easier to reduce the Heat from the other organs and meridians."

 

http://www.sld.cu/galerias/pdf/sitios/mednat/plantas_para_sacar_calor.pdf

 

Eating well is VITAL: good quality and healthy food according to your constitution, Ba Zi chart and geographical location; mindfully and peacefully and never to going to full, only 1/2 or 2/3 full. Don't eat past 3pm. Ideally all meals before midday.

 

Overeating, eating stressed, on the go, chewing fast and consuming convenience food are the best ingredients for internal heat and insomnia...plus lack of exercise. A recipe to disaster! Eating with alcohol is the icing on the cake.

 

How do I go about finding which diet is the most suitable for me, I'll try the not eating past 3- starting tomorrow

16 hours ago, dawei said:

 

thanks for that inter-play... I think your mind is running endless.  You could drink a bottle of whiskey to sleep through the night but that still won't solve the issue.

 

I think there are a few ways to go about this:

1. Find a job now, in the current situation... just find jobs that jump out to you.

2. Get some more education in stuff that appeals to your desires of working or practical side.  It can change later, just you need a stepping stone.

 

tell us this: What is your deep dream, goal, desire, want, passion of stuff...  folks may have a job or life suggestion.

I'm working on getting a job, even though certain facets of the Original episode are still at play, and from thinking back over the last few weeks there have been events where it's reared its head in the past, although not in such an abrupt and jarring way.

Having a difficult time gaining/finding interest in most things for some reason, even things I was interested in at a prior time.

As far as my deep dream or desire, I'm not exactly sure. I've spent so many years deliberating over what to do and how I should go about applying myself, that I guess I've built up a big mass of indecisiveness or maybe a blockage of some sort. I've always been interested in the arts. People have suggested that I actively engage in just about every medium over the years, from suggesting that I write a book, to creating music, to painting. A friend told me something years ago and the only piece that really stuck with me was "Jack of all trades, master of none" and I knew I wanted to at least gain some kind of mastery in one thing, just to know that I saw one thing through to completion and gave it an honest effort, though with all of the deliberation it's gets to be seen.

I've been in a not so good place mentally for a while, and I guess I hadn't noticed just how detrimental it was and how bad it was getting until the episode happened. There have been flare ups over the years though nothing like what I experienced several weeks ago. Throughout that period I probably played guitar with the most regularity,  and made depressive and or pretty cynical critiques on society and my personal life on facebook. 

Im trying to heal, tho it's like the twilight zone off and on with what's been happening. I'm becoming less fearful, though I'd really like things around me to return to some semblance of normality. I want to get back that life I was living before I became so disillusioned with the world and eventually practiced meditative techniques I shouldn't have been doing. 

I really want friends, I want to start learning again, I want the phenomena to cease, I want the ravens and dark days to go away

2 hours ago, dawei said:

For two nights, I couldn't sleep past 3am... 

 

The second night I got up, took apart the refrigerator ice/water dispensing unit... looked at the dispensing flap I tried to install about 2 years ago without success (since then, no ice dispenses).   I saw the problem... and fixed it.  Been sleeping ok since.

 

The mind is an underlying issue for many things... it can sometimes be like a hard drive that you cannot erase something... sometimes we have to just work with the data we have stored.   I could of bought a new refrigerator too... but that flap only cost $5 and it had gotten the best of me for two years... until 2 nights ago...

 

Re: Purpose in life... I think you just found that sector on the hard drive...

It's been about a month for me now and seems to be getting earlier and earlier, it's around 12-12:30 now

I don't know what make and model my refrigerator is to catch it, I'm sure that it's running somewhere 

I hope I find out my purpose soon

2 hours ago, 9th said:

 

This problem is still being addressed.  Its not going to be solved by humans.

Could you elaborate? 

