ganjaboy

The more I think about it, and the longer I cultivate, the more this makes sense to me. I am starting to sense a certain freshness and magic to sexuality and sexual energy which i have not experienced since I was around 16! It makes me what to cultivate and protect this untouched nature, not get into a meaningless one-night stand or just jerk off incessantly. i am shooting for 1000 days.....if not longer (i.e. until i have find a very, very meaningful partner). I have questions, however, which I feel that i perhaps truly need a spiritual teacher to answer, but maybe i can find some answers here. i am a musician and artist, and so i am much more in-tuned with the vital joy and chi energy that runs through life. i feel that in the past, i have felt this vital energy while creating music, or while experiencing a sexual fantasy, which leads me to believe that having sex itself would be another manifestation. is it correct that activities such as making music/art, or even making love, are both celebrations of chi or the human condition? there are times that i experience profound physical longing and lust, for the carnal pleasure of sexuality itself. sometimes i experience guilt for this, and i am cognizant of the chi and jing energy loss which can occur through a sexual experience. this is why i only want to give myself to a partner i care truly about. Buddhism teaches that feelings should not be denied and we should not feel guilty about them. does this mean that my fantasies are not "bad", as long as i fulfill them in the proper time and place, with someone i care about, and remain aware of the energy usage? FYI, i have found that energetic things such as performing music or experiencing creative joy can combat lustful thoughts....while i am still celibate. thanks for answering my questions. peace and love, dhiggs

Over 50 days in now, and my mental attitude has changed completely. I am now an animal that is in a primal mindset; though I have human understanding and reasoning, I am coming to terms with the reality that if I want a partner for intimate companionship, I must prove myself worthy of this attraction and face the competition. Naked reality is staring me in the face; I can view myself objectively. Complete celibacy has granted me introspection and a definitive, though often harsh, view of reality. I am shooting for 100 days, though to be quite honest, perhaps I should just be brave and go for a full 1000. Who knows what transformations might occur in that time, what refinements and insights might occur in character, and what means I find for channeling the jing and sublimating it to chi energy. I now finally understand the connection between celibacy, jing, and willpower. It is by no means easy, and more brutal and challenging to the soul and will than I ever could have imagined. It isn't just about being celibate, it's about becoming the man that I want to be. The willpower from the conserved jing is what I am using to do that. Thoughts?

I agree an advantage, but it's difficult. Most 19 yr olds have already had sex several times, and having the "v-card" as it is called is often a source of embarrassment for me. Usually, especially when around certain types of people, I end up lying to save face, and usually make my lies quite outlandish. It's a good source of amusement actually Thanks so much. Interestingly, I have greatly reduced, and am hoping to completely eliminate nocturnal emissions naturally. I avoid pornographic media like the plague; all that is necessary to validate my existence as a sexual being is the natural arousal that comes from real women. Also, this is a much, much more mild than the extreme which is given from pornography, which is completely unnatural for the human species to experience on a regular basis. I watched "The Great Porn Experiment" on YT and suddenly it all made sense. It may sound harsh, but strictly speaking, the male species is designed to expend its genetic material for reproductive purposes, dwindle, and then die, while the female lives on. Societally, this is evident in men who have sex early in their lives, get trapped into child-support, have mid-life crises/trapped in jobs they hate, etc. The energy is hard to deal with sometimes, but I want to make the most of it and do what I really want to in life with my music and creativity, and keep that child-like excitement and freshness about the world alive for as long as I can. Then when I do find a partner, in perhaps 10-11 yrs time, it can be about love, and at that time I would be interested in ways to have a fulfilling sexual relationship that allows the energy to go on and on without being destroyed.

I am going on 2 months since a self-induced release of physical jing. I feel that I have literally been reborn a new human; there is a tangible energy and determination in my life, and individuals around me can sense this energy and are drawn to me. Fun fact: I have, in this period, received attention from tramp-like girls who are looking for sex. Can they literally sense this cultivated energy? I am determined to not give in and to become and achieve what I want in my life; short-term, perhaps over a period of five years....

