tremblay

thank you, dawei.

emeiwudang, I looked up The Untethered Soul on Amazon to read reviews about it and in the process was drawn to a recommendation for The Most Direct Means To Eternal Bliss. A free pdf is available online and I'm reading it now. So thank you for the redirect, lol. pdf here if anyone interested: http://www.wearesentience.com/uploads/7/2/9/3/7293936/the-most-rapid-and-direct-means-to-eternal-bliss.pdf I am finding this is just what I needed. My time here at Dao Bums has already been well spent.

Yeah, that's called a figure of speech. I'm not doing this to get a reward or because I thought it would be rewarding. I'm not doing this consciously. I'm not doing this at all. It's happening to me, and the fact that it's been mostly painful and mostly sucky has been confusing as there is a lot of info out there that tells us how wonderful it is to drop the ego and be One with the All and all that. And that hasn't been my experience at all.

Hello Stosh and thank you for your thoughtful comment. I've asked myself that about ego. I'm not sure if it's a complete dropping away or just putting it in its place that's best. I do know I have been swinging wildly from no ego (briefly, to be sure, lol) to ego on roids lately. The ego most certainly causes pain as its wants are ignored or simply denied. Or deprived. whatever the case may be. When it gets what it wants, it grows, and I lose my center. There's no peace for me with a well fed ego. I'm sure balance is the key, no need to go to extremes, and I don't know why the wild fluctuations lately, probably to spotlight the difference for me. I do think we need a little bit of ego/filter to differentiate ourselves. Oneness with the All is great and everything, but sometimes it's our differences/contrast that are most interesting for a reason as well. Also, this whole ego or not to ego, is beyond my control. I used to be very goal goal oriented, go-getter, "intellectual-mental" and i was miserable. I'm much calmer as a sort of drop out from all that. I have to disagree a bit with the reward pleasure/pain aspect of your comment, as a lot of what has been happening to me is not my choosing or by my direction. This is happening to me whether I like it or not. It is not a matter of desire or will or seeking a reward. It took me a long time to even understand that something was indeed afoot, and it was this unraveling. Things are torn away, and things are given. "I" am not doing it, nor can I direct it. I have been shown repeatedly when I try to control it, it is not something I have any input over.

Thank you, Ell. I do find myself trying to "achieve" peace, enlightenment, etc, but my complete lack of drive and will cures me of that pretty quickly. It feels like there's so little left to let go of, but I feel the precipice, that void, and I panic and step away, flailing for something to "do," to feel in control, I suppose. I'm too far gone and too lacking discipline for dogma of any kind, so no worries there, lol. I am an expert "failure" at everything. There is nothing left to "do" but I resist just simple allowing.

thank you so much, wilfred.

Thanks you soaring crane for the warm welcome. Omg, do I know what you mean about New Age misery. I think they are encouraged to be that way so the "gurus" can keep selling them "solutions." Ugh. Yes, the simplicity of Dao is what makes it ring true for me. We already "have" what we want, we already are what we seek. We just need to recognize we are encouraged to make it complicated (so as to never to "get it right" and be easily manipulated in our confusion), and stop doing that. I can't say I'm fully there yet, but at least I am aware. Stopping and stillness is still a challenge for me.

Greetings peeps. Hard to really explain my process of getting here except that it has been a looong, long process of losing everything, coming to an emptiness that I can't find an explanation for. I have struggled mightily with letting go of who and what I think/thought I am. I have definitely been on a path of ego devastation as I lose more and more. It has been more painful than rewarding, it seems, and that confuses me. And kind of scares me. I wish I never woke up. But there's no going back to sleep, is there? I first came across Daoism in an intro religion course in college. Of course, I was caught up in the achievement/accomplishment game at that point and didn't stop to delve deeper, but it always stuck with me. And then the sh*t started hitting the fan, and I lost my drive and will, and this process of unraveling began. I turned to New Age woo woo for a while for comfort as it seemed to explain some things I was going through, but always got nudges to look back at Daoism. The more I read about it, the more I recognized the New Age gurus were repeating Daoist concepts, only packaging them differently (and charging a f*ck of a lot for it, to boot). I've been lurking briefly and reading the wisdom here and can say that it feels like home.