I ask because I've talked with a human that was able to overcome the "people around me are talking about me/sticky words phenomena to a point where he is able to function and carry on a relatively normal life

Thank you all for the responses thus far, it's been almost a month now so I'm really hoping that the information provided will help bring this emergency situation to a close

23 hours ago, idquest said:

Seeing that your diet includes a lot of beans, I'd look into this in more detail. From my experience, whenever I eat beans for dinner, I feel elevated level of agitation through the night. You could try excluding beans from the meal for 2-3 weeks and see what happens.

Do you suggest that I remove legumes entirely, and if so what would you suggest as an alternative?

12 hours ago, cheya said:

That happened to me many years ago, and I couldn't figure it out, as life was otherwise going well... Finally realized that eating a sweet snack before bed was triggering my low blood sugar, making my adrenals dump out adrenaline to bring the blood sugar back up, and I would wake up sweating with a pounding heart for no obvious reason... Stopped the sweets before bed and that was the end of the problem...  If you eat sweets at night and/or have low blood sugar, this might be your problem...

 

 

I don't eat many sweets

14 hours ago, Fa Xin said:

It seems like you think a lot about the past, and worry about the future.

What about this moment? Maybe try to remain present... and make a plan about what you can do.  What can you change right now, at this moment, that will alleviate some worries? At the same time, what are you worrying about that you can't really change?

 

I think if you get a job (any job, even if it's temporary and doesn't pay well...) you will get out of your own head, and be around other people. This will be healthy, and help the healing process.

 

Your crisis happened in the past, but not happening right now, correct? Therefor, why dwell on it? Let it be in the past... 

 

Also, start surrounding yourself with positive things... music that is upbeat and positive can be extremely beneficial.  Working out, which will release endorphins.  Being in nature.  Good that you eat well, and walk daily.  

 

The feeling of "unreality" and "disengagement" you talk about - may be just what your body needs to experience before it gets back on track.  I know it's scary, you feel like it will be this way forever... but it won't.  Things change, all of the time.  Don't pressure yourself to fix things... just let them be. They will fix themselves over time. Just make baby steps right now.

 

  Starting tomorrow, what can you change? Even if it's little ... do something everyday...

 

I've been trying to remain present and optimistic, it's difficult sometimes in the isolation that I'm experiencing where I don't have anyone around physically other than my parents who work, and its hars for me to engage with or feel passionate about many of the things I used to and just things in general.

I think I'm most worried about finding my purpose in life

That episode keeps popping up because when I wake up at around midnight or early in the morning I have racing thoughts that are leftover from that period. Also I've been waking up in sweats occasionally, and once I had a nightmare involving the old job and that episode and I think it may be all connected. Also when I'm out in the world and driving, I see certain patterns connected to that period like license plates that seem made specifically to address me or when people repeat very particular things that the woman I'm seeing said to me. Sometimes it's like the things she says to me manifest into my life, most notably she was talking about an old model pickup one of her friends encountered in some way and the next day I saw one on the road and it's very unusual for this area. There have been other things. The overhearing peoples conversations around me has dimmed a little and I don't feel like all of their words are sticking to me.

I hope it changes it's been pretty scary at times. Reoccurring themes from the original episode.

I'm thinking about meditating more, though the reason I didn't start on it initially was because I was afraid it would empower what was already happening instead of stopping it.

I just want to sleep through the night.

I want my reality back 

6 minutes ago, Fa Xin said:

 

Thanks. 

 

How about exercise, and nutrition? Do you eat well, and do you move around enough?

 

One thing I recommend to almost everyone is Magnesium - most diets are lacking in it, and it promotes a healthy sleep and lowers stress levels... along with many other positive benefits.

 

Also, what changes have you made from the time of that posting?

 

Sounds like exercise and things that ground/relax you would help right now.

Walking during the day, about an hour on average. Three square meals most of the time with protein, lots mung beans and black eyed peas, and salmon, eggs and beef etc. I guess I could move around more. I'm having difficulty investing in books and general hobbies, I'm not sure how to describe it- Sometimes it's like a heightened awareness that picks up too much background stuff to stay focused and other times it's okay, it's difficult to articulate it's like a feeling of unreality and disengagement and I'm trying to stave it off for the sake of my creativity and just trying to live life again. 