Thanks for the replies. I can actually describe the type of sexual experience with I believe would aid my cultivation, though i don't know what category it would fall into (sex magick? tantra? qi-gong?) traditional, western sex, obviously, follows a bell-curve shape pattern....the male gets hot, reaches a climax, emits essence, then it's over....hence "wham, bam, thank you ma'am". what i want to do is basically be with a female spiritually/sexually, in a way that gets the kundalini aroused, and "gets the coals hot" so to speak, but not allow it to go further, and in that moment intensify the inner feeling, capture it, and add it to the "bank" of jing. It's difficult to describe, but being "satisfied" in the traditional, over-and-done-with sense of sex leaves me unhappy. i like to get the energies going, but not destroy them -- transfer them. does this make sense??? i want to cultivate and celebrate the JOY and pure ECSTASY of being a sexual/spiritual being....not destroy the feeling. for me, a musician, the saved energy from the orgasm i didn't have during my last sexual experience literally could make me hit that guitar just that extra bit harder the makes the difference... it sounds stupid, but in the past, the more i orgasm, the more i become depressed, dejected, uninterested in sex....i pay less attention to my health, my body, etc. i feel like in a relationship, constant male orgasm would lead to sex, which should be joyous and a source of energy, just a boring, rote mechanical activity for him. in the past it let to me treating life with much the same way, moving through it without care or feeling. i lost interest or genuine feeling in my music, it was just a chore as i moved from point A to some unspecified, vague point B. if i had my way i would permanently make orgasm and physical release of jing impossible to myself. this energy can be primed and primed and primed but there are so, so many other ways it can be utilized other than the biologically programmed, reproductive reflex.. when this is practised a new type of "love" becomes possible for a man, because he is free of the biological need to ravish a woman like an animal, which can make this same woman his enemy. the sexual experience becomes about the woman's energies completing the man and making his shen full, and vice versa, which is true 'love'. think of the young teen guy who is always horny but who hasn't ever had real sex with a woman (i have been here). i know teens can suck in other ways, but if there's one thing young people are full of it is energy, not quite innocent but still fresh. what if i could marry and have a relationship, but always be this young boy at heart. this isn't to say i couldn't satisfy my partner, but i would do it out of love..not for myself. in short, i want sex to be tantalizing and bringing meaning and intense energy to my life, not destroying my purpose in life. i am still young...i feel like now is the time to experiment and figure things out. would there be harm in me experimenting with sex cultivation with a partner -- perhaps even both sexes? obviously i would have to be sure the other person was on the same wavelength. of course...the other thing is, nothing is black or white. reality is, i am a male, yang-charged, and a TAURUS nonetheless. so, of course i highly enjoy sex physically as well. can the two - spiritual and physical - live in harmony? sorry for rambling. i'm crazy lol

The desire is definitely there; that's a lot of the energy that I try to work with. I struggle with feeling "good" or "bad" about it. I will say, however, that I can sublimate it if I want. I don't want to fall into the trap of just sleeping with any girl, for sure. I just sometimes wonder if there is harm in me having a sexual experience while still young, now a virgin. To some extent I am afraid to damage some of the inner energy which is still there and has not been corrupted yet. A lot of it is curiosity, I feel.

I have tried that and that is my preferred approach to energy sublimation/dissipation. I just sometimes find it hard to balance what is an ideal, perfectly energy-balanced approach to sexuality and then the more natural, human side, which is that we all have desires. Is occasional fulfillment of these earthly, physical/carnal desires an impediment to spiritual growth, if it is not a lifestyle? Perhaps this is an inappropriate comparison, but take a piece of chocolate cake...one won't hurt you, but if you make a diet of it that's a different story.. I mean, how long can you deny yourself of something. Maybe a balance of moderation/discipline is key? Several religions, such as Judaism for example, promotes spiritual/loving sex, but admits base physical desire and makes occasional exception for it, with the stipulation that it is best not to become too attached to the physical. That said the religion strongly shuns sex or cultivation with anyone besides a life partner, which I don't know i agree with I started all this essentially just as the 100-day challenge, not necessarily for retention, which is the wrong mindset, but just in terms of 1) stopping self-pleasure, and 2) starting to play with the conserved energies. I am still a novice in all of this. I mean, I am in college lol, most of my friends get laid all the time, have fun, and don't worry about it.

