I am here after reading of SF Jane's harrowing adventures. I am 61 and I have spent a lifetime trying to understand what I am, where I came from, and how to remove the crippling blocks to my life experience. Most of my childhood memories are black and I remember praying to God to take me to heaven in the night, so I would not wake up, when I was 3 or 4. Not to play dueling miseries, but they are mine.
I would like nothing better than to spew several thousand words about myself, and my ego is slavering to do it, so I won't.
I will say that in desperation I have tried nearly everything I have encountered. Some practices have been spectacularly successful in some ways; other practices opened up things out of order, which made much more trouble later on. Those who have gone down this path know whereof I speak.
Spots on the roadmap in chronological order:
Co-founder (with 100 others) of California Libertarian Party, 1972
Datura (see Casteneda. Yes, I saw red. So, Fire track?)
Martial arts (Largo Mano, Serrada Escrima, Cadena de Mano edged weapons)
Sufism (initiated into Naqshbandi Order in 1992)
“The Absolute is the realm of complete mystery, or of bedazzlement, as the Sufis say. And only here will the heart feel it has arrived home, at long last. There is wonder, there is beauty, there is Majesty, but it is all mystery upon mystery. The peace is stupendous, the certainty is absolute and the beauty is dazzling. It is the ultimate Beloved of the heart, the Spirit of spirits, and the mystery of all existence. It is the absolute Presence of absolute annihilation, which is then seen to be the primal cause of all. Obviously such words make no sense to the mind, but when consciousness finally reaches this its final abode, the heart will hear these words as music.”