Tryingtodobetter

Are there any realized persons making art? Given what I perceive to be the dissolution of what entices many artists to create their works, do people make art beyond the point of realization? With an awakening one is more privy to how their thoughts affect things, so with this hypersensitivity and detachment is one still able to engage in creating such emotive and meaningful pieces authentically? Much of art throughout time stems from the very neuroses that practitioners seek to uproot

I practiced strict celibacy for a time before returning to marijuana use and now I'm in the midst of having a relationship with a woman. The celibacy lead to sexual deviance at times, I fear that it corrupted me energy or worse and I'm unsure Women react to my thoughts more so than men, almost immediately. It's like my thoughts are loud sometimes I notice acute numerical patterns amongst people sometimes and it seems that things I do reveal themselves in conversation with others, especially certain women I feel like people lie to me sometimes, I think I pick up on things and oftentimesim right, it's lead to a lot of paranoid with the woman I'm seeing I've gone through a deep depression for years and at times feel like I've lost my personality and sometimes creativity, though the creativity seems to come back in spurts and I'm not too sure of the cause. I've noticed it happens sometimes when I have an extreme emotional state I'm trying to get back my life and sometimes it feels as though I'm operating on another level that I'm trying to come down from I spent a while in isolation while celibate I want my life back or at least a fulfilling life and even though I've taken steps it's hard to fully believe in at the moment Sometimes it's like people are telling me about themselves through conversation/metaphor and sometimes I have flashbacks paranoid and anxious of feeling like my experience and those within it revolve around me Ravens follow me, vultures occassionaly 4s have been a theme as of recent, 7s occassionally

I have a problem waking up during sleep. I haven't been getting full sleep for too long, as in i don't feel rested often and racing thoughts. It's been around 12 or early hours in the morning. I wake up with a racing heart beat and for a while I've figure it may be some kind of bad dream, I'm not sure. How do I resolve this issue within myself so that I can begin to heal?

Martial arts appealed to me in the past, though not so much in the present An acupuncture professional I've been seeing was kind enough to offer his expertise and has filled an order for traditional Chinese herbs to help me treat my ailment. Are there any steps I could take to prevent it from being an indefinite need of herbs? Would a form of qigong or something similar work to balance things in a way where I wouldn't always be dependent upon a supplement? I'm planning on attending a vipassana course relatively soon, though I'm worried about how I will fare given the phenomena I've experienced and healing from This event

Thank you for your continued aid How do I go about finding a teacher, as this process sounds quite involved I think I'll need to find one soon

Thank you for the response, I really appreciate it I'm working on trying to live for myself, to find my purpose/passion I love her and she's been helping me in big ways since the onset I want friends, I don't think it's healthy for me to be so alone so often.

I was thinking of attending a vipassana retreat, though I'm unsure of how I'd fare in my current state, monetary issues aside. I'm pretty sure I've identified most of the primary delusions I suffer from, how do I discern the difference between love and lust? I ask because I've been talking to a woman i care for deeply since before the episode, and then when the episode happened all of these feelings of paranoia and general mistrust arose, ways I didn't think of her prior to. It really hurts me day to day, because I wake up sometimes with thoughts against her and the world and sometimes like this past night things are fine. It stresses me because I know she cares for me deeply and when I have moments of clarity I cry over what I've put her through thus far. I don't know what to do sometimes

How do I go about finding which diet is the most suitable for me, I'll try the not eating past 3- starting tomorrow

I'm working on getting a job, even though certain facets of the Original episode are still at play, and from thinking back over the last few weeks there have been events where it's reared its head in the past, although not in such an abrupt and jarring way. Having a difficult time gaining/finding interest in most things for some reason, even things I was interested in at a prior time. As far as my deep dream or desire, I'm not exactly sure. I've spent so many years deliberating over what to do and how I should go about applying myself, that I guess I've built up a big mass of indecisiveness or maybe a blockage of some sort. I've always been interested in the arts. People have suggested that I actively engage in just about every medium over the years, from suggesting that I write a book, to creating music, to painting. A friend told me something years ago and the only piece that really stuck with me was "Jack of all trades, master of none" and I knew I wanted to at least gain some kind of mastery in one thing, just to know that I saw one thing through to completion and gave it an honest effort, though with all of the deliberation it's gets to be seen. I've been in a not so good place mentally for a while, and I guess I hadn't noticed just how detrimental it was and how bad it was getting until the episode happened. There have been flare ups over the years though nothing like what I experienced several weeks ago. Throughout that period I probably played guitar with the most regularity, and made depressive and or pretty cynical critiques on society and my personal life on facebook. Im trying to heal, tho it's like the twilight zone off and on with what's been happening. I'm becoming less fearful, though I'd really like things around me to return to some semblance of normality. I want to get back that life I was living before I became so disillusioned with the world and eventually practiced meditative techniques I shouldn't have been doing. I really want friends, I want to start learning again, I want the phenomena to cease, I want the ravens and dark days to go away

It's been about a month for me now and seems to be getting earlier and earlier, it's around 12-12:30 now I don't know what make and model my refrigerator is to catch it, I'm sure that it's running somewhere I hope I find out my purpose soon

Could you elaborate? I ask because I've talked with a human that was able to overcome the "people around me are talking about me/sticky words phenomena to a point where he is able to function and carry on a relatively normal life

Thank you all for the responses thus far, it's been almost a month now so I'm really hoping that the information provided will help bring this emergency situation to a close

Do you suggest that I remove legumes entirely, and if so what would you suggest as an alternative?