Another question. Once I have reached say 100 days, if I feel I have reached a stable state of life, would it be objectionable to allow myself the physical pleasure of a release of jing/essence, and give the energy up to the Tao? or does even one instance violate the lifestyle/mindset and non-physical sublimation of jing which I have intended to transition to. I don't necessary think that that one instance would undo all of this. If I did so i would at the very least attempt to find a partner (not just some horny-chick-succubi), a young woman with whom i could share company. it is a giant step up from self-pleasure. Thoughts? It is extremely hard to even begin to think about the old path I do not wish to return to, and I think it would come down to whether I trusted myself and my discipline. Then again, i am young, maybe i am thinking too hard and just need to enjoy life every once in a blue moon for a change...haha

minor essay below...please excuse misspelling....up all night + a fifth of scotch have done their job...hehehe Well, that's part of what I struggle with. Should I want to compleely let go of (evil) sexual desire of this form, and should I make this detachment a priority? As I understand it that is a quality of total enlightenment. I do think it is possible to transmute the desire of sex into pure energy. So far I do this through my music. If this earthly desire of sex is still there though it can lead to unhappiness. The thing is though, at just 19 yrs old, I was already at the age where just physical orgasm was becoming meaningless for me. orgasm itself is very overrated, especially for men, because most don't feel as much of a heart orgasm going on simultaneously. Guys who just want go out and lose their essence are still trapped by the instinctual limitations of being a man. I felt more pleasure and one-ness in feeling, retaining, as well as sublimating the energy also once u get bored with masturbation you just start looking for other petty ways to spoil yourself, which leads to a crappy, self-indulgent lifestyle. there is a mild physical pleasure to arousal, but I don't seek release through sexuality in any means. I like it because it lets you feel rooted to humanity and one of the essences of life. I get this just by being around women, and occasionally men. It makes me feel like an "energy-vampire". Is this a perversion? am i really taking anything from anyone by capturing the vibrations they are putting out, intentionally or unintentionally? i could feel this magic as equally from sitting across the room from a naked woman than I could passionately making love to her. To some extent i feel that "making love' in western society can be the opposite than that.....if men just seek physical release then they are allowing there spiritual batteries to be drained rather than recharged. occasionally, as i said, i am male, so of course i still struggle with some of the basic desire for physical pleasures. i kinda hate myself for it when it happens, but i think of it as Ram Dass said....we all have selves, and there is one "me" who watches all the other "me's". he said the "selves" were neither good or bad as long as the true self remains in the drivers' seat. as long as i can think, "ah, there's the horny-guy-who-just-wants-to-screw-some-girl-off-the-street"-self, i think i can be okay. i particularly like this explanation by ram dass because it helped me realizing that "growing up" is really an illusion. adults have plenty of inner children and moments when they feel, and sometimes act like children. the only difference is that adults hide it better. comments? conclusions?

It has now been 42 days since the beginning of my voluntary celibacy, and in that time I have only spilled the seed once involuntarily, and this was due to a demon in a dream. I have since minimized this by adjusting diet and meditating before bed. i don't know whether to go for permanent conservation of jing or just set myself a period such as 5 yrs. i kid you not, but my body has literally changed in this period. my eyes are darker, more full of life magic. my voice has deepened, and others are more aware of me and my energy. During the day however I still struggle with keeping some of the energies at bay. Occasionally when I am in the presence of a physically desirable female I feel a slightly pleasurable, warm feeling that originates in the kundalini gland and percolates up the spine until i can literally feel it entering my brain....when this happens, it feels like fireworks are occurring in my brain and I often get a headache. i keep advil on hand, lol. should i feel bad about these feelings? my understanding is that these feelings and desires are natural, but the ultimate goal is to completely redirect the energies into the highest form of life pursuit. One thought does occur to me - at some point in my life, i would like to enter into a serious, lasting intimate relationship with a woman. How could i practice a form of sexuality which cultivates, rather than destroys this energy, without seeming to be a deviant or prude? the type of sexuality i seem to be able to experience doesn't even require contact, i feel that in such a setting, i could just be in the presence of the body and soul of another i love and soak up the energy itself. is this unnatural or strange?