I will try the magnesium

It's just really overwhelming and I wakeup with racing heart and thoughts sometimes, and a number of them are attached to that crisis time and are mainly negative and paranoid. I really like this woman I'm talking to and I really need to get all the way back to reality again, she's been putting up with a lot.

It's difficult to think too much about relaxing because I need to find a job again soon. I quit my last one during that episode. I really need to get myself back and at least start feeling some semblance of normal again. Just to appreciate the sunsets and paintings and things like I used to, I feel so far removed sometimes and I just want to feel like myself again and recover from that.

Jm

1 hour ago, Fa Xin said:

Do you do any sort of meditation practices?

Just shamatha at the moment

Recovering from this

I have a problem waking up during sleep. I haven't been getting full sleep for too long, as in i don't feel rested often and racing thoughts. It's been around 12 or early hours in the morning. I wake up with a racing heart beat and for a while I've figure it may be some kind of bad dream, I'm not sure. How do I resolve this issue within myself so that I can begin to heal?

On 4/6/2018 at 9:02 AM, Aetherous said:

 

Important that they use herbal medicine, too. If not, check out one that does.

 

 

I think they're unnatural, which brings an unnatural response in the body. People can get dependent on them, and maybe the pills don't work after a while...so then sleep gets truly screwed up, because you've become dependent on them to get any sleep, but now they don't really do the trick. If you increase the dose, there's a risk of the medications stopping the breath/dying.

Doctors tend to say not to use them for more than a week.
 

 

Just the attention training meditation. It takes time.

If breathing practice doesn't worsen things, then taking breaths in and out gently so that it produces a slight feeling of elation, is good. That unwinds stress.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, try going for a 10-20 min walk...provided that it doesn't worsen the mental state. That can help release the extra energy from stress, and you might find that you can pass out when you get back. If walking isn't doable, then maybe try 8 brocades qigong.

Am I being punished?

Even you suggesting a 10-20 min walk is what I had already been doing, then the Chinese herb recommendation after I had already been seeing an acupuncturist, then the orange thing.

I won't speak of the kind of patterns I see day to day, it just feels like I'm being punished. I still haven't been sleeping a lot and I don't know what to do. I masturbated today and it came back later in the day after I went to get food.

How long is this going to take to resolve, more importantly will it resolve?

It feels like my passion for so many things is missing, like I can't tell what I'm interested in, even though i was planning to be an artist a few weeks ago because I've spent my life making different kinds of art.

I don't want to bother you, I just don't know what to do at this point

I pretty much have to restart my life and get up and moving soon, figuratively and literally like moving out of the house and making new friends etc

22 hours ago, Aetherous said:

 

Important that they use herbal medicine, too. If not, check out one that does.

 

 

I think they're unnatural, which brings an unnatural response in the body. People can get dependent on them, and maybe the pills don't work after a while...so then sleep gets truly screwed up, because you've become dependent on them to get any sleep, but now they don't really do the trick. If you increase the dose, there's a risk of the medications stopping the breath/dying.

Doctors tend to say not to use them for more than a week.
 

 

Just the attention training meditation. It takes time.

If breathing practice doesn't worsen things, then taking breaths in and out gently so that it produces a slight feeling of elation, is good. That unwinds stress.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, try going for a 10-20 min walk...provided that it doesn't worsen the mental state. That can help release the extra energy from stress, and you might find that you can pass out when you get back. If walking isn't doable, then maybe try 8 brocades qigong.

Thank you for all of your help thus far, it's just that I don't have much time. My parents are expecting me to return to work soon, the woman I'm talking to I don't want to leave her and the isolation gets to me at times. I pretty much have to be somewhat functional soon.

I was in a busy city for a few hours yesterday and while some of the conversations were "sticking" to me they didn't give Mr the same anxiety until my mood faltered a bit towards the end.

