this is a long story, and im looking for help or anyone that can send me in the right direction. Im going to sum It up as short as I can. When I was younger I abused alcohol and weed, and was always tired. Really draining my Jing at a young age. Later on I went through benzo withdrawal trying to get off pills I really drained the Jing there as well. Where I am now. I had a very very bad head injury that lead me to develop a minor type of epilepsy, then I had to go on more shitty seizure pills that drain yin and Jing. Western medicine wouldn't help me and after a year I did meditation, deep breathing and yoga without knowing what I was doing ( thinking I would heal my body ) My kundalini one day arose and I had a lot of psychic phenonema, dreams of snakes, out of body experience and too much prana or whatever in the body. Once you open this up it won't go away I soon discovered, But the snake only risen half way through my chakras and not piercing the heart.  so as long as I did masturbation it would go down and stay away. . Finally the snake went down and all my symptoms went away after about 4 months of grounding. I am now left with a frail damaged body, with no energy,. Low kidney energy and it literally hurts to get an erection in my lower back, all my joints ache and crack. The only way to keep the kundalini away is too masturbate at least once a week and it will stay away, if I dont then ill start to have dreams of snakes and bliss at my spine and it will start to raise again, but if I DO masturbate ONLY once within a week or so then ill get extreme bad pains in why lower back due to low Jing/ kidney energy and I kept doing this because I felt sooo scared and just sick of living life and not wanting to go through a kundalini awakening while being so ill. I kept doing this for 2 years after it awakened but basically laid in bed. Eventually because of all the emotional stress, my yin Jing or yin went too low and my back pains were so bad it damaged all my nerves permanently. I now have constant, numbness tingling, burning in all my limbs. In Chinese medicine its called bi or Wei syndrome and it permanent and for life and its getting worse starting to make my muscles weak. SO my situation now is this, very low Jing and kidney yin, damaged kidney essence and damaged meridians, it is constant and stuck in bed and the neuropathy is growing and now affecting my limbs as well and my eyesight. Also if I dont masturbate at all my kundalini tries to raise again and I dont want to go through it. IM NOT abusing my sexual energy, its just my kidney energy is so low that I cant even do it once in a couple weeks. Im so screwed because I cant dig my way out of this. I worked SO hard to try and be healthy and heal and balance my body, but now that this Wei syndrome or bi syndrome has started because of all the meridians being damaged and damaging my nerves I dont have It in my to move forward. I consulted with some Chinese medicine people and they say that I can't reverse the nerve problem. So whats the point in even going through with the awakening if im going to be like this forever. I avoided the awakening because before it happened I had suffered for 7 years and just wanted freedom. Being slapped with an awakening and to go through more hell I would have rather died, but now my situation is even way worse. I feel helpless and my body is degernating with nothing I can do about it. I try to be positive and work towards fixing it but whats the point if its degenerating faster then I can fix