I plan on going until I have embodied the vision of the type of man I wish to be in life. Cultivation is the utmost form of living naturally; when you cultivate you feel the imperative need to be strong, but not in the muscle-building or fitness-freak phenomenon of Western culture. Strong is of character. Cultivation also makes it very, very clear that we are in essence spiritual beings, that what is truly necessary is love, and how much of all else that causes suffering is self-inflicted; merely greed, laziness, or ignorance. I wish to be one who is strong and of utmost character, yet who is sensitive. I wish to also practice cultivation until I feel that I have used my energies to the best of their potential creatively, and make my mark on the world. At the time that I develop a relationship, in perhaps 10 years, sex will truly be able to be about mutual love instead of the evil destruction of essence and willpower that has predominated Western view, and will be a continued form of energy cultivation for me. Bless all who have helped in this thread thus far. dhiggs

I will admit that diet is important. I notice that I tend to increasingly gravitate toward food that comes from the east, such as nuts, seeds, fruit, and vegetables. I don't eat grains but I do eat meat on occasion. Diet affects the mood as well. As far as the cultivated jing, I still experience the occasional nocturnal emission, but I do not consider it a release of jing because it is not a voluntary act, i.e. a violation of willpower. I have no desire for porn or hookups, and ignore the advances of girls who bat their eyes at me just for a one-night stand. This is because i understand that jing is a precious substance, which I intend to sublimate into my creative pursuits. When the jing is conserved, I am as strong as an ox in terms of willpower; God help anyone who stands in my way. That will leave room for actual loving in a relationship, which should not be oriented sexually around the destruction of jing. When I do find a partner I would like to practice Tantra which cultivates energy rather than expend it. Can anyone give me any resources? Thanks

off the topic at hand, but i am a musician and artist in addition to my spiritual practices. i recently played music with a friend, and transmuted my jing to increase the energy and feeling that i was using to play. i felt that this energy was so strong and so thick that it was almost tangible. now i am not superstitious, but i had recorded the session, and when i played it back i noticed a low-frequency, electromagnetic hum that had not been present before...and as my enthusiasm died down the hum faded. is it possible that the energies used by the brain and heart have electrical presence in the air?

It has been my experience that the "breaking down" produced by jing conservation is that of ego. Jing is not a physical substance, and those who claim that jing=semen are mistaken. It is a certain consciousness, a fire in the eyes, steady, unvarying willpower, strong as an ox. It may seem trivial, but it has become clear to me that masturbation literally robs the soul of life, determination, and willpower, especially and perhaps exclusively for men. My doing so in puberty was literally admitting defeat before the battle had begun. It also predisposed me to inflated ego, yet sensitivity, as well as selfishness and inability to step outside myself. It is now clear to me that men who built muscle, etc. in effort to establish masculinity have the wrong idea; pure masculinity or the yang force is more so the desire and feel for necessity in strength of will and character. It has been over a month since I have last jerked off and the psychological transformation in that time has been profound. I am convinced that the presence of semen in the body literally affects the chemistry of the brain. The realizations that I have come to have at times been so powerful and earth-shattering that they have produced anxiety for me. I have been using marijuana just to calm myself down lol. Though I have been a boy in soul, I fear no more because I know that if I continue these practices, the man that I wish to be shall emerge on his own.

