On mental health ( to be blunt, I think you all should read this)

[Surya]

Yes, even you 99.9% percentile having it all figured out, even if you have managed to spred your wings: someone you love def can relate to this.

 

Backstory:

As I am starting on a new path now, and will be more involved with younger people struggling, my mother gave me a book she thought would be useful to prepare. The book is from a course she took while working at an mental health hotline.

 

Lets go:

 

 

 

 

TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN

 

 

P. 2
LONELINESS HAS MANY FORMS

Loneliness is a major challenge in today's

society. The most paradoxical form of loneliness is that which arises even when we are with others. Never before have we been more accessible. Yet we are distanced from each other – and from ourselves. Many are not in touch with their own feelings and needs, and we lack genuine presence with others. Parents talk about teenagers who don't meet up, they sit in their rooms with their phones, and socialize on social media. In the same way, children and young people talk about absent parents – when they're not rushing around, they sit with their phones in their hands, seemingly giving more attention to their phone than the children get. Some children believe that their parents' mobile phone is more important than them. We have given today's youth the name "performance generation" and point out that they live a life where much is about what they do and what they achieve, not who they are. What happens when the most important thing in life is to perform, while our social arenas are in digital spaces where we compare ourselves with the best, and very carefully selected excerpts from others' lives? What is the conversation about then? Well, showing what one can achieve oneself. Creating an image of a life. A kind of show. But who are we backstage? Behind the curtain? Many don't know, and feel alienated from themselves. We know a bit about that. Many call us to have the conversation they can't have with others. They think they are alone.

At the same time, the parent generation of the performance cohort are the ones who coined the terms "time crunch" and "A4-life." One quickly feels excluded if one is "A3" or "A5". Nevertheless, it seems that even those living within the A4 framework are not doing so well. Many are on sick leave due to lifestyle and stress symptoms. Life is a hamster wheel, and the goal is not to fall off. We are afraid of what others will think if we can't keep up. No one wants to be weak. To be a burden. Different. The best thing is to pull oneself together, but it comes at a cost. With a life that moves so fast, there's no time for good conversations. Many are also afraid to check in with themselves and open up about how they are really doing, even to themselves. Because what happens then? Polite as we are, we ask each other: "How are you doing?". But most people dare not answer anything other than "just fine!". We don't want to waste others' time telling them that things aren't really going well. If one starts talking, it might take time. And time is a scarce commodity, so we smile and move on. The exception is when life presents something very painful. Like death. But how long can one really grieve? In today's society, it seems that grief is also expected to pass quickly. That one should get over things and move on with life. After a while, many experience that those around them stop caring.

P.4

Quote

Many years ago, when my cousin lost her father, she said to me: "When someone dies, everyone is there, supporting, comforting, and helping you in the time between the death and until the funeral is over. Then come the grey days. Who is there then? Not many. We must remember each other in life's grey days, not just the black ones." I often thought about this in the time after I lost my own father. In the grey, lonely days, there weren't many others besides myself.

Told by Anicken, employee at Kirkens SOS

 

P.5
WHEN ALL ANCHORS IN LIFE DISAPPEAR

For many people, loneliness is not something they have chosen themselves. For them, it's not about a life that is too busy. There are people who are completely alone. They have no one. Many of those who call and write to us experience that school, work, psychologist appointments, or social gatherings are what get them through the day. There they have someone.
In the spring of 2020, all of this disappeared overnight. Schools and workplaces closed. Social distancing was introduced. Follow-up by mental health services was postponed indefinitely. Many were discharged from psychiatric institutions too early. We noticed it clearly among those who called us. The conversations took on a completely different nature. The severity increased drastically, and many struggled with serious suicidal thoughts. Young people who experience violence and abuse at home suddenly did not get the hours of freedom each day that they spent at school and extracurricular activities. They were now trapped, around the clock, with the perpetrators and abusers. Often when we meet young people in this situation, we try to encourage them to ask for help, and in many cases, the school nurse is the only option that feels possible. It is far too much to ask them to call someone themselves, but the threshold for talking to an adult who is at school is manageable. Some of those who have difficulties at home also have regular appointments with the school nurse. But this anchor point, this little ray of light, suddenly disappeared.

 

P.6
People with mental illnesses like anxiety and depression, who perhaps managed in everyday life thanks to fixed routines with school, work, exercise, or health care follow-up, were suddenly sent into free fall. For a great many mental illnesses, isolation is the very worst thing that can happen. All the bad feelings are amplified, and many become trapped with all the painful thoughts, without being able to find distraction in going out and focusing on something else. For elderly people in risk groups, those who lost their jobs, or those who lived alone, life also suddenly became unbearably empty, lonely, and hopeless. We spoke with people in risk groups who constantly followed the news and dared not leave the house. We spoke with elderly people who used to meet people at the store, in the park, or at social events. We spoke with those who lived alone, who perhaps had none of their closest relatives nearby, and therefore had not a single person they could meet now. We spoke with people who had never struggled before, but who became unemployed and experienced a mental breakdown. Fortunately, the COVID-19 period will pass. But what we must remember is that many experience a similar situation several times a year, during all holidays and festivities. Many also spend holidays with family, which means that those of us who have no close relatives are left alone. We must become better at seeing each other. We must lift our gaze away from ourselves and think about those around us who might not be doing well. We must learn from the time we have been in, which has shown us all what it feels like to be isolated, lonely, and scared. A small chat or an invitation for a cup of coffee can have an enormous impact on someone who is alone and lonely, or who is struggling at home. When all anchor points disappear, we must create new ones. A small chat can be enough to get someone through the day.

THE IMPORTANT CONVERSATION

Being a good conversation partner, and the value of a good conversation, is something we know a lot about. We are here around the clock, all year round, and believe that our extensive experience in talking with people can actually be of value to others as well, even in completely normal life situations. Therefore, our hope is that this book will be both inspiring and useful. That you will take away some simple steps and an increased awareness of what creates a good conversation. The goal is for more people to talk together, and to feel confident in creating good conversations, even about difficult things. With this book, we want you to recognize situations from your own life. That you will make some discoveries that will eventually make you a better conversation partner. Someone who can be a good support for those around you. The book is organized in the same way as our course "Good to talk to," based on our best conversation tips. The tips are built on the concepts of seeing, supporting, and strengthening. We believe this is fundamental to the experience of a good conversation. That we see each other, support each other, and strengthen each other. That we learn the art of creating connection through attention and genuine presence.

 

 

Edited Thursday at 07:20 PM by Surya