I don't eat many sweets

I've been trying to remain present and optimistic, it's difficult sometimes in the isolation that I'm experiencing where I don't have anyone around physically other than my parents who work, and its hars for me to engage with or feel passionate about many of the things I used to and just things in general. I think I'm most worried about finding my purpose in life That episode keeps popping up because when I wake up at around midnight or early in the morning I have racing thoughts that are leftover from that period. Also I've been waking up in sweats occasionally, and once I had a nightmare involving the old job and that episode and I think it may be all connected. Also when I'm out in the world and driving, I see certain patterns connected to that period like license plates that seem made specifically to address me or when people repeat very particular things that the woman I'm seeing said to me. Sometimes it's like the things she says to me manifest into my life, most notably she was talking about an old model pickup one of her friends encountered in some way and the next day I saw one on the road and it's very unusual for this area. There have been other things. The overhearing peoples conversations around me has dimmed a little and I don't feel like all of their words are sticking to me. I hope it changes it's been pretty scary at times. Reoccurring themes from the original episode. I'm thinking about meditating more, though the reason I didn't start on it initially was because I was afraid it would empower what was already happening instead of stopping it.

I just want to sleep through the night. I want my reality back

Walking during the day, about an hour on average. Three square meals most of the time with protein, lots mung beans and black eyed peas, and salmon, eggs and beef etc. I guess I could move around more. I'm having difficulty investing in books and general hobbies, I'm not sure how to describe it- Sometimes it's like a heightened awareness that picks up too much background stuff to stay focused and other times it's okay, it's difficult to articulate it's like a feeling of unreality and disengagement and I'm trying to stave it off for the sake of my creativity and just trying to live life again. I will try the magnesium It's just really overwhelming and I wakeup with racing heart and thoughts sometimes, and a number of them are attached to that crisis time and are mainly negative and paranoid. I really like this woman I'm talking to and I really need to get all the way back to reality again, she's been putting up with a lot. It's difficult to think too much about relaxing because I need to find a job again soon. I quit my last one during that episode. I really need to get myself back and at least start feeling some semblance of normal again. Just to appreciate the sunsets and paintings and things like I used to, I feel so far removed sometimes and I just want to feel like myself again and recover from that.

Jm Just shamatha at the moment Recovering from this

Am I being punished? Even you suggesting a 10-20 min walk is what I had already been doing, then the Chinese herb recommendation after I had already been seeing an acupuncturist, then the orange thing. I won't speak of the kind of patterns I see day to day, it just feels like I'm being punished. I still haven't been sleeping a lot and I don't know what to do. I masturbated today and it came back later in the day after I went to get food. How long is this going to take to resolve, more importantly will it resolve? It feels like my passion for so many things is missing, like I can't tell what I'm interested in, even though i was planning to be an artist a few weeks ago because I've spent my life making different kinds of art. I don't want to bother you, I just don't know what to do at this point

I pretty much have to restart my life and get up and moving soon, figuratively and literally like moving out of the house and making new friends etc

Thank you for all of your help thus far, it's just that I don't have much time. My parents are expecting me to return to work soon, the woman I'm talking to I don't want to leave her and the isolation gets to me at times. I pretty much have to be somewhat functional soon. I was in a busy city for a few hours yesterday and while some of the conversations were "sticking" to me they didn't give Mr the same anxiety until my mood faltered a bit towards the end. Concerning hospitalization I fear trauma that's sometimes inherent with that and the side effects of some of the drugs that they are known to put people on who have had similar cases

Im still waking up in the middle of the night and not getting much sleep, how do I start to resolve the recently occured past stress and trauma that I think is keeping me from sleeping throughout the night. Will this stop if I only continue to get a couple/fee hours of sleep each night?

I talked to another guy who struggled with something similar also involving talking to a woman he cared for a lot and I'm having a hard time reconciling it as delusion. I used Facebook and most of time it's okay, though in the past and yesterday people said something in chat that seemed especially relative. How do I stop my brain my drawing correlations where there aren't any?

I'm going to see an acupuncture expert who also specializes in Chinese medicine, I've been seeing him three times now. Also, what do you have against sleeping medications, I remember you saying not to get Ambien and that was one of the ones that I was thinking about getting specifically

Given what I described above, what would you do if you were me?