sagebrush

I drink coffee which is very bad addiction and definitely issues with ahimsa because it is so destructive in my body.

tapering to small order.

 

what is up with the tea?

 

is it caffeine or no caffeine

 

I do not think I will like tea after strong brew coffee/espresso.

 

but then again....I am closed minded

I think if I could just expose my fence a bit---

what do I want to say?

 

ok at the gas pump---

 

I hear a woman talking about how that morning she was aware of what time rick woke up that morning.

she had never met rick in her life---although they would be meeting to talk soon....in interview.

 

it is the kind of thing that would seem impossible. it was not like he was her neighbor, or boyfriend/husband or roommate

and she heard the noise of him waking up...

 

kiran -mystic girl in the city Buddha at the gas pump interview to be SPECIFIC

 

 

 

not sure if that is clear.

page 376 perennial psychology of the bagavad gita x111:27

 

not so easy

Butterflies are like rainbows. just simply phenomenal to look at..

 

we get used to seeing monarchs and then one oddly colored or marked one or two show up and then--

 

off we go to watch butterflies.

 

the dusty pink wings match the color of the flower...ok with black trim

almost camouflage on this plant.  gone but not forgotten because I have a photo.

 

the painful part is I am going to post the photos of the butterflies. oh yes

 

the dusty pink blends right along with the flower color.....trimmed in black

 

and the other one......the design on the wings-------shapes and patterns

is it accidental to have capitalized Adhi for all samAdhi?

 

I am not concerned about spelling or punctuations so much as to why my mind scrutinizes this?

 

why you typed it as such?

one day I will type to when I am really pissed.

pics on the way hopefully-

less is always more

not to be too exotic here/hear:

or too personal or mean...

 

beyond what is is not coming-

 

at hand is this---

 

I can look at you and tell you that I am beyond for concern with all my own gurglings and bubbles

and whatnot...

wow

 

ok-

before kundalini or bliss rides---

before symptoms-

the same day I met you...not even sure of the year...

but my son would have been 2? maybe 3?

I was already IN my bowel trouble--

recalling the day I met you two distinct happenings...

I crapped my pants in the rental car.....and the stuff going up my legs from waking from the nap.

so stopping the dramatization..can be heard but also

I have some real LONG term....debilitations that have now got to be completely quickly examined before I make myself any more---ill.

incorporated changes--vitamins, trying to choose healthy

I grew up with a mother that was VERY into health and still is-

so the growing up from illness is the average home...with a few extra sprinkles of

whatever....won't be opening worms for that right now.

however,

any one perspective is too much

I know I think you are someone on a tyrad!

you have lived longer, wiser, calmer, etc, etc..

forget my point

oh yeah-

I can't focus.

not from any rides today-necessarily

but the fact that my electrolytes are probably beyond depleted.

drinking that now.

 

not sure why I am not so willing to utilize better skills?

the pendulum has just swung so far it has become the norm I guess.

 

I am happy to have an ok from you on the personal front but also understand your own life I guess.

 

my health is so not good that it creates mass anxiety waves---

as you may be aware-

and that I am efforting at where I am to really investigate why I don't seem to sometimes give a shit-

my exotic marry gold hotel is as exotic as if I could live anywhere it would be india-because my anxiety about the bowels would decrease 100 fold....with the liberty of the okness of maybe that...

but that I am ridiculous for that kind of bs.

I am moving forward because I needed to know from you as best you can deliver

quickly to me...and I think there is some resolution here.

and I thank you for

I guess having to unwillingly embrace my horror.

and its not that I didn't care to read about your life and symptoms

or new books and ideas--

I am just so spun out in not mental illness at a level that I can not handle but yes it got very odd to say the least.

spun out in

the life of me.

what does all that mean?

I can't say I think anyone has the ultimate answer.

regardless of all the info out there-

not that I need to buck it all the time.

one sentence at times has been more to me than a months worth of typing

it can be like that for me.

I do not go to that website often by the way...

rarely---

because I pay attention to the resistance elsewhere trying to make sense

so----it was a sheen moment of holy goodness...

what do I reach for in the end?

I am left sitting here really-

kind of in a weird place

where I love my son the most unconditionally

but I have tried to tend to you much more..

I do not know what else to say.

never intended to be a drama queen.

then it got really hectic

then no..then yes

making choices with smaller cups of coffee IS best.

if that is within my abilities

ok how about a fun song from Blondie-

I always enjoyed her music...her music I was fond of growing up.

does the format for this dao bums get all info typed and retyped ---so once it is typed it is saved?

 

the song is dragonfly-

 

I do not usually think along those lines as far as the divine universal intelligence.

