The Dao Bums
  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About tguy

  • Rank
    Dao Bum
  1. I think I tend to agree with you regarding the actual physical presence being an issue with re-establishing cords so I won't go there. It may prove useful when I separate physically. Thanks for the offer.
  2. Aha! Your observation leaves me touched and tickled. The classic works that you and I no doubt share much love for do indeed help to soothe my soul. Yet I turned to this forum for a more complete guidance in healing, if you allow me the term. Most of my online searches led me to many posts here and a sort of familiarity grew. I developed a sense that this forum was for the most part pure and full of helpful souls. Hence my presence here. I hoped I had but one avatar, but to explain it: I have some esoteric tastes. For among the Pythons, Adders, and Fawlty Towers also lies a love for Anime and Mecha. It means nothing more than just a placeholder to fill in the stark, bare, no-avatar graphic. I didn't look into it any deeper than just an image I like looking at.
  3. @ThisLife aah such seminal works are the rods that hold up our sanity. Well, at least mine anyway :-)
  4. @OldChi, thanks again for your advice. Incorporating the changes you state will have to be done quite gradually because it would seem a bit out of the ordinary if I just changed the soap. I think, however, I can manage to get that done gradually. Regarding the incense, I will try that because I have a fragrance oil burner in my office room and we sometimes light some around the house. So it shouldn't really be a "break from the norm". I'm reacting like this because my wife will be like a dog with a bone if she senses a sudden change and will hound me until I give in and tell her or until I get pissed off and we fight. Either way, she gets her fix of Narcissistic Supply. This is something I would truly love to do. It's funny that I was thinking of this before I posted to the forum after I had read about someone cutting an energy cord from a fake guru that seemed to drain energy. I was like, "WTF? You can do that?" and then it seems like cording is real. I wonder, can you please tell me some more about this?
  5. Everyone, thanks so much for your replies and your support. I was right about the forum in my first post. It is a place where I have been listened to, advised, and possibly even understood. I am not asking for any more than this, I don't think anyone can. I think, however, that this thread may be going a bit too far off from the spirit of this forum which covers Taoism and Buddhism and all things related. So I am not going to contribute or reply individually any more. Since my original post, I have started reading The Root of Chinese Qigong by Dr. Yang Jwing-Ming. His website also has a lot of nice articles. I think I have plotted more or less the path that I want to take. I wish to start with the internal, so I am going to look at Neidan in more depth. I know one has to balance and also look at the external, but I won't focus on that just yet. I really enjoy meditation and since I started it, I have been feeling really good. If I may share, an odd thing did happen yesterday: I usually swim daily for about 30 minutes every day. Since I want to improve each day, I would push myself to do two more lengths each time, but after I stop I feel a bit out of breath. Since yesterday, after I pushed myself to complete two laps, I didn't feel tired one bit. I actually ended up tripling my usual number of lengths that I swim. I only stopped because I didn't have goggles on and my eyes hurt from the chlorine in the pool. This seemed significant enough to warrant penning. I still don't have any more sexual urges which is fantastic. I'll check back in with you wonderful folks and try to chime in on other topics when I can provided I know enough about it. Thank you once again for your kindness and friendly ears
  6. With 3-7 times a month, I would have felt like I hit the jackpot . Oh @Yascra, where were you when I was getting married?
  7. Hey @Yascra, I understand where you're coming from. I have grown up in a culture and environment where I was asked to put others before self. It was a guilt and shame based society where feelings were never spoken of. So I was more than sensitive to my wife's desire to not have sex. I never pressured her to a similar level as you describe being pressured. As soon as we got married, there was a significant drop in the frequency of our sexual encounters. "This is marriage", most people will say, "say goodbye to sex after you're married." But the rate that it dropped for me was noticeable. I became a porn and masturbation addict to cope, I never started out as a sex addict which is the main difference in my story and yours. I will never apologize for being a man and I will never apologize for having sexual urges. It is part and parcel of being a human male. I rarely feel the need to justify myself, but I guess I need to write a bit more so here goes. First came the withholding of sex to manipulate me. Then came the emotional abuse. Whatever I did, whatever I gave, and whatever I said did not make her happy. She was quite good at making that clear. When someone grows up in an environment that teaches that self is not important, then all that one has left is to serve or please others. When it is not possible to please the most important person in your life you start building up some serious emotional baggage. You begin to question yourself, you second guess yourself, as time goes by, you forget how to make decisions. All you want at this point is to see your offerings accepted with some affection. I won't speak for all males, but for me, affection was my wife's willingness to give me her time and physical intimacy. I never received this. So I chased after it. I did everything I could to receive whatever affection I could. I chased it so much that I am still paying off a debt that I built up 5 years ago. Fast forward to 3 years ago. I am so happy that I was able to snap out of the downward spiral I was in. I am happy that I realized I was in enough pain to actually get off my ass and do something about it. That's what I did. I stopped chasing after affection. I read up about what I was going through and discovered that my wife had all the hallmarks of suffering from NPD. So I took steps to counteract all her usual attacks on me. I stopped looking for affection. I just stopped expecting anything from her and accepted the fact that she will never be happy. I began to give my frustrations an outlet in the form of porn and masturbation. Then, that got tiring too. I continued to read more and was on a crusade to become a different person, a better person. So 47 days ago, I gave up masturbating. I came to this forum in search of what was happening to me and to understand how to become that stronger person. I will remember the past, but I will never look back.
