Um.. I was a bit when I just posted that... I've been having a lot of mood swings and mixed feelings lately... BUT MOST RECENTLY-- I have been feeling much better about my "floatiness"-- BUT it's that silly number issue that has been seriously "itching" at me a lot and making me feel uneasy...(a family member also passed very distinctively with that number)
(rewinding~) I put waaay to much qi into my daniten all at once, when I was extremely new to waiqi concepts-- I mean at one point the qi was throbbing up and down my body as if it was really trying to escape, causing my legs to move crookedly as it passed through them-- my mood swings were even more severe when it first happened-- but then sometimes I felt even "more alive" then I had ever for years so it WAS helping me in many ways including slightly better eyesight....
Actually I was trying to overcome some extreme depression, (I already knew about the extreme basics of qi such as with accupuncture and taichi) and trying to learn to "emit healing energy" was something that helped occupy my mind and just completely forget the depression.-- qi was such an amazing mystery, and I wanted to be able to prove its existence to anyone... I did so many experiments I don't remember them all... But here's when "it" first started to get really weird (for me), when I first put a qiball into my dantien-- I was seemingly on the edge of believing external-qi wasn't real after all-- but then I gave a qiball exercise one more try, I was shocked all of a sudden that it felt like I was holding a real "magnety-ball"-- I wasn't trying hard at all either-- I followed some online instructions and put it into my dantien-- immediately my abdomen felt like a hard rock with no effort (although I wasn't even trying to tense those muscles either) and my spine started moving on its own-- and well, I felt very light and my depression WENT AWAY and I smiled one of the biggest smiles in a long time as I held the qiball in my dantien-- so I put more qiballs in the next day-- I was walking to college lighting-speed not even feeling tired at all, but started feeling like I had to keep it secret, I felt like I made myself a freak and people would get weirded-out if they found out-- eventually after some days my hands were so "floaty" that I could not even "drop them" (they would SLOWLY hover downward instead, and if put near myself they would perfectly follow the contours of my bodies aura on any "altitude" I "chose")-- then everthing also felt extremely slow motion and I couldn't concentrate on anything and I started having insomnia... I didn't know what to do.
I finally realized I could try pulling the qi back out of my dantien out like buqi I had so happened to read about, but was still concerned because I didn't know exactly how to do that. Once I managed to pull enough qi out of my dantien my arms started feeling heavier and I could finally sleep that night....
But next moring I felt sad because I wanted to forget qi because I was tired of it. But I had little idea who to ask or what to do. There are many lies on the internet so I felt like I got myself into a trap... previously I was concerned about getting "qigong deviation" because I had almost no idea what I was doing sometimes... And certain spontanious-qigong when I did it "wrong" actually caused me to become depressed sometimes.
The experimentation was based on "every sensation means something, the body 'talks' to us and can be either angry or happy with us, (similar to how a person can be) gain favor with your body and it will love you and be more willing to obey your commands." "Even the masters don't completely understand what they are doing, also I can come to my own conclusions because God created qi for everyone." "But just like everything in life there are uncertainties and dangers-- especially IF I'm venturing off where few have gone or documented before... Some things cannot be mastered, such as even mushroom experts sometimes poison themselves-- I didn't want to be the first to discover some sort of 'deadly' qi technique"
I made "my own imageries" of what I "felt" like I should be doing with qi... Imagined being like a dragon or other creatures...
My other thing about qi is music. Since I was young I liked music that sent strong "shivers" through my body.
The thing about the numbers was feaky because I had watched some of a documentary about some guy revealing certain secrets about a certain very evil occult. (that he had quit after he realized how wrong it was) They use numbers and supposedly he used a "circle" to contact a demon (supposedly shape-shifters) that pretended a phone was ringing (when there wasn't one there) to make his friend reach out of the "safe zone" thus was ubducted by the demon and never seen again, supposedly. Supposedly certain demons do have "miracle-qi" (permission by God of course) to cause strange "coincidences" to happen.. Such as how Satan had Job's sons killed and herds killed all in an instant even by different causes. (please don't ridicule this if you have no evidence against it.)
So my main concern now is: DISTINGUISHING THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF ENERGIES: "natural qi", "miricle qi", "spiritual qi", "other worldly qi", "deceptive qi", "good qi" etc. etc.
-- A Chinese guy named Hsiao Guang wrote a book, although I don't trust him completely because I think he has some of his facts very wrong-- especially with talking about things he probably doen't understand such as "demons" always healing people behind "all" "qigong"-- WHEN where is the proof that angels don't heal when people do qigong instead?--Where are his reasons for his conlusions, he doesn't give them-- just explains qigong is from "occult" therfore "qi" is cult too! (yeah really silly) I couldn't find his email address, asked the website that posted his literature-- and LOL no reply.
The ttf rules are to not link to copywritten material right? so here is the title to search:
"Breaking Through the Barriers of Darkness: Recognizing the Cult of Qigong for What It Is"
Slthough I don't completely trust him-- his literature got me thinking and theorizing more myself, and now.... well, I know qi is natural so. . . ha, I wonder if there is any truth to that guys book. (if you can even stand reading it Lol)
But I realize "qi-sensitivity" is not the same as "benefitting-from-qi" because I know I DID have some better health REALLY LONG ago without feeling qi so much-- and now even though I feel qi more, it doesn't necissarily make me super-healthier all the time (but yes does still help much like I mentioned my stamina and eyesight really improved and am feeling happier for the most part)... So to conclude-- I'm a bit confused +venturing where others seem to not normally go, and I don't trust the masters completely-- when I see them smile on the cover books or dvds-- they don't look happy to me. I want to understand things not just copy and believe everything others tell me. . .I read a lot of conflicting info about qi, sometimes-- or even just many things I cannot prove...
Qi has made me (slightly) afraid because it has done many things I have not expected (including bad and good) and am not sure how to control it exactly. BUT like I said, certain forms of qi are entirely natural so... I'm not going to blame ALL qi on demons like someone like Hsiao Guang might.
(sorry for scatter-brained-ness because I'm still a bit moody.)