 

but to see this photo of the face of this blue one(although I will say here) that

it is not the painter of the sky.....but I am happy to have met you and

what has happened here> is beyond my real knowing...as far as facts and scientific data.

what is happening here?

my first thought is that my health is in a very red zone my doing

and totally my responsibility.

met at a auto immune meet up group 1x per month

 

my question is on the personal front

as If I would think this is all ok

that is not necessarily so

I was never out to cultivate bliss.

certainly not wanting to be in the way of it either

 

 

 

I

not sure. I need to purchase a usb- again.

I am fee today to do this

tried to send them to email but that is time consuming to then drag them to desktop then upload--not my gift and my gifts that were personal have turned cultivated....still sorting that out.....

I guess that unfolds in the sequence of time

plus I have about 2000. so I have to sort and sift but I can certainly make that a priority today after I get my headache subsided

 

 

wondering if you have ever seen the face of a dragonfly? and then the back side of the head as well?

just as a matter of fact level

 

then question the intelligence of the universe

and wondering about what flies about.

oh yes my own notebook

 

my sincere apology on the murking cultivated waters of my life

"very interesting" to say the least.

 

I found myself outside today...looking for pictures to take.

it was not good location-

drove to the beaver pond.

 

what I noticed was the letting go of taking the photo---into just allowing it to be there or not...waiting.

eventually many good ones today. some frustrations with not being able to take others based on lighting and then problems with the camera.

 

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL  BUTTERFLY MARKINGS ON THIS BUTTERFFLY EVER! the flip side is depression possible because no other butterfly is going to be more beautiful. this I AM SURE.

wish that I could have taken atleast 10 more...

the markings were incredible....I will post it when I get a chance. hopefully some people will enjoy inspiration from nature.

 

 

 

saw some swirling in the beaver pond...sort of anticipatory anxiety mixed with fear because I am sure a beaver is potent and many large trees have fell? or have been fallen by them. the ends have defined chew marks--like how a pencil sharpens-but more whittled.

waited for atleast five minutes hoping it was the beaver...then hoping I was far enough back.

 

eventually it was the snout of a snapping turtle...all covered in the slim of the chia plant looking sprouts covering the pond surface.....apprehensive and it knows I was there.

got some pics but not sure if they are worth putting on screen.

 

funniest of all and I could never quite capture it was two ladybugs...one on top of the other...the top one gyrating like crazy ever few minutes..embarrassing...but making me laugh now thinking about it. even my iphone could not get the picture.

hell I even tore the damn stalk of weed down they were on to get the picture..which is way too much---but unique in and of itself.

a few flowers a pale blue one

then a cool white wooly caterpillar with maroon red face.golden points sticking up on toward the head.

 

it would be SOOOOmuch more effective to upload the photos instead of writing about them....

 

context clues:

there are many storybooks written for children that have historical value. Photographs lend authenticity, or reality, to these books as well as teach the lesson in an enjoyable manner.

 

ie...lately I have been assigned the most tedious task imaginable. on the other hand, my partner seems to get interesting, exciting tasks each day.

ie...I am not surprised he chose to teach kindergarten because he always had an aptitude for working with young childern.

(children) even if some of them lacked couture...he loved them all the same.

 

ie. the small boy tries to emulate his father in everything he does. He even copies the way his father walks.

par for the course....

 

the undertone hues----bipolar

you can feel so close to someone then millions of miles away.

what is happening inside of me and .....off the beat in path....looking at yesterday and tomorrow.

 

my audio is not working-damn

 

missing many details I am sure....not so good at scans.

my son talks about harambe.

why do you say harambe?

 

being authentic, true,I want to know please

AVOIDANCE OR CULTIVATION?

 I am on the run for my son he is finished with marching

and now I can incorporate him into ALL of my thinking as well.......

 

I think you know my intention

is it black and white?

avoidance or cultivation?

 

I bet I could get really mad at you.

 

is this true?

 

I will not be lead to believe even in my own thinking that I am a piece of shit-

and the sexapades-- I will handle only so much of that and then what?

whatever.

is your life healthier-yes--

ok once again-

as I have said repeatedly-

 

I need to be quiet.

struggling with my everything

 

is there a way to say no?

was there a way to?

I do not know what you  mean by a video game.

 

see-

surrender but yet---who is in charge?

trust-

but don't be scared

come here but go away

of what if I am doing something so terrible...

I come back and forth because I have questions

then I think back to many years of life

what am I bringing you

what are you bringing me

 

feeling a great deal of responsibility beyond the little love faces and the music

and the whimsical fun

just so you know

I can directly tell you that I can either be factual and both silly but I do not want to be foolish

sometimes my mind goes into hyperspace

 

it is like this---

 

its silly for comparative analysis?

 

I see the mate part is no coincidence

 

 

 

is THIS affecting you?

physically

 

so we cannot separate it out---

what I want to KNOW is

 

like the mate of it stuff.

 

I want to know about the combination of ALL in this lifetime

 

directly what exact horrors that we will be continuing to uncover?