That's right. Already, I have no desire for pornography/prostitution at all, nor do I have a physical need for sex which results in release of jing-essence. I feel the energy flowing through me by being in the presence of women, and even men lol. Call me crazy, but the longer I restrain/retain/cultivate jing, i am actually witnessing physical and social effects. Women/girls smile at me and notice me more, as do gay men. my brow has become heavier, and my eyes darker and more full of "life". i feel that these effects are bordering on magical...

I am interested in getting back in touch with my sense of child-like wonder of the world that I experienced when very young, as I believe it would give me greater appreciation of the arts and music. Can cultivating chi help with this? Thanks

Anyone care to share thoughts on this? I have had several experiences during jing cultivation in the past where I have had lasting periods of inspiration, enthusiasm, zest for life, and a feeling of love and compassion for the human condition. It was similar to a high I have gotten on drugs in the past. I found myself being able to see the world in an uninhibited, almost child-like way, and it really helped out my creative pursuits. Is this effect similar to that which others have experienced?

I have been on the cultivation path for several weeks now. I don't know if this is uncommon, but the longer I conserve jing, the more self-confidence I feel and the more willing and able I am to shrug off what I formerly perceived as "imperfections" in myself, as well as negative comments directed at me from others. Is it possible the yang essence can protect my inside character and charisma (yin)?

Thanks for the input. i hope i have not lost my mind, but a switch flipped recently in my mind with regard to sex on the whole... I was meditating and practicing MCO and suddenly i had a shimmering cognitive understanding (or "vision") or the beautiful thing that sexuality is...almost more sensuality. It was suddenly clear how westernized the concept of sex was to me, be it just mindless thrusting...and how it was really an opportunity for individuals, especially men, to cultivate massive amounts of energy. being a straight guy, the way I feel is that the aggressive, yang-dominant force really has no place in the bedroom with a woman...if anything it should be about gentle love. i feel that cultivating jing and "saving" that masculine force allows me to be more masculine where it is important in my life....so i can "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." ^ this understanding is the "orgasm" i was getting at. it's an orgasmic sensation of knowledge raining down from my head and through my body, empowering me to live life to the fullest

Greetings fellow friends. I come to you to discuss my past and sincere with a query of how to save my life from certain misery in the future. I am 18 yr old male and have had many problems in my life. As a small child I was always a non-aggressive type. I did not play rough games with other boys and preferred reading books to playing soccer or wrestling. I was short for my age - small. At this age, never did the concept of vanity or outward appearance occur to me. I was too preoccupied on intellectual pursuits. When I hit puberty and teenager I became aware of the concept of physical attraction. I suddenly looked in the mirror and started to think about how members of the opposite sex would perceive me sexually, perhaps making assumptions far beyond my years. I started to become vain and preoccupied with the external body, which I believe is manifestation of yang. I masturbated incessantly to relieve additional yang energy, which after a couple years left me feeling very asexual and out-of-touch with myself. Still seeking something -- not even sure what, I became anorexic and all but destroyed my body, becoming malnourished and emaciated. I lost all concept of sexuality at this point and became very child-like in appearance, almost in a regressive fashion. I was always a late bloomer, but suddenly looked like I was 12 years old. Today, at 18 years of age, I have recovered and am at healthy weight, but still have a long road ahead. I am only now beginning to develop characteristics of man's physique (shoulders, face). I attend college and people still think I am in high school, much as in high school, I looked like a middle schooler. I have tried very hard to quit masturbation as I have noticed this has a calming effect on my nerves and helps me be less impulsive and emotional, but it is extremely difficult. For many years during my earlier adolescence I all but forgot my creative pursuits in favor of purely physical, external manifestations of what i felt was "manly." My trials have sapped me of joy in my life and have destroyed several relationships with close family members. How can I use Tao to find the inner man within myself and grow into a man who can still have a promising future? I will appreciate advice with an open and eternally grateful heart. peace Asan

@ rex: Thanks! I got a pdf copy of the first book online and am working through it. a lot of good advice in there, not just on the above issues discussed.... @OldGreen: as of today, I am on the retention path for over a week (though I've gone up to a month before). Not going to provide "updates", but just some quick observations. I feel a lot less lethargic, and more motivated in both my athletic and artistic pursuits...I think the trick is keeping the energy diverted into something, gotta keep yourself busy. Thanks for your input, I'm wondering if I can potentially reap greater benefits by starting these practices at my young age (19)!