Concerning hospitalization I fear trauma that's sometimes inherent with that and the side effects of some of the drugs that they are known to put people on who have had similar cases

Im still waking up in the middle of the night and not getting much sleep, how do I start to resolve the recently occured past stress and trauma that I think is keeping me from sleeping throughout the night. 

Will this stop if I only continue to get a couple/fee hours of sleep each night?

On 4/4/2018 at 5:51 PM, Bud Jetsun said:

Appreciate Now with each breath in, appreciate Now with each breath out, use the energy in each breath to live the Dao. 

I talked to another guy who struggled with something similar also involving talking to a woman he cared for a lot and I'm having a hard time reconciling it as delusion.

I used Facebook and most of time it's okay, though in the past and yesterday people said something in chat that seemed especially relative.

How do I stop my brain my drawing correlations where there aren't any?

On 4/2/2018 at 3:05 PM, Aetherous said:

 

That sounds like a stress type of insomnia, which will go away over time, the more that the stress unwinds.

A Chinese Medicine practitioner could maybe help out here. Tell them what this type of insomnia is like, and that you heard about "Gallbladder deficiency" and want to try "wen dan tang" or "an shen ding zhi wan" if they think it's appropriate.

 

 

It's just coincidence.

 

Most people come across oranges or something to have to do with the orange color, etc. Same with plants. Same with mountains. Everyone is aware of these things in life.

 

 

The things that you talk about bleeding into your life is just you being more aware. We all share common experiences in life, so it's not extraordinary if she talks about an orange, and then you see someone eating one (or something). Oranges are in every grocery store.

I understand needing to take a break from people who are making this state of mind worse. You got to do what you got to do! Don't feel bad. If they're your friend, they want you to do what it takes to get well.

 

Just try to think that people share common experiences.

Or just avoid environments that worsen delusional perception.

I'm going to see an acupuncture expert who also specializes in Chinese medicine, I've been seeing him three times now.

Also, what do you have against sleeping medications, I remember you saying not to get Ambien and that was one of the ones that I was thinking about getting specifically

23 hours ago, Bud Jetsun said:

In Now, inhale and feel your lungs inflate with life energy and be grateful. Exhale and appreciate your bodies gasses re-join the cycle of Oneness energy composing the gift of this one fleeting moment. 

 

Choose mindful appreciation of this one moment Now, and the appreciation fuels both instant kindness to the Self and fuels manifesting.

 

It doesn't matter how you once have may choosen to think/feel/behave, as that only exists as a memory of what may have once been that replaces appreciation of the real to continue to feed energy. 

 

Unlimited Love, 

-Bud

Given what I described above, what would you do if you were me?

9 hours ago, Bud Jetsun said:

Subconscious behaves perfectly as programmed, every time.  It's possible to experience awareness of subconscious mind, but it's not something you can converse with, it's just running it's programming loop perfectly mindlessly. 

 

It's a gift only you can give yourself, but the loops the subconscious runs can be only beautiful life appreciation irregardless of any conditional phenomena. 

 

Awakening is when the illusion your thoughts happened for you out of your control has been shattered and personal mindfulness and thought accountability replaces the ability to suffer phenomena without ones own (optional and unnecessary) consent. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

So that's why the things I listen to the woman I'm talking to say sometimes manifest in the ways they do, or is that controllable? 

Given what you just shared with me, I'm not sure how to proceed, especially since I currently feel so distanced from what truly drives me. I like playing guitar and want to do something with it, even though i started playing a few years ago in my late twenties, though just navigating the world is difficult right now because I guess I'm adjusting to it still.

I was in a pretty depressive place for years and now I'm seeing how I created that for myself. I spent so much time thinking about the negative parts of life and wanting to die over the years. Though whats even more difficult is starting over since I still live with my parents and I don't think I have any friends near me physically, or at least ive been in relative isolation for a time and just using social media to communicate- and social media is visceral sometimes depending on the state I experience it in I guess. Im trying to find direction while cleaning house

Thank you for the response

Thank you

It feels as though I'm playing some part in manifesting things around me, the weather changes with my mood.

I love the woman I'm currently talking to and