 

I have spent MY LIFE seeking out love.....whatever that means in my TERMS

not looking at you in the same SPHERE

but you are

 

when someone posts mate----

are you effected by mate?

do you see THIS in YOUR life on a physical level.

I do I have a child

 

Do you wish to continue?

do you have a choice?

because I have spent the multitude of being bitter beyond mercy toward myself

because of THIS situation.

 

do I think you know more-I would comfortable say yes

source?

my heart beats

and then there is something else that comes with it.

because I read or not read from my understanding.

I do not and have not spent the duration of my life sitting in a chair calmly

or out in the HOT pursuit of divine awakening.

 

you are playing with fire

like I am

 

I think at this point it would be BEST optimal-

 

to back off practice as much possible.

 

I rested well last night and today has been fruitful enough.

 

don't you think?

 

I can't figure you out because I can't see  you in front of me-

but I am tuned in enough to see the lack of my own knowledge

the running narrative

all of it===

yesterday today tomorrow

how do I determine what is respectful

 

I will find ways to deal with me.

the George stamp-

on paper is very easy.

I have lost sight of

a simple situation.

and now in sight of me

is a lot of very confusing and upsetting things

and a whole world of really not knowing

if I can be me=

I can't dictate you emotions nor could you dictate mine.

visited my sister this morning and she brought up a tiny rabbit my cat percy just killed this morning

it was a baby bunny

staying present is easy but not so easy

it goes back to pretty vivid imagery-

I look for answers ALL over the map

and some of it is scary..

days ago

 

please know that I am sorry if I continually offend you with my me.

I need to learn to read very well

you beat me to it.

each new moment

is a discovery hopefully

containing monet.

Wedged tightly between my unorganized files is an 8X10, air bubble-lined manila envelope. It is addressed to me in handwritten print. Having travelled from the mile high mountainous city of Boulder all the way to the sunny coastal city of Oceanside, it never received a postmark, and it signifies for me an auspicious, future return. Four colorful stamps attached in the upper right hand corner, portray a prior, significant meeting between the sender and myself. The most distinguished stamp is George Washington his stern look typified my expression during this meeting. Staring in anger, he looks toward the other stamps on his left. Never mind the translation of the exquisitely colored bright reds and purple frolicking images of Santa Claus drumming joyously as snowflakes fall, and of the deer playing the pan flute with a backdrop of contrasting brilliant greens to the reds of Santa Claus. For ten years I've had an attachment to my anger and to the sender of the envelope.

 

a lot of mechanical problems in the rough draft for sure---

 

 

I hope this does not come back to bit me.

I still have the envelope--YES!

more to send!

 

is that so bad?

 

and in the playfulness-there has been suffering......

 

shim shima---LOVE

deva primal

:wub:

the funny thing is ?

 

how do your pound signs lean so funny to the left? in your script?

 

that is just for fun!

 

penmanship.......in alignment but that pound sign

 

I am not coming back here today!!!!!

I think that I am going for a walk soon!

worked for the Wrigley family---but distilled into marriage as offield.

 

on the ever beautiful island of Catalina off the coast of California.

 

who knows what the day will bring?

 

I see a need for sharing and caring!

 

dug through my old English file --it says on the file more crap!

 

how do I get over here?

then how do I keep that at bay?

 

from some typed text years ago---

had I honored my intuition I could have saved myself a lot of grief, fear and anxiety, and most of all kept myself out of necessary danger.

 

I have:

 

wedged snuggly between my unorganized files is an 8X10, air bubble-lined manila envelope. It is addressed to me in handwritten print.............................................................................describing stamps with lots of juicy gum................colors

 

I've had an attachment to my anger and to the sender  of the envelope.

 

my anger is to my own self for the years of not engaging in dressage!

 

the island:

 

Natalie wood drowned

I did mushroom---laughed my ass off

layed at the edge of the cliff staring into the crashing waves

the green sea grass----

I am there!

daring to jump into and swim the channel

my dear friend robert

living not far now from mt Shasta---

was smart enough to say no way!

we were not strong enough to swim that current-----!!!!!!!!!

trailed at night through pig tunnels...some areas were seriously

marked with heavy urine

learned about the trapdoor spider---heard about it,....

years later I found them walking around the banks at batiquitos lagoon

beyond beautiful... the decoy of the hinged opening---

so tangential....

island times

pre birth of my son

pinnacle of my career--

working  at the Offield job was over six months---

lots of fun.

he has since died of cancer.---but legacy of being a real steward of the santa catalina conservancy!

 

black tailed antelope----fortunate enough to see that!!!

the buddy I worked with his name Chip-

was blown away that my friend and I go to see them.

he had never seen them but heard of them

beautiful rock gardens on the back side of the island--

 

nobody solves a problem like maria!

I drank some bai coconut water-

damn that made me cry