Thanks. I've tried that before and was able to last up to two months. From past experience, it has been easy at first, because I feel like I've got some sort of horny, energized state giving me motivation to get things done. I'm able to moderate and detach from worldly things more easily because I always have this internal energy to fall back on. After a couple weeks, however, complete abstinence from anything even slightly sexual gets very hard for me, and I lose focus. Do you have any recommendations to help me keep in touch with that energy without giving in too much to fantasy? I imagine this would be easier if I had a sexual partner, because I could recharge through Tantric practices etc.

A TON of good information here. Thanks so much to everybody for all of their input, it is good knowing that I can find productive ways to deal with these issues. Thanks for the examples. My calling is most certainly in music performance, though I also have a sharp wit and a good sense of humor. A lot of possibilities there, I think. And it's interesting that when somebody IS somebody, who offers something special to the world, society usually overlooks their shortcomings in favor of their greater contributions (except in the case of celebrity tabloid magazines, but I don't even like to think about that…) I'm lucky in that I never got addicted to or reliant on porn. I'm nearly 19 and used porn a couple times at around 17 or 18… for some reason it didn't last. Once I sensed the false nature of it, it just no longer seemed erotic in any sense; it was merely images with no emotional connection. I have experienced this energy. It's to the point that when I do jerk off, I immediately sense a loss and am left wondering why I bothered. I think this is a good sign that I'm starting to draw the link between sexual / spiritual energy. The problem is that if I do nothing sexual, it's just another extreme of imbalance. I find that I then do something else in my life to excess, and lose touch with myself. During one these periods, I smoked pot for awhile, before learning about how bad it was for me, and I quit. I'm on the fence about this. I have heard opinions both for and against waiting to have sex (I don't believe in marriage, but I think it might be a good idea to avoid having sex until later in life. In the meantime, things are difficult, however). It really isn't my biggest problem. I was raised in a Catholic background, however, and of course masturbation was viewed as evil. This is a guilt complex which I still can't really shake to this day. On one hand, there are people saying that it is natural and healthy, etc…on the other, there are people advocating methods such as Tantra (with a partner) for energy cultivation…and then there are still others who talk about "solo" cultivation. I don't like to make things more complicated than they need to be, but I will say that I like being aware of these sort of energy channels and how to use them more efficiently. I am a student of philosophy, musician, and a long distance runner. All of these are activities which require energy, physical, mental and spiritual. In theory, all of the energy is there - I just need to know how to tap into it.

Don't know. If I knew for sure that it was an entirely mental construct, an idea, I would just detach from the physical world. What would be the point of caring? It's not black and white. Some do, some don't. I've already encountered both. Until I meet a girl whom I completely hit it off with, except for the fact that she is into musclebound men. I know it may sound as if I am arguing with myself, but I'm really not. I'm just eccentric. My perspective on things changes day to day, minute to minute. Furthermore I think that it's possible for some people to simply defy categorization of any sort, myself included. Why can't we just "be"? Heh. I went mad a long time ago.

I think what you're doing is testing me to gauge my level of self-acceptance. If you are, know that it's still a work-in-progress for me. That's why I wrote "finding the INNER man." I don't think it's at all entirely external things that determine manliness. It's just a hard precept to break, especially from someone raised surrounded by Western values such as myself. And my experience so far has been that many women don't have external criteria for men; their criteria are based more on character. I think they care that men accept themselves and are comfortable in their own skin, because men who are are less self-centered and outgoing to others. Women who use EXTERNAL criteria wouldn't be ones I would be interested in anyway, lol. I know this, and it's simple really. Just insanely difficult to apply. Freeing the mind is the name of the game.