  8. Thanks so much @theurgy! She's actually an NPD minoring in BPD I found out about 3 years ago when I was so desperate, I literally googled the phrase "why do I feel so bad all the time" and looked up why I felt so manipulated and worthless. From there I discovered so much, continued reading and it was like a flood of enlightenment to discover what it was I went through all this time. Since then I have been making adjustments to my own attitude and behavior because it is useless to try and change a person suffering from either NPD or BPD. To be very honest with you, if I hadn't made those discoveries, I would have really lost it. I have made up my mind to leave her one day, but not before I equip my daughter to deal with her moods and toxic emotional abuse. She is 9 and she is doing very well for herself actually. She has learned not to take the sudden outbursts of rage so seriously. So kinda like taking down the enemy from within. It is harmful, but I really don't want to break up the home just yet. On the off-chance that I lose custody, it will be hell for my daughter to grow up with an NPD mother.
  9. Heh heh, been there and done that my friend. The spankings, the hair pulling, everything . Like I said when she's into it, it can be pretty mind-blowing; this is the reason why I was hooked in the first place. The actual convincing her to do it is the tough part. I'd say any more "convincing" would have possibly bordered on rape. That's where I believe she gets her power from. Refusing me and trying to hold that power over me. So I just said "screw it, I'm not playing this anymore" and left it at that. So now she has sensed a change and does her pouty, playful "how come you don't touch me anymore?" or "you don't love me anymore, because you don't keep chasing after me for sex" which I just ignore. In all my 15 years of marriage, she only initiated once. I remember that well because it was right after I had booked and paid for a very expensive flight for her mother to come visit us. I know some of my posts do not even belong on this forum as it has nothing to do with Taoism, but I guess it is important for me to write out the 'backstory'; probably more for myself than others.
  10. Yeah, I have been focusing a lot on work now. I'm working in the tech industry and my company is working on releasing a new product; so I have my work to keep me focused. I have noticed that when I focus on my work, more than before I can go for a longer time before needing to take a break and I rarely get distracted. Although, to confess, my latest distractions have been everything to do with Taoism and Qi. I try to read as much as I can and I think I will certainly benefit from having a teacher in my life. LOL at that, it made my day Yeah, goals are important and I agree that the forum is a great place to share and learn. I feel safe here.
  11. Thanks again OldChi, I will definitely check that out. I love the idea of a 100 day trial. Not just for this, but for anything else I would consider. I think we often don't try things for long enough before we decide whether to continue or not. I know I have been guilty of dropping something at the first sign of difficulty, although that was when I was a bit younger.
  12. Honestly, I hope it doesn't come back to the extent that it once was. The feelings I am experiencing for my wife may have something to do with that. I used to adore, almost worship her, but those feelings have significantly cooled off. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, but I hope you're wrong about the libido returning bigger and badder than before Yeah, the sex-life has been unhealthy indeed. I just re-read my post and saw that we actually had sex twice in 45 days That's kinda a long time between bouts methinks. About her sleeping around, I am not so sure. I'm not ruling it out, but it seems somewhat unlikely. In the beginning she never enjoyed sex and looked at it mainly as a tool to manipulate me and get me under her spell. Of course, maybe she never liked having sex with me, but enjoyed it with others, but from what I have seen of her so far, she didn't like sex in general. Over the years, she's mellowed out a bit and enjoys it when we're at it. To get her into the mood though is something else entirely. It takes a monumental effort and I've decided that it isn't worth it to me anymore to expend all that effort and energy so I just let it be and that is why my newfound lack of libido is something I cherish. That is also why I hope you're wrong about it never coming back in full force.
  13. @SonOfTheGods you're actually not the first to tell me that it is a bad idea. I have been told that when you've been living with a person with a personality disorder, you run. Take what you can carry and run like hell. At times this is what I want to do, but I am not certain that I am in a position to gain custody of my daughter. When I decided to stay in the marriage, I was determined to stay only until my daughter was old enough to realize how to deal with her mother in a way that doesn't affect her for the rest of her life. I am also making sure I document or record all the relevant goings on within our household in case I need proof. Sometimes I feel like a single father raising two kids. I pray my old ways do not return and this is why I want to take steps to improve my inner self in the hopes that I can deal with what I have to face going forward. I have really grown to despise my old self.
  14. Thanks, I will check it out Thanks Liminal, it hasn't been easy, nor do I believe it will get any easier. I will pick up the book you recommend to add to my library
  15. I feel that I am imbalanced right now and given my childhood and 15 years of marriage in toxic environments I feel that I can be taken advantage of very easily. So i want to be able to balance myself to a point where I can become a stronger person. I want to know more about myself from an internal perspective so I can figure out how to help or heal myself. I also decided to stay in my marriage so that my daughter grows up with 2 parents. I believe this will require a tremendous effort on my part as my wife suffers from a personality disorder. Dunno if that makes any sense or not.